shine
by Tianiichan
Summary: She's been cleaning up after her sister since she was sixteen, never mind the fact she's the younger. Now it looks as if Bella will get everything she wants, but will a past mistake of her sister ruin Bella's chance at happiness?  AU/AH/OOC
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: All things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

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— shine — chapter 1 — that's the way love goes —

Like a moth to the flame, burned by the fire,  
My love is blind, can't you see my desire?  
That's the way love goes…

-That's The Way Love Goes, Janet Jackson

I remember the first time I saw Edward Cullen. Of course, I didn't know that was his name. I wouldn't know that was his name for another six years. I did, however, know he was the most gorgeous person I'd ever seen in my seventeen years of life, and I wanted to drink in his features, lock them away in my mind, and never, ever, ever forget.

I'm getting ahead of myself though, and should probably start a few hours, or days, or maybe even months or years, before I actually laid my eyes on the man that has trumped all men in my life. I should probably start by introducing myself.

I'm Bella Swan, or Isabella Swan, depending on who was calling. When in trouble, my mother always spouts off my full name — Isabella Marie Swan. The Isabella was a family name, just like my mother's – Renee, and my sister's – Gianna. The Marie was also a family name; every single female in our family possessed that particular middle name. My father always let my mother get away with whatever she wanted, and naming their two children after countless generations of her family was no exception. My father, Charles Swan, or Charlie, as he was known to everyone, was my most favorite person in the world. Or he was, that is, before he died.

Charles Swan was born and raised in Forks, Washington. Forks is a small logging town in the Olympic Peninsula of Washington State. It felt like it rained at least three hundred and sixty four days out of a three hundred and sixty five day year, and it never felt like it changed. The sun doesn't shine — much — and the clouds never break. In the winter it felt colder than most places because of the amount of moisture that would accumulate. In the summer — even with the ever-present cloud cover — the constant rainfall, or threat of, kept it humid, therefore, hot as hell.

The people of Forks were friendly and kind, and my father was no exception.

He left Forks for a short time when he was eighteen years old. Charles Swan knew what he wanted to do; he wanted to join the Army and fight for his country. He never wanted to join the ranks of the union workers of Forks, Washington, spending their lives riding on a truck to and from the forest, cutting down trees that were older than the first Swan who settled there. No, not Charlie, star pitcher for the Forks High Spartans; Charlie wanted to serve his country and see the world. He only made it so far as Seattle.

A block away from the Army Recruiting Station sat a bar. It wasn't very big, but it wasn't very small either. The large, neon, red sign above the door called it Reign, and that was where Charlie went. One beer, he promised himself, one beer before he gave himself up for the greater good of the country. So, armed with the fake ID card his friend, Harry had given him as a gag gift, he made the sign of the cross and begged not to be caught as he made his way inside.

He didn't count on the waitress who served him his beer, however.

Renee Marie Caius was only eighteen, herself. She was fresh out of high school, with the whole world before her. She promised her father that she would stay through the summer and work in the family's bar. Reign had been in the family since her great-grandfather opened it, and it passed down to his oldest male son, and then to her father. It went without saying that it would pass to Renee's brother, James, when her father retired, but at that point, James was still six years younger than Renee, and she wanted to help her father out as much as she could. So she did. She didn't count on serving a beer to my father, however.

Renee ribbed on him for his pathetic excuse for an ID, but then served him a wink – along with a cold beer.

They were married within a week, and pregnant with my sister, Gianna Marie Swan, not two months later. Charlie never joined the Service. They moved back to Forks and lived with my father's parents only long enough to rent a little, two bedroom house — on the same street as said parents. Charlie joined that union of loggers and he did so happily. Five years later, and quite unexpectedly, I was born to them. I was the catalyst for Charlie to change jobs.

He didn't make enough money logging to support a family of three, so how was he going to support a family of four off of what he made? Renee offered to work. She didn't have a college education — she gave that up when she married my father — but she wasn't too proud to work. Charlie refused to let her.

Harold Clearwater, a native to the area, and a Quileute — the tribe of Native American's settled close to Forks, in La Push — had served as Forks Chief of Police for thirty years when Charlie went and applied for a job at the Police Station. Harold knew Charlie well; he'd followed his baseball games in high school, and more importantly, he remembered Charlie from when he was small. Charlie and Harold's son, Harry Clearwater, liked to go down to the local fishing hole when they were little boys. Armed with branches from trees, whittled down as straight and long as they could get them, they tied fishing line to the ends and "borrowed" hooks from their father's tackle boxes. They never really caught anything but they still had fun. Harold knew Charlie and he trusted him. He hired him as an officer on the spot.

With his new job came new possibilities. He was making close to double what he had as a logger, so it was then he told Renee to apply to the local community college. She always wanted to teach, and she was good at it. Gianna's kindergarten teacher remarked on how advanced Gianna was many a time. Renee beamed with pride, each and every time, at how smart her oldest daughter was, but never accepted the praise for what it was — a compliment to how well she'd taught Gianna. It was only when Charlie made the suggestion that she really put any merit to it, and after two years at the community college, she started at UW, taking courses during the day, and leaving us with Charlie's parents, or her own in Seattle, while she was in class. It took her three years to get her degree, and only three days later, she was hired to Forks Elementary — the new fifth grade teacher. Charlie and Renee were able to save money for the first time in their lives, and their marriage had never been stronger. They'd never been happier.

When I was ten, Harold Clearwater passed away of a heart-attack. Charlie was named the Chief in his place, and when I was fifteen, Charlie was killed by a bullet, responding to a call of a break-in. My mother was heart-broken.

Gianna was gone; she'd been enrolled at UW since she graduated high school. My plans had been to join her there when I graduated. We had visions of sharing an apartment together. The night she graduated from high school, unlike the rest of the teenagers who were out partying all night, Gianna slept in my bed with me. In my little, twin-sized bed, still dressed in _Dexter's Laboratory_ sheets, we talked of all the things we would do when we were just two sisters, two best friends, out in the world on our own. Away from Renee and Charlie, and all that Forks didn't hold for us. We talked of going to see bands at bars and music festivals. We talked of afternoons spent at flea markets, finding deals to decorate our shared living space with. We talked of sailing, and climbing. Mostly, we just talked about being together. Gianna was my best friend.

Then she went to college. College is the gateway to the rest of your life, that's what I'd been told since I was a little girl. I believed it and so did Gianna. We'd seen what it had done for Renee, and for Charlie, well, for their marriage, when she graduated. We'd seen how happy they'd been after she'd earned her degree, and we both couldn't wait for our chance. College was something we'd both looked forward to for so long, and when Gianna hugged me goodbye the day we dropped her and her things off at the dormitory, she'd cried as she told me, "Five more years, Bella. Five more years and I'll be graduated and you'll be starting and our whole world will change."

For Gianna, the world changed at her first college party.

She'd called me that night, or morning, it was right on the brink between the two. My alarm clock read one-thirty, and Gianna's voice was indecipherable. I had thought she was drunk. We'd seen enough shows on television to know what went on at those parties, and that's what I had thought. Two weeks later, Charlie received a call from Virginia Mason Medical Center, saying Gianna had been admitted. We rushed to Seattle, to the hospital, and my world changed at the word 'overdose.'

So did Gianna's world change at college. That was the first of five admissions to a hospital for an overdose on her behalf, and the first and last time she allowed herself to be admitted to a rehabilitation center. Charlie and Renee didn't know what to do.

When Charlie died, Renee decided to move the two of us closer to Gianna. She thought, somewhat naïvely, that being closer to Gianna, being there for her should she need us, might help her get back on the right path. She was wrong.

That is how I found myself attending Franklin High School, in Seattle, Washington, destined to graduate a Quaker instead of a Spartan. I did, however, meet someone that made the school worth it. Mary Alice Brandon. She was the daughter of Randall and Mary Brandon, and the sister of Randall Garrett Brandon, or Gar, as we called him. She didn't go by her first name either, instead choosing to go simply by Alice. She changed my world again.

I was always someone who blended in with the crowd. At a whopping five-foot-three, it wasn't hard. My brown hair, though waist-length and shiny, was still, just brown. It didn't pop out as unusual or something to turn a head. I was far too skinny — a trait I would carry for the rest of my life — and my mouth was too big for the rest of my face. My features altogether were unremarkable, unlike Gianna, who seemed to light up a room with her presence, making her features seem unique and beautiful, even though they were so close in resemblance to my own. At least, she used to look like me — only better — before the speed and the drinking took the luster from her hair and the shine from her eyes. We'd both inherited our mother's eyes, and they were, by far, our best assets. Hazel is their color, and most of the time they just look brown, however, when the light shines just right, the gold and the green break through.

Alice wasn't that different from me. She was the same height, with the same hair, and the same build, but her eyes were the color of paper burning in the fireplace. Gray and wise. Too-wise an eye for a girl of sixteen and that's probably what labeled her as an outcast in the beginning. She wasn't popular. She wasn't liked. She was the weird girl who drew too many doodles to be considered normal, and had too many stains on her clothes to be considered accidental. She was absent-minded and thoughtful. She was insightful and outspoken. But above all, she was kind to those who deserved it and she was the best friend any person could ask for. She was what teenage girls weren't supposed to be. So when she sat beside me at lunch one day, I bristled.

The light was shining just right that day and that caused my eyes to look differently. It was, coincidentally, my sixteenth birthday. My eyes were the first thing Alice noticed.

"Did you know that your eyes look green in this light?" she asked.

"Um… yeah?" I answered.

"Oh, good. Your eyes always look goldy-brown. Like, uh, hazelnut or something, ya know? So... I thought I might be crazy," she responded. I was uncomfortable. She was staring at me. Then, she smiled and said, "Today is my birthday."

My eyes opened wide at her statement, and my jaw dropped. "Mine too."

Alice laughed. Then, she smiled wider at me. Alice could light up a room with her smile alone. At least, I had always thought so. "I guess that means we're meant to be."

I didn't ask her what she meant, and I didn't really care. Only now, so many years later, do I understand. It meant exactly what she'd said: we're meant to be. Not be anything in particular, just be, and be together throughout. I brought her home and introduced her to Momma, who loved her, and to Gianna, who glared at her, and for the last two years of high school, we spent almost every weekend at one or the others' house. I told her stories of Forks and rain and she told me stories of Seattle and rain.

One day, when I was seventeen, my sister came running at top speed through the door, yelling for my mother. Gianna hadn't gone back to school after she'd overdosed the first time, and she made it a habit of only staying at a job long enough to be able to collect unemployment when she got herself fired. Her unemployment checks had run out the week before, I remembered, otherwise she would have never asked our mother for what she did.

"You have to come with me! You have to, Mom! They're playing! You have to see him!"

"Whoa, whoa. Slow down there," Renee told her. "Start at the beginning."

Gianna told her of some band, I couldn't really understand everything because Alice was over and jabbering in my ear. I did understand that there was some music festival that weekend, and Gianna wanted to go, but she wanted Renee to go with her. Renee refused, stating that Alice's family would be gone this weekend, and she didn't feel comfortable leaving me alone in the house by myself. I was seventeen, but the neighborhood was questionable in Renee's eyes. Having lived in Forks for so long with Charlie, she'd become weary of the big city of Seattle, even though she'd grown up there.

"Then bring her with us!" Gianna begged. Renee refused, once again, stating that it was the wrong environment for such an impressionable age. I wouldn't tell Renee I'd attended a similar music festive, via my fake ID — which was procured by Alice's brother, Gar — with Alice only two weeks before. Renee so didn't need to know that.

As the week went on Gianna became relentless, and by Friday afternoon, Renee had had enough. She agreed to go with Gianna, even knowing that Gianna was only asking because she didn't have the money to attend alone, and she agreed to let me come along. Saturday afternoon found me in a pair of jean shorts and a wife beater, which was hardly appropriate attire, I noticed upon arrival of the festival.

Gianna was decked all in black and a lot of fishnet. The way in which she dressed was similar to others in attendance, and Renee and I stuck out like sore thumbs in the crowd. She tried to stray from our mother and me upon arrival, but was only successful after a couple of hours, when Renee found someone her own age to converse with. I grew bored quickly of their conversation and strayed as well. That is when my eyes first laid upon him.

I was wandering, aimlessly, through the crowd, paying no attention to where I was going or where I'd been. The music was good; I couldn't remember the name of the band playing because Renee had been talking while the person was introducing them, but they were good. I remember that. Everyone around me was sporting red, plastic cups, of what I assumed were filled with alcoholic beverages, but I didn't dare. Not with Renee there. Alice and I had gotten drunk together on more than one occasion with alcohol provided by, once again, her brother, Gar, and so I knew how I acted when I drank. I also knew that Renee would find me out if I did. I wasn't the most inconspicuous drunk.

People were bumping into me left and right, and while I tend to rest on the clumsy side of life — Forks Hospital had three separate folders for me alone — I was making doubly sure to walk carefully through the throngs of people. I watched my feet as I waded through the masses, and only when the band played one of my favorite songs — a guitar and drum-heavy cover of Janet Jackson's _That's The Way Love Goes — _did I stop walking, and look up from my feet. My eyes found him without any provocation, almost as if they were meant to look at him and him alone.

He was beautiful. An angel sent from heaven or hell, I wasn't sure, but that he was an angel, I was positive. He couldn't be from this plane of existence because men — and women — just didn't look like him.

I'd dated. Before we left Forks I'd been in a relationship with Jacob Black. Jacob's father, Billy, was a good friend of Charlie's, and he was the Chief of the Quileute tribe at La Push. When Charlie passed away, Billy took it upon himself to look after Renee and me when he could make it to town. It was hard for him though, he'd lost the use of his legs in an automobile accident many years earlier. He'd also lost his wife in the accident, so Billy knew a thing or two about grieving. When the pain in his legs kept him immobile, he would send Jacob in his place. It wasn't long before Jacob and I were dating. We weren't so serious in our relationship that we would stay dating when I was living four hours away, so when Momma and I moved away Jacob and I broke up.

I'd looked at my fair share of men. It was impossible not to when you were dating Jacob Black. Hell, it was impossible not to when your father took you over to the reservation every weekend. There was something in the water in La Push, I was convinced, all of the boys there were far too tall and muscular.

I'd kissed three men. Jacob wasn't my first kiss. Seth Clearwater, Harry's son, Harold's grandson, was. We were twelve years old and his sister Leah was teasing us about hanging around each other. She said we were boyfriend and girlfriend but we didn't know what she meant. He was a boy and he was my friend. I was a girl and I was his friend. So why did Leah have to spit that at us like that? She dared us to kiss and we did. I wasn't expecting Seth Clearwater to stick his tongue in my mouth though. It was a good thing he did though, or when Jacob pushed his tongue passed my lips I might have freaked out. Jacob was my second kiss. Gar, Alice's brother, was my third and last. We were dared. By Alice. I think she harbored some thoughts of me being her sister by way of marrying her brother.

I'd seen two men without their shirts on, and I'd drooled over them for weeks after. Jacob being the first, and being his girlfriend entitled me to look upon his naked chest whenever I wished to. He obliged me every time I asked. The other was a man at the reservation, Sam Uley. I dreamed about him that night.

I'd called a man gorgeous before. Jacob always had an ethereal kind of beauty to him, and he'd laughed when I told him he was 'sort-of-beautiful.' I think I'd hurt his feelings. I hadn't meant to. I'd meant it as a compliment.

I'd lusted after movie stars.

I'd been sure that no man would ever take the place of Brad Pitt in my fantasies.

I'd been wrong.

He was shirtless and sweating. His hair was wet and sticking up all over. He was smiling. I thought I was dreaming.

I couldn't tell what color his eyes were; he wasn't looking my way, but I imagined they must be some shade of blue that was out of this world. Or maybe green, something velvety, something a queen would drape around herself.

I couldn't tell what color his hair really was. It was so hot outside, and everyone was sweating. His was clumped and dark, and that's all I could see. Even still, I wanted my hands in it. I wanted to make more clumps in the mess atop his head and stare into his — what I'd imagined in my head to be — beautifully colored eyes.

I could see him from the side, and even only being able to see just that much of him, I knew, without a doubt, that I would never lay eyes upon another man such as himself so long as I should live.

I could see his sweat-covered, chiseled, glisteningly sinful chest. The muscles there were defined and firm, strong and bulging. I could see the band of his boxers peeking out from the waist of his belted jeans, and above that, one side of the 'V' that ran below his abdominal muscles and hid beneath the confines of his pants. I could see the straining biceps of one arm as he raised a hand to run through that wet, clumped hair, much like I wanted my own to do. I could see the long, slender, graceful, powerful looking fingers of the other hand, gripped around a red, plastic cup, in which I assumed, yet again, to be full of an alcoholic beverage.

I could see his cheekbones, hard and angular. I could see his sideburns, unkempt and messy. I could see one eyebrow; it looked to be raised at the person in front of him, but I couldn't be sure because I couldn't look away from him. I could see the crinkle of wrinkles at the corner of his eye, telling me he was smiling. I could see the smile, from my own eyes, from one side only, and knew that I would never want to see another man smile again. Ever.

Just then his head turned. I gasped. The entirety of his face cemented what I'd thought upon first glance: he couldn't be from this world. His face was completely symmetrical. Nothing was out of place. One eye matched the other in placement and eyelash length. One eyebrow matched the other in shape. His nose was perfectly straight. His cheekbones were the exact height of the other. His mouth, his _smile,_ was the only thing off. It was crooked. One side of his mouth was higher than the other. I didn't even know one could smile like that. Even so, in its imperfection against perfection, his smile made him real.

I would dream about his smile for years.

He looked at me. I remembered when his eyes rested upon my body. It was just after he turned. I watched as his eyes scanned the crowd. Was he looking for someone? I knew one thing for certain: he was definitely _not_ looking for me. His eyes touched my body though. Faster than a speeding bullet did they take in my features, roaming from my toes, to my knees, to my hips, to my breasts, to my shoulders, to my chin, to my too-big-for-my-face-mouth, to my hair and finally, to my eyes. He didn't even acknowledge me after his perusal of my body, instead he turned right back to the people surrounding him, and joined right back into their conversation. I was left panting.

The crowd closed around me for a split second, and when it parted again, he was gone. I wanted to cry. Even with his blatant confirmation of my not-enough-ness, I wanted to look upon him some more. Drink him in and bathe in him. I knew, without a doubt, I would never see him again. I was wrong.

Gianna's squeal in my ear brought me out of my stupor. She'd found me in the crowd and I hoped beyond hope she would go away. She didn't.

"This is them! This is _them,_ Bella! Oh! Look! Look! _Look at him!_" she yelled in my ear. My eyes followed her outstretched, pointing finger to the stage. To the band that had just taken it. To the man at the microphone, and most importantly, the man beside him.

"Ladies and gentleman! I present to you some local goodness… give it up for Shine!" The crowd's eruption around me went unnoticed. Gianna's squealing in my ear went unchecked. My mother's hand around my arm was unfelt. My eyes were glued to the man that stepped to the microphone after the introduction. The singer. The one. The angel. His eyes were green.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Bella! Do you see him? Do you? He's just... " Gianna's voice tapered off from the loud yell she'd been forced to expend because of the applause ringing through the audience. For just a moment, one tiny minute of my life, the world disappeared, and I was laying in my bed beside my sister again. This was just the sort of thing we would talk about on those long nights. A smile made its way across my face when I looked at her, with her bright eyes and breathtaking grin.

And then the angel began to sing.

I won't ever recall what they played. I won't ever remember if they were covers or originals. What I will remember is the crowd never quieting. I'll always remember Gianna jumping – carefree as the day she was born. I'll remember Momma swaying to the beat, lost in her own world. I'll never forget his lips moving or the sweat dripping from his brow and unclothed chest. I'll always remember his voice.

Silly me, I'd thought Gianna was staring at him too. I'd thought everyone in the crowd was staring at him. I might not have known his name, but I knew he was unlike any other.

I didn't realize she was staring at the drummer. I didn't realize she'd been staring at the drummer for six months prior to the night. She'd been going to every show, at every bar, every night Shine performed. She'd been pursuing the drummer all that time. She'd decided tonight was their night. That's why she'd been so insistent about coming to this specific festival.

Neither did I realize the drummer had a girlfriend. I'd wondered if Gianna had known of his girlfriend, or if she even cared. She wasn't the sister I'd grown up with anymore. She wasn't the daughter Charlie and Renee had raised her to be any longer. She had become a cold and heart-less individual, and she only cared for herself. Gianna wanted what she wanted and she took it regardless of the consequences.

The woman crying across from me that night was who would suffer Gianna's consequence this time. The woman who was apparently the girlfriend of the drummer. The woman, which I would later find out, who found Gianna bent over and naked from the waist down… with the drummer pounding into her from behind.

I'd only been looking for Gianna. I'd only wanted to ask if she was ready to go home. Momma was tired, and to be honest so was I. Gianna had disappeared when Shine had left the stage and since we were her ride, Renee wanted to make sure whether or not she wanted to stay or go. I'd never — not in a million years — imagined I would walk into what I did. I put the pieces together myself, and Gianna confirmed what I'd thought later.

A beautiful blonde woman was in my sister's face — right in my sister's face. Close enough to hear her whisper, but whisper she did not. She was yelling at my sister, calling her obscenely awful names. Telling Gianna what a 'piece of trash' she was, and that if she ever saw her again she'd 'fucking kill her ass.' I was only partially afraid for my sister; only partially because I actually wanted this goddess of a woman to give my sister a beating. Gianna deserved that much and more, and in the back of my mind, I thought it might do some good.

For his part, the drummer had looked remorseful. He'd begged and pleaded with the crying girl to let him explain, but all of his cries were cut off by the huge, dark-headed man cradling her form to his own. With a sharp edge to his voice, he told the drummer, "Back the fuck off, Felix. You need to move along. When and if Heidi ever wants to talk to your sorry ass again, she'll let you know. Don't fucking bother her, dick."

Even with the big guy's warning, the drummer, Felix, had moved toward her still. His eyes were focused solely on her as he begged some more. A hand flew at him, in the form of a fist, and a low, angry voice told him, "You heard Emmett, you fuck. Get the hell out of here." With that warning, Felix fled. I realized the punch and the angry voice had come from my angel.

What I'll never forget from the night, and I'll _never, ever_ forget it… is the glare on my angel's face when I grabbed my sister to drag her away. The glare directed at me. The glare calling me a whore. Just like my sister.

Even with the glare he was still, and always would be — of that I was sure — the most gorgeous man I had or would ever see. He would star in all my dreams. He would sing to me whenever I wanted. He would look upon my body and smile instead of turning away. He would say my name and make me shiver.

It would be his face I would see when I lost my virginity. It would be his lips I would feel when I kissed a man. It would be his muscles my hands would roam over when I lay beneath another. It would always be him. In that moment of time, I believed that.

That's what happens when you're seventeen and you don't know any better. Your naivety makes you blind. Your inexperience makes you wistful.

And then, without your permission, life comes right up and bites you in your ass.

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**Okay! So, we're off... and as you probably noticed, we don't know much about much except for little miss Bella and her immediate family, oh, and Alice. Don't worry one bit about that, you'll meet everyone soon, and much about them at that.**

**No, I will not do to Alice what I did in TG, I want to say that right off the bat, but I make no promises for any of the rest of the characters. **

**I plan to post this story once per week, in hopes that with what I have written already (4 chapters complete at this moment in time) that it will give me time a plenty to get the story finished and in a manner in which there is no more than a week delay between chapters.**

**All of you that have come over from Through Glass, I thank you, and hope you give this one as much patience and effort as you did TG. **

**Let me know what you all think so far, I will tell you straight off the bat, the next chapter will be a time jump, and, if you want, send me a message or ask in a review, and I'll send out a teaser for it. I haven't ever posted teasers or offered them before, so if you all like the idea, I will start doing that each chapter... and I can post them over at A Different Forest in their weekly sneak peek section, too, if you'd like.**

**So, today's Friday... does a Friday post sound good for now? Let me know, this is all for you guys... :) We'll shoot for next Friday, Chapter 2, regardless, and work from there. How's that sound? And no worries about a delay on that one, trust me when I say it's written, and I can't fucking wait to give it to you all.**

**Thanks,**

**Tia**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: All things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer.

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— shine — chapter 2 — ain't no rest for the wicked —

Oh there ain't no rest for the wicked,  
Money don't grow on trees,  
I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed,  
There ain't nothing in this world for free,  
I know I can't slow down, I can't hold back,  
Though you know I wish I could,  
Oh no there ain't no rest for the wicked,  
Until we close our eyes for good."

-Ain't No Rest For The Wicked, Cage The Elephant

_Six years later…_

"Shit."

"Yeah."

"What'd Renee say?"

"I don't know. I didn't call her."

"You're fucking joking me!"

"I joke you not."

"Why?"

"I just... can't do that... Momma's got enough to worry about, Alice. I just – "

"Don't. I get that. I'll be the first to step up for Renee, but seriously... this is getting out of hand."

"I know it. And it's been out of hand. Not like it's a new thing... "

"Ugh! I just... holy shit, Bella! I just wanna... hit something... like hard! And I'd be really happy if it just happened to be Gianna's face!"

"I get that. I'd like to do more than hit her. But I won't, and you shouldn't, until Momma decides to cut her loose. You know that's the only reason I put up with her bullshit."

"But — " Alice started. "But — " Alice tried again. "But — " She began, yet again. I knew the feeling. I had just told her about Gianna's latest escapade in which she ended up outside mine and Alice's door, half-naked and still drunk off her ass. When I found her that morning her eyes were still bouncing around, but her body was too used up to move. I brought her in, cleaned her up, and, against my better judgment, put her to sleep in my bed after dosing her with Advil PM. "This is some bullshit!"

"I know," I said. What more could I say? I knew Alice hated my sister. Hell, I hated my sister. However, Alice paid half the bills at our apartment, and, if Alice wanted her gone, I would have no choice but to kick her ass out. I didn't really want her there anyway. "Alice, look — "

"Shut-up, Bella," Alice huffed, rolling her eyes. "She's your fucking sister. I'm not gonna tell you to kick her out. But she can't stay. You know that, right?"

"I know it."

"Good."

I sighed, sitting up from the lounge chair I had been trying to relax in for the past hour. "I need a fucking beer."

"We work tonight."

"I know it."

"You don't think James might have a problem with us partaking in a cold one before we show up for our shifts?"

"He probably would." Alice was referring to my Uncle James, my mother's brother. He ran the family bar, Reign, and Alice and I worked for him. James was very strict in the manner in which his bar was run. An employee drinking before or during shifts was not tolerated. "But I don't really give a fuck. Besides, if he asks, I'll just tell him about Gianna."

Alice nodded, but furrowed her brow as she stared at the pool full of children. We had decided to lay out and try to get a tan today. It had seemed like a good idea before we actually showed up at the closest public pool and found it full of children who were out of school for the summer. Their squeals and splashes did not make for an enjoyable afternoon. To say we enjoyed ourselves would have been a lie. "He'd probably sympathize with our having to deal with small children too. You know how James just _loves_ them."

I laughed. "Definitely." With that, we packed up our things and loaded everything into our shared vehicle. It wasn't much, well, it was, to be honest, a piece of shit. An old, beat-up, red piece of shit disguised as a truck. Well, if you could call it red, anymore... the paint was so faded it was almost unrecognizable, and that was just where the color hadn't actually chipped right off. I didn't even know what year it was, and it was a standard, which neither Alice or I knew how to drive when we bought it. We were sick of walking everywhere though, or riding the bus, so we saved and bought the old clunker. Standing behind it, we rock-paper-scissored to see who would have to drive the POS, and upon losing, I snatched the keys from her. She grinned gleefully at her good fortune and skipped to the passenger side while I groaned and grimaced and plugged my ears as I started it up.

"One of these days, I'm gonna win, Alice."

"Not today though." I nodded. She was right. _Definitely not today_, I thought as I pulled out of the public pool parking lot and onto the busy, hot street. Most definitely not today. "You might win for the drive home though, or for the drive to work, or for the drive to the diner after work, or for the drive home after the diner, or — "

"I get it." I did get it. I had at least four more chances to win at rock-paper-scissors before our day was over. Four more chances to not have to drive this hunk of junk. Didn't really matter. Alice would probably win anyway. "Who's working today?"

"Pretty sure it's Angela." Thank goodness it was Angela too. Angela might not snitch us out to James — if he didn't catch us himself — and she was cool as shit. She had graduated a couple of years before Alice and I had from UW, but she wasn't from around here.

Angela Weber had moved to Seattle for college when she was eighteen. She hailed from a small town in Kentucky, nowhere Alice and I had ever heard of — Middlesboro. It was bigger than Forks but still small enough to be called a town and not a city. Angela liked to brag that it was the only town in the world to be built entirely within a meteor crater. We teased her about breathing in dust from outer space growing up there; Angela was a bit out there. Spacey, even. Regardless, she was cool. And as protective as she was loyal. She was family, or, at least, Alice and I thought of her that way. I was also pretty sure James thought of her as another niece – much the way he thought of Alice.

If Angela wasn't working, that meant that Victoria Miller was working. I liked Victoria. It was impossible not to like Victoria. She was, quite possibly, one of the most laid-back individuals I had ever met in my lifetime, and she was smart as a whip. She never failed to know the question to the answer on _Jeopardy_, and she never failed to solve the puzzle — no matter how many letters were still missing — before the contestant on _Wheel of Fortune_. She had crazy red, curly hair and sharp mustard-yellow colored eyes. A tiny waist and rather large breasts completed the ensemble; everything about her screamed bombshell — blonde or not. However, bombshell or not, it was impossible not to like Victoria.

She was, however, James's girlfriend. She would, however, tell on us for drinking before our shift began.

Alice waitressed at Reign and I tended bar. Some nights, usually those that fell on a weekend, Alice would perform for the overcrowded bar. By perform I meant sing. By perform I meant play the guitar. By perform I meant awe the audience with her superior skills in the way of music. Alice graduated last year from UW with a degree in Music, and one day, I just knew she'd be famous. She had spent the past six years devoting herself to her music, and she had quite a bit of it to show for her efforts. However, until someone actually heard her play — the right someone — she was stuck doing what she was doing. Well, not really, she could work somewhere else. But we made okay money in tips at the bar, and it afforded us to live on our own, pay our bills, buy this stupid, ugly truck, and do what we wanted, when we wanted.

Until Gianna came begging for money, that was.

The story never changed. She had lost her job. She didn't qualify for unemployment this time. She couldn't find anywhere hiring. Uncle James wouldn't give her a job — James wasn't stupid, hiring an alcoholic to work in a bar was bad business. Never mind that the alcoholic was his niece. She had a whole slew of excuses, but never told me the truth. I read that in her face and her eyes. I read that in the way her clothes sagged off of her body. I read that in the way my mother had aged twenty years in the course of six. My sister was never going to change. One day, I was going to have to tell her no. So was my mother.

Unlike my sister, I didn't fuck up my college education. I went for four years. I graduated with a degree. I passed my exams to teach. I was qualified to work at any of the countless number of schools in Washington State. Unlike my sister, I didn't lie when I said no one is hiring. They really weren't. Every year, my mother would bite her fingernails down to nubs wondering whether she was going to be able to keep her job when the school year began anew. Every year, she lucked out.

Maybe next year I would luck out as well. Maybe next year I wouldn't have to tend bar at Reign anymore. Maybe next year I could have a job with insurance and regular hours. Maybe next year I could figure out what came on television at night, these days. Maybe next year, that was what I told myself every day, maybe next year my life would start.

Until then, tending bar would pay my bills.

It wasn't like I had anything to fill my life up with. I didn't have a boyfriend. I hadn't had a boyfriend since sophomore year of college when I had dated Embry Call, who, coincidentally, I had met at La Push when I was dating Jacob Black in high school. He remembered me from those days, and while I didn't remember him, I certainly appreciated the man he had grown in to. Like the rest of the boys from La Push, he was tall and muscular; with shaggy, black, silky hair, and big, chocolate brown eyes, he made for an easy sight for my eyes to take. He was also a good kisser. He wasn't a bad lover, either; what he lacked in stamina he made up for in skills. He taught me what I knew, and, hopefully, the girl he was married to now appreciated whatever he might have taken from our short affair.

There wasn't anyone after Embry, though. I doubted there would be. That was just how my life went. I would go to work. I would eat. I would sleep. I would hang out with Alice. I would talk my mother down from ledges when Gianna proved to be a true test of her good-nature and patience. I would listen to bar patrons cry to me about their failed lives and failed relationships and failed jobs. I would clean up vomit in the bathroom when they drank too much. I would clean up after Gianna when she had too much fun. I would clean up after Gianna when she stole from our mother. I would keep Uncle James from beating her ass when she made Renee cry.

James was six years younger than Renee. She babysat him when he was a little boy, for their mother and father, when Reign was their headache. She had wiped his butt. She had fed him. She had talked him into going to college for business so that one day Reign might be something other than what it is: just a family-owned bar. Something that might make his kid's lives a little easier than his or hers had been. Renee took care of James when he couldn't take care of himself. For that, he would take care of her forever. James loved Renee. James would do anything for Renee. One day, he was going to have had enough of Gianna taking advantage of his sister, and, niece or not, he was going to do something about it.

Gianna hadn't ever moved out of Renee's house. She hadn't ever kept a steady job. She stole from Renee. She stole from me. She stole from Uncle James. She only stole from Alice once, and the ass-kicking she got in return, kept her from making that mistake, ever again. She was an alcoholic. She was a drug-addict. She was a danger to herself.

She wouldn't ever change, but, she was still Renee and Charlie's daughter. Renee wouldn't ever turn her away. I wouldn't either, but only because I couldn't do that to my mother. It had nothing to do with my sister's well-being. If anything, it was even more detrimental to her. At least, that was what I thought.

Alice's life wasn't that much different from mine. She had dated a guy named Paul Sherrod in high school. He was your typical, run-of-the-mill geek. He played video games twenty-four-seven, and whenever Alice wanted to see her boyfriend, she had to go to him. She had spent six months with him; the majority was spent on his couch, in the den his parent's had set aside for him to 'game' in, sipping Mountain Dew and trying to understand the basics of _Halo – _and why so many boys liked it so much. For her part, she tried, she really, really did. When she wasn't with me, she was with him, and when she was with him, she tried to play _Halo._ One day, his friends grew bored of her general inability to control Master Chief — Alice's was decked in pink — and took it upon themselves to shoot her down every chance they got. That was the final draw for Alice. She threw Paul's X-Box controller at his head — he required three stitches, Alice was proud — yelled out for all who could hear, "Paul can't get it up," and stomped out of the Sherrod household.

She hadn't dated since. There were guys, I didn't meant to imply she had become a prude, but no one serious. Alice just wasn't interested in a repeat of her six months of 'ignoredom.' I couldn't blame her.

"It's not busy at all. I hope it's busier tonight." There were four cars in the parking lot of Reign. I pulled in next to Angela's beat-up, blue, little Ford Ranger and glanced around. It most definitely wasn't busy. Hopefully it would pick up. It was Friday afternoon, and Friday's were Bella and Alice's big money-making nights. Rent-making nights. Plus, Gianna was at our apartment right now, unsupervised. We would most definitely need money after she left. "Better fucking pick up."

I shrugged. "It's still four hours 'til our shift starts. It'll be alright."

"You're too fucking optimistic! I'm supposed to be the optimistic one in this relationship."

"Let's role-play. I'll be Alice. You be Bella. C'mon, it'll be fun," I said, grinning. She rolled her eyes at me and opened one of the two doors that granted entrance to the bar. "Oh, c'mon, Alice."

"I'm Bella. I'm boring and my sister is pathetic. My mother is awesome but she's kinda stupid in regards to her oldest daughter. I like to drink alcoholic beverages at inopportune times. I think I'm ugly, but people say I'm not. I could do so much more with my life but I choose to work at a crappy pool hall with my roommate — who's fucking awesome, by the way — serving drinks to drunks who don't give a fuck about me or where I came from or what's going on in my life. Who the fuck're you?"

I huffed at her. "That's not fucking funny! My mother is not stupid."

"Bella! I hate when you — "

"Hey, you guys," Angela interrupted. It wasn't anything new; Alice told me all the time how pathetic I let myself be. I knew it. "You know you work tonight, right?"

"I know it."

"Mum's the word, Ange," Alice quipped.

"Mkay, but, just so you know, James has been in and out all day."

"Fuck," we said at the same time. Then, I shrugged. "Fuck it. Bud Light, yes, please."

"Me too!"

"Your funeral," Angela muttered but turned and grabbed our beers nonetheless. "Tab?"

"Might as well," Alice told her, "Drinking before our shift was Bella's idea."

"Uh oh," Angela remarked. She always had the coolest voice. Her Southern twang would come out heavy when she was drinking, but when she was sober, she tried to keep it under control. She always sounded somewhat… proper. "Gianna?"

"Yep." I took the opportunity to look around the bar. Alice took the opportunity to let Angela in on Gianna's latest fuck-up.

There were two regulars sitting at the bar. Alistair Gilbert and Alec Newberry. Alistair had been someone, once. Alec hadn't.

Alistair Gilbert used to own a franchise of Subway restaurants in Seattle and Tacoma. His net worth was more than I would ever make in my life. He had too many locations to count. He spent years building his franchise. He opened at least one new store a year. He met and married a young woman. She lost it for him. It took her two years to break what he had spent fifteen to build. Now, he bounced between locations of stores he used to own, helping them improve their quality of service. Now, he spent his afternoon drinking away the meager amount of money he earned because he was too depressed to do anything else, and believed himself to be too old to start over.

Alec Newberry wasn't ever anything. He sometimes lived in a residence with four walls, sometimes a shitter, sometimes a stove. Most times, he lived under a bridge, and stood on the side of the road with a sign, begging for money because he was either too lazy or too drunk to look for a job. James had to kick him out of the bar at least once a week. James barred him from coming into the bar at all at least once a year. None of the workers liked him. He was a grumpy individual that liked to make other people just as grumpy and miserable. He didn't want any better for himself, and, one day, he'd find himself dead under one of those bridges and no one would remember anything good about him at all.

_Geez, I really was becoming a pessimist_, I thought.

Reign wasn't a big bar but it wasn't small either. There were ten pool tables, not tournament sized, but big enough for the drunks to have fun on, in the main room of the bar. The walls were dark green and maroon, and two of the walls around the pool tables were lined with floor to ceiling windows. There was a bar with space enough for fifteen bar-stools. There was a smaller room, open on one side to the rest of the bar, in which three dart boards resided. There were ten tables in the dart room, and three more between the bar and the pool tables.

The dart room was where Alice would play on the nights James decided to let her.

On this particular day, there was a group of four men at one of the back, corner pool tables. They were all big, muscular guys, except for one. They reminded me of the guys in La Push, except only two had dark enough hair. The small guy had chin-length, blond hair, and he wasn't really small, not really, only smaller than the three around him. His muscular frame was apparent however, beneath his wife-beater and opened, button-down shirt. You could see his firm ass beneath those loose-fitting jeans, which sagged just low enough to see a hint of the tight-fitting boxers underneath. He was wearing a gray fedora atop those blond waves. Even from here, I could tell he was handsome.

I moved my eyes from him though, to take in the rest of his group.

The other three guys were around the same size as each other. Two of them had dark brown hair, one had it buzzed, and the other had it cut neatly on his head, short on the sides and longer on the top. Both were very muscular, tall, and they moved around the pool table with a confidence that told me they played, and often. Buzz-cut was wearing a dark-gray sweater and form-fitting jeans. His sweater stretched tight across his defined chest every time he moved, and his jeans hugged that tight ass every time he bent over to shoot. Clean-cut wore a plain, white, V-neck t-shirt, with a jean jacket and loose-fitting jeans. I watched as Clean-cut shoved Buzz-cut and all four guys laughed. The two looked familiar to me.

The laugh from the fourth guy drew my attention to him. He was familiar too, unbelievably so. His hair was messy atop his head, and golden, reddish brown. It stuck up every which way. It looked as if he had been running his fingers through it all day long. Or, as if _someone_ had been running their fingers through it. The guy was too fucking good-looking to not have some woman hanging off his junk twenty-four-seven. He was tall and muscular too, and the beater and opened, pearl-snap shirt he wore, showed off every one of those abs. The jeans didn't hide anything either, and one glance told me how well-endowed he was. They also showed me that fine motherfucking ass, and my hands itched to touch it, to grab and not let go.

I didn't realize I was staring. How could I not though? All four of them were gorgeous, and that last one, well, he made my sweat glands go into overdrive, amongst other things. I had never had such a reaction to man before.

_That's a lie_, I thought, _that's a bald-faced lie_. It was a lie. That was true. _One man_, I thought, _one man did this to me_. At a music festival when I was seventeen years old. The man in the crowd. The singer. The angel. _My _angel.

My eyes flew to his face. He was staring at me, his perfect brows furrowed as he took in my blatant, ogling, eyes. My cheeks flushed at realizing I had been caught. I took a deep breath. _It's no big deal, Bella_, I thought, _he probably gets stared at all the time_. I looked away as quickly as I could and tried to focus my concentration on Angela and Alice. They were still going on about Gianna. I rolled my eyes. Arousal gone, annoyance on.

I didn't want to talk about Gianna, anymore. Most times, it felt like she was all anyone talked about. I was sick to death of it. She would never change. She would never grow up.

"What the fuck're you two doing here? You work tonight," James barked as he walked through the door, glaring at Alice and me. "You know — "

"Gianna," I simply said.

"What the fuck she do now?" he asked, pulling out a stool next to me. Alice and I were sitting at our favorite spot. The bar at Reign was 'L' shaped, and we liked to sit on the little end of the 'L.' I liked to sit at the corner. James seated himself on the other side of the corner, and stared expectantly at me.

"Nothing much. Same old shit. Showed up blowed and drunk and couldn't fucking walk."

"At you guys' place?"

"Yeah."

"Where's she now?"

"My bed."

"Fuck, Bells! You can't leave her at your place all alone! She'll rob you blind!" James's blue eyes lit with a flame that could set the world on fire. He looked so different than Renee, or any of our family, really. He had always had dark-blonde hair and ice-blue eyes. He wasn't a very big guy either. He stood just shy of six foot, but his slim build made him look like a light-weight. He had proven to many a punk just how bad-ass he could be. It was well known by the patrons in this bar that the owner, James, wasn't one to be fucked with. "You fucking know better!"

"I didn't know what else to do," I said, rolling my eyes. "Would you rather I had taken her to Momma's? That's the last thing she needs."

"Fuck."

"I know it."

"Fuck," he exhaled, one more time. His bottom lip came to rest between his teeth and his brow furrowed as his eyes closed. James hated Gianna, probably more than I did, but what he hated the most was not being able to do anything about her. I wasn't the only one stuck in this position with Gianna because of obligation to Renee. He shook his head after a moment before opening his eyes and turning a glare to me and Alice. "Two beers. No more. You both are working tonight."

I smiled at him. James was a big softie when it came to me and Alice. I knew we'd get away with our afternoon delight. "Sure thing."

He nodded and motioned one finger to Angela, who immediately filled a glass with ice, Jack, and Coke, before setting the glass on a napkin in front of him. He threw it back in one long gulp before pushing it back toward her. She refilled it, with Coke only this time, and passed it back. "You wanna play next weekend, Alice?"

"Yes," she chirped happily. She hadn't been able to play at the bar in over a month, but with the majority of the students enrolled at the university out for summer, the bar had been bringing in a much younger clientele. With the crowd we were drawing these days, it would be perfect timing to have a night where Alice performed. "You know better than to have to ask."

"Just checkin'."

"You own this place?" Blond-haired cutie had approached the bar without any of us noticing. He turned to Angela without waiting for James to answer. "Can I get another pitcher, darlin'?"

"Sure thing," Angela replied, smiling serenely at his apparent Southern accent. She always loved it when someone with a twang walked in.

"Yeah, I do," James told him, turning on his stool to face Blondie. "Who's askin'?"

"Shit, sorry," Blondie said, quickly wiping off his powder-covered hand and holding it out for James to shake. "Jasper Whitlock."

"James Caius." They shook hands and Blondie, or, Jasper, leaned against the bar. He glanced back toward Angela, who was still pouring his pitcher, then back to James.

"I heard you talking 'bout someone playing up here next weekend. I was just wondering if you had bands play on a regular basis."

"Nope."

"But you said — "

"I said it, so it would only stand to reason that I knew what the fuck I said. Alice isn't a band. She's my niece. And she's damn good. She plays up here on occasion, and I owe her one." The 'one' he owed her was for when she kicked Gianna's ass for stealing from her. James fucking loved Alice for that.

"Well, sir, I'm — "

"Don't sir me, Junior. And I don't really give a shit." James sighed, shaking his head. After a moment though, he seemed to come to some sort of conclusion about the man standing beside him. Instead of just dismissing him, as James would usually do, he turned his head to face Jasper full-on, and asked, "You got a band?" Jasper nodded. "You any good?" Jasper nodded. "You got a band name?" Jasper nodded. "What the hell is it?"

Jasper cleared his throat. "Um, it's Shine, sir. I mean, Mr. Caius."

_What the fuck_, I thought, _holy shit_, I thought, , I thought. No wonder the three guys looked familiar! No wonder I had such a reaction to the hot guy in the back! Motherfucker!

"I've heard of you guys," James said appreciatively. "You guys're good. Why the hell you wanna play here? We don't even have a real stage. Alice puts milk crates together and ply-board over them. Then she covers it with a sheet. A motherfucking sheet. That's not a stage. That's not what you guys're used to."

_No shit_, I thought, _I watched a crowd at a huge music festival erupt over this band once_.

"Yeah — no. It's not. Thing is… we haven't been as booked as we're used to. So we're… uh… looking for a new crowd, I guess. We're just wondering if you might be interested, Mr. Caius."

"Mr. Caius is my fucking father. It's James, dude. Call me that. Step into my office, son, we'll talk," James said as Jasper nodded. James turned to me as he rose from his stool. "Two beers, Bells. That's it. I'm serious."

"Yeah, sure," I mumbled, watching Jasper grin in our direction as he followed James to the back. When he disappeared from view, I turned to Alice.

She looked dumbstruck. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was hanging open. Bitch literally had stars in her eyes. "Alice?"

"Huh?" She didn't even turn to look at me. She was still staring at the door where James and Jasper had disappeared.

"You alright?"

"Fine," she breathed. Shaking her head, she turned to me. "Did you see him?"

"He was kinda hard to miss."

"Yeah," she said, her voice was still all breathy and faint. "Holy fuck, that man was fine."

I shrugged. "He was alright."

"Fuck you, Bella. Just 'cause he's not some motherfucking singer in a band — " she gasped.

I looked down. I knew she had caught that shit. I had told Alice all about that music festival, and the man I had seen there. My fantasies eased up as the years went on, but I never forgot him, and now... now he was standing at the back of my family's bar. She knew the name of the band, and she had heard Jasper when he said it.

"Holy shit, Bella! Holy motherfucking shit! That's the band! It is, isn't it?"

I nodded, still looking down. "That means you might — "

"Hey, Bella, could you keep watch for just a sec while I run this pitcher back to them?" Angela asked, effectively cutting off whatever nonsense Alice was about to spew. Thank goodness.

"Sure."

Angela smiled and nodded before turning away from me and walking to the other end, where the bar was open for us to walk through. My eyes followed her, as inconspicuously as possible, as she made her way back to the other three. To my angel.

Just then, Alistair piped up, "Bells, you tendin'?" I nodded and he raised his glass to me. I hopped up and made my way around the bar to make him another.

Angela always kept her bar neat, and whatever liquor she used, she kept in the side-well for easy access. I found Alistair's drink of choice fast — Hennessy — and filled his glass with more ice and water before mixing in the cognac. I found the particular drink to be disgusting, but it was Alistair's favorite, and he tipped as well as he could afford, so I served that shit with a smile. "You tabbin' it?"

"You know me better than that, Bells," he responded, pulling out a crinkled five-dollar bill from his front pocket and handing it to me. "Keep the change, my dear."

"Thanks."

"Bella — " Alice wasted no time in trying to start in on me again, however, a new voice cut her off.

"Can I get a shot?"

The voice was smooth, rich, and deep. Shiver-worthy. My whole body thought so. I turned my head to find the source and somewhat succeeded in containing myself. My angel was standing there, waiting at the bar-mats, for me to come and serve him. _I'd love to serve him,_ I thought, _only nothing we serve in this bar_. I let my eyes wander back to the pool table he had been playing at and found Angela leaning against the table, chatting up his buddies. _Damn you Angela_, I thought, _damn you to hell_. Just then, she turned to face me and winked. My brows furrowed at her as she motioned with her head toward my angel, standing at the bar.

"Um, sure," I finally mumbled. "What can I get for you?"

An amazing grin stretched across his lips as his eyes dropped quickly to my chest before returning to my eyes. "What do you recommend?"

Taking a deep breath, I told him, "Depends on what you're in the mood for."

"Hmm," his voice rumbled as he leaned forward and rested both elbows on the bar. All those muscles all tauted up like that, right in front of me, was making me dizzy. One hand came up to stroke his gorgeous jaw as he said, "I'm thinking… something sweet… "

"Well — "

"And maybe a little salty," he continued as his tongue swiped across that full bottom lip of his. I tried to control my breathing. "Maybe a little sour… "

"Give him a Throw Me Down, Bella," Alice quipped, grinning from her end of the bar. My angel turned toward her with a smile. "It's good, you'll like it."

"Throw Me Down?" Alice nodded. "Well, you heard the little lady… _Bella… _" I barely contained the shiver that shook my body at my name falling from his lips. "I'll have a Throw Me Down."

I nodded and set forth to make the shot. Leave it to Alice to pick something with multiple liquors. "Make sure to give it to him hard, Bella."

My cheeks flushed — worse than they already were — as I turned a glare toward Alice. "He didn't ask for that, Alice."

"Well, that's because you didn't offer."

I huffed. I knew what she was doing. "What's this, Bella?" my angel asked.

"Um… "

"Oh, come on," Alice whined, "don't act like you don't know."

I clenched my jaw. Through gritted teeth, I offered, "Would you like your shot hard?"

"What does _hard_ entail, Bella?"

He seemed to really enjoy saying my name. "151 on top."

"Rum?"

"Yep."

"I love rum."

"So you want it?"

"Oh, I think I do. Want it hard, that is." His grin was seriously affecting my motor skills. It never took me this long to make a shot.

"Just for future reference," Alice piped up again. I was seriously considering shoving this bottle of 151 down her throat and throwing a match in for good measure. "The name of the shot you're ordering? Is Throw Me Down and Fuck Me. The particular shot — with the 151 — is a Throw Me Down and Fuck Me _Hard."_

Could my cheeks get any brighter? I fucking knew Alice would share that particular piece of information. "Is that right?"

"Mhm," Alice chirped. "Bella's really good at making them."

"Really?" he asked, and even looking down and concentrating on that goddamn shot, I could see the grin he was throwing my way.

"Bella's the best, actually."

"That's really good to know," he murmured, leaning forward even further. "Where did you learn, Bella? Who taught you so good?"

I tried to act nonchalant. I tried to shrug. My body wouldn't cooperate. My voice squeaked as I told him, "I learned it from a book. The book here. The bar tending book with all the recipes."

_You're real smooth, Bella,_ I thought, _could you be any more of a bumbling idiot?_

"I'll have to see that book, sometime. See what I might learn from it."

I coughed as Alice giggled from my side. Clearing my throat and trying like hell to keep the squeak out of my voice, I said, "Uh… here's your shot."

He took the shot from me, grazing my fingers in the process. I sucked in a quick breath at the feel. Heat seemed to blossom when our skin touched. He eyed my fingers, grinning as he held the shot glass in front of his face and swirled it for a second or two. Then he grinned at me again, and said, "I'd also like your phone number, Bella, if you'd be so inclined."

"What?" I breathed. _Surely I didn't hear that right_, I thought, _he didn't even look twice at me at the festival_. _Plus, he was glaring at me the last time I ever saw him_.

His grin widened. "Phone number?"

"For fuck sake," Alice huffed, grabbing a napkin and a pen. She jotted something down while I stood there, gaping at the angel in front of me, and then passed it to him. "That's her cell. But she won't answer it if she doesn't know the number because it was someone else's number before it was hers and people still call for that person and they send texts and it annoys the fuck out of her so she blocks numbers she doesn't know."

"So… does that mean… if I were to give you my number," he said slowly, ripping the bottom of the napkin, the part where Alice hadn't written, and scribbling something on it with the pen she had passed to him. When he was done, he folded it in two, and held it up in front of me. "Which is right here, in this napkin, that you'll answer your phone?"

"She will," Alice said before hopping off her bar stool, and making her way back toward Angela with a grin directed right at me.

"Will you?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," I breathed slowly. I was in serious need of some oxygen. One thing bugged me though, and that was the glare he had directed toward me after he found my sister and his drummer — the drummer who was at the back of the bar, chatting with Angela — fucking each other at that festival. I wanted to clear that shit up, and fast. "You don't remember — "

"Where the fuck is Angela?" James asked as he walked behind the bar, effectively cutting off my inquiry. Jasper came to stand right beside my angel, but he was looking back toward his friends. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was looking at Alice. I could be wrong though; Angela was back there too, and he could be looking in her direction. Or he could just be curious as to what his buddies were up to with two girls in the back. James cut off my musings and my answer. "Did you have your two beers yet?"

I shook my head, still staring at my angel. I had forgotten all about my beers, to be honest. I couldn't care less about my beers now. "Well then go sit the fuck down and drink 'em. You gotta be back up here in three hours, and I want you sober and clean. You smell like suntan lotion."

"You work here tonight?" my angel murmured to me. I nodded. He grinned. "Well then, I'll be seeing you later tonight, Bella."

With that, he grabbed his shot, took it, smacked his lips, licked his lips, grinned at me, and said, "Fucking delicious."

My cheeks flamed even brighter. "By the way, Bella, my name is Edward."

And my angel had a name.

* * *

**so... is anyone confused on anything? i promise all will be revealed in due time. but! if you have a question that you just have to ask, feel free to do so in a pm or review, and i might answer! might! i'm not promising, so don't get mad if i side-step it in the form of, "i promise you'll find out soon!"**

**i want to thank everyone that has come in and given this story a try... the number of people that favorited/alerted either me or this story... well, shit, i'm kinda overwhelmed by you guys. i never expected such a good response. and you guys that reviewed... i don't think i missed anyone with a reply... but let me say again how thankful i am for your feedback. srsly, you guys're awesome! even you, you face-palmer, you! (hugs to you, sarah... your general disclaimer makes me lol)**

**just three things, and i swear i'll shut-up... 1.) short teaser in review reply. for anyone who feels weird about reviewing, feel free to pm me, and i'll send it back at ya like that. 2.) longer teaser will post on monday at the fictionators blog "www(dot)fictionators(dot)com" you know the drill on the dots, and the same teaser (for anyone who doesn't check fictionators, but might hang out here...) will post at adf "adifferentforest(dot)com" in the weekly sneak peek thread that usually runs monday as well. 3.) i has a twitter. but i don't has a clue what to do with it, however, if anyone wants to follow (and/or school me in how to actually have fun with it) it's (at)tiarwen.**

**that is all. see you all on friday!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: All things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer.

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**

— shine — chapter 3 — i try —

Games, changes, and fears,  
When will they go from here?  
When will they stop?  
I believe that fate has brought us here, and we should be together, babe,  
But we're not.  
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you,  
And I keep my cool, but I'm feigning…

-I Try, Macy Gray.

"Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy motherfucking shit, Bella! That was him, wasn't it? Your singer? That was your singer, wasn't it? Bella! Holy shit! I fucking knew it! You're still all dumb-looking!" Alice wouldn't shut-up. She had been blabbering on and on while we drank our two allowed beers at the bar, only inside of the bar, she had whispered. Now, we were walking to our truck, and the moment the door to Reign had closed behind us, she had started practically yelling. "It was, wasn't it? I heard Jasper say Shine — "

"Alice! Geez! Shut the hell up," I scolded her. Seriously, girl was going to have a heart-attack if she didn't stop to breathe. Especially with as hot as it was outside. "Yes, in answer to your question, that was him."

"I knew it!" she howled. Her right hand formed a fist and she proceeded to perform a fist-pump — like you see in the movies from the eighties — right there in the parking lot. I rolled my eyes. "Holy hell, he was fine!"

"I know," I said quietly. I was still in awe of him myself. He had held me in his jade-green eyed gaze until he turned away to walk back to his friends. I had been left panting. "C'mon, let's get this over with."

I was referring to our tradition of rock-paper-scissoring to decide who would have to drive our POS truck back to our apartment. Alice rolled her eyes and proceeded to paper my rock and win. Again. Like she didn't win once already. She fist-pumped again, which made me huff, and then she skipped to the passenger side, humming all the way.

"I hate you," I mumbled, plugging my ears as I started up the truck.

"You love me," she chirped, hauling her iPod out of her bag and plugging my right ear with an earphone. Panic! At The Disco sounded in my ears, and regardless of how nervous I was about the prospect of seeing my angel, Edward, that night, or how pissed I was Alice had one-upped me once again, or how much I wasn't looking forward to dealing with my sister once we arrived home, the music eased my shoulders and I was mindlessly singing along before I even knew it. Alice knew what to do when I was feeling overwhelmed, and she always did the right thing. "So… they're going to be at the bar tonight still. Emmett told me so."

"Which one was Emmett?" _Like I didn't know_, I thought, _obviously it wasn't the drummer my sister had fucked. That was clean-cut, Felix._

"Buzz-cut. Like you didn't know. How the hell Gianna managed to land the other one is beyond me."

"She used to be pretty."

"Not since I've known her."

"Well, you've never liked her."

"And never will," Alice announced with a shake of her head. "I know she's your sister and all, but, honestly? I've never seen a bigger waste of space. She doesn't want to help herself."

"I don't know. I think Alec Newberry might rank pretty far up there." There really wasn't any point in arguing with Alice — or anyone else — in regards to Gianna. I didn't make it a habit of defending my druggy, alcoholic sister, anyway. "He's doing good this week though. James hasn't kicked him out yet."

"That's bad for us. Probably means he'll cause some trouble tonight."

"Speaking of tonight — "

"I won't do shit, Bella. And I'll be a perfect, little waitress, filling their drink orders as often as is humanly possible so that he doesn't have an excuse to come and distract you at the bar."

I let out a long, low breath. "Thanks, Alice."

"No problem."

We stayed quiet for the rest of the drive, listening to the music weave itself into our ears and provide us with sufficient distraction from everything that had unfolded today. I was only somewhat surprised by the bright purple 1971 Pontiac GTO parked in my spot. I figured Gianna would have called him.

"Fuck," Alice whispered. She hated him as much as she hated Gianna. The difference between the two people she hated so much was about a foot in height and a hundred and fifty pounds in weight. "I'm not going in there if he's there, and I don't think you should either."

"I can't just not go in there. She'll never leave if I don't kick her out. And the longer he stays, the more likely our things are to come up missing."

_He_ was Demetri De Luca, a well-known drug dealer in the greater Seattle area. He hailed from the streets of Seattle, and, for that reason, knew them well. Everyone was afraid of him and no one went against him. He dealt anything and everything that could be dealt. His hook-up at whatever hospital or clinic kept him readily available with prescription medication, and he always kept stocked whatever one might need. Motherfucker even kept prescription sinus medication stocked. It was rumored that the rest of his goods came straight from the Italian mafia, but no one was brave or even stupid enough to know for sure. He was someone you tread lightly around. He was someone Gianna should have never become involved with. He was right up her alley.

She had met him three years ago, at some party or rave or maybe even another music festival, but I doubted it — Demetri didn't usually attend such events, instead choosing to lay low most of the time. All we knew of their rocky relationship is that one day he wasn't around, and the next, he wasn't ever not around. He gave her whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. I didn't know what she did to pay for her addiction and I didn't ever want to. He had bruised her up before. She had walked with a limp for a week after leaving his house once. He had broken three of her fingers and she refused to go to a doctor. No one could tell her anything. She wouldn't leave him.

She wasn't always with him, even though it seemed that way. I always hoped that when we didn't see Demetri for a few weeks, that it meant Gianna had wised up, moved on, grown up. She always proved me wrong because he always came back. He wasn't, however, welcome in my apartment. I had tried myself to make this apparent to him one day, and when I showed up to work with a bruise across my face, James made sure my message was received. James wasn't afraid of Demetri. James wasn't afraid of anything. I pressed charges after James was done with Demetri, but they released him with nothing more than a slap on the wrist. That wasn't what the police wanted him in jail for.

"Call James."

"I can't do that! What if — "

"Then I'll fucking call him!"

"Fine! Gosh! _Hold on!_" I grunted as I looked down and away from Alice's scared gray eyes. I pulled my phone out of my bag, seeing I had a missed text message, before dialing the bar.

Angela answered the phone. "_Reign_."

"Hey, it's Bella. James around?"

"_Yep, he's at the back, shootin' pool with those guys who were here_." Even with the danger lurking in my apartment at the moment, my heart still sped at the thought of my angel, Edward, still at the bar I worked. I couldn't wait to look at him again, no matter how nervous I was at the prospect of him talking to me again. "_You want me to yell for him?_"

"Just tell him Demetri is at my apartment. Me and Alice don't really — "

"_Ugh_," Angela growled through the phone. "_I hate him. Hold on_." I heard her yell at James, telling him what I had told her, and then him yelling something back before Angela came back on the line. "_He said stay in your truck. He's on his way. Look, Bella, I think — shit, sec_."

I heard the phone being set down on the counter, but she must've put me on hold because I didn't hear anything else. A moment later she came back on the line, giggling. "_That was pretty-boy, Edward. He was worried about you…_"

"What?" I breathed.

"_Apparently me yelling at James that Bella and Alice were stuck in their truck because that dickhead was in their apartment struck a chord with him._"

"Angela," I groaned, "do you really have to shout our shit out at the bar like that?"

"_Oh, come on. You aren't the least bit interested in the fact that he wanted your address? Oh, and that he and his buddies were prepared to pay out and head over right now to help James kick dickheads ass?_"

_Hell yes_, I thought, _hell yes, I want to hear all about it_. "Uh — "

"_Well, let's just say, he was very… adamant about wanting to make sure James could handle himself around said dickhead. Oh, and that you would be absolutely unharmed in the process of ridding your apartment of said dickhead. If I didn't know any better — "_

Only just then, James's truck came barreling around the corner, and I knew it was impossible that Angela might not have heard him. James had glass-packs and a fucking turbo-charged engine custom-installed into his truck when he bought it and had it restored. He had actually offered to buy mine and Alice's POS to soup-up as well, but, seeing as it was our only mode of transportation, we refused his offer. He loved fast-moving, shiny, dark, older vehicles, usually in the form of trucks, but he wasn't prejudice against cars. One could hear any of James's three vehicles coming from half a mile away, and right now he was coming top-speed into our apartment parking lot.

"Ange — " I started.

"_I hear him, the git. He's gonna get pulled over one of these days… loud as that damn truck is. Do me a favor?"_

"What?"

"_Stay in the truck 'til James says it's all clear? You two don't need any more trouble from that douche, and I don't need to worry about it anymore than I already am."_

I rolled my eyes. Angela had such a protective nature, it was hard for her not to be constantly concerned about the people she surrounded herself with. "Sure thing, Ange. Promise."

"_Good. I'll keep pretty-boy occupied for you 'til you get back._" She giggled. I huffed, even as I thought about how pretty my angel, Edward, really was. _"See ya in a bit!"_ she said before hanging up, not allowing me to respond to her.

I groaned again and threw my head backwards. I didn't know what to make of Edward at all. For one thing, I had been sure I would never see him again — except in my dreams — after that music festival. For another thing, I thought for certain if I ever ran into him – or anyone else from his band – that they would look at me with the same amount of hatred he had that night. Lastly, he flirted with me. I might be a little slow when it comes to guys, and I might not have that much experience, but I knew he was flirting with me. I was just too fucking brain-dead to even attempt to flirt back, and I wondered if I would ever be articulate enough in his presence to ever make such an attempt.

Three sharp raps against the partially lowered driver's side window of the truck brought me out of my head, and I turned to find James standing there. His expression was ferocious, enough so that I shrank back from him.

"How long you two been sitting out here?"

"Like five — ten minutes," Alice answered for me. I turned to her, realizing that I hadn't paid much attention to her while I had been on the phone with Angela, in fact, I hadn't paid attention to her, at all. When Angela mentioned Edward and his friends, I went a little deaf, dumb, and blind to everything but what she was saying. Alice looked worried, her bottom lip was caught between her teeth and her forehead was pinched. Her eyes were still scared and now they looked panicked, frantic. "James — "

"You two stay here. Don't fucking get out of the truck. No matter what. Give me your door-key, Bells." James was fearless, but that didn't mean that we wouldn't worry. Fearless had a cousin named stupidity, and, right now, I was afraid of James doing something stupid. Even still, I did what he said, and slid the key to our apartment off the key-ring still hanging from the ignition of the truck. I handed it to him as he told us, "I fucking mean it. No matter what. And if it starts to look hairy, haul ass back to the bar and call the police. Got it?"

He waited only long enough for us to both nod before turning on his heel and marching to our apartment. I wished we had just called the police in the first place, but there wasn't really anything they could do. I hadn't filed a restraining order against Demetri and he wasn't breaking and entering. My fucking sister had probably let him in willingly. That was the only excuse I could think of as to how he knew where she was. Gianna didn't come running to my apartment often because she was afraid of Alice.

"I wish we'd just called the police," Alice murmured, mimicking my thoughts. Her voice was shaky and she looked genuinely scared. She looked how I felt. James may not be blood to her, but he thought of her as his own family, and she had been around long enough to return the sentiment.

"I know. Me too. But I don't think they could have done anything."

Alice nodded, her eyes remained fixed on our door. James had just disappeared inside of our apartment. "No offense, Bella, but I fucking hate your sister."

"I know it. I'm not her biggest fan either."

We didn't say anything for a long while. Instead, we sat and stared at our door for what felt like forever. There was only street noise outside, and for that I was thankful. If the sounds of furniture being broken, wood splintering, glass breaking, and all of the noises associated with it were to ring out, I knew that meant they were fighting. I was also repeating a prayer in my head that there would be no gunshots. Demetri was known to carry one with him at all times.

The door opened, and I let out a deep breath as I saw first Gianna, then Demetri file out of our apartment. James trailed slowly behind them, stopping to lock our front door and then leaning back against it as he watched the two make their way to Demetri's GTO. Gianna looked a little worse for the wear, but there were no visible bruises on her. I was grateful for that as well. No matter how bad my sister fucked up, how badly she continued to ruin everything and everyone in her life… I never would wish physical harm from someone like Demetri on her. Demetri was cruel just to be cruel. He had been more than cruel to her in the past, and, having been on the receiving end of one of his punches, I knew how much it hurt and didn't want to see that on my sister. No matter what.

I watched as Gianna slid into the passenger side of Demetri's car, and then as Demetri opened the driver's side. He didn't slide right in though, instead choosing to turn a malicious grin back toward James. James rolled his eyes in response, and said something I couldn't hear. Demetri laughed at whatever James had said, and shook his head. Just as he was about to lower his tall frame into his car, his head turned, and he caught sight of Alice and I inside of our truck.

My breath caught as he unleashed that same sadistic grin on us that he had when he had knocked me to the ground before. I heard Alice's catch as well, and then Demetri's hand came up, two fingers extended, which he pointed first to his own eyes, and then to Alice and myself.

I heard James's response loud and clear. "Don't fucking look at them! Don't fucking go near them! You so much as speak one of their names and I will end you, motherfucker!"

Demetri just laughed one last time, threw a wink toward the two of us, and hopped in his car before flooring it out of our parking lot. When I could no longer hear the rumble of his engine, I let out the breath I was holding. With one look toward Alice, who was shaking her head and looked to be on the brink of tears, I opened the door to the truck and hopped out.

James waited by our door until we made it to him, and when we did, he said, "I'm staying here until you guys are ready for work. And I'd appreciate it if you'd either stay at my place or Vicky's tonight. No sense in tempting fate this quick."

"That's fine," I said quickly. I wasn't in any hurry to stay overnight in our apartment, knowing who had just been in there, and staying somewhere else for the night sounded like a marvelous idea to me. "It's cool if we crash at Vicky's?"

"You know it is, Bells."

We both got ready quickly, but I did do a quick survey of our apartment before hopping into the shower. James had said he had made Gianna empty her purse before leaving, and he didn't find anything inside of it that looked like it belonged to either one of us, but I found the two hundred and fifty dollars I had hidden in the kitchen missing. I wasn't surprised. I was, however, glad that that was all she had been able to get her druggy, grimy hands on.

Alice was ready shortly after I was and James waited in his truck until we had gotten situated in our own before he drove slowly out of our parking lot. I knew he probably wouldn't go straight back to the bar. I figured he would go over to Victoria's and let her know the two of us would be staying there for the night. If Demetri or Gianna happened to show up at Reign, Angela would call him.

The parking lot was a little busier when we arrived back and the four cars that had been there when we came earlier were all still there. It was close to time for us to start our shifts and I had to weigh the liquor and count the beers before I relieved Angela of her station, so we didn't linger outside. My eyes slid to the back, corner pool table as soon as I walked through the door, and, to my surprise, found the four guys still there. Edward, Emmett, Jasper and Felix were still playing pairs and still had a full pitcher of beer at their table. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

"Bells!" I rolled my eyes. Just what I needed. Jacob fucking Black.

Jacob moved to Seattle two years ago. He had been living with his father, Billy, since graduating high school and working odd jobs around Forks and La Push to fill his time and pay the bills. Jacob could lie to everyone and say he just loved La Push and didn't want to leave, but I knew the truth. He stayed to take care of his father, who was in a wheelchair and had a hard time taking care of himself. When Billy passed away, Jacob sold the house — and all the memories in it — and moved to Seattle. He worked at a garage not far from the bar, and he wasted no time in seeking me out again. When I made it apparent how uninterested in another try I was, he vowed to be my friend. He began coming into the bar on a regular basis, and it wasn't long before he met the weekend night-time bartender, Vanessa. They had been together ever since.

"Isabella Swan! As I live and breathe!" Oh, fuck. Looked like Jacob had company.

Seth Clearwater sat on the bar stool right next to Jacob, and right next to Seth, sat Leah Clearwater. She was grinning at me, and something about that grin told me I was in for it tonight. Seth still lived in La Push. He helped run his father's bait shop, but he came to Seattle as often as he could to visit Jacob. Leah, however, had moved away as soon as she graduated. Last I had heard, she was licking her wounds somewhere in New York City.

Leah had had it all in high school. She was beautiful, for sure, with her long, black, silky-straight hair and her beautiful, chocolatey-brown, almond-shaped eyes. She had always had a tight little figure and guys from all over La Push and Forks would drool over her when she would pass them by without a second glance. She had a boyfriend. The king and queen of the school, they were. Sam Uley — the second man I'd seen without a shirt on — and Leah had ruled their high school. She played volleyball and she was damn good. Girls from surrounding schools would shrink from her vicious serves and side-step her brutal spikes. She had made All-American in volleyball, but that wasn't all, she was smart as hell too. She earned her scholarship to NYU for academics, and, from what I hear, hadn't touched a volleyball since high school. I guessed it just looked good on her transcript.

Sam Uley had been the equivalent of a God in their school. He was gorgeous and funny. His dark-skinned, muscular, tall physique granted him whatever he wanted. He had been the quarterback of their football team and the pitcher of the baseball team. He was just as smart as Leah, if not smarter, and had been accepted on scholarship to NYU as well. He chose instead to attend UCLA, disappointing Leah who thought they would be together forever. He further disappointed her by screwing her cousin, Emily, in the backseat of Leah's car, the first Christmas vacation home from college. He and Emily married each other after she turned up pregnant with his kid, and Leah hadn't been back to Washington since.

So imagine my surprise at seeing her sitting in the bar.

"It's just Bella, Leah. You know that."

"Thought maybe you'd grown out of that."

"Nah. It stuck."

"Yeah. I've been Leah for the past ten years in New York, but I come back here and everyone starts in with the Lee-Lee bullshit again." _Holy shit_, I thought, _was she… being nice to me? She was being nice to me_, I thought,_ Leah was being nice to me! What the hell_, I wondered, _Leah was never nice to me!_

I didn't know what I had ever done to piss Leah off, but piss her off I must have, because she hated me from a young age. Aside from spitting at me and her brother when he and I were twelve, calling us boyfriend and girlfriend, and daring us to kiss one another, she had gone out of her way to be rude and condescending around me. I never knew what I had done, instead I chose to just steer clear of her whenever possible. It was harder than it looked. Especially with as much time as I spent at La Push growing up.

"Heard about your sister."

I sighed. Just what I wanted, someone else to talk about Gianna. "Yeah."

"Sucks."

"Yeah."

"You alright?"

My eyes shot to hers. Her face was serious, contemplative. Her eyes were roaming my own features, much like I was doing to her. "I'm good."

A small smile formed on her lips. "Good."

"So, you're back?"

Her smile turned rueful as she nodded her head. "I was given an offer I couldn't refuse. I've got a few things to get in order... but a really notable firm offered me a job." Leah was a lawyer now; Seth had informed me she had specialized in criminal justice. "Not that I was really hurting in New York, but... some offers you just don't turn down. This was one of them."

I nodded before turning to Seth and giving him a hug, and then Jacob, and then I turned back to Leah. "This is my best friend, Alice."

Leah's eyes took Alice in from head to toe, before moving slowly back up her body. I just about fell over at the grin on Leah's lips — not to mention the way she licked them — as she stared openly at Alice's chest area. Her eyes slowly made their way back to Alice's before she stuck her hand out and practically purred, "A pleasure to meet you, Alice."

Alice raised one eyebrow at Leah before asking, "Lesbian?"

"Maybe."

"Not interested."

Leah huffed and turned her back on Alice and I. I turned to Seth who rolled his eyes and mouthed, "Bitch," to me and Alice. We laughed and Alice took the stool on the other side of Jacob as I made my way to the back. I dropped off our purses and then walked behind the bar, grabbing my paperwork and beginning the counting and weighing that always took place at shift change.

"How'd everything go?" Angela asked.

I was glad she was keeping her voice down, I really didn't want everyone at the bar knowing about what had transpired with my sister — again — today. "Fine, I guess. James asked us to stay at Victoria's tonight."

"You guys could stay with me if you wanted."

"Nah, I don't want to do that to Ben." Ben Cheney was Angela's long-term boyfriend. They had been together since their freshman year at UW. He was one of the sweetest, most patient individuals I had ever met, but he tended to become uncomfortable when there was nothing but girls around him. I hated making him uncomfortable. "Besides, isn't tonight you guys' date night?"

"I'm pretty sure we could skip date night this one time. I'm worried about you two."

"No need to worry. James is taking care of things."

"Yeah, well, I worry about him too."

"You worry too much. Go tend bar, let me finish this shit so you can get out of here."

"Fine," she huffed. I knew she wasn't as upset as her voice led me to believe, but she was upset. Angela's protective nature kept her in a constant state of worry about the people around her. I tried to keep that worry to a minimum. Girl was gonna lead herself to an early grave if she kept her stress level up too high.

Just as I was finishing up my counts, James came strolling through the door with Victoria in tow. He had changed clothes and looked to be freshly showered. Wordlessly, he came and took the paperwork out of my hands and told me, "Go have a beer before you take over for Angela."

"But — "

"Just do it and don't argue with me for once." Then he turned his back on me and walked through the door that would lead him to his office. I spun around to glance at Victoria. She was looking at the door he had just walked through as well, worry written all over her face. Angela thrust a beer into my hand and pushed me out from behind the bar.

I went and sat down next to Victoria. "He alright?"

She shrugged. "He will be."

I nodded. She leaned back in her bar stool and pushed her hand into her pocket, pulling her house-key out of it. "Here," she said, passing the key to me. I took it and pushed it inside of my own jean pocket. "You guys can stay for a few days if you want. I'm gonna stay with James tonight. Make sure he's calmed down sufficiently."

"Okay."

She turned to me, her perceptive, mustard-yellow eyes were troubled and cloudy. "Promise me you'll be careful. I know there wasn't really anything else you could've done with Gianna, but… "

"I know. I promise."

"She steal anything?"

"Two hundred and fifty dollars. Thank goodness I didn't need it for anything."

Victoria sighed. "Well, I guess that's good then. I'm gonna go check on him. You sure you're alright?"

I nodded and she pulled me in for a hug. I watched as she made her way slowly along the length of the bar, stopping to hug Alice and whisper something to her, before disappearing past the same door James had.

I startled as the bar stool she had been sitting in scraped along the tiled floor of the bar, and turned my head in time to watch as Edward sat himself on it. My breath caught.

"So… Angela said you had some uninvited guests over?"

_Breathe_, I thought, _act normal_. "Um… yeah?"

"Everything alright?"

"It's fine." My voice was breathy and small.

"Ex-boyfriend?"

"What?"

He grinned. _That grin was lethal_, I thought, _and so not helping my breathing problem._ I tried not to focus on his tongue as he slid it along his bottom lip. "Was it an ex-boyfriend?"

"Oh! Uh — no." I couldn't seem to speak more than two words at a time.

"Was it one of your sister's exes?"

_How did he know that?_ I wondered. "How did you know that?"

"Lucky guess."

"Not really an ex, I guess. She's been seeing him on and off for three years," I said, looking away from him and down at the beer still lodged in my hand. I hadn't even taken a sip. I gave myself a pat on the back for speaking actual sentences. "She'll never learn."

"She doesn't seem too shaken up by the experience."

"What?" My head swung back to look at him. His gaze was trained on someone at the bar so I followed it. He was looking at Alice. Oh, I thought, he's talking about her. "She's not my sister."

I saw from the corner of my eye as his head turned back to me. "Hmm?"

"Alice, the girl at the bar? She's not my sister. We've been friends since junior year of high school, when I moved to Seattle. She's my best friend, but she's not my sister."

"So it wasn't her ex?"

"Uh — no. It was my sister's not-really ex-boyfriend. Well, and my sister. She showed up — " I shook my head before I could continue that sentence. I didn't want to waste any more breath telling him about Gianna. I didn't want to waste any more breath telling anyone about Gianna. "You know what? It doesn't matter. My uncle took care of it."

"James is your uncle?"

I nodded. "My mother's brother. This is his bar."

"Yeah, I know. He hired us to play in three weeks."

My head swung to stare at him again. My eyes were wide and my jaw was hanging somewhere around the floor. "What?" I squeaked.

He nodded, motioning to Angela for another pitcher. She came and grabbed it from him as he turned to face me. I glanced at her in time to catch the wink she threw my way. "Trial run he said. He's gonna talk to some radio stations and see if he can get any promo shit and advertise it on their station. See how it goes." He shrugged, grinning at me.

I blinked slowly and shook my head to try and clear the fog. "Wow."

"I'm looking forward to it." He was leaning on the elbow resting on the bar, but his body was turned toward me. His eyes were on me; I could feel them. I was hesitant to look at him again. "Plus… that means I'll be seeing a lot more of you… "

My eyes flew to his. I couldn't control them; it was like a knee-jerk reaction. "Why do you want to?"

His grin went a little more crooked and his eyebrows shot up. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Well — "

"Drink up, Bella. James is almost done," Victoria said as she breezed past us and to one of the pool tables. Drinking up was exactly what I needed, and that was what I did. My beer bottle flew to my lips and the beer slid down my throat easily. The coolness of the liquid along with the bitterness of the taste did the trick, and I was articulate again.

"I've seen you guys play before, you know."

He leaned forward, closer to me. "Is that right?"

"Yep."

"When was this?"

"A long time ago."

"How long?"

"I was seventeen."

One eyebrow shot up higher than the other. "How old are you now, Bella?"

"Twenty-three."

"Six years, huh?"

"You guys have been together for a while."

He nodded. "We've been together for seven years total, so you saw us not long after we started."

"You guys were really good."

"You thought so?"

"Yep."

He leaned further toward me. "Where, pray tell, did you happen to see us play? Most places don't just let seventeen-year-old, teenage girls inside of their establishments."

I shook my head. "It wasn't a bar. It was a music festival."

My eyes peeked over to his. I watched as they clouded over with anger, and just knew he had remembered. "We've played at a few of those too. Remember the name, by chance?"

I didn't remember the name of the music festival, in fact, I didn't know that I ever knew it. "I don't."

"Hmm."

"It was during the summer though. I was out for school. I remember that."

"So… does that mean… you were dressed appropriately?"

"For the festival? Hardly. My sister was though, black and fishnet seemed to be the theme."

"No, I didn't mean for the festival. I meant for summer."

"What?"

"I feel sure I would have seen you. I'm imagining you right now… in shorts… and a tank top… hopefully no bra… " I slapped at his arm, making him laugh. I couldn't help but join him, and before I knew it I was giggling like a fucking hyena. After a moment or two of nothing but the sounds of our combined laughter, he said, "I feel like I have seen you before."

I sighed. I knew this conversation was going to take place when I walked through that door and saw him here. "Well — "

"Bells. Drink. Bar. Now. I'm not fucking paying you to flirt with the band."

My cheeks flamed bright red at James's statement, so I finished my beer to try and hide my embarrassment. "Do you get a break tonight, Bella? Or am I probably not gonna talk to you like this again until after your shift?"

My eyebrows flew up at his presumption. _Did he think I was just easy_, I wondered, _was he just looking for a good time?_ "After my shift I'm gonna eat and then go to sleep."

"I didn't mean — " he began, but I didn't want to hear his explanation. He was pretty, for sure, but I wasn't a groupie, and I wasn't going to be an easy conquest for him — if that was all he was looking for.

"And no, I don't get a break. I'm the only tender tonight, unless we get busy and then James'll step back to help." _There_, I thought, _short, sweet, and to the point_. I probably just ruined my chances with him too.

"I just wanted — "

"I gotta work." With that, I turned and left him there, gaping at my retreating figure. Alice grinned as I passed her by, and murmured, "Way to keep him wanting more."

I grinned as well and bit my lip. The night flew by. Edward took every chance to try and approach me for a talk, but I stayed busy enough to keep him from getting his way. At one point, I needed to pee so badly, I called for James to cover for me. Edward caught me by the arm on my way back.

"Look, I'm sorry about earlier — "

"I really don't have time — "

"Come to Happy Fat's tomorrow night?"

"What?" Happy Fat's was another local bar. The owner, nicknamed appropriately, Happy Fat, was the ideal model for a motorcycle gang. He ran one of the hottest spots for local bands to play, and every weekend the venue was packed full. Alice and I had been before to watch bands play, but they always stayed so busy that unless you got there really early, there was no way you would get through the door for the night.

"We're playing there tomorrow night. I'll put you and Alice on our list. You can show up anytime. Just — please?" If we were on the bands list, we could get in anytime, no matter how late that might be.

"Um — " was all I could say. _It sounds as if he really wants me there,_ I thought.

"My buddy, Jasper, would really like for your friend to come. And I'd really like for you to come too. Please, Bella?" _Alice will certainly be pleased by that information_, I mused, _she seemed pretty smitten with Jasper_.

"Well — "

"I'm not above begging."

I laughed. I couldn't picture this man begging for a woman's attention, ever. "It's just that — "

"Please?"

"I really want to, but — "

"Bells! Bar! Now!" _Damn you, James_, I thought. I couldn't think straight.

"Please, Bella?" Edward asked quietly, a hint of desperation in his voice.

The tone won me over. I answered simply with an, "Okay."

My angel beamed at me.

* * *

**everybody should be hating gianna pretty good right about now, and ready for bella to tell her to take a long walk off a short pier. anyone want to make a wager as to when/if she will? lol... and more b/e interaction – with actual sentences coming out of bella's mouth this time! i'm so proud of her... what's everyone thinking about james? still liking him?**

**i'm posting this a day early because tomorrow – and most of the weekend – i will be indisposed of. for those of you who know about my husband... he comes home tomorrow ~dance~dance~dance~ so... as you might imagine, i plan on being a little busy celebrating! i also give my apologies to those of you who leave reviews... i will reply, but i don't think i will get them out/done this weekend so look for them starting on monday! **

**teaser will go up on fictionators (www(dot)fictionators(dot)com)! i will make sure to do that... though idk about adf this week, i maybe/might be too busy to keep checking to see if the sneak peek thread is up, so i don't want to promise and then not follow through! also, my twitter is (at)tiarwen, if anyone wants to follow! i am boring though, jsyk. i'm also shy, so i tend to be a little on the quiet side. that's what i tell myself to make myself feel better about being boring.**

**see you all next friday! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: All things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

**

— shine — Chapter 4 — killing me softly (with his song) —

I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a style,  
And so I came to see him, and listen for a while,  
And there he was this young boy, stranger to my eyes.  
Strumming my pain with his fingers,  
Singing my life with his words,  
Killing me softly with his song,  
Killing me softly with his song,  
Telling my whole life with his words…

-Killing Me Softly (With His Song), The Fugees (or Roberta Flack, I'll let you pick which one)

"He doesn't remember me."

"That's good, isn't it?"

"I don't know. What if he freaks out when he figures it out?"

"Why would he do that? It was your sister that fucked up, not you."

"Yeah, but, the way he looked at me… "

"I think you're overreacting."

"I don't."

"Yeah, but you're Miss Insecure and Self-conscious."

"He didn't even look twice at me before I showed up to collect my sister. Then he did nothing but glare at me."

"He looked at you though. Before the shit with Gianna. You said he saw you in the crowd. You said he looked at you."

"It was six years ago, maybe I imagined it."

"Bella! You are the most frustrating — ugh! You know what? Never fucking mind about that goddamn music festival. He obviously notices you now."

"Yeah, but — "

"No buts. He noticed you. He flirted with you at the bar when he came up to get a shot. I'm pretty sure he came up to get a shot specifically because of you. Then last night — "

"What if I imagined him flirting with me? He could have been just trying to get you to come tonight for Jasper."

"Ugh! See what I mean? Fucking frustrating!"

"Alice — "

"Okay, let me help. I was sitting at the bar. He was fucking. Flirting. With. You. I know it's been a long time since either of us have had a boyfriend, but surely you're not that blind as to not notice when a man is blatantly trying to get with you."

"But — "

"But nothing! I talked to Jasper last night, remember? He was doing his own flirting. He didn't need Edward to ask you just so I would come along tonight. Edward wants you there. Edward wants you!"

"I just think — "

"I just. I mean. But. What if? Blah-blah-blah-fuckety-blah-motherfucking-blah. You should have done this freak-out shit earlier. We're going. We're here, in fact. No time to back out. No sirree-Bob."

"But — "

"But nothing! Geez, Bella. Okay, look, we'll go in there, have a drink, listen to a couple of songs. If he doesn't notice you, if he doesn't acknowledge you… we'll leave."

"We can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because Jasper wanted to see you. I wouldn't do that to you, Alice."

"Then don't. Come on, I've always wanted to do this," she said, and I didn't question her. It wouldn't matter if I did or not, Alice had her mind made up and nothing I said or did would change it.

As it turned out, the thing that Alice always wanted to do was breeze past the growing line of fans and groupies posted outside the door of Happy Fats. The murmurs grew louder the closer to the door we got, and by the time we were standing in front of the doorman, people were practically yelling at us.

The skanky looking blonde at the front of the line was the most vocal. "The line starts back there, bitches," she said, pointing to the end — a good fifty people behind her. "You might want to head back there before it gets longer."

Her snotty voice succeeded in making me even more nervous. She wasn't exactly an ugly girl, just skanky. Her platinum-obviously-bleached-blonde hair looked shiny under the lights outside of the club. Her too-heavy eyeliner and shadow made her blue eyes pop, and the clothes, or lack thereof, showcased her best assets. Regardless of how demeaning I thought she might look, she was hot, and just the type that most band members would go for.

However nervous she might have made me though, it was obvious she had the opposite effect on Alice. She seemed to make Alice even more confident than usual. With a sickly-sweet smile, Alice turned to her and said, "How nice of you to try and help us out. Unfortunately for you, I'm not blind, or stupid." She turned back to the doorman and thrust her driver's license his way. "I believe Edward or Jasper put us on their list. Alice Brandon and Bella Swan."

He reached forward to procure my license as well, and then compared it against the clipboard in his hands. Nodding, he handed out IDs back. "Sho nuff," the doorman grunted as he stepped aside to let us pass. "You ladies have a nice time."

"Thanks," I murmured.

Alice was a bit more exuberant in her response. She turned back to skanky-blonde and grinned. "We will! Believe me."

Skanky-blonde huffed, making Alice laugh and me roll my eyes. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Antagonize people. You do it at work all the time." She did, too. Alice loved giving women customers a hard time at the bar. She had been known to smart-off to men a time or two, as well.

She shrugged. "Should I just keep my mouth shut and let them talk shit whenever and wherever they want? I can't do that. It's just not in my genetic make-up to turn a cheek."

I pulled open the door to Happy Fats and knew, instantly, that the conversation was over. There was no way Alice would be able to hear my retort, or make up another to sling back at me. The band was already playing, and the club was packed. Shine's music bounced off of the wall-to-wall people and I belatedly wondered if the club was over capacity.

There wasn't a table free. There wasn't really any place to stand. The aisles between the tables were packed full of people, standing or kneeling, trying to get as close as possible to the stage. The bar at Happy Fats was packed, too. Three bartenders were behind it, slinging drinks as if their life depended on it.

"Where the fuck do we wanna stand?" Alice shouted in my ear. If she hadn't had her lips pressed directly to my earlobe, I wouldn't have heard her.

I shrugged, my eyes scanning the massive crowd again. There was a table right in front of the stage that wasn't full. There were two girls sitting there with two empty seats to the sides of them. Between them I saw the sign that read 'Reserved' and figured they must be friends of the band. _Or girlfriends of the band_, I mused, _and hopefully not of Jasper or Edward._

My eyes found him, though to be honest, even without the draw he seemed to present to me, they would have found him regardless. Center-stage, microphone in front of his lips, eyes closed, hair ablaze by the lights shining upon it. He had never looked more like an angel than he did right then in that moment. So taken was I by the sight of him that I couldn't even hear his voice singing to the crowd and to me. So in awe of the light bouncing off his sweat-drenched skin and sweat-soaked hair that I didn't even hear the instruments being played by the others on stage with him, or the keyboard in front of him, which his fingers were furiously flying across. Nothing was around me. There was no sound. There were no people. Alice was gone. The groupies were gone. The two women at the table in front were gone. It was just him and me. My angel and myself.

My tunnel vision afforded me the opportunity to look upon his attire. For some reason, I expected him to be dressed in black, or leather, or maybe something grungy — duct-taped and ripped to shit. He wasn't; a simple, white, v-necked t-shirt adorned his torso, and loose-fitting, faded to perfection blue jeans resided low upon his hips. Dark brown, well-worn Doc Martens completed the ensemble of clothes, but there was a silver chain around his neck and a woven leather cuff on his right wrist. All in all, it looked as if he walked straight out of my dreams. He looked like everything I had ever wished for, all rolled into a shining, muscled, surreal box.

"What do you want to drink?" Alice's raised voice tore my eyes from the stage to her. She was smirking at me. I was sure there were stars in my eyes.

"Beer." I shouted to her.

She nodded. "Shot?"

"Patrón."

Then she was gone, off to weave her way through the crowd to the bar, and I was left alone to rejoice in the sound of Edward's voice, which I had finally registered after having looked away from him. I didn't know the song. I hadn't ever heard it before, that I knew. _It must be an original of theirs_, I thought. Against my better judgment, I allowed my eyes to wander back to the stage. Back to Edward. Back to my angel.

He had spotted me. He was staring right at me and even with the microphone in front of his mouth I could see the smile that graced his lips. My skin flushed, and I was grateful for how hot it was inside of this bar because maybe he wouldn't think I was blushing; maybe he would think I was just hot. My bottom lip found residence between my teeth as I fought against my nature — to look away from him and all his resplendence — and stared right back.

The song ended and he was still looking at me. A new song began and he was still looking at me. Alice came back with my beer and my shot and he was still looking at me. Jasper strolled next to him, said something in his ear that made him laugh between verses and he was still looking at me. He spoke to the crowd between another set of songs and he was still looking at me.

I was overwhelmed. I wouldn't — couldn't — look away.

He looked away first, and I didn't think I was imagining the grimace directed toward the bassist, Emmett, as Edward turned from me to face him. Alice shoulder bumped me; I turned to face her and her grin and her raised eyebrows and her smug eyes.

"What?"

"You gonna take that shot?"

"Yeah."

"Then do it." She hit the bottom of her shot glass against the top of mine and I drew the tequila to my lips in unison with her. The burn brought me back to reality, and I was pleased to find that I was only slightly embarrassed at having stared at Edward for so long, and so blatantly. I chased the shot with my beer; the shot and the beer were both lukewarm now because I had been staring at Edward for so long. I didn't care. They served their purpose.

"He was staring at you."

"Why weren't you staring at Jasper? Why were you bothering to look at whatever-the-hell Edward was looking at?"

"Because I bask in the glory of being right. I like it much more than just ogling a guy on stage. I'll be able to stare at Jasper all I want when they take a break. I might even get to talk to him." She winked at me and turned back to the stage, her eyes finding Jasper's. He was returning her stare, intensely so. I watched as a grin spread across his lips at the sight of her.

I turned away. His grin was meant for Alice, and while the majority of the people in the bar didn't care and kept staring at the members of the band, I didn't feel right doing so. I placed a hand on her arm and put my lips to her ear. "Do you want another shot?"

She nodded but didn't answer. I didn't expect her to. "I'll be right back."

It was on my way to the bar that I spotted a familiar face. One that I never thought I would see again after that music festival six years ago, and one that I never thought I would see again after she taught one of my courses in English at UW. Heidi Platt was standing in the space between the crowded bar and the crowded tables.

Heidi was the girl, the one crying across from me as the beautiful blonde woman yelled demeaning things at my sister. The one who had been dating the drummer. The one who had been heartbroken by my sister's actions that night. I had memorized her face. It had hurt me to look at her then, and when I walked into my class, junior year at UW, it had hurt me to look at her then too. I was so afraid she would remember me, and hate me, and make me switch classes even though I really needed the particular one she was teaching to graduate the next year. I was so afraid that she was still hurting from what my sister had done, and so afraid that she was miserable in life because of what had occurred. I was afraid of so much, and so when she called my name after class that first day, I felt sure she was going to verbally berate me for things I had never done. She didn't.

She met me with a smile in her office, asked me to close the door and lock it, and take a seat. She then proceeded to tell me that she remembered me the moment she saw me and to ask if what she had assumed — that I remembered her as well — to be correct. I assured her that I did remember her and followed that statement up with as many apologies as I could voice before she quieted me. She told me there was nothing for me to apologize for. She told me that she knew me to be an innocent bystander that night, just like she was. She told me there was no blame to be placed in this office, or in her classroom. Then, she asked if I was comfortable staying in her class, and assured me that she held no ill-will toward me.

She was amazing to me and I stayed in her class. She proved to be one of the tougher professors I had experienced, but I knew she wasn't just being rough on me. The whole class experienced the same level of discipline and expectation from her, and I benefited from her.

Still, I had no interaction with her outside of her classroom after that day, and so I didn't know whether or not it was okay to approach her now.

She made the decision for me. Her eyes spotted me walking in her general direction and she smiled gently at me before making her way over to me. "Miss Swan, fancy seeing you here."

It was odd seeing her here, in this bar, like this. She had been dressed casually at the music festival six years ago, but I hadn't really taken stock of it at the time. Every day spent in her classroom was met with her in a suit, her hair pulled up tightly into a bun, glasses on her face, and conservative make-up. This was a completely different experience. She looked to be the same age as me tonight. Wearing a tight tank and hip-hugging jeans, heavier — though still attractive, not whore-ish like so many of the women in attendance —make-up and hair down in loose waves around her face, she appeared youthful and just like me. Just out for a good time. I wondered if she was still dating the drummer, if she had forgiven him after that night. I didn't think she would be here if she hadn't.

"Professor Platt," I said, smiling.

"Psht. Please, it's Heidi. You're not in my classroom anymore."

"Then it's Bella. And your classroom was one of my favorite places, so… "

She grinned. "Liar. Nobody likes my class."

"That's not — "

"Yes, it is. So… are you having a good time? I didn't see you earlier. Did you have to wait outside with all of those horrendous girls?"

"No, but my friend, Alice, had a good time rubbing in the fact that we didn't have to wait."

"Oh, really? Alice is…?"

"Not her," I said quietly. _She was trying to figure out if Gianna was here_, I thought. I needed to clarify for her. "That girl was my sister, though I'm not too keen on having to admit that."

"Ah. And she's not here, is she?"

"No."

"Well, then! I do hope you're having a good time! So Alice is…?"

"My best friend. We met junior year of high school."

"Here? In Seattle?"

"Yes, Franklin?"

"Really?"

"Yeah… "

"That's where I went! And my cousins. They're in the band. Edward, the singer, and Emmett, the bassist. Oh, and Felix went there as well. That's where we met him. He's uh — "

"I know who he is. I'm sorry that it makes you uncomfortable to talk about him around me. I wish you would know that I wanted that blonde to kick my sister's ass that night. I thought it might do her some good."

Heidi grinned again. "I wish. The blonde is Rosalie, or was, or still is… anyway, she's still around. She's up front." _The girl at the front table_, I thought. "She's dating Emmett. And yeah… before you ask… Felix and I are back together."

I smiled gently. "Everything better now?"

"It took some time, but yeah. He had to prove himself to me again. He had to earn my trust. And he had to grovel. A lot." She laughed.

I joined in her laughter. "I'm glad though. I hated seeing you cry that night." I also hated reliving that night, in any form or fashion, but especially with someone who was so directly involved.

"That's because you're a sweet soul. Anyone can see that. Oh! So who do you two know that you didn't have to wait in line?"

"Oh… uh…" _Was there any way she might be upset by the truth_, I wondered. I hoped not, because I didn't want to lie to this woman. "Edward? And Jasper? They, uh… put us on their list?"

She laughed. "You're the two? Oh my gosh! They went on and on about two girls that were coming tonight! Me and Rose were starting to worry because you hadn't shown up at the table. We saved you both seats."

"The table at the front?" I asked, flabbergasted by this information. "I thought that was for friends of the band?"

Her laughter increased in volume. "And just what do you think you two are? You crack me up, Bella!"

"Uh — "

"You going to get drinks?" I nodded. "Cool, could you do me a favor?" I nodded. "Grab me a Rolling Rock — tell them to put it on my tab — grab Alice and I'll see you two up at the table. You've got to meet Rose."

"But — "

"Are you always this argumentative?" I shrugged. Alice would say yes. "Just do it! Gosh, Bella. Edward and Jasper don't invite girls to see shows. They don't ask us to save seats for girls. Are we clear?"

"Yeah," I said, breathless and nodding.

"Good. Rolling Rock. Oh, and grab Rose a vodka tonic? Absolut. Same tab. If you don't mind?" I shook my head. I certainly didn't mind. I didn't want that blonde, Rosalie, yelling at me like she did my sister. Maybe bringing her a drink would sway her toward the not-yelling thing. Especially if she remembered me too. "Oh, and Bella?" I raised my eyebrows. "Do any of the guys remember you?"

I sighed and shook my head. "I tried to tell Edward yesterday. That's when we met. I kept getting interrupted."

"Okay. I won't say anything then."

"Really?"

She shrugged. "What Edward and you do isn't really my business, is it?"

I smiled. "Thank you."

"You do intend to tell him though, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Uh… because — "

"I just mean… well… you didn't do anything that night, Bella. Your sister did. But all the guys were pretty pissed at the turn of events. I think it would cause unnecessary stress on whatever you and Edward will or might be to tell him a piece of information like that."

"I don't want to be dishonest though."

"Step into my classroom, Miss Swan. I'm about to teach you something about men." I laughed and rolled my eyes. "What they don't know, won't hurt them."

"But — "

"Trust me?"

I sighed. Nodded. She smiled. Walked away. Turned back. "See you in a bit! They're about to take a break. Edward probably won't let you come to the table 'til they go back on stage." With that she disappeared in the crowd.

I shook my head and turned back toward the bar. There were too many people, and not enough bar for them all. Everywhere I looked there seemed to be at least a three person deep line in front of the bar. _How the hell did Alice get those drinks so fast_, I wondered. Sighing, I took my place in line and thought over my talk with Heidi.

I didn't see how any good could come from keeping conversations of that night away from Edward. I was a terrible liar as it was, and if he wanted any more information on the time I saw them play before, it was bound to come up. What does one say to that though? _Oh, yeah, by the way, when I saw you before? My sister had just got caught fucking the drummer of your band. You know, the drummer who's dating your cousin?_ Yeah, that would go over really well.

That was another thing. I didn't exactly know why Heidi was being so understanding toward me. That was my sister who had banged her boyfriend. I could certainly understand her forgiving me and not having any hard feelings toward me, because I wasn't the one who'd fucked her over. However, this was her family who seemed to potentially want to be or do or have or… anything… whatever, with me. Surely she wasn't really okay with that.

I shook my head. Too much thinking, not enough drinking, that's what Alice would say. A person squeezed back out from the one directly in front of me and I jumped a little on my tip-toes, excited at the prospect of the line moving forward. So caught up in my musings, I didn't notice the bar grow quieter. The band's music had stopped. The jukebox had started. Steve Miller Band was playing. I hummed along to _The Joker._

"You're doing it wrong," a voice said in my ear. Right in my ear. Lips against lobe, breath against neck. I spun around quickly. Edward.

"Doing what wrong?" I asked breathlessly.

"You don't wait for drinks. I saw you talking to Heidi. I thought she'd tell you." _That grin_, I thought, _that grin is going to be the death of me_. He smelled good, so amazingly good — too good, at least, to have been sweating his ass off on a stage, in front of a packed house. "Liam!"

The person that was standing in line in front of me moved to the side, and as they did, I saw it was the bartender that had waved them to the side. A heavy Irish accent accompanied the hand, as he told the patron, "Terribly sorry, love. Band orders come first. Don't wanna be left waiting for the next set, now do ya?" He grinned toward the pushed-to-the-side customer. "Edward, lad, what'll it be?"

Edward turned me around and pushed me forward, so far forward that my upper abdomen was pressed against the bar when he finally stopped pushing. "Whatever the lady is having — that's on my tab, man." His chest pressed against my back and his arms came to rest on either side of my body. My eyes fought to stay open and I fought not to press against him and his hardness even more than I already was.

"Well then, love, what'll you be having then?"

_Oh, right_, I thought, _that was supposed to be my cue to order_. "Oh, uh, two Bud Lights and two shots of Patrón, straight up. And um, Heidi — she has a tab — wanted a Rolling Rock and a vodka tonic, Absolut."

"Right then. Be right back. Your tab, yeah?" He nodded to Edward. Well, he nodded to me, but I knew it was only directed toward me because Edward's body was pressed so tightly against my own. I could feel every muscle of his chest twitch against my back with every second that passed.

"For the rest of the night, yeah. Go ahead and put Jasper's and mine together. We'll addy up at the end." The bartender nodded before turning away and gathering up our combined drink order. "Oh! Liam! Can I get eight Throw Me Downs?"

"You want those hard?" I grinned — at the fact he had ordered that shot in the first place, and at the offer Liam posed.

"I don't know… Bella? Do we want it hard?" I felt rather than saw his grin. His lips were pressed to my ear again, even though the music from the jukebox was not nearly loud enough to facilitate a need for lip to ear conversations.

"Always. Edward you _always_ order a Throw Me Down, hard. Those are my words of wisdom." He grinned wider. It was again felt and not seen.

"You heard her. Throw Me Down's are always ordered hard. Forgive me, dear Liam, for not doing so in the first place."

"Sounds like a smart woman you got there, Cullen."

"Agreed."

"How long you two been together?"

"Oh — uh — " I began. _Wow_, I thought, _a little flirting and this guy thinks we're together?_ Edward didn't let me finish speaking.

"We're not. Yet. I think she's playing hard-to-get." I blushed as one of his hands left its position on the bar and settled on my jean-covered hip. He pressed against me even more firmly. "What do you think my chances are, Liam?"

"She's a pretty girl to be sure. Got a name, love?"

I bit my lip lightly before setting it free. "Bella."

"Pretty name for a pretty girl."

"She's a little more than pretty."

"Right you are, lad, right you are. So, beautiful Bella, let me just tell you one thing about Cullen here. I've been working in this shit-hole for ten years. This fuck's been playing here for at least five of those ten. He never put a girl on his tab before tonight. Play hard-to-get if you want, love, but he's chasing you for sure. Don't keep him waiting too long."

I blushed at the statement Liam made and at the wink he threw Edward before turning to grab the liquors needed for the shots. Edward's lips pressed against my ear again. "Gotta love it when everyone tries to help you out, huh?"

I shrugged, trying to act nonchalant about the whole thing, but inside I was screaming. I wanted to yell from the top of the tallest building, "Edward Cullen wants me! Me!" Instead, I turned my head slightly and said, "Does their 'help' bother you?"

His hand tightened on my hip and he pulled it toward him. I realized he wanted me to turn around, so, slowly, I did. My face was level with his bulging chest muscles. Hesitantly, I raised my eyes to meet his own. "Quite the contrary, actually. Is all this extra 'help,' helping?"

I laughed. "Jury's still out."

"Damn," he scoffed, grinning. His hand left my hip, trailing lightly up my side to my middle and then left my body completely to rest upon the bar behind me once again. "So… what will it take?"

I shrugged. "Dunno."

"Think about it."

"I will."

His head ducked further toward me. He stood a good foot taller than me so he was already leaning down to be able to look at me. "I'm glad you came. I was starting to worry you'd changed your mind."

I bit my lip. "I almost did."

"Why?" I shrugged. He sighed. "Bella… do you… shit." He exhaled heavily. "Fuck." Another exhale. "Am I… look, I don't — uh — have much experience with this shit — "

"What shit?" _I seriously doubt that's the truth_, I thought, _and I was a little mad he would be lying to me so blatantly_. _He probably had plenty of experience with women_, I thought sadly. I was shocked by the bitterness of my lamentation. I had no right to be mad or upset by his past, or lack thereof. "And really, Edward? I might not have a lot of experience with men, but I know that you have plenty of women throwing themselves at you. I'm not stupid, and I'd appreciate if — "

"No," he said quickly. "No, no. That's not what I meant. Yeah, shit, Bella, there's women. I've been doing this shit for years… of course there's been women. What I meant was… like… _this._ I haven't… ever… tried before."

_Well that certainly clears things up_, I thought sarcastically. I sighed. "I don't understand." I didn't. I wanted clarification.

"What I mean is…" He exhaled heavily again and shook his head. "Okay, well, I've never chased a woman before. I haven't ever really had that problem before — "

"So this is a problem?"

His eyebrows furrowed. I was blowing my chances with him before we even started, of that I was sure, but… he'd succeeded in raising my hackles. "Are you always this argumentative?" I scowled. "Don't answer that. And no… this? Us? Is in no way a problem. I meant that women have always chased me. So I'm new at this. And I'm fumbling. You've gotta cut me some slack."

_So I was right about women throwing themselves at him_, I thought, _and… I was being a complete bitch to him for something he had no control over_. "Sorry… "

"No, don't say that. I just wanted you to know." He shrugged. "I might suck at this shit."

I looked down and a smile spread across my lips. Shrugging, I said, "You're doing pretty good so far. If I weren't so damn argumentative… "

His laughter rang out in the bar area. Heads turned to face us and I caught many a jealous, angry glare coming from the females in the vicinity. _So it's confirmed_, I thought, _and Alice was right_. _He wants… something with me_. What that something is, is still not clear to me. I wasn't sure whether he just wanted sex, or if he just wanted to be friends — which I seriously doubted because of the way he was keeping me pinned to the bar — or if he wanted… more with me. More being a relationship. More being exclusive. More being… everything. I didn't know. I didn't care. What I did know was that if we were going to be anything, I was going to have to get used to the hostile stares from women. The man was gorgeous.

"So… um… you guys were really good tonight." _ Lame_, I thought. But I couldn't think of anything else to say. He disarmed me and made me inarticulate. What was I supposed to do to correct that?

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," he said in his silky-smooth voice. I shivered. His grin went a little more crooked. "I'd venture a guess that the second set will be better than the first."

"Why?" I breathed.

"Because you'll be sitting right up front for it. I won't have to squint to see you." _Oh_, I thought, _that's right_. They asked Heidi and the blonde, Rosalie to save chairs for us. I was giddy at sitting there. "I would have told you before — when I was on stage — but I didn't know how well you would take me calling you out like that. And I'm seriously not trying to ruin my chances with you, right now."

"She, uh… Heidi? Um… she said that you two don't ask for seats to be saved."

"We don't. Or… we haven't ever before."

"Oh."

"So… is that okay? It's like a table for our family or girlfriends to sit at, and I know that you aren't, and Alice isn't, but… I'm kinda hoping we're working up to that?"

I bit my lip again. His eyes zeroed in on the action. "Probably."

"Just probably? Not a "oh, absolutely," or a "hell yes," maybe even a "have babies with me?""

I laughed. "Nah. I'm too young for kids."

He shook his head, grinning. "Most women would probably say some shit like that. How is it that when I finally decide that I want a woman, she ends up being the only woman in Seattle that doesn't want me in return?"

"What?"

"I've been pretty forward, I think, Bella. And you — "

"Trust me, I want you," I said hurriedly and then proceeded to slam my eyes shut in embarrassment. "Fuck."

"Bella." I shook my head. "Bella." I could hear the amusement in his voice. "Bella." _Why can't I keep my mouth shut_, I wondered. "Bella, come on. Look at me, sweetheart."

The term of endearment had my eyes flying back open and finding his. "It's about time you give me some encouragement." _That grin_, I thought, _that grin does things to me_. I didn't think I was entirely comfortable with my body's reaction to it.

"I didn't mean to lead you to believe differently in the first place, Edward. I just… look… I don't… " I sighed, shaking my head. Why couldn't I be clearer? "I'm pretty inexperienced in this department too. And you're… uh… "

"Forward?" I shook my head. "Annoying?" I shook my head. "Not your type?"

"I just don't think that could be true for any woman. You're every woman's type, I'm pretty sure about that."

"I'm not Heidi's type. She's my cousin, that'd be gross. And I'm not Rose's type, though she's not really my type either. She's too… much."

"You know what I mean."

"So what is it then?"

"You — you're just — ugh! Overwhelming?"

"You want me to back off?" As he said this, he began to step away from my body. That was most definitely not what I wanted.

My fingers wound themselves in his belt loops, and once my grip was secure, I pulled him back against me. "No. That's the last thing I want. Just… bear with me? I'm out of practice when it comes to guys."

My eyes watched as his grin softened, becoming so much less predatory and much more encouraging. His hands left the bar behind me and touched my arms tentatively before trailing up my skin, leaving a wake of goose-bumps in their place. He stopped when he reached my neck, and both hands curved around my jaw as his thumbs began to rub, ever so gently, along my jaw line.

I thought I might have been deceived, but I saw his lips moving. Quietly, he sang to me, to me alone. "_Said woman, take it slow, it'll work itself out fine… all we need is just a little patience…_ " I smiled at him. He didn't stop. "_Said sugar, make it slow, and we'll come together fine… all we need is just a little patience… "_ Slowly, ever so slowly, his face moved toward mine. My eyes slammed shut.

My angel pressed his lips to my forehead.

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**okay! four chapters in now... and things are starting to get a little warm... yeah? this was a little break from the drama... i'm pretty sure a lot of you like that. and, uh, hello? edward pinning people to bars... singing in ears... being all sexy and stuff... yeah, break from drama can be good, yeah?**

**this chapter is brought to you today by the very lovely, very sweet, very amazing les16, as i am at the moment on the road between texas and nebraska in a dodge truck with a uhaul strapped to the back being miserable most likely. my husband and i are moving into our apartment this weekend, and had to make a trip to nebraska to get all of our belongings, as they have been in storage since october of '09! i'm so excited to have my own furniture again! ...and to be out of my mother's house... thank you les! i love you so dang much, lady!**

**review replies starting monday, again! (we already have the internet, won't be a break!) teaser on monday at fictionators and adf! talk to me on twitter! (at)tiarwen... you'll get to hear interesting/funny things like how I fell down the stairs looking at our apartment, tried to catch myself, burned two of my fingers(middle finger the skin is gone from, the ring finger is sporting a blister the size of a grape), bruised(like can't grip shit...) between the bones of the pointer and middle fingers of both hands, strained the crap out of my shoulders trying to catch myself (shiiiiit, it hurts so bad) and twisted the crap outta my ankle! that's just on tuesday. on monday i cracked my kneecap trying to run from a bee. so tune in! i hurt myself each and every single day!**

**also! through glass was completed fic of the week for 2/21-2/27 on indie fic pimp's blog! (link is on my profile) if anyone wants to go and read the amazing review they did for it! i'm so damn excited!**

**thank you everyone! for keeping on coming back, and being so awesome in general, hugs and cupcakes to all of you!**

**see you on friday~**

**-Tia**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: All things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer.

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shine – chapter 5 – slide –

And I'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete,  
Little pieces of the nothing that fall,  
Oh, May,  
Put your arms around me,  
What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful.

-Slide, Goo Goo Dolls

"Fuckin' right, brother! What the hell are these?" Emmett yelled as Edward led me to the table, tray full of shots balanced above my head. "And what the heck is this? Weren't you our bartender last night?"

"Yeah, she was. Could you stop yelling, you ass?"

"Well, so, what? You work here, too?" Emmett asked, looking right at me.

"No, she doesn't. She just — "

"She has a voice, you know. And contrary to popular belief, she also knows how to use it," Alice interjected as she sat down in the chair Jasper had just pulled out for her. She raised an eyebrow at Edward before turning a pleasant grin toward Jasper. Then, she said, "Oh, fuck me! Throw Me Downs? Bella, really? You know what happens when I drink those fuckers."

I shrugged. "Take that shit up with Edward. I didn't order them."

"Edward, really? I realize that I suggested it for you... but do you have any clue how much alcohol is in those things?"

Edward glanced toward me. _He looks nervous_, I thought, _and a little afraid of Alice_. I grinned at him. "Uh — no?"

"A shit-ton, that's how much," Alice told him with a sigh. Then she turned to me. "Well? You gonna serve them, or just stand there and look pretty? Or wait, did you forget how to lower a tray? Been behind the bar for too long, huh? I could show you — "

"Fuck off," I said, smiling at her as I did so. I lowered the tray in front of me and started passing shots around the table. "I taught you, bitch. Don't forget that shit."

"Bella, Edward was telling me... your uncle owns Reign? I didn't know that. Rose and I used to hang out there when we were in college to shoot pool," Heidi said as she inspected the shot in front of her. "Should I be scared of this?"

I laughed. "No, it's good. Trust me."

"Yeah, trust her," Edward murmured. I could feel his eyes on me. My bottom lip took up residence between my teeth. "Wanna sit, Bella?"

I looked down and saw that he had pulled out the other unoccupied chair and was standing behind it. _He's waiting for me to sit_, I mused gleefully, _like a gentleman_. "Oh, uh… don't you wanna sit? You've been standing all — "

"So have you."

"Yeah, but — "

"Is she always this argumentative?" Edward asked, facing Alice.

Heidi laughed. "I just asked her that, too!"

Edward shook his head and grinned. Alice rolled her eyes and said, "Yes. You really have no clue. Bella would argue with a fence post."

"I just — "

"Okay, how 'bout this?" He sat down in the chair, which made me happy because he really had been on his feet, and for longer than I had been. However, he seemed to have found another solution — a better one, to be honest. He pulled me onto his lap, resting both his hands on my hips. I blushed furiously and ducked my head. "There, that's better."

"Hey! Dude! You picked up the bartender without telling me? What the fuck?" Emmett exclaimed. He seemed to be a little slow on the uptake.

"Emmett! Jesus, could you be any more clueless?" Rosalie asked. That was the first thing I had heard her say since Edward led me over. I had noticed her stare on me though, and it was more than a little unnerving. So was her voice; she could cut ice with the shrill, unforgiving, cold tone she spoke with.

"What?" Emmett asked. I didn't think that clueless look on his face was made up; he really was a little slow.

"I was only talking about her all night, you fuck," Edward said, laughing. "Leave it to my brother, the moron, to not know what the hell's going on."

"Wait a minute! Dude! I thought you were talking about — "

"Yeah, so, Bella, tell me what's in this shot," Heidi interrupted him. She sent a smile to Edward, whose hands had tightened on my hips while Emmett was speaking. _Who was he talking about_, I wondered. "It smells really good."

"Oh, um… the way we make them is with Crown, Peach Schnapps, and cranberry. Then, if you want it hard, we add Bacardi 151."

Heidi nodded toward me, and pulled her shot glass to her face again, sniffing. She seemed to decide it was safe, however, because she asked, "So… what are we toasting?"

"Who the fuck cares?" Emmett exclaimed, eyeballing his shot glass like a man dying of thirst.

"Emmett," Rosalie warned. _She's kind of a stick in the mud, _I mused.

"Edward and Jasper getting girlfriends," Felix said, laughing. Everyone else at the table – aside from Edward and Jasper – joined in with him. I blushed even darker. "No, seriously, they need all the help they can get."

"Watch it, dick. I got shit on you," Jasper threatened. The grin he was sporting looked to be friendly though. "But! I'll toast to that shit."

"I'll toast to that too," Edward said, lips to my ear again. "Any fucking day, so long as the girl in question is you."

My lip was in serious danger of becoming split because I was biting it so hard. "I don't really think you need a toast to help you with that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good," he murmured. His lips pressed against the skin below my ear. I shivered. "C'mon, sweets, take this shot with me."

I nodded. Jasper piped up before we could toast each other though. "How 'bout we toast to… " He grinned down at Alice, and squatted beside her. He sang, "_The only two things in life that make it worth livin' — "_

"Oh, Jesus. Someone shut him the hell up," Felix muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Really, Jazzman? You're gonna make me sing that gay-ass song again?" Emmett asked, scowling toward Jasper.

"How about... " Rosalie began coolly. She raised her glass toward the center of the table, before raising an eyebrow and passing a glare toward everyone, one at a time, finishing with me. She kept her gaze on me for a beat longer than she did everyone else, and then finally looked back toward her shot glass.

Her glare had worked, everyone had their glasses held high in the center of the table, as well. I shot a glance toward Alice, who was, in turn, shooting a glare toward Rosalie. _Uh-oh, _I thought, _nothing good ever comes of Alice's glare._ "Old reliable... " Rosalie continued. Emmett grinned at her, and together, the two loudly said, "Two tears in a bucket... " Everyone except Alice and I then yelled, "Fuck it!" before clinking their glasses together and pulling them back to take.

I passed another glance toward Alice. She rolled her eyes at me and mouthed the words, "So dumb," before clinking her glass with mine. We were a little slower than everyone else, but not by much.

"Whew! Damn that's good! I'm getting that from now on," said Emmett. "This was your shot... uh, shit, I don't remember your name."

He was looking at Alice. She raised her eyebrows at him. "It's Alice, and no, it's not my shot. I just suggested it. Bella made it."

"Oh! So it's your shot?" he asked, turning his gaze toward me.

"Uh – no. It's just... a shot? From a book? Alice and I thought the name was funny."

"What was the name?"

"Jesus, Emmett," Rosalie murmured, shooting him a frosty glare. "She said it was a Throw Me Down, now could you shut the fuck up for a minute?"

"Oh, uh, sorry... I wasn't paying attention, I guess," Emmett offered. I felt kind of bad for him, he was a little slow, after all.

"No, no worries. We get asked shot names a lot," I told him with a smile. "It's really no big deal. There's this one drink – "

"Don't you boys need to get back on stage?" Rosalie interrupted. "You aren't getting paid to sit around and flirt with groupies."

_Excuse me? A groupie? This bitch is pissing me off, _I raged silently.

Alice, however, wasn't quite so silent. "Look, lady, I don't know you, but you've obviously made your assumptions about me and my friend here. If you want us gone, just say the word and we'll leave. We don't make a habit of staying where we aren't wanted, just so you know. But I'm pretty sure that you _do know_ we were invited. And we aren't fucking groupies. Those are the bitches we walked past outside. The ones still waiting outside. You wanna name call, I'd suggest you do so with them, and leave us out of it."

Rosalie opened her mouth to respond, but Emmett quickly quieted her by pulling her up and out of her chair, and away from the table. Heidi's eyes followed the two, but she quickly turned back and offered a smile toward me and Alice.

"I apologize for Rose. She tends to be a little presumptuous when it comes to these boys and women. Please don't take anything she says to heart. I'm sure once she gets to know you two – "

"Don't apologize for her, Heidi," Edward interrupted, his voice almost a growl. I could feel his chest rumble with every word he spoke. "She needs to learn when to keep her goddamn mouth shut. And she knows damn well that Bella and Alice aren't _groupies._"

I lowered one of my hands from the table top and rested it over the top of Edward's. He was gripping my hips pretty tight; he had been ever since Rosalie interrupted me. I turned my head so only he could hear me, and told him, "It's cool... she has her right to her opinion – "

"No, not on this. Trust me, Bella... I want to get to know you and Rose knows that. She needs to stay the hell out of it."

"But – "

"I'm serious... and... I'm sorry she pulled this shit with you two. I'll talk to her – "

"No! That's what I – "

"You really are that argumentative, aren't you?" he asked me, grinning against the skin of my ear. "Please, let me do this, and don't argue about it. I'm serious when I say I want to know you... in every way that you'll let me."

"I want to know you, too," I murmured, closing my eyes as I relished in the feel of his lips on me. "I just don't want to be the cause if you two disagree. And she's your brother's girlfriend. She's – "

"A pain in my ass, is what she is. And has been for as long as she and Emmett have been dating. Don't worry, okay?" His hand – the one I wasn't covering with my own – traced its way up my back, slowly, before stopping at my shoulder and pulling me tight against him. I shuddered at the feel, willing my eyes to stay open. Being so close to him was unlike anything I had ever felt before.

It never was quite so warm against Jake when we had dated in high school; like a fire spreading from every inch on my body where Edward touched. I had felt safe when I was with Jake, though. He had done his best – along with his father – to make Renee and I feel that way. It wasn't anything I ever questioned; I just knew Jake would take care of me if I should need him. I had felt safe with Jake, and while I couldn't clearly define what I felt, sitting in Edward's lap... pressed so close to his body... _safe_ definitely wasn't it.

But that wasn't all.

I was just drawn to this man. This gorgeous man with his angel voice. His eyes demanded my stare. His voice demanded my attention. His skin demanded my touch. At that point in time, sitting in Edward's lap, I never wanted to be anywhere else. I wanted to sit there, touching him, feeling him... forever.

Always I had known that things wouldn't work with Embry. From the beginning of our relationship, I knew he wasn't the person I was meant to spend my life with. But that wasn't what I was looking for, and neither was he. We dated for fun and companionship, and when it ended, it ended well. I didn't speak to him much anymore, but we were still friends, and I had no reason to believe we wouldn't always be that way. His wife, Bree, knew who I was... she knew of our past... she knew the ins and outs of our relationship better than probably even ourselves, but she knew what she had. Bree wasn't jealous of me, and I certainly wasn't jealous of her.

Sitting there in Edward's lap, I wondered if I could be as gracious as Bree had always been with me. I knew Edward had been with women – he admitted to as much, and I would have to be really dumb to think otherwise – and I knew that I might encounter some of these women if Edward and I were to spend more time with each other. My only worry was of my reaction to them. Would I be spiteful of them? Smug because I was the one on his arm? Or would I pity them for the same reason... that he hadn't chosen them, but me instead?

_I'm definitely thinking too hard, _I thought, _Alice would probably smack me for this._

And that was the crux of it. Because until Edward and I spent more time with one another, I really didn't have any reason to ponder such things. I didn't think, as of now, that he was just out for a fucking partner – nor did I think he would have to work so hard for one – but I wasn't entirely sure which 'more' he was talking about. It was one thing for him to tell me he hoped we were working toward that, and it was one thing for he and his buddies to joke around about him getting a girlfriend, but until he said the words... until he straight up asked me to be his... well, I just couldn't be sure of anything. I needed to stop, and just enjoy my evening... and quit being so damn argumentative. I felt my chances slip away with each argument I pushed forward.

I glanced over toward Alice, hoping she might lend me a little support. She always had; Alice had been there for me through thick and thin. She was staring straight at me, almost as if she were willing me to look her way. I glanced to the right and noticed Jasper jabbering away in her ear. It seemed like she was catching everything he was saying, at least, she would nod when he would pause, but her eyes were firm upon me.

A serene smile formed on her lips as she stared, and then, with the slightest of motions, she nodded her head toward Edward. I understood what she meant, and I knew she was happy for me. Just to reinforce what she was trying to tell me, she mouthed the words – "Too much thinking, not enough drinking" – to me. Then, she rolled her eyes as her smile widened in response to my own before turning her head to face Jasper. I took the hint.

"Hey, so," I began, turning in Edward's lap so that I could sit sideways on top of him, "I'll make you a deal."

He tilted his head as he took in my new position. His eyes raked across my face before dipping down to take in the view my change afforded him. The grin that made me stupid spread across his lips just as his eyes flew upwards, to meet my own. "I like deals."

I grinned back at him, forcing my breathing to remain as normal as possible against the force of his smile. He certainly didn't make it easy on me. "How about... " Willing my blush under control, I brought my hand up to his face and traced my fingers along those lips I was so enamored of. "You promise to buy me dinner... and I'll promise to not be so argumentative – tonight. I make no promises for the future though."

The skin beneath my fingertips stretched as his smile widened. "Dinner?"

_Don't blush, Bella, _I thought, _don't be embarrassed by your proposal. He has given you every reason to believe there would be such things as dinner..._

As casually as possible, I took a deep breath. "Yeah, dinner." Slowly, I traced my fingers across his lips one more time before dragging them gently to his chiseled jaw-line. Cupping his face in my hand, I leaned my head further toward him and said, "Dinner sounds good to me, don't you think?"

He was as cool as a cucumber. "I think breakfast sounds better."

I jerked my body back from him; his fire burned too bright for me. _Is that really all he wants? A sleepover plus breakfast? _I wondered. "Well – "

"Shit," he interrupted, keeping me from spewing my excuses as to why I wouldn't be that for him. Shaking his head, he told me, "That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean, then?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows as I gazed in his direction. I wanted to be forward, to let him know that I wanted to move forward with him. But I wouldn't be just some girl – not for him, not for anyone. I wasn't my sister. "That's not the first time you've said some shit that would lead me to believe I'm nothing more than a "wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am" to you. So, please, enlighten me. Because I'm _not_ that girl."

He shook his head vigorously. "I didn't mean that at all. Shit, I just... I can't say anything right with you. It all comes out sounding insinuating, at best."

"Like I said, enlighten me, then."

Edward sighed, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. "I meant tonight – after the show – breakfast. Just you and me and a short stack of pancakes. Maybe some coffee. Definitely some conversation. Because I've got to go back on stage in like two minutes, and I won't really be able to talk to you tonight. So... I'd like to. Talk. If you wanted?"

"Oh," I breathed. "Sorry, I just – "

"No, don't. I get it, trust me. You don't know me... so you don't know how to take me. I guess I'm just hoping there's a 'yet' at the end of that sentence," he told me, chuckling uncomfortably. "I just want to talk to you. Please?"

_God, I feel like a fool, _I cursed myself, _always jumping to conclusions about everything. _"I'd... really like that... to talk. With you. I'd really like to talk with you – " I cut myself off from my fumbling with a relieved laugh, ducking my head down and trying to get myself composed again. Taking another deep, long breath, I finally told him, "Breakfast sounds good. I love pancakes."

A slow, easy grin found itself gracing his lips again. "Good... I really like pancakes, too."

"Good. Me too." My eyes just wouldn't stop staring at his lips. He probably could have said he liked to eat shit and I would have agreed with him.

"Yeah. I really like pancakes." His tongue peeked out from between those two scrumptious lips and darted from left to right. "Really like them."

My own tongue found itself wetting my lips. "I love them." I finally tore my gaze away from his mouth, willing them to stay open as I focused on his beautiful, jade-green eyes.

He was still looking at my now wet lips. "Yeah." Edward's face was slowly moving toward me. _He's going to kiss me! _I screamed silently. "Really, really like them... " his voice trailed off in a whisper. I could hear it, but I was almost positive it was meant for my ears only. My eyes began to close, slowly, so I could watch him for as long as possible. When he was just a hair's breadth away from touching his lips to mine, he stopped, and whispered, "Bella – "

"Hey, man, sorry, but... we gotta get back on stage now." Both Edward and my head turned to see Jasper standing about a foot away from the two of us. He almost looked as if he were blushing, and he definitely looked like he felt bad for interrupting our... almost kiss. He shuffled his feet and jerked his thumb back toward the stage. "Happy was pretty... well, he said, and I quote: 'If you pussies don't get your pansy asses back on the stage in two or less... I'm firin' the lot of ya.' So... "

"Uh – yeah, I'm coming, man." Edward turned back to face me as Jasper and Felix made their way to the stage. My eyes glanced that way, and found Emmett already standing there, already armed with his bass. "Shit, I'm really sorry, Bella... that's why I wanted to do breakfast. I – shit – I gotta go."

I stood quickly, and gave him a smile to know that I wasn't mad. "Yeah... I was wondering if you were gonna play some music tonight... "

"Oh, you're real fucking funny, you know that?" He sent me a wink though, which totally discounted his sarcastic observation. "You better not go anywhere... "

"Where would I go?"

He gave me another grin, to which I found myself returning, before turning away and making his way to the stage. Two steps away from me is as far as he got, though, before turning right back around and pressing his lips to my forehead, again. My eyes slammed shut and I blew a quick, hot breath from between my lips.

"Thanks... for not running when I turn into a complete jackass," he said against my skin. And then he was gone. By the time my eyes re-opened, my legs all but gave out, and I fell into my chair. It must have been a more graceful fall than I had thought because no one at the table commented. _Thank goodness,_ I thought, _that was embarrassing as hell. _

"So, I've been told to apologize to you," Rosalie said. My head flipped around so fast, I thought it might spin right off. I didn't even know she had come back to the table. And she had been told to apologize to me? "So sorry."

"No, it's – "

"Cool?" she interjected, completely cutting me off. "Yeah, I figured."

_Wow,_ I thought, _she really sounds sorry. Not._

"Did I – "

"Did you what?" she interrupted, again. I could feel my features settling into a glare, one of which Rosalie was returning, ten-fold. "Did you offend me? Did you say something that might have been misconstrued in some way? Did you – "

"Well, obviously I did something. So why don't you cut the shit and tell me what it is." _There, _I thought, _I do have a backbone, bitch, see?_

She raised a perfectly waxed eyebrow at me, turning those ice-blue eyes up a notch. "No, actually you didn't do a thing. It's the ten million girls before you. But there's something about you that he likes. I've yet to see it for myself, but I'm trying. To be honest, you're not even his type."

My glare faltered for a moment at that before I steeled myself for this shit-slinging contest she just had to have with me. "Well, you said it. He sees something he likes in me. So, type or not. You'd best get used to it."

An annoyed look took over her features, but she tried to hide it with a grin. I hadn't asked what she wanted me to, and I knew it. She wanted me to ask how many girls there were before me. She wanted me to ask what the ones before me had done to piss her off. She wanted me to ask what his type was. I wasn't going to play her game. "Yes, I best. Though... I think that little piece of information you're keeping from him? That will ensure that I don't have to get used to you. At all."

My breath caught. _She knows, _I thought, _she remembers who you are._ "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, I think you do." Her gaze flashed toward the stage. Edward had begun speaking to the crowd, thanking them for coming out and introducing whatever song they would be playing next. She knew I wouldn't be able to hear her when the music began. She made sure to strike where it hurt. "Don't worry, Bella. I won't say a thing – you'll get to have your fun with him. So long as you make sure you tell him just who you are, and just what you saw. Just who you keep friends with."

"She's not my – " but the music began, and any defense I would have shown for myself died as the music rose. I felt like I could cry.

Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I screamed that it wasn't my fault my sister was such a shit. That it wasn't my fault she didn't take the feelings of others to heart before acting so rashly. That I shouldn't have to suffer for mistakes she's made in her life. That this woman in front of me... just wasn't being fair. Not to me. And somewhere, in the back of my mind, a smaller voice agreed, and added, that she wasn't really being fair to Edward, either.

The rest of the night, I was consumed by the thoughts running through my head. I couldn't turn them off, not even when I tried my hardest. I couldn't pay attention to the band, though I felt Edward's eyes burning me throughout their performance. Alice tried to drag me to the bathroom on more than one occasion, probably to try and pull me out of the funk that had settled inside of me. I refused her all night long.

Heidi tried to engage me in conversation every chance she could; she tried to coerce me into helping her grab more drinks from the bar, but Rosalie led her off at the pass, each and every time, offering up her own services instead of risking Heidi and I having any alone time with one another. I had a feeling Rosalie was under the impression that Heidi didn't remember me. I didn't know if that was a conversation they had had. Though, I didn't think it possible, considering Heidi hadn't known _I_ would be the girl Edward invited, and neither did Rosalie. I doubted they had had the chance to talk thoroughly about the subject, yet, though it became increasingly obvious as the night went on that Heidi was upset with Rosalie. I just couldn't be sure if it was because of what ultimatum Rosalie had presented me with, or just the general coolness of her attitude earlier.

Alice could have used those times when Rosalie and Heidi left to get more drinks to scoot closer. She could have tried to have a conversation with me – we would have had to have yelled at one another, but we still could have gotten close enough to hear one. She never did, and each time I looked to her, she was staring off distractedly into the distance, never settling on one thing. She was thinking. She knew me well enough to know that I was too.

What I didn't understand, and I... _really _didn't understand... was why Rosalie would feel such a way toward me, when Heidi – who was the one actually affected by what my sister had done – seemed to have forgiven me on sight. Rosalie was wholly condemning, and I wondered if she would hold up her word, or if she would spill the beans to Edward before I ever got the chance to do so myself.

I hadn't really had as much time as I would have liked to consider Heidi's words from earlier. She had said all the boys were pretty upset by what Gianna had done. I could certainly see why, now. Edward and Emmett were Heidi's cousins. The question of how close they were was answered by remembering that night – even as much as I didn't like to – and remembering how the two had stood up for her. How Edward had punched Felix to get him away. To get him to leave. How Emmett had held Heidi close, hugging and comforting her as best as he could.

I remembered Rosalie, clearly. I remembered her standing before Gianna, screaming and yelling at her. Calling her names. _She thinks that about you, too, Bella, _I thought. I knew that to be true now, too. Edward had looked upon me that night with a glare that physically hurt. Rosalie had looked upon me tonight with a glare that broke me. I knew then. If I were to ever have anything, _anything_ with this man... I wouldn't heed Heidi's advice. I would tell him the truth, which I should have already done. I would hope that he was more forgiving than Rosalie led me to believe.

"Hey, you ready to get out of here?" A voice whispered in my ear. Apparently, my skills in observation were lacking this evening, as well. The lights had come on in the bar, and people were gathering their items, getting ready to leave. I looked toward the stage, but all of the guys were gone from it. My head swiveled a bit further, toward Alice, who had asked me if I was ready.

"I think Edward wanted to get breakfast."

"Yeah, he told Jasper he wanted to take you to eat. Jasper asked if he could take me home so Edward and you could do that... but you've been a zombie, Bella. I wanted to offer an escape – if you needed it."

Alice's voice was quiet, but I heard her over the hustle and bustle of the departing crowd. She sat back down in the chair she had been in most of the night, and scooted it close beside me. "Say the word, and we're out of here. And don't pull that bull about me and Jasper, either. I know when you're lost, girl, I've been there before with you. I know what I'm asking."

I looked down toward my lap, fidgeting with my fingers. "Rosalie basically told me that she knows who I am. She remembers me, Alice."

"Who gives a shit what that bitch knows or doesn't know – "

"I'm pretty sure Edward will give a shit."

Alice's finger touched my chin, pulling it upwards, so she could look me in the eye. "If Edward doesn't see what I see when I look at you... if he chooses to see you in a light cast by your sister... then he's not worth this in the first place. You are not your sister, Bella."

I blew out a quick breath. "I know it."

"You say you know, but you don't. You've always let actions of assholes rule your life. You really gonna let Gianna do that to you? That bitch Rosalie?"

"No, I'm gonna tell him. I'm not gonna let her do that."

Alice nodded once, and her eyes took on a hard edge before she told me, "If he hurts you? I will hurt him."

My eyes burned with the tears that wanted to fall. "Alice... "

"No, that's all I'll say. And who knows? He might not be that guy anyway... " she trailed off with a hopeful smile. I didn't miss the way her eyes remained hard, though, or the set of her jaw as she tried, unsuccessfully, to look as happy as she had been at the beginning of the night.

"Yeah," I whispered. I grabbed hold of Alice's hand, squeezing it between the two of mine. "Why do you put up with me?" I asked, drawing in breath and chuckling lightly.

She shrugged. "God only knows. But... I'm pretty sure you remember." Squinting her eyes and smiling, genuinely this time, she said, "We're meant to be."

My chuckles turned in to full-on laughs as I sat there, shaking my head at Alice. She gave me her quirky little Alice-grin before glancing around the room, and settling on one spot. "Our chariots await, methinks."

I followed the nod she threw and found Edward and Jasper, standing close to the door. Both were surrounded by scantily-clad women, and both couldn't look more bored by them if they tried. Their eyes were sharp though, the only parts of their bodies that were showing any signs of awareness, and they were trained on Alice and myself.

"Guess we better head that way."

"Wait! You didn't tell me whether you actually _want_ to go to go to eat with him or not! Tell me now, before I get over there and become possessed by the very rare blue that is Jasper's eyes."

I laughed at her. "They just look blue to me, Alice."

She rolled her eyes at me. "That's because you're too busy staring into that awkward green that is Edward's eyes."

"They're not awkward! They're actually quite – "

"Yeah, yeah. Question. Answer, please."

I sighed. "I'm pretty sure I want to go eat with him. I'm just not so sure I'm looking forward to the conversation that will most likely take place."

She grabbed hold of the arm closest to her, and whispered urgently to me, "A word of advice? I wouldn't have that conversation tonight. Tomorrow, maybe. But you've both been drinking tonight – him way more than you – and while you tend to be argumentative on your most sober of days, it's like times a thousand when you've been drinking. And we don't know enough about Edward, yet, to know how short his temper is or isn't. I would wait if I were you, Bella. Just... talk tonight. Get to know each other. Think about it, okay?"

_Alice is right, _I thought, _if we have that conversation tonight, I'm most assured I won't ever speak to or see Edward again._

I nodded to let her know I would think about it, and Alice, knowing me as well as she did, left it at that. As we made our way to the guys, I looked around the bar, at the patrons still inside, to see if I might find Heidi to apologize for my lack of participation in conversation tonight. She wasn't anywhere – not that I could see – but I did happen to spot Rosalie.

She was talking to two other blondes, both of them undoubtedly beautiful. They were obviously sisters; both were the same height, and shared the exact same shade of blue-gray eyes. They were even dressed remarkably similar, albeit completely trashy, at least, in my opinion. The only identifying marker I could find between the two was the shade of blonde in their hair. One was platinum-blonde; the other strawberry-blonde. Both turned glares on me at the exact same time.

So did Rosalie, along with a smirk that told me she wanted me gone.

"You ready?" Edward asked as soon as I had made it to him. "Sorry, I don't mean to rush you – "

"I'm ready, trust me."

I relaxed as soon as my angel laid his hand upon the small of my back and led me out of that damn bar.

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**and the shit gets thicker. doesn't it always? whatcha thinkin'? me? personally? i think bella should tell rosalie to stuff something very uncomfortable up her ass and be done with it. **

**thank you to every single one of you (which there are a lot! I'm pretty shocked/amazed!) who've put shine on alert and/or favorited! you guys! making me get all sentimental... mucho mucho mucho thanks to all of you who are leaving me such wonderful words in your reviews! you guys! you make my whole face smile big and dopey like! thank you so fucking much!**

**teaser! with review replies (these are short, so don't get too excited, but hey, I like teasers)... teaser! up on fictionators blog (www(dot)fictionators(dot)com) and a different forest (adifferentforest(dot)com) on monday! (these are longer, so go ahead and get excited... :p) next chapter makes me very happy... it's going to be hard not to give it to you early. just sayin! also, if any of you hear about this story or through glass through some form of a rec – please let me know where/how, in a review or in a pm, idc which, so that I can thank whoever rec'd it to you, okay? thanks!**

**last thing, i swear! through glass (my other story for those of you who haven't read it... and if you haven't... don't if you're squicky about pairings other than bella/edward – you've been warned, hah!) was completed fic of the week at the indie fic pimps blog (www(dot)IndieFicPimp(dot)blogspot(dot)com) last week! (i was bummed because they were all about the love on twitter (at)tiarwen (if you wanna follow me – i'm pushy with the making you follow me) and i was on the damn road for almost all of it and missed a lot), but now! it's on the ballot for the march readalong so! if you wanna go on over there and vote for meeeeeeeeeeee. (i'm way too excited about this...) oh yeah... the link! (www(dot)surveymonkey(dot)com(forward / slash)s(forward / slash)SH855PN)**

**i lurve you all way too much! see ya on friday!**

**~tia**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: All thing that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**I wasn't sure if it was the right time to post a story update, with the devastation going on right now... my prayers go out to everyone the earthquake and tsunami are affecting – God be with you all. I wish there was more that I could do to help. I hope, at least, to everyone reading this update, that it makes you all smile.

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shine – chapter 6 – don't tell me –

You held my hand and walked me home, I know,  
Why you gave me that kiss it was something like this that made me go oh oh,  
You wiped my tears, got rid of all my fears, why did you have to go?  
Guess it wasn't enough to take up some of my love,  
Guys are so hard to trust,  
Did I not tell you that I'm not like that girl?  
The one who gives it all away, yeah...

-Don't Tell Me, Avril Lavigne

"So... I don't know about you, but... uh... I don't think I'm good to drive, right now," Edward said, chuckling uncomfortably while rubbing the back of his neck with a hand. "I... didn't think very far ahead... sorry."

I gave him a smile, hoping against hope he could tell I wasn't mad. Not at all, really. I was more worried that he might not want anything to do with me for very much longer. "Well, Alice and I came in a cab. So... if you were looking to bum a ride, you'd be out of luck."

His hand fell from the fidgety type rubbing he was doing and reached forward, grabbing hold of my own and linking our fingers before I even knew what was going on. "That answers that question. Cab it is." And then he was pulling me after him, toward the line of cabs waiting on the street. "I didn't know how you felt about taxis, thanks for clearing that up for me."

I laughed. I hoped it didn't sound forced, but the way my hand felt against his was pretty much taking up all of my concentration. And when I lose concentration... I tend to spout off random nonsense. "How I felt about taxis?" I laughed a little harder, my mind was finding this really funny, for some reason. "Does someone you know have a thing against taxis?"

He opened the door to the closest one, grinning at me as he helped me inside. "First things first," he said as he took his seat next to me. "IHOP or Denny's?"

"Going all out for breakfast, huh?" I volleyed, smiling at his sparkling eyes. He looked... really happy. He absolutely could have just been really drunk, but he wasn't slurring his words, and his actions weren't sloppy.

"If I said I would make us pancakes, you'd probably slap me, and tell me you're not that kind of girl again." He lifted his arm and draped it around my shoulders, loosely. "So, I figure I'll leave it to the next best thing."

"Think you know me so well, huh?" I turned my head to face him again, tearing my eyes from the hand now resting on my upper arm. "IHOP?"

Edward looked me straight in the eyes. "Sounds good." He turned toward the driver, who was probably getting pretty impatient with us, but I couldn't bring myself to care. "IHOP, I don't care which."

"That's a pretty bold statement, ya know."

His eyes found mine again as he leaned his head a tad closer. Not close enough to kiss, but close enough to whisper. I liked the way he thought. "Explain that."

"You first."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Taxis? Phobias?"

"Oh!" That grin that made me stupid spread across his lips, and he tilted his head even closer. "My mom." He rolled his eyes. "She's this... shit, I don't know. I feel really bad talking shit about her, but she's this... really big snob. I don't know for certain... but I'm pretty sure she thinks she's "above" riding in taxis... or any form of public transportation, really. She gets this look on her face... like she just smelled something really, _really_ bad whenever the words taxi and bus come up." A sharp laugh burst from him; it wasn't entirely pleasant sounding.

"You sound a little bitter."

"Maybe I am a little. She's always set some pretty high expectations for people in her family. I haven't met any of them."

I angled my head, questioningly. "What did she expect of you?"

He took a deep breath. "Well, she met my father at college... and they both graduated – with honors, no less... so she expected both me and Emmett to attend and graduate from some college. She thought she was bending by not making us choose her alma mater." He rolled his eyes again, and smiled a different smile than I had seen him smile before; it looked fake and forced and not like him at all.

"And?"

"And I didn't go. At all. I never applied to a college at all. So... she's had me on her shit list since I was eighteen. Let me tell ya... ten years on Esme Cullen's shit list is a _really_ long time."

"Huh."

He laughed again; it sounded more like him this time. "What does 'huh' mean?"

I smiled sheepishly at him. "It doesn't really mean anything... well, it does, but I don't want to come off sounding like a... something, I don't know."

"Now I really want to know."

I shook my head at him. "No... I just... has she heard you? Sing? Has she heard your band play?"

"Yeah, she has."

"How can you still be on her shit list, then? You guys are amazing together."

"So amazing that we're still playing the bar scene in Seattle and Tacoma? We haven't been signed, Bella. We came close once... but... shit happens. Doesn't matter, anyway, even if we do make it one day... it probably won't be enough for her."

I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to sort what I knew of his mother out. Well, at least in comparison to my mother. Renee had never set any expectations of myself or Gianna. So, when I graduated from college, Renee was ecstatic. She said she had never been so proud in all of her life. I wasn't doing anything with my college education now, though, but she still made sure to tell me, every chance she got, how proud she was of me. I couldn't imagine living a life where I felt unsure of my mother or what she wanted or expected of me.

"I didn't mean to put a damper on this. Really, I'm sorry, Bella." _No worries, Edward, _I thought, _the damper was put on way before you opened your mouth._

But of course I couldn't say that. Instead, I grinned ruefully at him and shook my head. "You didn't, trust me. I just... you got me thinking about my own mom... stuff... I don't know."

He returned my grin. "So what did you mean about IHOP?"

I chuckled. "Well... Alice and I frequent pancake houses, ya know. When we get off work, we usually go hang out at one... unwind... eat... laugh about the night... but, we've learned that not all IHOPs are created equal."

"Created equal?" he questioned, laughing.

I sat up a little straighter, causing his hand to fall off of my arm and land on my waist. I tried to pretend I didn't notice. "Yeah! Like... if... okay," I started, preparing my spiel about the IHOPs Alice and I frequented. "Like if you go to the one on East Madison... you know that you're going to be standing in line for, like, ever, and probably in front of and behind a transvestite prostitute. But you aren't really sure if it's a transvestite, so you don't say anything because that would be rude." His laughter gave me pause.

"I'm pretty sure I'd know," he boasted.

"Well, if we end up there, tonight, I'll remember to ask your opinion," I shot back at him. "But that's not all... that one is also famous for having staff provided by King County and/or Washington State. So, you have to get used to that."

"Convicts?"

"Ex, gosh, Edward. IHOP isn't so desperate to staff their establishments that they would set up a program to bus cons to and fro facilities."

"Ah, I see... so... I'm going to garner a guess that you and Alice don't frequent the East Madison location?"

"Only if the parking lots of the other two we frequent are filled beyond capacity. It doesn't happen often because usually by the time we get finished cleaning up the bar... all the drunks have gone home already."

He nodded, biting his lip through his grin. "Where else?"

"I knew you really wanted to know," I snarked, returning his lip-biting-grin. "Well... we also go to the one on Aurora, but... it's _always_ under new management. And the manager is _never_ there. So the service sucks. But! The bonus to this one... is that the cops like to frequent it also, so the hookers don't."

"That's your first choice?"

"Oh, no... that would be the one on International. Close to Seatac?"

"That's a little out of your way, isn't it?"

"We justify that by the fact that the coffee will always be hot and not day-old, the bacon is never rubbery, the pancakes are always cooked fresh, the syrup jars are never sticky, and they serve everyone with a smile."

"Wow... you two have thought a lot about this haven't you?"

"Of course."

The hand resting on my waist squeezed. "You two are close."

Willing my blush away – though in reality it probably wouldn't matter because of the dark atmosphere of the cab – I told him, "Alice and I have known each other for a long time. We've pretty much been inseparable since we met. My family thinks of her like another member... and hers is the same way with me."

"That's really cool. Not to sound girly... but... Jasper and I are kinda the same way. Since – "

"IHOP. That'll be fifteen dollars," the cab driver interrupted. "I rounded down since you two didn't make a mess."

Edward chuckled, grabbing money out of his wallet to pay the man. "Thanks, man."

"Sure thing."

He helped me out of the car and, again like before, grabbed and linked our hands. "So... Aurora it is. Guess you won't get a chance to test my transvestite spotting skills tonight."

I laughed and rolled my eyes at him. "Guess not. And damn! I was really looking forward to proving you wrong."

Like a gentleman, he pulled the door open and held it for me. "Well, there's always next time," he said before turning to the hostess and requesting a table for two while I tried not to let it bother me that there might not be a next time.

Amazingly enough, we were led right to a table and handed our menus. I was grateful for the opportunity to hide my face from him. I didn't want him to see the look of disappointment I was sure now resided on my face. I was really beginning to hate my sister. I mean, I already kind of hated her – for her choices and her mistakes and how she made our mother feel – but now... _now_ all the things she had done wrong in her life were directly affecting my own. I really hoped Edward wasn't a complete douchebag when I told him what I knew. Who I was.

"You gonna hide behind that menu all night?" His voice, thank goodness, didn't sound upset but rather amused.

I slammed my menu down flat on the table, missing hitting Edward's head by only about an inch, embarrassingly enough. Shrugging, I told him, "Couldn't decide what I wanted. Sorry I almost hit you... "

He raised his eyebrows at me and sent me a smirk. "You say you're sorry... but are you? Really? You don't look sorry."

"How does sorry look?"

"Not like you."

"How do you know?"

His smirk turned into a good-natured smile. "Change of subject."

Biting my lip, I asked, "What would our new subject be?"

He huffed a laugh. "Your uncle."

I giggled at his frightened face. "Are you afraid of James?"

He shrugged. "Maybe a little. He's... ah... he's a little scary, to be honest."

A wide smile crossed my lips. "He's not really scary... he just... he takes care of people. That's what James has always done. If he even remotely likes you... he takes care of you."

"So that whole... yelling at you to not flirt with me yesterday... "

"No," I said, laughing, "that was him making me work. James is a very strict boss."

"Yeah, I saw how strict he was, letting you drink yesterday." His voice was teasing, taunting.

"Yesterday was... difficult."

"Because of your sister?"

A sharp pain pierced my heart at the mention of Gianna. We definitely weren't going to talk about her tonight. I was saved, by the server _finally_ coming by to take our order. It gave me time to think of how to answer without going all into it about Gianna. Alice was right, tonight wasn't the night, and maybe, just maybe, if I allowed him to get to know me before finding out about Gianna... maybe I'd stand a chance with him.

When the server left with our order, though, Edward was watching me expectantly. So, I answered with, "Yes, because of my sister, and _that_... is a story for another day."

"I get that," he replied immediately. "I'm like that with some things... like... you know you'll have to talk about them at one point, but... you just don't have the strength for the subject right then."

I chuckled a bit at that. "That's... uh... wow, that's a pretty perfect description about why I don't want to talk about Gianna tonight."

"Gianna is your sister's name? Oh, never mind," he quickly countered, chuckling. "Not talking about her tonight, I remember." He winked and grinned. "So then... safe subject? I've told you something my mother... you tell me something about yours."

_Okay, _I thought, _Renee is definitely a subject I can talk about._

And so I told him about Renee growing up in Seattle and working at the family bar. I told him about Charlie, and how they met. I told him about growing up in Forks, and moving away. I told him about school with Alice – and we laughed about attending the same high school – and about graduating from college. I told him why I worked at the bar, even though I was a college graduate. And all throughout my stories of growing up and moving and schooling and friendships... I never once told him a thing about Gianna.

"Wow... that really must've been hard... losing your father like that," he said when I had finished. In between sips of coffee, he would either laugh or nod at me, and I never questioned the fact that I had his whole attention.

"It was." I nodded, pursing my lips. "Charlie was... well, he was one of my favorite people. I didn't really have a "best friend" when I lived in Forks. Friends, sure, but no one like Alice. So... I guess... he was my one of my greatest friends then. But he never let me forget that he was my father first."

"He sounds incredible."

"Well, I was his baby girl, so of course I thought he hung the moon."

A wide smile formed on his lips. "And what would he think of his baby girl sitting at IHOP with someone like me at this hour?"

I laughed. "Are you looking for approval? I'm pretty sure if I were to call Renee, she'd answer, and you could ask her for it."

He scratched at his ear and shook his head. "Nah... maybe we'll wait to do the "meet the parents" thing. At least, ya know, until after I buy you dinner."

"I thought we decided on this breakfast instead of dinner."

"Man, and you said you wouldn't be argumentative."

I bit my lip and smiled. "Damn... I did say that, didn't I?"

"That you did... so... I think that entitles me to another piece of information about you."

My jaw dropped. "Are you serious? I've been sitting here telling you all about my family... I've hardly heard a thing about you."

"Okay," he replied, nodding. "Ask away, but I still get more from you when you're done questioning me."

"That's fair."

The server showed up with our food then, but I was kind of glad for the interruption. It gave me a chance to figure out exactly what I wanted to ask.

I decided on the perfect question. "What kind of syrup do you prefer?"

"Straight with the heavy questions, huh?" he asked me in return, grinning.

"It's very important."

Alice and I had decided long ago that you could tell a lot about a person by what kind of syrup they used on their pancakes. I, of course, always went for the maple; traditional, sweet, goes good with just about any combination of pancakes – not that I used it on all of them, but if I were to use syrup, the maple is the way I would go. Alice, who had always been a little eccentric and a lot creative always chose the strawberry – if regular pancakes, or the blueberry – if chocolate chip pancakes, to which I always told her was disgusting. She never ordered the same kind of pancakes and very rarely went near the maple – unless she was feeling "blah." Of course I took offense to that and we argued vehemently on the subject, finally deciding that maple wasn't for everyone.

But it was for me, and Alice and I decided long ago that the person you're with should agree on what kind of syrup to use on pancakes. So this? Was a damn good question.

He sighed, loudly. "I'm a traditional guy. I always go for the maple."

My smile probably would probably crack my face in half if it got any bigger. "There's nothing wrong with tradition. I use maple myself."

"On every type of pancake?" _Oh, man,_ I thought, _he almost sounds too good to be true... playing along with my silly questions._

"Well... now that depends. If I get plain pancakes, yes. Blueberry pancakes, yes. Any other type of pancake I just butter, and don't use syrup at all."

"You ruin blueberry pancakes with syrup?"

I scowled at him. "It's not ruining, it's bringing out the natural flavors."

He shook his head. "It's disgusting! I'm totally with you on no syrup on other things... but I can't be down with dredging blueberry goodness through syrup."

"I'll get you to try it someday. You'll like it."

"Someday, huh? Does that mean another breakfast date?"

"Thought we decided on dinner."

"Thought you weren't gonna argue anymore."

"For tonight. And that wasn't arguing. That was stating fact."

"Actually... you never agreed to dinner with me, so it isn't a fact. Yet."

I chuckled at his grin – he must have known how stupid that grin made me – and began to nod at him. "Well, here's me agreeing to dinner. So there."

He shook his head at my nod. "Doesn't dismiss the fact that you were arguing. Ask me another question."

"Hmm... is Emmett your only brother?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, thank God. One sibling is one too many for me. Though... so far as they go, he's not too bad."

_Yeah, _I thought, _one sibling is one too many for me, too._

"What's the age difference between you guys?"

"Are you trying to ask me how old I am?"

I laughed. "No, I've come to the conclusion that you're twenty-eight... you said earlier that you'd been on your mother's shit list since you were eighteen, and followed that up by saying it had been ten years."

I shrugged at his raised eyebrows. "You really pay attention, don't you?"

My brows furrowed as I asked, "Am I not supposed to?"

"No," he said, shaking his head, "I mean, yes, but, I'm not used to that."

"People paying attention to you? I'm gonna go with, that's a lie, because everyone was paying attention to you tonight."

He snorted, strangely enough, it didn't sound unattractive coming from him. "No, I mean, to conversation. Yeah, I'm pretty used to be the center of attention on stage... but... women aren't usually paying attention to my mouth when I'm off-stage."

"Oh," I said, smiling suggestively and waggling my eyebrows at him, "so you're used to groupies, huh? Only interested in one thing?"

"Ugh," he said, laughing and scowling at the same time. "Don't do that! You make me feel like a creep!"

"Well, I think you'll find... that I'm nothing like... most of... _those_ kind of girls."

"I think I've already figured that out, actually."

"Good," I quipped, nodding once to emphasize. "So... back to my question... "

He blew a long stream of breath from his mouth and squinted his eyes. "Emmett's thirty."

"Damn, you really had to think hard about that."

"Fuck, I know... I was actually trying to remember the last time I celebrated his birthday with him. Since him and Rose have been going out... she's pretty much dominated his life."

Her name was the equivalent of dumping a cooler full of ice-cold water on me. My back straightened. My face blanked. My fists squeezed tight. Stiffly, I asked, "And how long have they been dating?"

"Too damn long – hey... I really am sorry for how she acted tonight. I'm gonna – "

"No, it's cool... she... apologized."

"Yeah, I know how her apologies go. Doesn't matter because she knew how excited I was – "

"Can I ask you something?" Anything to change this subject.

"Sure... "

"Why? I mean, why were you excited? Why did you even ask me? I mean – "

"You mean, what is it about you that had me so riled up?"

I couldn't will the blush away this time. It flared up on my cheeks and my chest, leaving me feeling awkward... and immature. "Yeah... "

"Well... I noticed you as soon as you and Alice pulled up in the parking lot yesterday... that truck is loud as hell, you know that right?"

I rolled my eyes. "I hate that truck."

He grinned. "You were just... I don't know... I don't wanna sound condescending or anything, but... you're cute as hell. Surely you know that."

"Rosalie said I wasn't your type." _Good job, mouth, _I thought, _just spew nonsensical questions that I don't want the answer to._

"Typically... yeah, she's right... you aren't my normal type."

"Then why? And what is your normal type?" _Oh. My. God. Shut the hell up, Bella, _I raged silently.

He chuckled and shook his head at me. "I'm not answering the second question... because it doesn't matter. I'm... crazy attracted to you... so much so... I'm thinking I've had my type wrong all along."

I scratched my head. "That sounds like bull. Just sayin'."

His head stopped shaking and began nodding. "It kinda does, yeah." He grinned and shrugged. "But it's what I'm feeling. It's the truth, whether you believe me or not."

I huffed a breath and rolled my eyes. "Okay, well, moving on from that... I still don't understand why you asked me to come tonight."

Edward covered his mouth with his hand and scrubbed his fingers across his jaw. "Well... like I said... I thought you were cute as hell. But then you looked at me... don't even deny that you were checking me out." That blush? Bloomed brighter. "And that. You blushed. Damn, do you know the last time I saw a woman blush? I don't. Before you? Yesterday? I honestly can't remember."

I looked at him incredulously. "You asked me because I blushed?"

"Well, yeah... I've gotten so fucking sick of women just... geez, they have no couth, anymore. They walk around in the smallest pieces of clothing they can possibly find... they parade themselves... just put themselves on display... I, well, shit... I'm sick and tired of women being these open fucking books. They leave nothing to the imagination, anymore. What you see in public is what you'll get in private, and after awhile... it's just... tiresome."

"So you're tired of your type and you want to try something different."

He grinned. "You're being argumentative again. And no. It's not that I'm tired of any particular type – mine or someone else's. I just thought... here's a beautiful girl. She blushes. She doesn't openly flirt with me. She gets offended when I come on too strong. She's obviously loved by those around her. And when I touched you? It burned. I know you felt that too."

Quietly, I told him, "Yeah, I did. I kinda thought it was my imagination, though."

"I did too, until I looked at your face and saw your expression. So why did I ask you, Bella? Because there's something there... you know it... I know it... and I'm gonna ride it out... for as long as you let me."

He didn't say anything else. He just sat and stared; perhaps he was waiting for me to say something, and I knew I should, but I couldn't. All I could think about, right then and there, was that he was who I wanted. Who I needed. Who I would choose to stand beside, because everything I had ever believed about fate and love and right and wrong... he said. There was something there... there always had been something there for me. That was the reason I hadn't been able to forget about him. That was the reason my eyes found him in the crowd. That was the reason we were sitting here, with each other, right now.

Much like Alice... we were meant to be.

Somehow, some way, we had found our way into each others' lives... twice now. I could only hope he would feel the same way when I told him what I had promised myself and Rosalie and Alice that I would. For tonight... for now, though, I had to believe that fate wouldn't be so cruel. That fate wouldn't land him in my life twice just to rip him away once all the pieces of the puzzle were revealed.

"Wow... " I finally said, smiling and fidgeting and totally taken by this man. "That's... uh... yeah, that's wow."

He laughed. "I'm pretty wowed myself, actually. Looks like I finally found the right words for you to get my point across."

I smiled bigger. "Those words were pretty perfect... "

"I aim for perfection."

"You nailed it."

"So I didn't come on too strong for you?"

"I'd say... just about strong enough."

"Good."

"Yeah... " I cleared my throat. "So... I think you've pretty much earned more information... if you still wanted it."

He leaned forward on his elbows and clasped his hands together underneath his chin. "I want it all, actually." That grin that made me stupid formed again on his lips. "But for now... I think I'll settle with... why did you accept? You didn't seem too particularly thrilled about Alice giving me your number... and then I'm pretty sure I pissed you off after... so... what? Did you take pity on me or something?" He chuckled uncomfortably.

I shook my head. "I think I was more in shock that you asked for my number than anything else. Too shocked to be thrilled or pissed or... well... anything." I laughed, scrunching my nose at the memory of my bumbling self. "But, no, I'm glad Alice was there... to do what I was too brain-dead to do myself. And yeah... you did kinda piss me off... but only because I didn't want you to assume something about me that most definitely isn't true."

"So... you don't typically just sleep around. Yeah, I think you've made that quite clear by now."

Shaking my head again, I told him, "No, I don't. Never have... never will. I know all too well about girls that do that sort of thing... and, well, I don't judge them – that's how they choose to live their lives, this is how I choose to live mine – but I certainly don't envy them, and I won't ever want to be that way."

"Sounds like you've known a few of them."

_A few, _I thought, _but one in particular. _"It's hard not to at least see them when you work at a bar. They come out at night, ya know."

He laughed. "So I've been told."

"Known a few yourself?" I teased.

"I plead the fifth," he replied, grinning. "So... don't take offense, please, but... have you... ever... I mean you don't seem like a... well... "

I burst out laughing. "Am I a virgin?" He nodded, blushing a little himself. "Oh my goodness... I wish you could see yourself right now... "

"Don't make fun... "

"But you're blushing!"

"Yeah, well, you blush all the time... and I told you that I wasn't entirely sure how to act around you... "

"So asking me if I've had sex makes you blush... " I nodded to myself. "Good to know. And to answer you... no, I'm not. A virgin. But I'm far from around the block."

"How many?"

"You tell me how big your number is, and I'll tell you how big my number is."

"You're arguing again."

"I'm negotiating, there's a difference."

"Okay, then, how about you finish the first part of this line of questioning," he told me, laughing and shaking his head at my stubbornness. "You never did explain why you agreed to come out tonight... "

Setting my lips into a purse, I pretended to think about my answer. The truth was, I was powerless to turn him down in regards to his request. Seeing as I had harbored a certain amount of lust – and dare I say, infatuation – with the man for years... any request to spend time with him – involving more than a one night stand – I was hopeless to say no to. However, I didn't know how comfortable I was with telling him how long I had thought of him like that... how much he affected me at first sight.

"Is it that hard to figure out?" he asked teasingly, but there was a hint of unease in his voice. Was he really that unsure whether or not I wanted to be here with him?

I shrugged. "No, it's just... " I sighed, collecting my thoughts, so that I could say what I wanted, and not what just wanted to spew from between my lips. "You... " I paused, laughing a bit at the obviousness of what I was about to say. "You know how gorgeous you are, don't you?"

It was his turn to shrug. "I admit to being confident in the way I look and act, but... it's still nice to hear a beautiful girl tell you that you're gorgeous."

I smiled and bit my lip at the grin he threw my way. "Well, you are."

"So you said yes because you think I'm hot?"

I chuckled. "No... well, no, not entirely. Yes, I think you're hot... but... your confidence is apparent, and... when a confident man somehow manages to sound a little desperate when asking you out – kinda, at least, really you just asked me to come watch you play – it does something to a girl. I just... well... I couldn't not say yes."

"Hmm... "

I laughed, rolling my eyes at his non-response, but waited to allow him a chance to say something in return. After about a minute of nothing but Edward smiling down at his coffee mug, I decided to take matters into my own hands. "What the heck does hmm mean?"

He chuckled – probably at my impatience – but looked up to meet my eye. Shrugging, he told me, "It's flattering, that's all."

"Flattering?"

"Yeah, flattering," he responded, laughing. "I've been pretty clear, Bella. So to hear you say that – that you had to say yes – well... kinda makes me feel like we're on the same page here. Because I couldn't not ask you."

My cheeks bloomed bright red and my eyes dropped to the table. I cursed myself for doubting that I was drawing Edward to me just as much as he was pulling me to him. Alice's words from the first time we spoke ran through my head again, "_We're meant to be," _and, just like then, I couldn't question them. Something had landed Edward in my life again and I'd be damned if I was going to let this chance slip by. I needed to tell him about Gianna, and now was looking like a pretty good time.

Clearing my throat, I prepared to tell him what I had been keeping to myself, but Edward must have sensed a heavy conversation brewing because he spoke before I could get a word out.

"Before you say anything... and I've known enough women to tell you... clearing the throat? That shit always means you're about to talk about something you don't really want to," he said hurriedly. I shook my head – even though he was completely right, I didn't want to talk about it – and opened my mouth to tell him we needed to talk about this, but he wasn't having that. "No, don't shake your head at me. That's arguing... and you promised."

"Edward – "

"Nope. Not gonna talk about whatever-the-hell it is you seem so hell-bent on hashing out. I'm not even going to pretend to know what it is – I don't." He laughed again and rubbed the back of his neck, much like he had at the beginning of the night. "Trust me... this won't be the last time you and me are around each other... on a date – "

"So you do consider this a date?"

"Well, what else would you call it?"

I shrugged. "It's just nice to have confirmation."

"Shit, Bella... I thought... well, fuck. When I asked you last night? To come to see us play? This has been a date for me the whole night."

My lip went between my teeth again, only this time it was to keep the goofy fucking smile off of my face. "I'm, uh... yeah. I'm pretty happy to hear that."

He laughed again. "Good... so... maybe we'll continue whatever the throat clearing thing was about... like... third date?"

I joined him in his laughter. "Will that be breakfast, lunch or dinner?"

"Depends on how much you argue with me between now and then."

I still wanted to tell him about Gianna. About being Gianna's sister and what my sister had done when I was seventeen with the drummer of Edward's band. The drummer dating Edward's cousin. And I knew I was on a time limit – what with Rosalie delivering not-so-veiled threats. Now, more than ever, I hated who my sister had become.

Edward insisted on paying the tab, stating that he had been the one to ask me out to eat in the first place. I argued – even though he said I had promised not to argue... I argued that technically the date was over then – that he had payed my tab at the bar as well, and he responded with the same answer. That he had been the one to ask me to the bar first. He finally conceded to let me give him some money for the taxi ride to my, well Vicky's, apartment before it took him on to his own home.

We talked the whole way on the drive over. Edward was full of stories about growing up with Emmett, and then once they hit high school, with Felix. Felix's father, Marcus, was the head coach of the football team at Franklin when Edward, Emmett, and Felix had been enrolled, and all three had played under him. Edward would tell me about getting away with anything and everything because Emmett was the coach's sons best friend... and Felix was right there to make sure they went above and beyond in everything they pulled.

Then there were the stories of after high school, when all three went through their partying stage. I laughed at that, and asked if they weren't still going through it. Edward told me that it was nothing now like it was back then... they had all done things they weren't proud of. _Yeah, apparently, _I thought, _like cheating on your girlfriend. _Of course, I didn't say anything, but Edward must have sensed I was about to – I was going to give him shit later for knowing so damn much about women and their gestures – because, like before, he changed the subject.

He made sure to make me laugh the rest of the way. I assumed it was to keep my mind off of the heavy brewing inside. He succeeded. Apparently, Emmett went through a phase right before he met Rosalie – I cringed at her name, and I was pretty sure Edward noticed – in which he became obsessed with Kevin Smith movies. Edward told me Emmett owned every single one, but the holy grail for him was _Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. _He told me of one time, in which he and Emmett were waiting for their mother – of all things – outside of the mall. There was a sale and Mrs. Cullen couldn't miss it, but she complained of her car being broken down. Emmett had been all too glad to escort her, but he insisted Edward ride along. Outside of the store, Emmett proceeded to grin at a passing woman, wait for her to get a good distance away, slap Edward as hard as he could to make sure he had his attention, and then yell, as loud as possible, "Yo baby! You ever had your asshole licked by a fat guy in an overcoat?"

I fell over in the seat I was laughing so hard. I laughed until the taxi driver banged on the dashboard to get our attention long enough to tell us we had arrived at Vicky's apartment. I began laughing again as Edward helped me out of the taxi and I stumbled over my own two feet. He just wrapped an arm around my waist and held me up straight as he turned and asked the taxi driver to wait, and then walked to me the apartment door.

Once I saw where I was, I stopped laughing. Once I realized my night of magic with Edward was now over, I couldn't laugh anymore. I was sad. I didn't want it to end.

"So... any chance I might could see you tomorrow?" he asked, grinning at me.

But I knew the answer, and I had a feeling his grin might disappear when I told him no. "While I would absolutely love to see you... Momma always does Sunday lunch at her house. It's, like, required. Unless you want Renee's wrath. Which you don't. Ever."

"I'll remember that." He didn't look upset at all, which I was grateful for. I was afraid he might think I was blowing him off, which couldn't be further from the truth. My mother's house wasn't always the most pleasant place to be these days. "So... when can I see you again?"

"You do have my number, ya know."

"I'd rather leave here tonight with an idea of when, though... "

I smiled. "You want me bad, don't you?"

It's actually quite surprising I finished that sentence. It seemed as if the minute the words "want me" were out of my mouth, Edward had my back pressed against the door, his body pressed against mine. His weight was resting on his elbows – which were planted on both sides of my head – as he leaned into me. "You... just... have no fucking clue how much I want you."

My pulse quickened. My breathing stuttered. My eyes fell into half-open slits and I was staring at him through a haze of lust. My whole body felt like it was ablaze. I tilted my face up toward his, looking at him through my eyelashes, I whispered, "How much?"

His head moved, ever so slowly, downward, tilting closer and closer to my own. Angling his head to the right – and still moving closer – he told me in a whisper, "There's no words... "

I angled my head as well, and tipped my lips even closer to his own. "There's always words... "

Edward shook his head, but only slightly, not enough to deter him from his course – my lips, of that I was absolutely fucking sure now. "No, sweetheart... not for you. I just – "

But I couldn't let him finish. Not after he called me sweetheart right before he was about to kiss me. Not while his chest was still pressed to mine. Not while his body was surrounding me with its warmth. No, I couldn't let him finish. So, I pressed my lips to his and just... breathed him in.

His lips parted right away, but not enough for any sort of tongue play – not from either of us – just enough to cradle my top lip between the two of his, much like I was doing with his bottom lip. For the longest moment, neither of us moved. We just stood there, pressed against each other in every way possible. Electricity hummed and fire burned and skin sizzled and fireworks exploded in the space between where his lips ended and mine began.

_If a chaste kiss like this makes me feel this way, I wonder how anything more, uh – involved will feel, _I thought. But not the wonder of more, and not the promise of the feelings more would invoke in me could have made my body move or my lips sway. I was frozen at his touch. He seemed to be frozen too, because he wasn't moving either.

I hadn't the slightest clue as to how long we stood there, just the press of our lips against each other, but when his head tilted further, and his lips moved against mine, I came to life. My hands unclenched from the fists I didn't even know they had been clenched in, my chest expanded with the much needed breath I didn't even know I had needed, and my lips moved against his.

Edward's mouth was so fucking soft. I didn't think a mans mouth was supposed to be that soft – I had always thought soft lips were reserved for women, because Jake and Embry had never felt so down-like against my own. Edward's kiss was so fucking slow. I didn't know men could kiss like that – all the men I had kissed had certainly never kissed me quite so hesitantly, so excruciatingly slow. I never wanted to forget this moment – ever.

So while I was contemplating how hard it might be to lock this time in my mind, I missed the honk of the taxi driver. Surely if I had heard it, I would have cursed him, or flipped him off, or told him to go fuck himself. Instead I was left leaning against my door, Edward's quiet goodbye lingering on my lips.

All I could think was that my angel had made everything in this world... so right.

* * *

**i has teh tingles. i had them when i was writing this, actually... so! all of you guys who reviewed last chap got this message – for the rest of you awesome ppl that are reading this little story... i'm sure that by now you think i'm drawing THAT conversation out for the sake of drama, but i swear to you all, it's coming, and soon. there are just a few things that need to happen first – such is life – and everyone, remember... at this point, it's only been two days. they met yesterday (to his knowledge) and then the bar/breakfast date this night. looks like for the most part, you guys are pretty sure that edward is going to react badly, but no one is completely sure why, i understand. full explanations will be given, from his mouth, as to any reaction he will have and why. there won't be any confusion on the matter, but there will, almost definitely, be differing opinions on it. **

**thank you so much to everyone who is reading, has alerted, favorited or reviewed... you guys! Ttly making my day, your reactions are what it's all about – I lurve them!**

**thank you so so so much to les16 for pre-reading this for me, and you can all thank her for nothing being cut out. (i thought it was too long, she told me she'd kill me if i cut any.) okay, so she didn't say THAT... but only because she's too nice. she ttly wanted to. trust me, i know her. **

**now go read her story _The Greatest Gift, _because it's incredible. and hot. and mysterious. and hot. and incredible. and hot.**

**last thing, i swear! through glass (my other story for those of you who haven't read it... and if you haven't... don't if you're squicky about pairings other than bella/edward – you've been warned, hah!) was completed fic of the week at the indie fic pimps blog (www(dot)IndieFicPimp(dot)blogspot(dot)com) last week! (i was bummed because they were all about the love on twitter (at)tiarwen (if you wanna follow me – i'm pushy with the making you follow me) and i was on the damn road for almost all of it and missed a lot), but now! it's on the ballot for the march readalong so! if you wanna go on over there and vote for meeeeeeeeeeee. (i'm way too excited about this...) oh yeah... the link! (www(dot)surveymonkey(dot)com(forward / slash)s(forward / slash)SH855PN)**

**i lurve you all way too much! see ya on friday!**

**~tia**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: All things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer.

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**

shine – chapter 7 – send the pain below –

I liked having hurt, so send the pain below where I need it,  
You used to beg me to take care of thing, and smile at the thought of me failing.  
But long before, having hurt, I'd send the pain below,  
I'd send the pain below...  
Much like suffocating.

-Send The Pain Below, Chevelle

"Be right back," he whispered against my lips. My eyes flew open at his words – just in time to see him running back towards the taxi. I blinked repeatedly to clear the fog, and was just about to run after him when I saw his hand bang the top of the cab twice before the car drove away. Edward spun back around to face me and, even in the dark, it was impossible to miss the wild, unadulterated look of lust in his eyes. His legs were carrying him toward me, and before I knew it, I was wrapped in his embrace.

"I promise I'm not expecting anything," he whispered against the skin of my neck before sealing them with a kiss against the most sensitive of areas there. His knees were bent; his legs were surrounding my own and I could feel the lines of muscles running through them because of how tightly they were pressed against me. "I just... I'm not really ready to say goodbye to you."

He continued to press kisses against the skin of my neck, and was seriously affecting my speech skills, but I wanted to tell him not to stop and how much I didn't want him to leave, either. I wanted to tell him to never stop kissing me. I wanted to tell him to to kiss me in other places... touch me in other places. Instead, I mumbled, "I – gah – um – mmm – no – don't – yes – right there... "

He seemed to get the message, though. I felt his hand reach into my pocket and pluck out the key to Vicky's apartment. He held it up as he pulled his face back, and didn't stop staring into my eyes until I nodded for him to go ahead and open the door. However, as soon as I had nodded, his lips were back on my skin – back to the skin of my lips this time. This time, my lips did part, and wide enough to allow my tongue to peek through and caress that soft, soft skin of Edward's lips.

"Oh, fuck me," Edward groaned, all while managing to keep his lips tight against mine. Rather than feel him trying to get the key in the door, I heard it. He couldn't find the lock, and while that was kind of funny, and I was extremely flattered that it was _me_ keeping him so preoccupied, I couldn't think of anything else because, right then, his tongue came out to play with my own.

"Ah," I breathed into his mouth. He was sweet inside of his mouth too – sugar from the coffee and the maple syrup mixed with... _him._ There wasn't a particular flavor to describe Edward, or at least, no flavor I had ever tasted. If amazing were a flavor, that would be what Edward would taste like.

Just then, the click of the lock sounded in the air, breaking into the labored breathing and quiet sighs and moans of the two of us. I pulled my face back to look upon Edward. His mouth was open in the smallest of "o's," his cheeks were flushed – I was sure my own were as well, his eyes were half-lidded, and even not being able to look through his eyes... I could tell his vision was as blurred as my own was. We were lost in each other.

"Do you... I mean... you do... want... to come in? You do, right?" I blabbered in a whisper. My eyes slammed shut – why must I always embarrass myself? "I mean – "

"Bella," he breathed, cutting me off. "Bella, sweetheart, look at me."

His fingers touched the skin of my jaw, tracing circular patterns as he waited for me to open my eyes. I didn't want to. I was so fucking afraid of opening my eyes, because I knew it was only a matter of time before I embarrassed myself again. However, I knew that he wouldn't continue speaking until I did so, so, open my eyes, I did.

He was staring at me with an intensity that I definitely wasn't prepared for. I could see so much swimming in the depths of the green. And in the light from the porch, they looked almost emerald. I wondered what they would look like in the black of the bedroom.

_No, Bella,_ I chastised myself silently, _you definitely don't need to be thinking like that right now. You are not, will not, absolutely won't be that girl that sleeps with a guy after one damn night. _

"I do want to come in," Edward said, finally. "But... I want to say – straight up? I'm not gonna try anything tonight... I'm serious about this. About us. I want more than just that... "

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Then... maybe we should go inside? We'd at least be more comfortable... " I trailed off, chuckling uncomfortably. Shrugging and blushing – the heat from my cheeks really was getting to be a bit too much – I backed up a step, pushing the door open with my shoulder in the process. Edward didn't move though, instead just standing there, furrowing his eyebrows and looking like he was much too deep in though about something. My fingers linked through his belt loops and tugged, reminiscent of the action at the bar earlier in the evening. I was met with no resistance. "What are you thinking about?"

One of his hands came to rest on the junction between my shoulder and neck, and the other reached toward the door to the apartment, closing it as he stepped through fully. Once it was completely shut, he leaned against it and tugged me back to him with the other hand. I still hadn't let go of his belt loops, and I didn't have any intention of letting go anytime soon.

He shook his head as I pushed my body against his and tipped my face up to look at him. "Just wondering how hard it's gonna be to walk away from you tonight and _not_ have you... "

"You have me... you know that, right?" I clapped myself on the back for being able to speak actual sentences again.

"I'm getting used to the idea... but I didn't exactly mean like that... I meant, like _have you... _" He emphasized his words by doing a rather slow, calculated sweep of my body with his eyes, and finished with a roguish grin with a side of waggling eyebrows.

I giggled – _giggled – _at his display and pushed off of him. Grabbing hold of his hands, I walked him into the apartment. Most people would be taking in the surroundings, asking about this or that or the other (and I wasn't looking forward to giving him an explanation as to why I was staying at my uncle's girlfriends apartment instead of my own) but Edward didn't ask anything. Edward didn't look away from me one time.

When I had made it to the couch, I made to sit down, but was quickly pulled back. I watched as Edward quickly sat down first, and then pulled me to sit astride him; my breathing instantly began to stutter again.

"Maybe if you're on top of me... " he started, slowly and lowly, his eyes roaming my body again. "I won't be tempted to take advantage of the situation... "

"Hmm... " I hummed, not minding this position. Nope, not one bit. _Careful, Bella, _I thought, _don't lead the angel on. _I sighed. I didn't want to lead him on at all, and I wasn't someone that would ever sleep with someone so quickly, or take such a situation lightly, but... I did want him, and it was getting harder by the second to slow down what was happening between us. "Edward – "

"No, don't," he interrupted, "don't freak on me. Just... " He didn't finish whatever he was going to say. He just pulled my body forward, with both of his hands and pushed his lips against mine again. He also managed to move his hands, in the process of pulling me to him, down my back to my hips, where he left them, squeezing me tightly. "Mmm, fuck, Bella... "

I sighed into his mouth, pulling his bottom lip in between both of mine and sucking it ever so gently. My tongue was operating on a mind of its very own – running back and forth against that soft, bottom lip of his. I tilted my head to the side, and took another pull at him. His amazing taste was invading all of my sense, making me light-headed and dizzy and warm. Warm, so warm... everywhere.

"Bella... " he whispered against my skin. "Fuck... " he managed to breathe out while I sucked even harder on his lip. "You – you're driving me insane, sweets... "

My hands couldn't stay still anymore; they began to roam along the muscles in his arms and shoulders. A gentle touch, which was surprising even to myself because there was nothing gentle about what was going on with our mouths. Edward was so hard, so hard... everywhere but his mouth... and his hair, I realized as I pulled my fingers through his golden, reddish brown locks. For as much as it stuck up everywhere, always, I had thought it would feel coarse, rough, but it wasn't. Edward's hair was softer than mine or anyone else's I had ever met and felt... I was almost jealous, but then his hands were tightening on my hips even more, and pushing me down and towards him and every which way that coincided with the hardness between his legs. That, I could feel perfectly... and I could feel it right where I wanted it.

"Edward – shit – I – ah – "

"Shh, Bella," he whispered, pressing a soft, gentle kiss against my lips. So different from the bruising kisses we had been inflicting on each other. "Shh... just feel... feel me, baby... right... ah – right there, fuck yes... "

Edward groaned as I pushed my hips myself, no longer needing his hands to guide me toward what I wanted – what we both wanted, apparently. I rocked back and forth against him, harder and slower and softer and quicker and everything all at once. His hands left my hips then, making their way upwards, hesitantly, toward my chest.

I found this funny, to an extent. Here we were, bumping uglies down bottom, but he was afraid to touch my tits? I almost laughed, but then he was there, and cupping them gently in his hands.

"Oh, shit... Bella," he said, but his voice sounded off. I pulled my head away from him so I could look into his eyes and see what might be the matter. I didn't really want to stop kissing this man, or stop the motion of my hips, but he really didn't sound like himself. "Bella?" No, he didn't sound like himself at all. He sounded like... "Bella! We have to get up!" Alice! He sounded like Alice.

_What the hell,_ I wondered, _why the fuck does he sound like Alice?_

"Isabella Marie Swan! I'm fucking serious! We're gonna be late for lunch at Renee's! You have GOT to get up... like an hour ago!"

I blinked. I wasn't on the couch. I was in bed. I certainly wasn't sitting on top of Edward, no, Alice was sitting on top of me. And it wasn't dark in this room; the light shining through the window next to the bed was bright as fuck, and more than a little annoying. As was Alice.

"What the _fuck_, Alice?"

"You heard me! We're gonna be late! _C'mon!_ We still have to run by our apartment and get something to change in to!"

"_Shit!_ Shit, shit, _shit!"_

I was up and out of that bed faster than I thought I had ever moved in my life, so fast I managed to knock Alice right on her ass in the process. Even as pissed off as I was that I had been pulled from one of the best dreams of my life – one I wished, more than I should, were real – I was more afraid at Renee's reaction if we were late to lunch. I sped to the bathroom, brushed my hair while I was brushing my teeth, and ran a warm washcloth over my face before following Alice out the front door.

I was wishing we had thought ahead a little more, and brought more clothes with us to Vicky's when we came to stay, but we had been in such a hurry to get ready for work and out of the apartment that we just hadn't had the time. It hadn't been an issue until this morning, but now we were going to have to rush to make it on time.

"Wanna skip RPS?" Alice asked, and even though we were in a hurry, if there was a chance I might not have to drive our POS truck, well, I was going to take it.

"Nah, c'mon," I told her. We pumped our fists three times and, of course, Alice rocked my scissors and won. I sighed and made my way around to the driver's side. As I was climbing into the POS, I looked over at Alice and mumbled, "One of these days... I'm gonna fucking win."

"Not today, though," she chirped, and like almost everything else, I had to admit she was right. "So, wanna tell me about breakfast with Sexy Eddie?"

"It's Edward."

"Ooh... defensive much?" I glanced toward her, finding her smirking at me and rolled my eyes. "Seriously, Bella, I wanna know."

I sighed again. At least the traffic wasn't bad this morning. Most people were either at church or at home nursing a hangover at this time of morning on Sunday. "It was good."

Alice huffed. "God! You piss me off so fucking bad! Tell me!"

"Tell you what?"

"Well, where'd y'all go?"

"IHOP."

"Good choice," she replied, nodding. "Which one?"

I laughed. "He told the taxi driver he didn't care." Alice gasped. "I know right? I told him he was brave for that."

"As you should! Did you inform him of the difference between some of them?"

"Yeah, and... I'm pretty sure he believed me. Also, he told me his mom is a really big snob who is all disappointed in him and she has some kind of taxi phobia."

"Jasper mentioned her. Esme Cullen... you've heard of her, right?"

"Um... no? Why? Should I have?"

"Well, yeah... I mean, she's on the society pages almost every Sunday... Edward didn't tell you this?"

"He didn't seem to really want to talk about his mother. You know... like I didn't really want to talk about Gianna?"

"Ah, answers that question. So you decided to wait on that conversation?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I decided you were probably right... so we just... talked. Ya know?"

"So it was good?"

"Better."

"Best?"

I sighed. "Better."

"Wow," Alice breathed. "So... was that why you were so pissed when I woke you up? Dreaming of him and all the things you wanna do to him, huh?"

"Uh – yeah... I uh – "

"Oh fuck me... is our door open?"

I had been driving without really noticing where I was going because I knew the way from Vicky's apartment to our own so well – I could probably drive it with my eyes close, so I hadn't noticed we were home already. My eyes flew to our front door, and, sure enough, found it open.

"Do you think someone broke in?"

"Doesn't look broken in... "

"No, it just looks wide fucking open. What the hell?"

I opened the door and went to jump out, but Alice's hand on my arm pulled me back before I could. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to go see what's going on, that's what I'm doing." I had already glanced around the parking lot, and there wasn't any sign of Demetri's GTO, so I wasn't particularly worried.

"Uh – no you aren't. Don't you think we should call James? The last time we were here – "

"We don't have time for that. If it makes you feel better, then you call James, but I'm going to see what the hell is going on." And with that I jumped out of the truck and began my short – albeit slower than normal – walk to the front door of mine and Alice's apartment. I could hear Alice yelling after me, but she wasn't getting out, which I was actually glad for. I hoped she might actually call James, but I couldn't think about that right now because I was just almost to the door.

It wasn't wide open or anything like Alice had exaggerated – just open a crack or so. I tried to jog my memory, to try and remember if Alice and I had left in such a hurry the other day that we hadn't thought... hadn't locked it and maybe the wind blew it open... hadn't closed it all the way... we had been rushing so it was possible. There was still the voice in the back of my head telling me that James would have never let us do something so irresponsible, he would have made us make sure it was locked soundly.

_That's right, Bella, _I chastised myself, _James would have most definitely made you make sure because it was a dangerous situation... just like what you're willingly walking into right now._

I shook my head, clearing those thoughts right out. I couldn't think about how dangerous this situation might be, not while I was about to walk right into it. And really... it could be nothing.

A hand grabbed hold of my arm and I was just able to maintain my shriek of surprise. Looking down at the hand and back up, I found Alice standing beside me, out of breath and wild-eyed. "Jesus, don't you listen? I just told you James is on his way... him and Vicky were out shopping, they aren't far away."

"We're right there, Alice. The door is _right there._ Don't you – "

"I'd rather be safe. And I'd rather you be safe too." Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked at the door. I was sure she was trying to decipher what might be hidden behind it. "Is that... "

"What?"

"Shh... "

I squinted one eye at her, but heeded her advice. When I spoke again, it was in a whisper, "What do you see?"

"I think... Bella, I think I see Gianna." Her eyes tightened as she continued to stare at the door, or rather through the crack where the door was open. "Shit, I'm pretty sure that's her. She's – or someone who looks like her – it looks like... shit... it looks like she's passed out on the floor in there."

"What?" I moved closer to Alice, to try to see what she was able to from where she was standing. Sure enough, laying there, sprawled out on the floor, was my sister. I was positive. "Son of a bitch!"

I ripped my arm from Alice's grasp and marched hotly into our apartment. Alice's warnings went unheard in my ears as soon as I opened the door fully.

Gianna was a mess, that was the first thing I noticed. There were black smudges of make-up all around her eyes, but it streaked even further – down her cheeks to her jaw line, with smudges running off in the areas of her nose and lips. Bruises were blooming on both cheeks, bright green and yellow, with hints of purple, blue and black mixed in. It looked as if her nose might be broken – it didn't seem to be resting at a natural angle any longer, and her lip was split and caked with dried blood. Her hair was matted to her head; it looked dirty and uncombed... it even looked like she was missing some – chunks seemed to be gone from her head.

My eyes traveled down; her neck was lined with bruises as well, it looked as if someone had had their hands wrapped around it, squeezing. Her clothes were ripped and torn and dirty and grimy and leaving stains on my carpet. So was her blood. And her make-up.

But the thing that _really_ caught my attention, the thing that made any compassion for my sister fly out the window, was the needle... still stuck in the bend of her elbow.

I had known that Gianna did speed. It was impossible not to know that it was her drug of choice, but I had also never noticed track marks anywhere on her where one might notice such things. I knew the ways of doing those kinds of drugs, though I had never partaken of any myself, I heard things, and I knew things – I wasn't completely naïve. I had always figured Gianna to be a snorter or a smoker or a popper of her drugs, and maybe she always had been before now, but obviously she had moved up a notch in the scale of bad things to do to herself.

I didn't even know it it _was _speed inside of that needle. If it _was_ speed inside of her bloodstream now... but I was guessing it wasn't. You didn't pass out once you've injected yourself with _speed, _you pass out when you inject yourself with _heroin._ And I was pretty sure my sister had moved up a notch on that scale as well.

I huffed a breath. "Shit."

"What the fuck, Bells? Didn't Alice tell you – oh shit," James started with a roar and ended with a whisper. "Is that a fucking needle in her goddamn arm?"

I stepped forward, unaware of the positions of the other people in the room with me now. Squatting down beside Gianna, I reached two fingers out to find her pulse – I didn't even know if she was alive... Pressing those two fingers against the pulse point on her neck, I found a rhythm there and breathed a short sigh of relief. "She's alive... "

"Barely," murmured Vicky.

From the corner of my eye, I saw James squat down next to me. "What do you want to do, Bells? She can't stay here... "

"Hell no, she can't," demanded Alice. "Bella – "

"I don't think she overdosed," I interrupted. "I don't know how she got all these bruises... but I don't think this is what an overdose looks like... "

"I don't think she overdosed, Bella... but I'm pretty sure that's not speed in that needle. You know that, right?" Victoria asked.

I nodded. With a sigh, I said, "I know it."

"Then – "

"Doesn't matter, Vicky," James cut in. "Bells? What do you want to do?"

And that was the question, really. I had stood by and let my sister fuck up her life and the lives of those around her for years. I had stood by and watched her smoke and snort and drink herself into oblivion, and not give a good goddamn about anyone else. I had stood by and and watched as she let a man beat her ass to the ground, and all because he could give her the only thing that she cared about. I had stood by long enough.

That wasn't all. Because of the shit that Gianna had been doing all these years... because of the mistakes she had made – one, in particular – I might lose what I had waited for. Lose what _I _wanted. And that just wasn't fair. I had given up enough for this sad girl in front of me. I wasn't going to give up anything else. I certainly wasn't going to let her stick around our mother now that she was doing heroin... or, at least, it looked as if she was doing heroin. I knew that once she crossed that line, the only way forward was down.

I was done with her.

"Call the police."

Alice gasped. Victoria gasped. James laid a hand on my arm. "Bells... "

"I didn't give her a key... Alice didn't give her a key... I don't know how she managed to get in, but she did. She's trespassing. Call the police. I'm sure they'll appreciate the chance to confiscate whatever-the-hell she's got on her, as well."

"But Nay – " James started, quietly. I knew he would be worried about Renee, but I couldn't... _wouldn't_ let my older sister pull this shit around my mother. And if she had done it once, it was only a matter of time before she did it again... and again... and again, until there was nothing left of her or me or Momma or anyone else I loved.

"Fine, I'll call them." Standing quickly, I reached for my phone inside of my pocket. There was a missed text message, but I couldn't be bothered to check it right then, I was too consumed with calling the police.

"Bella, Vicky's outside on the phone with the police. Chill," Alice told me, calmly. "You want me to call Renee?"

A pang of hurt stabbed at my heart. Momma wasn't going to take this well. I shook my head. "I've got it."

Slipping back outside and spotting Victoria murmuring on the phone to my right, I moved to the left, for some semblance of privacy.

Momma answered quickly. "_Isabella Marie Swan, you better not be calling to cancel! I've been trying to get a hold of your sister all morning and she's not – "_

"I don't think Alice and I are gonna make it on time, Momma, but we will be there... sometime today... "

I knew she could hear that my voice was off, my mother had always been perceptive. _"Has something happened? What's the matter?"_

I sighed, softly. "It's Gianna. Alice and I found her in our apartment today – "

"_What do you mean you found her? Were you not staying at your apartment? Bella Marie, you better not have been out with some boy... "_

_Oh if you only knew, Momma, _I thought. And I was silently cursing myself for trying to keep things from my mother in the first place. James and I were picky about what we would tell Renee in regards to Gianna and what we wouldn't. If we were more open with her, maybe what I was about to tell her wouldn't come as quite a shock.

"I was out with a boy last night, but not sleeping with him," I huffed. "I had a date, so did Alice. But we stayed at Vicky's because – "

Renee chuckled her familiar chuckle in my ear. _"Aren't you girls a little old to still be having sleepovers?"_

"Yeah... it wasn't a sleepover... we've been there for a couple of nights. See, Momma, the other morning I found Gianna outside my door... she was really messed up – "

Renee gasped, _"Isabella! You found your sister but didn't bother to call me? I've been worried sick!"_ I didn't say anything for a minute, just let her work through her short burst of anger. _"What else? Obviously, you've been keeping things from me... I want to know what's going on."_

I sighed, because I knew, _knew_ when she heard even the slightest of what was going on, she would want to know the rest. "Momma... look, it's... it's pretty bad. Gianna's done a lot... Uncle James and I – "

"_James? You mean to tell me that my brother has been keeping things from me as well?_"

"Momma – "

"_I would like for both of you to be over here for lunch, now. It's obvious we have a lot to talk about._"

"I'll tell him, and we'll tell you everything – "

"_You're damn right you will! I can't believe this!_"

"But... first... " I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what would come next – yelling, and a lot of it. "First we have to wait for the police."

"_Police? What in God's name...? Isabella Marie Swan, why in the hell are the police on their way?_"

"Because I asked for someone to call them." Because I was pressing charges against my sister. Because I've been keeping things from my mother that may or may not have directly affected what was going on today. Because I was a terrible daughter who had lied to her own mother's face and called it good because I had though I was protecting her. "Because I'm having Gianna arrested."

Indecipherable yelling sounded through the phone at my ear. I didn't try to interrupt her, that would have been the stupidest thing ever – I had warned Edward about Renee's wrath, I learned a long time ago to heed my own advice. Except that I hadn't, not really. I had been keeping how bad Gianna had become from her because I felt that my mother had enough on her plate. I wasn't alone in that decision, James had felt the same way, and James, being James, wanted to do whatever he could to protect his older sister from unnecessary heartbreak. We were about to hand her all that heartache in one swift punch though, and for that, I was seriously regretting ever keeping it from her in the first place.

"Bells?" James called quietly. I knew he could see the phone pulled from my ear, and having known my mother for longer than I had, he knew what the verbal lashing I was receiving was like. He was being quiet so she would unleash one on him. He would find out soon enough that I was coming completely clean with my mother – no more lies. "She pissed?"

I rolled my eyes at him and pulled the phone away further so I could mask our conversation from Renee. "What do you think?" He pursed his lips and nodded. "By the way... she's pissed at both of us."

"Shit."

"I know it."

"_Isabella Marie!_" Renee shouted loud enough that I heard her even holding the phone as far away as I was. "_Bella, I'm not playing! You better – _"

"Yeah, Momma... I'm here, sorry... I was just talking to Uncle James – "

"_Good, he's there. Saves me a phone call. I'm serious, Bella, you two better get your asses over here quick. I'm freaking out."_

I could hear in her voice just how much she was freaking out, and it made me feel even worse about keeping things from her. I hadn't done it to hurt her – I never wanted to hurt her. Not telling her everything was the way I thought would be best to accomplish just that.

I was obviously wrong.

"We'll be there as soon as we can – I promise. We just need to wait on the cops – "

"_Look... I'm only going to ask you this once, and I'm going to trust your judgment on the subject... and I'm sure once you tell me everything, I'll probably agree... but... is having your sister arrested really the best option? Isn't there – "_

"Trust me, it's for the best. I promise you'll understand. I know you probably think I'm being... irrational, maybe, I don't know. But – "

"_Just stop there... I don't think I can handle any more half-truths from you right now. If you and James think it's best... then it must be... but know that I don't understand. So hurry, and when you get here, we're all going to have a very, very long talk. Do we understand each other?"_

"Yes, ma'am. We understand each other perfectly."

"_Good. I'll see you soon. Sooner if possible."_ And with that, my mother hung up on me.

I could remember very few times in my life where Renee had actually hung up on someone. She thought it was a terribly rude thing to do to someone. The last time she had done so was when Charlie's parents had found out that Renee planned to move herself and me from Forks to Seattle. They hadn't been pleased – far from it, actually. Heated words were exchanged, the end of which was Nana Swan accusing Renee of trying to steal away the last of Charlie from them. We all knew the truth. We all knew that was the farthest from the truth that could actually be possible. Renee had hung up on Nana Swan then, and while she never let me lose touch with my paternal grandparents, she didn't actually speak more words than, "I thought you might like to talk to your granddaughter," before handing the phone over to me for the longest time. Almost half a year passed before Nana Swan sucked it up and apologized, and Renee accepted wholeheartedly, however, she wasn't one to back down when she felt she was right, or when she felt she had been wronged.

I knew, without a doubt, that that was exactly how my mother was feeling right then.

"She pissed?"

"What do you think? And you already asked me that."

James exhaled heavily. "Vicky said the cops'll be here soon... but... Bells? Just so you know... they might not do anything about her breaking in. There's no proof but your and Alice's word that neither of you let her in or gave her a key."

I nodded. "Yeah, I know, but they'll be quite interested in the fact that she's got illegal substances running through her veins. Aside from that... there's no telling what she's actually got on her. Anyway... surely the cops know who she is... who she hangs with... they made it sound like they keep tabs on Demetri twenty-four-seven. Surely they'll like the fact that his "girlfriend" is being picked up for breaking and entering. I don't care, James. I'm sick of this shit. Maybe this will be the straw that broke the camel's back, ya know?"

"Doubt it."

I huffed. "Thanks for the show of fucking support. Ass."

James rolled his eyes and shook his head. "You know what I mean. Don't act like a child, Bells, you're the furthest thing from. Gianna's not gonna learn... she's too far gone. That's what I mean. And – bitch-out that's coming from Nay aside – I'm glad we're finally gonna tell her all that's fucking going on. Maybe she'll finally make the right call where your sister is concerned."

"She knows Gianna does drugs. She knows Gianna is an alcoholic. She knows – "

"Yeah, she knows all that. But Gianna doesn't show up at Renee's all fucked up like she shows up at your place. Renee hasn't had this shit thrown in her face... and now... I don't think we've been doing her any favors keeping it from her."

"Now you think that... but you were fully fucking supportive of doing _just that_ until this morning."

"Slow your roll. And that's true... but, honestly? I never fucking thought Gianna would go this far... I was wrong, okay?"

I sighed softly and squeezed my eyes shut. It felt like my life had turned into a nightmare in the span of an hour. I couldn't believe this. "We both were wrong... sorry I snapped at you."

"S'okay."

Just then, a squad car pulled into the parking lot, and any room for more conversation on the matter was not possible. Both officers greeted the four of us, went inside to have a look around, and then came back out, letting us know that they would be arresting Gianna.

None of the four of us had touched her – except for me, to check her pulse – and we let them know that. They didn't doubt our statements, and they were going to arrest her for breaking and entering because they had found tampering to mine and Alice's front door, but they were also going to charge her with possession. Lovely. Gianna, when searched, had two bags on her – one containing what looked and was assumed to be heroin, but would be checked at the lab, and the other containing what looked and was assumed to be speed, which would also be checked.

The officers took into evidence all that was laying around her, along with the needle they pulled from her arm, and the rubber tourniquet she had tied around her arm. They then proceeded to read her her rights, even though she was just then coming around, and not enough really to know what was going on. Her eyes were blinking crazily slow, her pupils looked like pinpoints when I actually could see them. She couldn't walk on her own, so after handcuffing her, each officer took an arm, and led her to the backseat of the cruiser. They thanked us for our time, apologized for any inconvenience _my own sister_ might have caused us, and drove away with Gianna.

Two arms wrapped around me and a chest came into contact with my back. The smell of Alice invaded my senses as she squeezed me tightly and offered me reassuring words.

I had no idea how I was supposed to tell my mother who, or rather, what she had raised.

* * *

**yes, yes, i realize i'm a very cruel person. cockblocking you all like that and then the lack of edward... however! i just want to take this minute to remind everyone that there's a whole story going on here! it's not going to be completely about edward and bella and their journey, though I realize that will be most everyone's favorite part!**

**thank you so much to everyone who is reading this – those who have alerted/favorited me or the story, you guys are awesome! and to those leaving me reviews, thank you thank you thank you! i get so excited when i get a review alert... but i think i might have a mini-panic-attack every time someone reviews this chapter... i'm quite nervous as to the reactions you all will have.**

**i ttly forgot to dedicate last chapter to sarah! she knew it was for her, but i just wanted to say that it was... you never fail to make me laugh or make my day better! (and i ttly check yes, btw.)**

**mucho thanks to les16 for pre-reading this mess for me, and calming down my ever-growing nerves. thanks so much, lady!**

**short teasers in review replies and longer teasers will be up on monday at adifferentforest and the fictionators blog!**

**(****www(dot)fictionators(dot)com** **) (adifferentforest(dot)com) **

**see you all on friday (or sooner on twitter~)**

**:) tia**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: All things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer.

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– shine – chapter 8 – epiphany –

So I speak to you in riddles, 'cause my words get in my way,  
I smoke the whole thing to my head, and feel it wash away,  
'Cause I can't take anymore of this, I want to come apart,  
Or dig myself a little hole inside your precious heart,  
'Cause it's always raining in my heard, forget all the thing I should have said.

-Epiphany, Staind

The silence was fucking _deafening._ Renee hadn't spoken a single word since James and I had stopped talking, and she didn't really speak before that, either. She didn't look at us either – just sat there, staring blankly at no one and nothing. I was at a loss as to what more to say to her.

I, myself, had spilled the beans about how many times Gianna had shown up at mine and Alice's, messed up on drugs or alcohol... or beat to hell by Demetri. I should have kept to myself that I was only partially sure all of the beatings were from Demetri, but I decided against it. I had kept things from my mother for too damn long. That shit wasn't going to fly anymore.

I told her about the times Gianna would call me in the middle of the night, from God only knows where, begging me to come and pick her up, but didn't know where she was or who she was with. I told her about the times I had cleaned Gianna up from messing herself. I told her about all that I could remember having had stolen from me.

James chimed in there, pulling a list from his wallet, a documented list of all he knew Gianna had stolen from me, from Alice, from the bar, and from himself. He held it out in Renee's direction only to be met with a glare. He then cleared his throat, and proceeded to inform Renee of all of his experiences with Gianna, and the reasons he didn't want her in Renee's life, or mine, or his own.

When we were met with silence from that statement, I told her what condition Alice and I had found Gianna in this morning. Alice didn't add anything, she kept her eyes down and her hands firmly clasped in mine – it looked as if we were praying.

Victoria didn't say anything, either. She sat beside James and kept her body as close to his as she could. I knew she was trying to keep him calm, because I knew just how hard it was for James to admit to Renee that he had lied to her. I knew because it was just as hard for me.

I couldn't take the silence anymore, though. It had been hours since we had started our explanations, and now we had been sitting for a significant amount of time waiting for a reaction – any reaction – from Renee.

"Say something," I whispered. "Momma – "

Her voice was cold, hard and raspy. "What would you have me say, Isabella?"

"Anything." I closed my eyes and felt the tears fall from the corners. "I want – "

"You want. _You want?" _She scoffed. "You tell me all of this about your sister, and then proceed to _want_ something? Well, let me tell you something – "

"Nay. It ain't like that and you know it. D'you think we took some form of enjoyment by keeping this shit to ourselves?"

"I don't know, James. Because I wasn't important enough to be let in on any decisions regarding my oldest daughter! What the hell am I supposed to think?"

"We were trying to protect you... " I whispered, but the tightening in my throat was making it hard to understand me.

"It's not your job to protect me! What you should have been doing was leaving the situation alone, and letting me deal with it!"

"And what would you have done different, Nay? What we did? Keeping it from you? Yeah, no, that shit wasn't right. We get that now... but... you got enough on your goddamn" – Renee sent him a glare at that word, even pissed she hated hearing the Lord's name taken in vain – "plate, and we just wanted to make things a little fucking easier on you."

"So. Let me get this straight. For one: my oldest daughter, the one who lives here with me, and I see almost every day, is addicted to drugs?"

"Is that so far-fucking-fetched to believe? Shit, Nay... she had her first overdose before Charlie died. Shit! That's one of the fucking reasons you and Bells moved here!"

"Is it far-fetched? Let me think, James... I've never since we've been here in Seattle seen Gianna high. I haven't received any phone calls from a single hospital saying she'd been admitted for an overdose! I've never seen track marks on her arms. I've never found anything in her clothes when I go to wash them and, hell, I've never even seen her stumble when she walks. So, is it? It sounds a little far-fetched to me."

"Momma – "

"For two: my oldest daughter, the one who lives here with me, and I see almost every day, is an alcoholic? I don't think so. My liqour cabinet is still untouched. All the bottles are still almost full because you know how often I actually take a drink. Do you think I could be living with an alcoholic and still have full bottles of alcohol here, as well?"

"Nay – "

"And for three: my oldest daughter, the one who lives here with me, and I see almost every day, is being beaten in her current relationship? I have never, _never_ seen a single bruise on her. Aside from that, Demetri has never been anything but kind to me, and he treats Gianna wonderfully – "

"So that's why when Bella stepped in to keep him from beating on Gianna some more – to get him to leave her apartment – she showed up with a bruise the size of his fist on her face? Yeah," James scoffed, "he's real fucking kind. Wake the fuck up, Renee."

"What are you _talking_ about? Bella?"

"And did it ever fucking occur to you that the reason you don't see Gianna some days, that it might be because she's trying to hide something from you? Jesus, Nay, what's it gonna take for you to realize that Gianna isn't some angel. She's fucking up her life – "

"She just needs to find the right job, James. I'm not blind. I know that Gianna hasn't had the easiest time of it – "

And that was the last I could just sit and listen to. My mother was so fucking delusional when it came to my sister, and I was done with it. Just like I was done covering for Gianna, just like I was done lying to my mother, just like I was done with everything having to do with this situation. "_Gianna_ hasn't had the easiest time of it? Really, Momma? What about me? What about James? What about _Alice?_ She's not even related to Gianna and she's been dropped smack dab in the middle of this shit storm! I mean, what's it gonna take for you to see my sister for what she is?"

"Bella – " Alice began, but I wasn't done.

"Do you think I'm lying to you right now? Do you think I just made this shit up? Jesus, Momma, what kind of person do you think _I _am – that I would make up such awful things about my sister?"

"Young lady – "

"Do you even remember? Do you remember Daddy getting that call? Do you remember having to come to Seattle that night? How about moving here? Do you remember why we moved here, Momma? Tell me, do you? Tell me!"

"Bells – "

"I fucking remember, Momma! I remember! I haven't fucking forgotten! The world tipped on its axis that night for me! You think I could just make this shit up? She's my sister! You think I want this for her? You think I want this for you?" My voice broke during that last sentence, and that was as far as I got. I broke down crying. _Why won't she believe me? _I wondered mournfully.

I realized that it wasn't the best idea in the world to keep from her what James and I had been keeping from her, but surely she had seen signs. Surely, she had some kind of idea what was living in her house, seeing her so often. Surely, she realized that she didn't see Gianna as much as she might have thought she did. And surely, she didn't think nicely of Demetri. My mother had never been dense, but she was certainly acting as if at the moment.

An arm surrounded me, and I waited for the rush of Alice's scent to flow through me, to calm me, but it didn't. Instead I was met with the smell of spring and gardenias... the smell of my mother.

"Could everyone give me and Bella a moment?" Renee asked gently. The scuffling barely registered in my ears, but I knew, without really hearing, that Alice, James, and Vicky had exited the room at Renee's request.

She squeezed my shoulder, one long, firm hold before moving her hand up to my hair and beginning to run her fingers through my long strands. Her head made contact with the side of mine and I could hear her quietly crying as well. My arms, of their own accord, wound their way around her waist and I sat and cried as my mother held me, comforted me. It had been so long.

I wasn't a crier. I never had been a crier – I took after my mother. Charlie wasn't either, but he had always been faster to shed a tear than my mother had been. She was strong, she had always been strong. I was sure she had inherited the trait from her own mother, and that Nonna, my grandmother, had inherited it from hers. The women in our family were always the ones to lean on, they were always the foundation, the glue, the strength. I was positive I hadn't inherited the strength portion of my mother, but I had inherited the inability to cry. I just didn't. I felt like it from time to time – like when Rosalie had let me know just how much she remembered about me – but the tears just wouldn't fall. Anytime that I actually did cry, it was usually out of anger and not sadness. My father's funeral being the only exception I could remember.

Some time later, and I had no idea how much later it was, my sobs quieted. Renee's fingers slowed in their ministrations until they, like my cries, stopped as well. I didn't let go of her though, I couldn't. I needed to feel her right then, and I think she realized that, because she made no move to release me from her own grasp.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," she finally said, her voice muted and raspy, but not hard, not anymore. "I should never have questioned you, baby girl... I just... it's just so hard to hear these things about your sister – "

"I wasn't lying, Momma," I whispered, "I promise you that I'm not making any of this up... "

Renee sighed heavily. "Oh, baby... I know that. You've never lied to me. You're honest to a fault... just like your dad."

"Yeah," I scoffed, "so honest that I've been keeping this from you."

She moved a hand under my chin and forced my eyes to hers. "Don't think for one minute that I'm so blind as to not see what you were doing. You and James both... you two are always trying to take care of me... in your own ways."

"I think we probably should have picked better battles."

She smiled ruefully and nodded, raising her eyebrows. "True. And now that I'm down off that high-horse, I can tell you rationally – you definitely should _not_ have kept any of this from me."

"I'm sorry, Momma."

"You're forgiven."

"Just like that?"

"Yes, however," she began, but stopped and pursed her lips, looking away for a moment before focusing back on me and continuing, "I would like some things clarified for me... if you wouldn't mind answering some questions I have?"

"Anything," I quickly whispered.

She closed her eyes and set her jaw; she was steeling herself to hear all of the things she didn't want to. "To your knowledge... has Gianna been clean at any time in the years since she moved to Seattle?"

I sighed, knowing she wasn't going to like any of the answers I offered her. "Gianna used the first time at the first party she went to at college... she called me that night... I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but... I didn't know that's what it was... I thought she was drunk, which, I know I shouldn't have kept from you, either, but... "

"You two were very close, Bella. And you were only thirteen. I can let that slide. So... when did you realize that it wasn't alcohol she'd been on that night?"

"Actually... it wasn't until a few years ago... it was one of the times she showed up at mine and Alice's... she had drugs on her. I flushed them. She freaked out on me and left... I didn't see her for a few weeks after that and when I did see her again, it was with Demetri."

"A few years ago? You were living in the dorms then."

"Yes... Gianna used to really piss off our dorm monitor... but she was still always let in."

Renee sighed again. "Demetri... did he... _does _he... hit her? Did he hit you?"

She had squeezed her eyes shut so tight that her lids were crinkled in wrinkles – like a child at a horror movie trying to hide from the scene on screen. My voice was quiet as I answered her question; I wished I could shield her from the answer because of how afraid she looked at that moment in time. "Yes, Momma. He's been beating Gianna for almost as long as he's been coming around... one night he tried to do it in front of me when he showed up to pick Gianna up... I couldn't let him... I couldn't... couldn't see him do that to my sister. He hit me instead."

"Are you okay?" she asked in a whisper.

"I'm fine, Momma. I have no lasting damage from Demetri, though I tend to be wary of him... usually when he's around anywhere, Alice or I call Uncle James – "

A growl cut off any further explanation from me. It took me a second to realize the growl had, indeed, come from my mother. "I could kill him, Bella. If I ever see him again, I just might. Look at me," she commanded me. I obeyed. "You see him again? At your apartment... on the street... anywhere... run, okay? Any man that would lay a hand on a woman... there's something off there, Bella. Run, okay?"

"Momma? You know you were all but singing his praises earlier, don't you?" _Way to go, Bella, _I thought sarcastically, _piss your mother off again. Really, good job._

"Check the attitude, young lady. You might be a grown woman, but I'm still your mother. I brought you into this world, never forget that."

"Yes, ma'am... I'm sorry – "

"Enough. I think if I never hear you tell me that you're sorry again, it'll be too soon." Another sigh sounded from her. "Do you promise me? You'll keep away from Demetri?" I nodded to let her know that I did. "Okay... I can piece the rest together myself. If I have any more questions on the subject, I'll ask later. I'll probably ask your sister, in fact. Try and figure out what the hell she's thinking."

I gaped at her. "Momma... you're going to let her live here? Still? Knowing all this?"

"Isabella Marie... do you think I'm a complete fool?"

"No?"

"Next time I ask you that question, don't answer it with another question. No, I'm going to call Leah Clearwater. She's living here now. Did you know? I'm going to get legal advice on what I can do to help Gianna – whether she wants it or not. See if I can get her checked into a rehab facility without her consent... something... but no. Your sister will not be allowed to live in this house any longer."

She pulled me in for another hug – an extra tight one this time. "Momma?" She pushed me gently away, until we were staring into each others' eyes. "Please know I'm not trying to insult your intelligence, but... don't you think James would have thought of that, already?"

"Have you asked him that question?"

"Well, no, but – "

"My answer for that question, is: no, I really don't think he would have thought of that. I'm almost positive that my little brother was more concerned with the safety of his big sis and favorite niece to be bothered with any legalities or technicalities. Me? I'm concerned for both of my daughters, so I'm thinking of it."

I shut my eyes, preparing myself to ask something of her that I was sure she didn't want to hear me ask. "Promise me something?"

"No, Isabella. I will not promise you anything in regards to your sister. The well-being of my children is my main concern, and I'll do right by Gianna."

"Doing right by Gianna might hurt you."

"Doing right by Gianna will most certainly hurt me. One day, baby girl, you'll understand. As your mom? I'd rather cut my own hand off than see one of you hurting the way she's hurting."

"She's hurting herself though, Momma. She's – "

"Half-past-dead, is what she is. Gianna can't go any further down... if you're right... if that was heroin in her this morning... she needs the right kind of help. I'm going to see if I can get that for her."

"What if she doesn't want it?"

"Oh, trust me, she won't want it. That's why I need to talk to Leah about the situation."

"Gianna might call you to bail her out."

"I'm sure she will."

I hesitated, which was all my mother needed to know my next question. "No, Bella. I won't bail her out. I'm not going to enable my daughter any more."

She pulled me in for one more tight hug, and then proceeded to declare it time to eat. She marched into the kitchen and informed Alice, James, and Vicky that we wouldn't speak of this any more today, and then started handing out orders to each of us for setting the table. Before any of us knew it, we were digging in, enjoying Renee's lasagne. You wouldn't have known there was a member of the family missing from the table if you didn't know the situation, however, we all managed to pretend like things were normal.

When it was time to leave, Renee promised both James and myself that she would call the minute she heard from Gianna, and that she would let all of us know what Leah Clearwater had to say once she was able to talk to her. Hugs were exchanged, goodbyes said, and I was telling James I would see him tomorrow at work as Alice dragged me to our truck.

I scissored Alice's paper. I couldn't believe it – I actually openly gaped at her, jaw wide, eyes wide, nostrils flared. Alice looked baffled. Her expression mirrored my own as she stared back at me. There's no telling how long we might have stood there facing one another, if it weren't for my mother's voice yelling, "Aren't you two a little old to still be playing schoolyard games?"

Alice chuckled at Renee's question, shaking her head as she snatched the keys out of my hand. "Guess it's that day, Bella."

"Huh," I murmured, making my way for the first time in a very long time – the first time in what felt like forever, really – to the passenger side of our old, red, ugly truck.

Strangely enough, I didn't take any comfort in the fact that I didn't have to drive the POS. Instead, I sat and thought about the events of the day. My brain wouldn't shut off. In fact, the thoughts were flashing through fast – like a movie but not in sequence. They certainly didn't seem to have any order, that was for sure. And the thoughts didn't feel complete... they felt like lies.

My mother's cold, hard face was the first thing I saw, but it moved on quickly to the panic on James's face when he saw Gianna lying on the floor of my apartment, then on to Alice's arms surrounding me with her warmth, but always... always, they drifted to Gianna.

_The vision of my sister, half-dead on my living room floor with a needle stuck in her arm will stay with me forever, _I mused. And that was most definitely true. I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would be haunted by that for the rest of my life. Probably longer.

Then I wondered what I would do when I saw her again. I realized that by calling the police on her, had completely changed any sort of relationship I had with my sister. Not that there was much of one, really, but, now I knew there wouldn't ever be one. Gianna had changed so much from the person who had slept in my bed with me and spent every waking minute with me and loved me so unconditionally... she wasn't even a shadow of that person any longer. I knew that, most likely, that person was gone forever, but I could admit to myself now – knowing that I would no longer be participating in my sister's foolery any longer – that I had maintained hope throughout the years that she might become that person again. Perhaps that was one of the reasons I had done what I had done for so long. I was almost positive that most people wouldn't have put up with it for as long as I did.

I loved my sister. I would always love my sister. But I just couldn't like her anymore. I hadn't, in fact, liked her for a long, long time.

"Did you want to?" Alice asked. I blinked. We were sitting idle in the parking lot of our apartment, but I was too spaced out the whole ride to realize we had made it home.

"What?"

Alice sighed. "Sorry... I just... I'm not entirely sure what to do right now."

I shook my head. "Alice... what's up? What did I miss? I was just – "

She chuckled. "Are you kidding me? I fucking knew you were out of it, but I couldn't shut my damn mouth to save myself."

"Um... "

"I just... Jasper? He texted me... he asked me to come over and hang... but he said I should definitely bring you if you weren't busy. I wasn't sure – "

"Thanks," I said, laughing weakly, "but... no thanks. Don't think I'm up for that right now... if that's okay?" And I wasn't. Up for it, I mean. I felt like I'd run a marathon today, vegging out of my sofa or in my bed sounded like the best medicine, right now.

She sighed again. "Yeah... I figured."

"'Cause you know me."

"Better than anyone," she responded, grinning her quirky little Alice-grin at me. "So... it's cool if I go hang, or...?"

"If you don't go see Jasper... I'll be emo. I'm already emo, I'll be emo-er."

"True. You good here? I didn't know if you wanted to stay here or head back to Vicky's for a few nights, but I knew we needed to get some extra clothes and shit."

"Um... ya know? I think I want to stay here. I think we'll be alright, and I really miss my damn bed."

"Me too."

"So, you going now?"

"If that's okay...?"

I laughed at her. "Go... now... before I hit you."

"'Kay. Love you."

I leaned over and gave her a tight hug, whispering, "Love you, too," in her ear before hopping out and watching her drive away.

I was pretty amazed that I hadn't thought of Jasper or Edward since finding Gianna this morning, but now that Alice had mentioned Jasper, I couldn't help wondering what Edward was up to today. Thinking of him was a nice break from the heavy of the day. Even though I had made the decision I had today in regards to my sister, I knew I still had to tell Edward about her and who she was, but after the events of the day... it seemed so petty to be worrying about such a thing.

Finding a needle in my sister's arm had certainly helped to put things in retrospect for me. Though I had certainly thought of the fact that it wasn't _me_ who had been the one to do what had been done with Felix, and to Heidi... and the rest of the band, by way of their cousin being screwed over... I realized that some people, like Rosalie, might find me guilty by association. Thinking about that now, I realized that that was their right, but it certainly didn't make it right, and if someone wanted to judge me because of something my _sister_ had done, well, then, fuck them. I had enough people in this life to call my friend, I certainly didn't need to defend myself over something I hadn't done, and anyone who couldn't see that could just... get the fuck out of my life.

I really did hope that Edward wasn't one of those people who I told to take a hike, but I knew there was a chance he might be.

Shaking my head, I made my way to the kitchen, glad to find that it was as clean as Alice and I had left it the morning Gianna had showed up, messed up, outside our door. There was a dirty coffee mug in my sink, but other than that, it was pretty much clean. I decided a cup of hot tea was just what I needed, so I grabbed another mug out of the cabinet, and, deciding to be lazy, filled it with water before popping it into the microwave. I waited the two minutes, standing in front of the microwave and just... staring blankly at the numbers counting down. When it dinged, I reached into the cabinet above the microwave, pulled out a bag of tea, and plopped it into the mug of hot water before shutting the door again and leaving it there to steep.

In the meantime, I decided a shower was in order. Mine and Alice's shower was really nothing special, but, for our birthday last year, her mother had totally sprung for one of those amazing rainfall-style showerheads for us. It was amazing and one of the best presents either of us had ever received. So, while my tea sat in the microwave, steeping, I luxuriated in the wonderful spray as it worked the kinks from my neck, shoulders and back.

Ten glorious minutes later, I was seated on my sofa, remote in one hand, cup of tea in the other. I smelled wonderful, which was good at least, and the tea smelled wonderful, which was even better, and if I closed my eyes, and listened to to sounds the television emitted, I could almost imagine this was just any other day, and that my sister hadn't been in a heroin-induced sleep on my living room floor less than eight hours ago.

I wanted so much to turn my brain off, but it just wasn't happening. Flipping through the channels on screen was an alright distraction, but I wasn't finding anything that could hold my attention for any longer than a couple of minutes. It was incredibly frustrating. Still, I somehow managed to spend the next two hours doing just that – flipping to a channel, watching it for a couple of minutes, and then flipping to the next. Eventually, I settled on the mindless entertainment of _Jersey Shore_ and placed the remote down on the table next to me, deciding I wasn't going to find anything better.

Half an episode of trying to figure out just how Snooki made that noise, there was a knock at my door. I huffed a breath, hoping beyond anything that it wasn't really anyone... that it was just some lost person... or maybe a salesperson, which, if it was, I would take great enjoyment out of slamming the door in their face. Really, I just hoped it wasn't Demetri, here to see if I knew where my sister was.

I tip-toed to the door, trying to remain quiet just in case it did happen to be Demetri, and peeked through the peep-hole.

_That,_ I thought, _is definitely not Demetri._

I flung open the door quickly, smiling at Edward as I did so – smiling like a fool. I didn't think it was possible that I could be so happy to see someone today, but I was wrong. "Hey."

He didn't look happy, though. His brow was drawn down low and his lips were set in a frown. "Hey – you alright?"

It was my turn to furrow my brows. "Uh – yeah?"

He breathed out slowly. "I tried to call you... Alice said you'd had a hell of a day. Said that's why you weren't with her... "

"What? I don't... I'm sorry, but... I don't understand?" _When did he talk to Alice? _I wondered. "When did you talk to Alice?"

"Oh! Shit," he said, chuckling. "Guess it helps to tell you that Jasper and I share a house, huh?"

"Oh," I said quietly, silently kicking myself for not going with Alice after all. "If I'd known – "

"Nah, I'm kinda glad you didn't... we'd be stuck with those two if you'd come with her... I mean, shit, uh... can I come in?" He raised his eyebrows as he asked, and his face relaxed from the tension it held just a moment ago.

"Damn, wow... I really suck at this... sorry," I said, shaking my head. "Yeah, of course, come on in."

I pulled the door open wider, stepping to the side so he could do just that, but he stopped about halfway in, and raised a hand to stroke my cheek. Slowly, so slowly, so very slowly, he leaned forward and down and with a sigh, our lips met one another. The kiss was soft and tender and slow and just what I needed. Like he could read my mind, he stepped even closer to me, and encased my body with his arms as he continued to caress my lips with his own.

When I was breathless and thoroughly kissed... when my heart was beating a mile a minute in my chest... when my cheeks were flushed to the color of a strawberry... he pulled back – but only enough to whisper, "I missed you today."

My eyes popped open and found his quickly. The honesty of his statement was clear as day in them – he was genuinely happy to see me, to be here with me, and he had missed me that day. Quietly, I told him, "I missed you too."

"I doubt that," he said, just as quietly, "Alice said you've had one of those days. You should call her, by the way. She was pretty worried when I couldn't get you to answer your phone."

"Shit," I whispered, going to pull away from him and do just that, but he pulled me back quickly.

"Hey," he murmured, and bent at the knees a bit so that he was more level with me. "I really did miss you today, ya know."

A wide, goofy smile spread across my lips. "That's – uh – really... really nice to hear. And yeah, today? Totally sucked, but... it's brightened up immensely in the past few minutes."

A grin – the one that made me stupid – formed on his lips. "That... is incredible to hear. I wasn't sure if you'd be up for company, so... "

"If you try to leave, I'll cry. Just sayin'."

"I'm not going anywhere," he told me, his voice husky. "And... I brought food. I'm feeding you tonight."

A short laugh burst from me as I smiled even wider and shook my head at him. "So you were going to bribe me with food if I didn't want company?"

"Yep. Alice's idea, actually. Brilliant, but I don't want her busting me for stealing her ideas. The good thing is... she knows you so damn well... she made sure to tell me what to get so you wouldn't turn me away. That means you get your favorite food."

I bounced, yes, bounced on my toes. "Margherita pizza from Pagliacci's?"

"Did you doubt Alice?"

I laughed and shook my head. "I never bet against Alice."

He laughed as well. "Judging by how excited you are about this pizza... I'm pretty sure I won't be betting against her anytime soon, either." He took one step away from me, leaned down to press a chaste kiss against my lips – which still managed to leave me tingling – and told me, "Why don't you give her a call, or text her... let her know you're okay, and I'll run back out and get the pizza from my car."

I bit my lip to _try_ and contain my smile. "Okay... "

One more fast kiss, a stroke of his thumb across my cheek, and he was gone. I sighed dreamily and spun around lazily, still biting on my lip and now blushing like a crazy lady. There was a significant skip in my step as I made my way to the kitchen, where I remembered leaving my phone.

Alice answered quickly, "_You're okay, thank goodness... geez, Bella, worry me much?"_

"Sorry," I said, sighing. I knew she would be able to hear the dream-like quality of my voice. "I left the phone on the kitchen counter before I went and showered, and forgot about it after."

"_It's alright. Now. Because I know you're alright. Just... do me a favor?"_

"Sure, what's up?"

"_Keep better track of it. Hey – how're you doing now?"_

"So good. You really have no idea."

"_Pretty sure I do have some semblance of an idea."_

"Oh yeah? Things going well with Jasper? We've really only been talking about me... and Edward... haven't gotten a chance to talk to you about Jasper."

"_Long story short? I'm pretty sure he's the man I'm going to spend forever with."_

"Wow... "

"_Yeah... I know. I think I'll wait to tell him that though," _she said, laughter ringing through her words. _"Anyway... we have plenty of time to talk about this shit... you go hang out with your man, and have fun!"_

The smile on my face – which I didn't think could get any bigger – widened even more at Alice's having called Edward "my man." "Will do. You have fun, too."

"_Oh, I will. Love you!" _But she hung up before I could say anything further. It was just as well, I was more than ready to get back to spending some time with Edward.

I grabbed two plates, napkins, forks and knives, and made my way back into the living room, where I found Edward standing with the pizza box in one hand. "Oooh, a large. You really are trying to get on my good side, aren't you?"

He chuckled. "Set it here?" he asked, pointing to the coffee table. I nodded. "Well, in case you didn't notice... I'm a big boy... " _Oh, yes, _I thought, _yes you are. _"So... I tend to eat a little bit more than most people. But also? The Margherita is my favorite too... "

"No shit?"

"No shit."

"I think you're the first person I've met that likes it. I mean, obviously people do, or they wouldn't put it on the menu, but I've never met anyone who does. Alice says it's, and I quote, "repugnant shit." She's just weird."

"Wait... Bella?" I looked at him – he looked about ready to laugh. "Did you...? Is that...? Sweetheart, please tell me you don't eat your pizza with a fork and knife?"

I stomped my foot as my angel burst into laughter. At my expense.

* * *

**please tell me that bella and me aren't the only two people in the world who eat their pizza with a fork and knife...? my husband says it's because i like to "savor the flavor" but then he says it in that creepy pervy voice, and i just wanna hit him...****what'd everyone think of renee? i had some people who said they didn't think they could see renee as a mama-bear, and some who could, did she live up to what you thought she would be? and who's with me, hoping she keeps her word and stops enabling gianna? **

**so many thanks to my girl sarah, for looking over the parts of this chapter i was not sure about, and for offering me some advice when i needed it! :) (i guess you can take this chapter too, wench.) and, always, thanks to les16, for being there whenever i need her.**

**you guys... the ones alerting/favoriting? thank you so much! you guys leaving me reviews... i haven't words for you... and we all know that i babble so fucking much in my review replies that i should be out of words by now anyway! oooh, and muchos gracias to (and i only know your screen name on adf, i so sorry :( ) boop1239 for being so nice and rec'ing shine in the rec campfire at adf this week! (i rly did a little dance... don't judge me!)**

**short teasers in review replies and longer teasers will be up on monday at adifferentforest and the fictionators blog!**

**(www(dot)fictionators(dot)com** **) (adifferentforest(dot)com) **

**see you all on friday! (or sooner on twitter! - i locked my twitter acct, but i will absolutely accept requests when i confirm you aren't a bot or just spam lol! )**

**:) tia**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: All things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

shine – chapter 9 – tears and rain –

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;  
Hold memory close at hand, help me understand the years.  
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.  
How I wish I would save my soul, I'm so cold from fear.

-Tears and Rain, James Blunt

"Oh, man... that was so so so so good," I said, leaning back on the couch in the most unladylike of ways. My hand rubbed circles on my too-full stomach and I looked over at Edward. "Seriously, that was delicious."

I had just finished scarfing down half of the pizza Edward had brought for us to share, and I was feeling fabulously full. In complete honesty, I had thought after eating at my mother's house earlier would have been enough for me for the rest of the night. It might have been. I might have felt sufficiently filled up for the rest of the night, but once Edward mentioned the pizza, and after, when he actually brought the pizza in for the two of us... well, my stomach was grumbling with hunger.

"I agree," he said in a quiet, husky voice. He wasn't looking at me.

"Edward?" I lowered my head in hopes that it might grab his attention or that he might at least meet my eyes.

"Yeah?" His voice was too quiet, and his eyes were everywhere but on me. _What is up with him?_ I wondered.

"Did I...? Is something...?" I shook my head, pissed at myself and my inability to speak in complete sentences at a time like this. "Edward, what's wrong?"

He cleared his throat, closed his eyes, and breathed in deeply before turning his head to face me and opening his eyes back up. If I hadn't been so focused on him, I might have missed the subtle way in which his eyes glanced down toward my legs before meeting my gaze. "Nothing's wrong... why would you think that?"

I chuckled a bit at him, wondering if he really thought I was that stupid. "Really?" I asked, trying like hell to keep the bite of sarcasm out of my tone.

He sighed, loudly. "Those – uh... shorts? They're distracting. That's all."

"Huh?" I asked, brilliantly. _My shorts? They're just pajama shorts, _I thought, _nothing sexy. _But you would think I was wearing some high-dollar lingerie, or possibly nothing at all with the way Edward was acting. Looking down at my legs, I could see the whole of both thighs exposed – all the way up to the bottom seam of my panties. Embarrassed as all get out, I shot up in my seat, back as straight as a board, and tugged fruitlessly at the bottom of my shorts, trying to get them to cover _just a little more_ skin. "That is so embarrassing... " I whispered.

Edward laughed quietly at me, provoking me into sending him a glare. That only made him laugh a little louder, but he did raise both hands in a mock-show of surrender. I tilted my head to the side, pursing my lips and trying my damndest to make my glare look a little more hostile than it obviously was. _And really, _I mused, _you'd think someone with as much "experience" with ladies as Edward wouldn't be quite so nervous about a little show of skin._

He bit his lip in the most sexy of ways before leaning forward and stopping his laughter altogether. "Now, really, Bella... is it so bad when your boyfriend is so attracted to you that he has to physically restrain himself from jumping on you at the slightest show of skin?

I gasped, the glare gone from my face in less than a second. "Boyfriend?" I whispered, and then turned a brilliant shade of red. "Sorry... I – "

"Well, shit. Guess I shoulda worked up to that, huh?" He was rubbing the back on his neck again, like he was doing last night at IHOP. I had the most delicious view of his muscular bicep. _Why didn't I notice that last night?_ I wondered.

"Well, uh – I – uh – " A sharp giggle – yes, a _giggle_ – burst from between my lips. I was so fucking giddy, it was bordering on ridiculous. I bit my lip to contain myself, and hoped with everything I had and was that I wasn't tomato red in the face.

"Okay, how 'bout this...?" He bent forward, and sort of to the side, at the hips – toward me, I realized with a jolt. That jolt being his lips against my own. I bent then, too – toward him.

We tangled together beautifully – and there really wasn't any other word for it. As soon as he felt me respond to him, he was closer. So close. Close enough to make me lean back against the arm of the sofa as he stretched his chest across mine. I could feel the muscles there; they weren't ever hidden, not really. Edward was too muscular to hide any of his many, many muscles, but I never would have thought they would feel quite like this against me.

I felt small, and protected, and I luxuriated in what he did to me. _He _made me feel this way... like a porcelain doll on a shelf that a child isn't allowed to play with... a piece of jewelry in a store window that you can admire and wonder how it would look and feel, but could never actually have or touch... he made me feel precious. I was precious to him, that's what his body said to me, what his lips said to mine, what his tongue conveyed to me as he slipped it past my lips, and it too, tangled with me.

All too soon, he pulled back. Well, too soon for me, at least. "So... how 'bout it?"

He didn't exactly wait for an agreement or a disagreement from me on the matter, though, instead choosing to mold his lips against mine again. Not that I was complaining. Not at all, really. I didn't fight him on the matter of kissing one bit, in fact.

One arm slipped under my body and pulled me further down the couch, so I could lay flat, and he wasted no time in stretching body atop mine. I moaned at the feel, and really, I couldn't be blamed for that, either. He felt amazing. I think he agreed with me on the matter, because he moaned in response to my reaction.

The hand behind my back wiggled its way out from where it was stuck, and reached around to my hip, where he left it. I huffed a breath at the feel – his fingers shot fire through my system. It spread and spread until my whole body was ablaze, and then, before I knew it, my own hands were resting on his hips, pulling him closer to me, even though that wasn't physically possible.

He got the hint, though, and moved his hips against mine. Another moan made its way from my mouth as I felt him rub against me. He wasn't any quieter than I was, for which I was thankful, but still... I knew we were about five seconds from getting too carried away, and I needed to stop what was happening before we went too far. At least, for now. We had things to talk about before our relationship progressed to that level of intimacy.

"Wait... Edward... we have to – "

"I know," he interrupted, his voice full of pent-up frustration. I was frustrated too, but I didn't want any miscommunication between the two of us before we'd even really begun.

"I'm sorry... I just – "

"Don't apologize, sweetheart... I know this is too fast," he said as he eased off of me, back into a sitting a position. Shaking his head, breathing harder than normal, and rubbing his neck, he told me, "I just can't seem to fucking help myself with you."

"You aren't the only one," I mumbled under my breath as I, too, pulled myself up and into a sitting position. "I just need to talk to you about a couple of things before we... you know... "

He chuckled. "Yeah... me too, actually."

"Really?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at him. I bit into my bottom lip as I thought about that for a second, but impatience won out in the end. "What did you need to talk to me about?"

He blew out a long breath. "Well," he began, turning his head and looking at me briefly before turning away again, and focusing on the floor again. Finally, he shook his head and furrowed his eyebrows. "You remember how much I loved talking about my mother, right?"

"Uh – yeah. I recall you not really wanting to talk about her at all, really."

"Yeah... well... she came to see me today."

"Really?" My head jerked around to him fully. "Everything okay?"

"No, not really... it will be... but... she's pretty fucking pissed at me right now."

"Why?"

"Okay, I really, really hate talking about this, but like you said... I don't want there to be any shit going on that you don't know about... that could make you... I don't know... not trust me... does that make sense?"

"Yeah, it does," I said. _It makes a lot of fucking sense, seeing as I wanted to talk to you for the same reason, but didn't really want to have the conversation at all,_ I thought to myself. "Please believe I understand more than you know."

"Okay," he said, and blew another short breath out. Closing his eyes, he began, "So... my Mom's had this friend for like, fucking forever... anyway... her name is Carmen. Denali? I don't know if you've heard of the Denali's... her husband's name is Eleazar... he's a lawyer... he actually has his own law firm here... recognize the name...? Law Offices of Denali and Gates...?"

I shrugged – I hadn't the slightest clue who he was talking about. "If it makes you feel any better, Alice looked at me like I was crazy because I didn't know who Esme Cullen was besides being your mom. Alice said she's in the social pages every Sunday?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "Yeah, she is. My dad, Carlisle is his name... he's Chief of Surgery at Virginia Mason, and he's on the Board of Directors – " He cut off his speech abruptly before looking down and away from me. He kept opening his mouth and closing it – trying to say something, but he either didn't want to say it, or couldn't say it at all.

Personally, I didn't see the connection between his father's job and his mother's social standing. Call me naïve, but I really didn't, so, I decided to ask him. "Um... forgive me for this... " At least when I spoke he stopped flapping his jaw and turned to look back at me. I knew I had his full attention. "I realize that I wasn't brought up in Seattle... and I don't even know if that's what it is that's keeping me from seeing the connection... or if I was just brought up in a different family setting completely... but... I honestly don't see where you're going with this," I said, laughing uneasily and hoping I didn't offend him with anything I said, because I certainly wasn't trying to insult him, but felt like my words could be construed as such.

"Nah... it's nothing like that." He didn't sound insulted, which made me happy. "The connection between my mother's regular appearances in the social pages and my father's job is what she makes it. She's a snob... I think I told you that... and she seems to think because my father has a "position of power," that she has to fulfill certain obligations to the community. However... my mother's idea of fulfilling those obligations is to work her way up in society."

I frowned. "Has she always been that way?"

He shook his head. "When we were young... my mom was so different than she is now. Of course, my dad was still working his way up at the hospital then... and he worked a lot of hours – still does – but... they had two little boys at home then, so... Mom stayed home with us. She was awesome back then. And my mom was brought up with money... so the social shit isn't anything new to her, but she wasn't _this _person back then. She was... Miss Suzy Homemaker – for lack of a better description. No one made chocolate chip cookies or lime jello like Mom... " He shrugged. "Time changes people, I guess. She'd faint at the thought of either one of those things in her house now... and she'd fire the maid that made it in a heartbeat."

"Maybe she just misses you and Emmett? Like... misses you guys being at home?" I shrugged too. In my mind, I was trying to picture my mother in society and failing miserably. I didn't think the society pages were ready for Renee Marie Swan.

Edward shook his head at my question. "Nah... it actually goes back to what I wanted to tell you to begin with... "

I raised my eyebrows, waiting for my mind to backtrack to whatever he had been speaking about before. I took a deep breath as I began to remember. "Right... there was talk of a Carmen? And a... Eli...? Uh, no, that's wrong – El... Elroy...? shit." I couldn't remember the name, so I laughed to hide my embarrassment.

"Eleazar," Edward said, grinning at me. I nodded frantically, pointing at him in agreement. _I knew it started with an E and an l, _I thought, triumphantly. "Right. You were close... but no cigar, sweets."

I tried to hide my huge grin, but know I failed miserably. I just couldn't seem to keep myself from acting like a total tool around this man. I wanted to be calm, possibly aloof, but couldn't pull off either if my life depended on it. "I had the first two letters right, at least."

"I'll give you that, but... Elroy? Really, Bella?" I could tell he was trying to hide his laughter.

"Close enough," I said, laughing myself, "continue on with your damn story!"

"Okay, okay," he replied, immediately going back to the nervous rubbing. _His neck must be sore from that, _I thought, but wouldn't actually say anything. Instead – and in a bold move for myself – I reached forward, grabbing hold of the wrist attached to the hand before sliding my fingers between his and squeezing his hand gently.

"Hey," I said, but didn't really need to because his head had jerked toward me the minute I touched him. His eyes darted down toward our now linked hands before rising up to meet my own again. A slow smile spread across his lips. "I realize that you don't want to talk about this... " I looked away, trying to be careful about what I would say to him because I certainly didn't want to sound hypocritical, considering I was feeling the same way at the moment. "I don't really want to talk to you about what I need to talk to you about... but... well... if it would make you feel better...? I could tell you first? Maybe – "

"Can I just ask you something really quick?" He asked, interrupting my rambling. Not that I minded, because if he hadn't, there's no telling where I would have gone with that. "Today? What happened? Your "bad day" as Alice called it... because she looked a little worse for wear too. And neither of you drank _that _much last night... "

I sighed, long and deep. I counted to ten in my head and while I was doing that, thought of all of the ways I could go about telling him about my shitty sister. In the end, I decided the best way would be to just rip the band-aid off and get it out there. "This morning... when Alice and I came home... we found my sister – "

"Okay, stop there. I know how much you hate talking about your sister – "

"As much as you hate talking about your mother. That's why – "

"But my mother isn't really what I was going to talk to you about. I mean, she's a part of it, but she's... she's not... like... the _main_ subject or anything... so – "

"So? You still hate talking about her, and obviously she plays some part in what you were going to tell me, so – "

"You're arguing again."

"You're making me!"

"Seriously?" he asked, laughing fully at me. I turned a glare at him again. "What?" He grinned that grin that made me stupid. "You were arguing."

"You were making me!" I responded, crossing my arms across my chest – pouting just like a child. _Grow up, Bella,_ I thought to myself, _you're having a serious conversation here. _Shaking the thought from my head, I uncrossed my arms and sat up a bit straighter. "You're right... sorry... I don't know why I do that sometimes. I really don't mean to, it just – "

"Hey," he said, amusement lacing his tone. He squeezed my hand again before pulling me into his side. I fell into him, willingly. The affect he had on me was instantaneous – I felt warm and safe and... protected. It was so similar to being wrapped in my mother's embrace earlier. I felt a finger dip under my chin, along with slight pressure that let me know he wanted me to look up at him. Once I did, the look of tenderness that I found on his face was enough to take my breath away. "It's no big, Bella. Honestly? I think you're pretty fucking adorable when you argue with me."

Heat spread through my cheeks as I took in his words. Before I could help myself... before I could stop myself... I was tipping my chin up enough to touch my lips to his. He responded immediately, pulling me tighter against him as he moved his finger from under my chin and spread his fingers until he was cupping my jaw tenderly.

It was the oddest sensation. The tenderness with which he cradled my face with one hand in contrast to the tight hold he had on the rest of my body, and the insistent way his lips moved against my own. It was almost too much. Almost.

I felt as his fingers spread themselves even further, and slid their way back and into my hair. He began a slow massage there, and again, I was powerless to the moan of pleasure that made its way from my mouth. He had found my biggest weakness – scalp massage. My mother used to calm me down and put me to sleep by just running her fingers along my scalp and through my hair – she did it today, too, to calm me down. However, Edward's fingers felt completely different from my mother's fingers, and the way they were making me feel was far from calm.

"Fuck, Bella... baby... we... fuck... " Edward was mumbling against my lips, but only every other word or so was coherent. I wasn't exactly helping out – I was trying to get closer to him.

Like in my dream last night, he pulled me on top of him. The motion was so quick, I actually pulled away from his lips for a moment. His eyes popped open when our mouths separated from one another and, through hazy eyes, he tried to focus on my face. "Bella?" His voice broke me out of my stupor; it was so, so deep and huskier than I had ever heard it. My lips slammed back into his.

He moaned long and loud as one of his hands settled on my hip as the other worked its way out of my hair and down my back until it, too, was gripping a hip. His fingers spread once they were both there, and his long fingertips were brushing slow strokes on my bottom.

"Edward," I said, breathlessly against his own lips before running my tongue along his lower lip until he opened for me. Our heads tilted as we kissed deeper than we had before.

My own hands had come to rest on the sides of his neck. My fingers stretched until I could feel the ends of his hair brushing against my fingertips. His grip tightened as my fingers started to work their way farther up into his hair – it was just _so soft._ My fingers itched to grab hold and pull, but I refrained. Until, that is, he moved his hands from my hips right around to my bottom and squeezed.

Right then, I realized that I had never appreciated how good a man's hands on my ass could feel. And Edward's hands were sublime. I knew how they looked, and I was learning how they felt, but now... to feel his rather large hands gripping my rather small behind... well, I had a whole new appreciation for both body parts. Ours were obviously perfect for one another.

"Shit... shit, shit shit!" Edward groaned in quick succession before pulling away from my mouth abruptly. I might have whimpered at the loss because he suddenly said, "I told no one to fucking bother me tonight... I'm so sorry, Bella."

He was completely breathless. I lifted myself up at his urging so he could reach into his pocket for his cell phone. He took one look at it and furrowed his eyebrows before sending a text message to someone. To keep myself from being too nosy, I observed him. His face was flushed – I was positive that if he was that flushed, then I was probably barn red. His hair was a complete mess – I knew for certain that if his looked like that, then there was no hope for mine. His eyes were totally hooded, even as he was so focused on sending off this text – I was absolutely, positively certain that I was looking at him through half-lidded eyes.

Really, there just wasn't any helping any of that.

"Sorry... fucking Emmett... " he muttered as he put his cell phone off to the side. "I'm... I'm gonna have to go in like half an hour."

My bottom lip pouted – couldn't help that either. I wasn't ready for him to go. "Why?"

"Fucking band practice," he mumbled, taking in the features of my face. He was probably amazed that someone's skin could turn that red. I was even more embarrassed. "Damn... you are so beautiful."

"_Edward,_" I whispered, completely flustered at his words and the attention he was paying to me. I wasn't used to men telling me such things, much less one so gorgeous.

"What? I'm not gonna lie to you. And... besides... you know how attracted to you I am... you should really get used to me actually telling you."

I shook my head. "I don't know if I can do that."

"I have faith that you will." I could hear the grin in his words. "So... before we got... sidetracked... " He laughed an uneasy laugh. "I really want to tell you this so it's not just sitting there, with you wondering."

"I really want to talk to you, too. This... I don't want you to feel like I'm keeping stuff from you."

"I appreciate that. And... trust me... whatever it is – and I gotta say that I'm really fucking curious now – I won't ever believe that you were trying to keep things from me... just because you just said that, and I know... _know..._ that you're taking this as seriously as I am."

"I am," I said quickly. I didn't want any doubt from him on how serious I was taking this... relationship... whatever that was going on between us right now. "That's why I really want to tell you."

He laughed. "Maybe... you could come with me? I mean... you're gonna have to spend time with those fuckers eventually... and... you're my girlfriend – "

I laughed at that, and cut him off. "So when did we establish that? I recall we were... _working up to_ that."

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Fine. Bella? Would you please, please, please be my girlfriend?"

I grinned; I had a feeling it was probably the most goofy grin I had ever had plastered across my lips. I answered in a whisper. "I'd love that."

"Thank God," he mumbled, leaning forward and pressing a chaste kiss to my lips. "Now... I have to tell you about Kate. Because there's a chance she might be there tonight."

"Kate?" My voice had entered into a high-pitched panic. I didn't think I was going to like hearing about Kate. "Who's Kate?"

"Kate is... " He paused and pursed his lips into a frown. "Well... she's Carmen and Eleazar's daughter, for one. And... she's... well, for lack of a better word... she's... " He cringed. "My ex."

_Ex,_ I thought, _girlfriend? Wife? _I realized with a jolt how little I knew about this man. "Ex-wife?"

"Oh fuck no!" he exclaimed. "Girlfriend, I guess. But fuck... _no._ Just so you know... I've never been married."

"Oh, thank goodness," I said, sighing. "Shit, that sounded really bad... it just – "

"No! No... I get it... we barely know each other... so... have you? Been married?"

I laughed. "Uh – no. I've only ever dated two guys."

"Really?"

"Yes, but we're talking about your exes at the moment."

He smiled. "Fair enough. So... yeah. Kate's the only woman I've ever really tried to date. I don't know if you could call what we had really dating, though. We've... well, we _were_ on and off for a long time. Since high school – "

"That's a long time."

"Yeah," he said, nodding. "But we never stayed together for long. All in all, we were apart for much longer than we were ever together. And... when we were together... well, we were _horrible_ together."

"And she's Carmen's daughter? And you said Carmen is a good friend of your mother?" _Oh, _ I realized, _his mother and her mother wanted them together. _"Your parents want you two together?"

Edward let out a long breath. "Yeah... have for awhile, actually. Until like... a month ago? I hadn't seen Kate except in passing for somewhere around four years."

"Why?"

"Why what? Why hadn't I seen her? Or why did it change a month ago?"

I shrugged. "Both, I guess."

"I got sick of her shit back then. She was always fucking flirting with other guys... looking for something better is what I thought she was doing. And... she's a snob, too, which is a plus in my mom's book, but annoys the shit out of me. I couldn't stand her constantly looking down her nose at people, so I said "fuck it" and broke it off. And I made sure she knew it was for real."

He didn't say anything for a bit, so I decided to prompt him to answer the second part of the question. "And... a month ago?"

Another long breath left his lips. "I've been... for a long time now... trying to get back in my mother's good graces. I mean... Jasper and I have basically given up on our music career going anywhere. So... a couple of years ago, we took out a loan, got some advice from his parents – they own a record store down in Austin – and we opened our own. It's starting to really draw in a crowd... it's really starting to become something that we can depend on... be proud of... and I wanted my mom to see that."

"You own a record store?" For some reason, this really surprised me. I really had assumed he just sat around at a piano or played a guitar – I didn't even know if he knew how to play the guitar – all day. "Wow... "

"Thought I was a bum, didn't you?"

"No!"

"Liar. But! So... I started to go to see my mom pretty often. I would invite her to the store when we would do a new display... or when Jazz started giving guitar lessons, or when I started giving piano lessons... I just wanted her to see that I was doing something with my life. It wasn't ever enough. So... a couple of months ago, she started hinting at how much Kate had grown up... how she wasn't the same person I had decided to break things off with. I said "fuck it" again... and it made my mom so damn happy when I told her I'd called Kate and we were gonna have dinner."

"Wait... Edward? Please tell me you aren't dating Kate _and _asking me to be your girlfriend!"

"Bella," he started, his voice full of disapproval, "_you_ are my girlfriend. And please believe that I would not have asked you if I had anything going on with Kate still."

"But you said there was a chance she might be there tonight."

"Yeah, because her and Rose have this love-hate relationship or something... I don't fucking know. It seems like Rose can't stand her ass, but they always end up hanging out together when they're at the same place. And Rose is all about pleasing my mother since she wants to marry my brother, so of course she wants my mother's approval. And if you want my honest opinion, I think that's why she talks to Kate at all."

"Guess that means that Rosalie is never going to like me."

"Good. Gives her less a reason to be around me."

"Edward!"

"What? I'm serious. Rose pisses me off faster than anyone on the planet. I could use a break. But... if she does anything to make you uncomfortable... tell me, okay? I'll deal with her."

"No."

"No?"

"I really don't want you fighting that battle for me. I can handle Rosalie."

"You don't know her."

"Looks like that'll be changing soon, though. You know... seeing as I'm your girlfriend now and everything."

That put a grin back on his face. "I like it when you tell me that you're my girlfriend."

"Good," I whispered, "get used to it." _And please don't break my heart or break up with me when I tell you about Gianna, _I silently prayed.

"I could definitely get used to it."

"So... what happened then? You asked her out to dinner, but now you're here with me. And she's still hanging around... "

"Yeah, and forgive me for this... but I'm kinda hoping she is there, so that she can see me with you and fucking leave."

A flash ran through my head of last night. When I was leaving the bar, walking to meet Edward at the door, I had seen Rose standing with two beautiful blondes. "Is Kate like... a blonde bombshell?" I cringed as I asked. Couldn't be helped.

"She's... blonde, yeah. Dunno if I'd call her a bombshell... wait, why?"

"I think she's already seen me," I whispered.

"What? When?"

"I'm pretty sure she was at the bar last night. I mean, I can't know for certain, but what you've told me about Rosalie and her... and Rosalie made it pretty freaking clear how much she didn't like me last night... but... I saw Rose with two blondes when I was walking to you at the end of the night. They all kind of... sneered at me."

"Shit."

"Yeah... so I don't know how much my presence would deter Kate if it was her."

"Was one of them like... reddish blonde?"

"Yeah... "

"Shit. Yeah. Guess I know now how my mom found out about you. I figured Rose said something. Either Kate or Tanya told her probably."

"Tanya?"

"Her sister. The one with the reddish hair."

"Oh," I said quietly. It was finally sinking in that the knockout I had seen at the bar was _Edward's ex._ How was I supposed to stand up to that?

"Hey," he said quietly, tipping my chin up to him again. "Look. I know that Kate is pretty. I'm not gonna lie to you – I told you that. But... Bella? Baby, she doesn't have shit on you in my eyes. Believe that. And if you don't or can't or whatever... just... trust that I will make you believe it one day."

I bit my lip as I considered my next question. I wasn't entirely sure I wanted the answer, really. I decided to take a page out of Edward's book, and just say "fuck it." "So... is she...? Is that what your... normal... type is? Is that why Rosalie said what she said?"

Edward sighed loudly. "I hate that she said shit like that to you. I really want to say something to her about it."

"No, please don't... just... is she? Kate, I mean? Is she your type?"

Another loud sigh. "Yeah," he said quietly, "before you... that's the type I usually went for."

"But you saw something about me you liked."

He grinned and met my eyes. I could see how much he wanted to be here with me reflected back at me. "I see a lot about you that I like."

"And you want me to get dressed and go with you to band practice?" I asked, teasing him with the way I said "band practice."

He rolled his eyes. "Yes... speaking of – will you? Please come... but... we gotta get going. My phone is already buzzing again... which means I'm running late."

"And you're sure Alice will be there?"

"Yep. Em said she and Jasper were already on their way when he texted earlier."

I exaggerated a sigh. "I guess I'll come then."

"Oh... don't like... force yourself or anything," he said, laughing. "I mean... I don't want to put you out or anything."

"Shut-up," I fired back at him, joining in his laughter. "Lemme go get dressed."

He gripped me a little tighter, not letting me move really at all. "I don't know... I'm pretty fucking partial to these shorts... "

_That grin, _I thought, _is going to be the death of me for sure. _"Yeah, I'll bet if you like them this much, everyone else will love them."

He released my hips faster than I thought possible. "You're right. You should go put on some sweats or something."

"Oh! I think I have some Momma got me from Victoria's Secret."

"No... don't wear those. Like, ugly sweats. Ratty sweats. Really unattractive sweats."

I laughed as I lifted myself from him. "I'll put on jeans. Do you... think we might have time to talk later? About what I needed to talk to you about?"

"Of course," he said, smiling easily at me. "By the way... I took Kate out on one date... she's been showing up ever since, but I avoid her whenever possible. I never did answer that for you."

"So... why?"

"Why am I not seeing her anymore?" I nodded. "Because I'm with you." I blushed but shook my head. He laughed. "Because she was the same person she used to be. I wasn't going down that road again."

I nodded slowly. "Does she know that?"

"She does. I told her. Her accepting that is a whole different thing. Maybe things'll change now though. She might have thought you were just some girl last night... but... she won't be thinking that for much longer."

I smiled and bit my lip. Edward grinned as he shook his head and rolled his eyes at me. "Go change your clothes! You're way too fucking hot in those shorts... and you keep biting your lip and making me want to bite you lip and you need to cover some skin. Now. Or we'll never leave." I laughed at him. "I'm serious!"

"Okay... okay... geez," I said, teasingly as I turned to walk out of the living room and toward my bedroom to change clothes.

I could feel my angel's eyes on me the whole way.

* * *

**okay! so they didn't have the talk... i know... i know... and i also know that is really starting to frustrate some of you. i have to ask that you be patient with me, and remember it's now only bella and edward's third day... no matter that the story has been going on for two months in real time now. i actually considered changing the story itself because i knew that some of you are just... ready for that conversation. but i couldn't do it. i planned it this way from the beginning, and i understand if you don't want to wait around for it, but i just ask that you be patient with me. all good things and all that.**

**thank you so much to every single one of you who have favorited or alerted, and to those of you leaving reviews – you guys are seriously making me smile! thank you to my girl, sarah, for letting me be a big ole slacker and reading for me when i get nervous, and for talking me down off ledges and telling me to just do it that way, gosh. thank you to les16 who is a genuine freaking sweetheart, and i'm so bummed that you aren't in town with your daughter today by the way! i woulda totally bought you a drink! love you, ladies!**

**short teasers in review replies and longer teasers will be up on monday at adifferentforest and the fictionators blog!**

**(www(dot)fictionators(dot)com** **) (adifferentforest(dot)com) **

**see you all on friday! (or sooner on twitter! - i locked my twitter acct, but i will absolutely accept requests when i confirm you aren't a bot or just spam lol! )**

**:) tia**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: All things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

shine – chapter 10 – hand in my pocket –

I'm broke but I'm happy,  
I'm poor but I'm kind,  
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah,  
I'm high but I'm grounded,  
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed,  
I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby.

-Hand In My Pocket, Alanis Morissette

I was pretty sure Edward was more nervous than I was. He hadn't stopped babbling since I had emerged from my bedroom, clad in a pair of jeans – which he absolutely approved of, a tank top – which he absolutely did _not_ approve of, and a flannel shirt – which he had requested I put on to cover up the tank top he didn't approve of. I rolled my eyes at him when he asked me to do so, but he responded so sexily – growling that I was _his_ and he didn't want any one of those fucks seeing that much of _his_ woman's skin – that I turned right back around and grabbed one of Charlie's old flannels. My mother and I had split his collection up when he passed away, and we both made a habit of throwing them on in place of a jacket if it wasn't too cold outside. It wasn't cold at all tonight, but I didn't mind. The shirt would actually be like a security blanket for me, so I really wasn't going to argue with him on the subject.

And the minute he turned his car on – a brand new, silver, hatchback Volvo, which I thought was an odd choice for him, but chose not to voice – and the air conditioning began to blow so forcefully and _freezing _in my face and on my chest, I was supremely happy with my decision not to argue with Edward on the flannel shirt issue.

But he was jabbering. Rambling. Bumbling. Blubbering. Pick a word, that's what he was doing. He was undoubtedly nervous, and I had no idea why. I was the one who should have been nervous. I was going to suck it up and tell him the truth of the matter concerning my sister before tonight was all said and done. I had already decided that for certain.

I wouldn't keep it from him anymore. Regardless of whether or not he said that he wouldn't feel as if I had tried to keep it from him – because now he knew how badly I wanted to tell him _something_ – I didn't want to chance it and drag it out any longer. If I had learned anything from today, it was that keeping secrets was never a good thing. And that's exactly what I felt like I was doing. But not anymore – I was going to tell him tonight.

I couldn't keep it from him any longer, but I didn't think the car on the way to watch him practice with his band was the best time to tell him either.

His incessant talking was starting to get to me though. He wasn't really making any sense, and I was so preoccupied with wondering what things would be like upon our arrival that I missed over half of what he said. Now, I was just lost. _Maybe I can give him one subject to focus on, _I thought, _and then I wouldn't feel so annoyed with him. _Because I was. Annoyed, I mean. Completely and totally annoyed. Three days of knowing him had revealed a flirt and a nervous little man. Three days of knowing him had revealed a lot more than that to me, as well, but, those two traits were completely unnerving to me.

Well, that's not entirely true. His flirting didn't annoy me always. I quite liked when we were throwing it back and forth at one another, and that he wanted to flirt with me at all. However, I hated the fact that he could turn any conversation into innuendo. I didn't understand it, and furthermore, I wondered if we would ever be able to have a conversation without it. _I hope so, _I silently prayed, _I'm gonna need his head on straight for what I need to tell him._

The nervous rambling though? Totally annoying. I couldn't understand a word of it. I wanted him to stop. I wondered if I brought up a subject if he would be more focused.

_Worth a try, _I thought, _anything's better than this. _"So," I said, rather loudly, effectively breaking into his line of mumbling, "why exactly do you have to have band practice? You guys know your shit."

He laughed a little; it sounded a bit forced. He didn't say anything though, for almost a full minute. So I counted the seconds – sue me. Once he stopped at a red light, though, he turned to face me. "You haven't been listening to a thing I've said, have you?"

I turned to face him too, with a puzzled look on my face. "Huh?"

He raised his eyebrows as he stared at me. "You know... since we left your place... I've been talking about nothing but why we have to have this stupid band practice."

"_Really?"_

This time, when he laughed, he laughed for real. "Wow... so where the hell have you been?"

I shrugged. "Just thinking about stuff."

He ran his tongue along his bottom lip. "Stuff like... what we were doing earlier?"

Well, no, I hadn't been – until his tongue peeked its way out and he started talking about it. "I wasn't... but, now... "

He chuckled sexily. "Yeah, me too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good," I said quietly, biting my lip as I studied the features of his face. He was so beautiful that he almost didn't look real. His eyes were the best part – I could stare into the green all day long. But right now, they were both aimed right at my lips. My bottom lip busted free of my teeth under his scrutiny, and I found I had been biting a little hard. My tongue automatically licked its way across the soreness and Edward's gaze intensified with the motion.

A honk broke the connection. The light had turned green. _Fucking traffic lights, _I silently raged, _I wouldn't have minded some more staring... or a little lip action... a little action, period. _But I knew that, really, the light changing was for the best. Edward and I had a tendency to get hot and heavy – fast. Earlier tonight had proved that, and that was with as little time as we had spent with one another. It could only get worse from here on out.

Edward turned back forward quickly when the horn sounded from behind us, and before I could blink, his hand was on the gear shift and we were in motion again. He sighed. "I don't know why the hell... I just... I've never had such a problem keeping my hands off of a woman."

My lip went right back between my teeth as I felt my cheeks heat up. Realistically, I knew that I should feel some kind of jealousy over such a statement. I didn't, though. Not even after his retelling of his relationship with Kate earlier. He had made it quite clear that he had been with women – the "plenty of" I added on myself, but I knew it wasn't an exaggeration. And I wasn't going to be _that girl – _the girl that overreacts at every turn and pushes the guy away from her because she's so stupid with jealousy. Well, jealousy wasn't the only thing, but it made up a lot of that category. No, what I chose to focus on, was the fact that _I_ was the woman causing this reaction in him. _I_ was making him lose control. I could live with that.

"So you were saying?" I asked, coyly. Hopefully, if I could steer the conversation away from talks of his hands on me – not that I minded talking, thinking or participating in such an act – this blush might go away. He might like it but I sure didn't. And I was a little pissed at myself for allowing myself to be pulled into flirtation again with him. I wanted to _talk _to the man. How hard was that? Clearing my throat, I fought to bring my voice back to a normal, conversational tone. "I just... you guys really are that good... I don't... I guess I just don't really understand why you feel the need to practice. It seemed to me like you know what you're doing... so...?"

He sighed, long and loud. "No, we do. It's just... your uncle really is following through for us. Apparently, he called Jasper just a little while ago and told him that he's got a radio station on board to do a broadcast from the bar on the Saturday that we play. We just... we wanna make sure we don't fuck up what he's done for us."

He looked nervous still. He had taken his hand from the steering wheel and had begun to rub the back of his neck again. I was a little nervous at that, because he still had his other hand on the gear shift, which meant he was now driving with his knee... but, honestly? He seemed to have complete control of the car. "That's... really sweet," I said, smiling at him, "I mean – okay not sweet, but... well, nice. Yeah, nice. It's really nice that you guys are working so hard on this."

"Yeah, well, I want your uncle to like me." He chuckled. "The guys know that... and Jasper said he thinks of Alice like a part of the family too... so... he's sucking up as well."

"I don't think you really have anything to worry about," I said quietly. "James didn't kick you out of the bar for flirting with me _and _he didn't fire your band when you kept me from getting right back to work... so... I'd say you're doing good."

"He kicks people out of the bar for flirting with you?"

I nodded once. "If someone starts to come on too strong, or gets handsy with me or Alice or Angela or Vanessa or Victoria... yeah. He's quick about making them pay up and either calling a cab or the police. Usually they're really drunk anyway – time for them to leave."

"That's... shit," he said, expelling a loud whoosh of air, "that's really good to know. Jasper will like that too."

"Why?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Means we don't have to worry about you two so much when you're working up there."

I found that – that he would worry about me while I was working at the bar – incredibly silly, but also very sweet. I could absolutely understand why he would feel the need to worry. After working with Angela for the past year, I knew how much Ben worried about her while she was working. The same could be said about Vanessa and Jake, and Victoria and James – though James tended to worry about all of us. I knew that when dealing with people under the influence was an iffy vocation, but the money was good for what we did. The minor risk was worth the reward.

"You don't have to worry, ya know."

"I know. Because I know your uncle has shit under control."

I was about to respond to that; to tell him he didn't have to worry about it at all, not just because James was there, but we pulled to a complete stop just then. He killed the engine and turned in his seat to face me once again. I took a quick glance around before giving him my full attention. We had stopped at a house, a nice house. The lawn was neat and manicured, the shutters were in perfect condition, and the lights shining through the windows looked inviting. There was also a ridiculous number of cars parked in the driveway and along the street in front of it. I wasn't sure which neighborhood we were in, but obviously who ever lived here either made a nice bit of money or had rich parents.

I wondered if this was Edward and Jasper's house. I looked for Alice and my POS red truck, but didn't find it, which lead me to believe that it wasn't theirs because it would have still been parked there. He had told me Alice would be here. Curiosity got the better of me. "Where are we?"

"This is Rose and Emmett's place."

"Oh," I said quietly. I was now a shade more than uncomfortable. I knew for a fact that she wouldn't want me in her house. "Maybe I shouldn't have come."

"Don't be silly, Bella."

"Rosalie doesn't like – "

"Yeah, I know. But she has impeccable manners. Just watch." With that, he opened his door and stepped out, but before closing it behind him, he ducked back down and told me, "Don't move."

I froze. Had I done something to make him change his mind? Was he on his way inside to warn Rosalie I was here so that she could polish those impeccable manners of hers? Maybe I just had a bug on me – which the thought of completely creeped me out – and he was going to get it for me and kill it. My door opened before I could inspect myself for bugs. "There. Now when you meet my mother you can brag about how much of a gentleman I am."

I let out a relieved chuckle before grabbing hold of his offered hand and stepping out beside him. "I don't think your mother will be worried about you being a gentleman when she meets me."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You could just tell her anyway. You'd be doing me a favor."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," he said, grinning widely at me. "In fact – "

"There you are! Goodness gracious, Edward! We've been waiting on you forever!" I turned at the sound of Heidi's voice. I certainly knew it well enough – her class seemed to get longer each time I had attended it, so I had certainly heard her voice enough to recognize it. "Bella! So glad you're here," she said just as we closed the distance between her and ourselves. She pulled me into a loose hug before wrapping a hand around my upper arm and pulling gently. "Hope you don't mind, but... he has _got_ to get in there and get his shit ready or the guys are going to have his head. You can come with me and grab something to eat? Rose made a huge spread."

"How the hell did she have time for that? Didn't Jasper just get the call not too long ago?" Edward asked. He sounded annoyed. I wasn't sure whether it was the mention of Rosalie, the talk of the rest of the guys being upset, or that Heidi was dragging me away from him. With the way he was glaring at her hand that was wrapped around my arm, I was going with the latter.

I certainly understood how he felt. I wasn't entirely crazy about being taken away from him either. "Pssht. Please, you know Rose. She only needs thirty minutes to turn nothing into something. Anyway! There's trays and sodas and beers in the kitchen if you want to grab something on the way to the basement."

Edward sighed loudly before leaning into me and pressing a quick kiss to my forehead. He mumbled, "See you in a minute. Don't let them annoy you." Then he was walking past me and into the house.

My eyes followed him until he was out of my sight. I sighed then, too. He was just so fucking beautiful.

"Look at you two... " Heidi's voice was teasing, openly, and I knew it, so I wasn't upset at her leading.

"Yeah."

"He's really into you."

I turned my head toward her, smiling. "I know it."

She returned my smile. "Good. You do realize that you're completely over the moon for him, too, right?"

I pursed my lips, trying to contain the even wider smile that threatened to spread across my lips at her words. _Yes, _I thought, _completely, completely over the moon for that man. Flaws and all. _"Yeah... that's... that's about right."

"Glad to hear it. It's about time Edward found someone like you." But her words weren't comforting, not right then. Because one of the blondes from the bar walked out the front door and glared at me before pushing past the two of us. The strawberry-blonde. Tanya.

"Kate said to tell you to hurry, Heidi. Your Heineken is almost gone," Tanya told Heidi in a sickly sweet voice. She was walking toward a bright yellow, expensive looking car. I sucked at identifying cars, but I thought it resembled Jake Ryan's car in _Sixteen Candles. _If I remembered correctly, that would make it a Porsche.

"Ugh," Heidi mumbled. I turned quickly back to her. "I do hope Edward gave you some warning...?" I nodded to answer her question. "Good. We'll call her Bitch Number Two. Or Tanya, if you want to. Bitch Number One is here... she's inside. And... " She lowered her voice to a near-whisper, leaning forward, close to my ear. "I don't think Alice likes either one of them. We should go save her."

I chuckled. Yes, I could imagine that Alice wasn't too fond of the blonde bimbos in attendance. She took to insulting their type each and every night she worked at Reign. "Good idea. She might get us kicked out – Rosalie's manners be damned."

"Oh, good! Edward's been more than forthcoming with information that might be useful to you!" Heidi sounded positively cheerful. "That makes my job so much easier... but... a lot less fun. I do so love insulting those two. But I swear it when I say that Rose really will come around... just... don't rule her out, okay?"

_Yeah, sure,_ I thought sarcastically, _I'll be holding my breath, waiting for Rosalie to want friendship from me. _"Uh – okay?"

Heidi sighed. "Well, I guess she hasn't really done anything to prove my point. Time, I guess, will help you decide that." She shook her head. "Enough depressing talk. C'mon!" With that, she began pulling me through the house – much too fast for me to really take in my surroundings, but I could tell from what little I saw that Rosalie not only had impeccable manners, but taste as well. Her's and Emmett's house was decorated beautifully. I was only a tiny bit jealous.

"Bella, thank God!" Alice exclaimed as soon as I was within her sights. She hopped off the bar stool she had been perched upon and practically sprinted to my side. She pulled me in for a tight hug before beginning to rapidly whisper into my ear, "These bitches are driving me fucking crazy and I'm about to lose my shit if that red-headed hoochie-mama tries to flirt with Jasper one more time! One more time, Bella! I'm serious! And this bitch here next to queen-bee-bitch hasn't stopped talking about how wonderful Edward and his family are and that she can't wait to attend some fucking bruncheon shit with Mrs. Esme Cullen herself – not that her own mother hasn't been high up on her topics list, either. But I swear, Bella, if I hear her call you "that girl" one more time. Or talk about Edward and his mother and her sister and her _goddamn new Louboutin's, _I'm gonna break this fucking glass off in her motherfucking neck. Hand to God, Bella. Hand to God."

"Oh, good! You're here," a new voice said. I knew instantly it was Kate. She was the only person in the room whose voice I hadn't heard, but more than that... I knew because of the snotty, sarcastic manner in which she spoke. "Looks like we can get the party started. _Finally."_

I decided to try and play nice, though I knew it was all for naught. This bitch wasn't going to like me regardless, but Rosalie wasn't the only one who was raised with manners, and I could just imagine the tongue lashing I would receive from Renee if she found out I had been less than cordial to anyone. So, politely, I stepped forward and extended my hand toward her. Smiling, I said, "Hi, I don't believe we've met. I'm Bella," I paused – solely for effect – because I knew she wasn't going to like what I said next, "Edward's girlfriend."

A gasp from behind me. I wasn't sure who. A death-grip on my arm. Alice, maybe, but it also could have been Heidi. A dropped jaw. All Rosalie – though I wasn't sure if it was because of my declaration or my manners. The prize was the look on Kate's face.

I decided to rub it in a little further. Politely, of course. "You must be Kate. Edward's told me so much about you."

She recovered quicker than I probably would have. Shaking her head slightly, she scoffed quietly before asking, "Really? That's funny... because I've known Edward for years – which you surely know... " she trailed off, her voice reeking of suggestion. I, however, had already decided not to be _that girl._ So I sucked it up, smiled, and nodded in the affirmative. That seemed to throw her for another loop. "Oh... " She laughed quietly before saying, "how nice. Unfortunately for me... being _such a good friend_ of Edward's... I haven't the slightest clue as to who you are. Aside from walking in here and introducing yourself as his _girlfriend_ – which, I'm sorry... but that's completely ridiculous, honey. Are you sure you didn't hit your head on the door on your way in? It is a rather low door – I've been telling Rose that for years – " Rosalie scoffed next to her, looking at Kate like she was crazy " – but _girlfriend?_ Really, sweetie... I'd get my facts straight before marching in somewhere that so many people might be able to call you on such a thing – "

That was, apparently, the end of Alice's straw. "Oh my God! Would you _shut-up?_ Jesus. It's like you have no filter. None at all. And I'm sorry, Rosalie, but if I have to hear her voice prattle on about my best friends' boyfriend any longer – "

"It's fine," Rosalie interrupted smoothly and, dare I say, _politely,_ "I'm sure Kate gets the gist of what you're saying, Alice. Now, Bella, we waited for you before we started dishing up plates, so... help yourselves. The guys, of course, have already done so."

Heidi walked past me slowly, and I realized the death-grip had been from her, because she loosened her hold before sending me a kind smile. Tanya, I assume, was the one to gasp, because she followed right after Heidi, but there was no smile offered from her. She gave me a glare though. I felt completely okay with that.

"Girlfriend, huh?" Alice murmured to me. "He must've brought a large."

"Large something," I mumbled back at her, smiling widely.

"Oh-ho! Hussy. Do I need to bleach anything when we get home?"

"God, Alice. I'm not a total slut."

"Well, I figured you wanted to bleach the floor at some point. What with how we found it this morning. So, I figured we could knock two birds down with one stone – if you'd gotten any action. I shoulda known you'd be a prude!"

"I would bleach it if it wouldn't ruin the carpet. And I wasn't a prude. Exactly. But clothes were left on and there was no mess... so... "

"Tell. Me! Holy shit, Bella!"

"Nothing... we just... made out a bit... that's all."

"That's all, she says. _That's all?_ I call bullshit. And my bullshit sniffer is excellent."

"Well... it would have been "just making out" if it had been any other guy... but you're right... it wasn't like that with him. He's... " I didn't say anything else, just sighed. Alice got it, though. She gave me her quirky little grin and a nod, and that was that. I was pretty sure she was feeling the same way about Jasper. I wanted her to tell me what the two of them had talked about or done, but that would have to wait until later, unfortunately. The thought of waiting to hear about the man that had her eyes sparkling just so made me more than a little sad, but I knew Alice, and she wasn't going to tell me anything until I got my shit straight.

"You hungry, Bella?" Heidi asked. I turned my head to see her dropping food onto a plate, but as soon as I looked, she reached for another plate to offer me. Alice had already reached for one and was serving herself with a smile.

"Oh, uh – no. But thank you," I said hurriedly. _They were waiting on me, _I thought, _and here I am not even joining them._

"Seriously? You're not even going to eat? Why did we wait, Rose?" asked Kate, the shrew.

"I'd probably be stuffed too," interjected Alice, "if my boyfriend showed up with a large pizza from Pagliacci's. That place is divine."

"You hate that pizza," I told her with a raised brow.

"Correction! I hate that repugnant shit you eat from there. But their pizza is amazing."

"It's good, Alice."

"No, it isn't."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it isn't."

"Yes," a different voice said in place of mine. Edward. I sighed and smiled as I turned toward the sound. I didn't have to turn far though, he was almost right behind me. "It is."

"Ugh! Now you two are gonna gang up on me, aren't you?" Alice asked, petulantly.

His chest pressed against my back and his arms surrounded my waist. Dropping his chin to rest on my shoulder, he said, "Hell yeah, we are. And please don't force-feed Bella, Heidi. She ate half the pizza... I'd bet money she still feels like she's gonna bust."

Heidi laughed, but she wasn't the only one. Cackling spouted from the shrew and her sister. I barely managed to contain my eye roll. She couldn't just cackle, though, no, then she had to speak. "Oh, Edward! That's so funny! I remember that time when we went – "

"The guys ready, Edward?" _Thank you, Heidi, _I said silently, _you probably saved either Alice or I from a verbal sparring match. _She also saved me from having to listen to Kate's version of how wonderful Edward was. I knew how wonderful he was, I didn't need her telling me anything.

"Yep. I got picked to come fetch you girls. And... I wanted to make sure you weren't torturing my girl, here." The heat spread in my cheeks and I silently cursed my ever-present blush. _Why? _I asked myself, _Why can't I have some other show of embarrassment that isn't quite so apparent to everyone in the room?_

Edward pulled me more firmly against him before turning his head from the shoulder it was resting on and pressing a kiss right below my ear. My breathing stuttered. He whispered, "Everything okay?"

I nodded, and then shivered again when the motion caused his lips to brush against the sensitive skin of my ear. "Yeah," I whispered back to him, "I'm perfect, right now."

I felt his grin on me, but I also heard it in his words. "Yeah, I'm pretty fucking perfect right now, too."

"'Kay, why don't we all head down before they show back up here," said Heidi. I could have slapped her for bursting Edward and my bubble, but I could have hugged her also. We did tend to get hot and heavy quick, and I knew it. I also knew we were teetering right on the edge of that precipice right then.

Edward sighed against my skin, but didn't argue with Heidi. I wondered if he realized, like I did, how fast we could get going, and maybe that was the reason he didn't put up a fight. I wondered if it bothered him at all, like it did me, and if he wanted to just _talk _to me as well. I couldn't ask him right then and there, though, so instead I wiggled one of my hands into his and let him lead me from the kitchen.

We walked down a short hallway before he opened a door and gently pushed and pulled at me until I was walking ahead of him through the door. Thank goodness it was well lit, because as soon as I walked through that door, I was walking down a steep set of stairs, into a basement.

Jasper was the first to notice me. "Hey, Bella! Glad you decided to come out," he told me, grinning. I grinned back at him.

Emmett was much more subdued than last night. "'Sup, girlie. You 'bout done distracting my bro? We gots work to do." His smile told me that he was joking, but I knew there was some ring of truth to his words. Edward made it clear earlier just how much the guys wanted the gig to go well. I smiled at him and nodded, knowing that they really did need to get to practicing. Felix gave me a nod of hello before settling himself into his stool behind the drum set.

Edward had led me to a grouping of chairs; it didn't escape my notice that there were only four chairs and six women, but I chose not to comment, instead turning to face him with a smile. He gave me one in return before leaning down to give me a quick kiss, and then walked slowly away. I loved that he was so reluctant to leave my side.

"C'mon, wench, sit with me," Alice said. I turned and found her standing in front the chair on the far right. "I'll sit on you since you've eaten and I haven't."

"Your ass is bony. I don't want you sitting on me," I said but I was just kidding with her. I was already making my way to my seat so that she could, indeed, sit in my lap.

"Whatever," she replied as she settled her bony butt on my lap, "my ass is no bonier than yours is." And that was completely true. Alice did have a bony butt, but so did I.

"I don't know," Kate said in a snotty voice, "looks like Betty has some meat on her bones. Did you have one of those butt lifts done, Betty?" _Bitch, _I thought. But I wasn't surprised.

"No, actually," I said, smiling at her, "was that your way of saying I have a nice ass?"

"Ha! No, honey, sorry. That was my way of telling you that you have a fat ass." Her sister snickered next to her. I noticed she hadn't spoken since I had been there, but Alice had said she was flirting with Jasper earlier. I wondered if she felt awkward now that Alice had a friend beside her, and didn't want to rock the boat. If that was the case, then she obviously was the cowardly sister, and chose to let Kate fight her battles.

"Fat asses are better than no asses, I guess." I shrugged.

"If only," she replied, "fat asses are nothing but that: a fat ass. You should really do something about that if, you know, you want to hold on to your man."

I bristled at the same time Alice did. I knew she was about a second away from throwing her plate of food or something worse – like herself – at the bitch.

Heidi beat her to the punch.

"Don't let those two heifers bother you, Bella, seriously," Heidi told me quietly. She leaned her head closer and spoke in a whisper that I knew Kate and Tanya could hear. "Besides... they really have nothing to bitch at you about. There's nothing natural about them."

"Fuck you, Heidi," spat Kate. Tanya shuffled on her feet next to her but didn't say anything herself. "You don't know shit about me or my sister."

"I don't? Last I checked... my dad and Esme were brother and sister. Which means that my dad has known your mother for as long as Esme has. He, however, has had the, well, I don't know that _privilege_ would be the right word, perhaps opportunity? No... that's not right either. Damn, I can't think of the word. Ooh! Maybe – "

"Spit it the fuck out or shut the hell up!" Kate practically growled. Her face was turning an ugly shade of red as she glared at Heidi. Interestingly enough, Rosalie seemed to be enjoying Heidi's verbal spar with the bimbo to her right. It almost looked as if she were smiling.

"Oh, fine. My father's been – oh! Subjected! That's the word!" Heidi's smile couldn't be wider and her tone couldn't be more sarcastic. "My dad's been _subjected_ to your mother throwing herself at him for too many years to count. You know, even though he's completely in love with my mother. But whatever. You two wouldn't understand where I'm coming from. You're both just like your mother."

If it were possible, Kate's face turned even more red – I think she had me beat in that department. Tanya, who had remained silent throughout, finally spoke. "Come on, Kate. This is bullshit, let's go. It's obvious we aren't wanted here tonight."

"Ya think?" Heidi scoffed. "And don't mistake me – I don't want either of you around _any night._ There's nothing special about tonight."

"What's your deal, Heidi? Edward finds a new piece of tail and you turn on me like I'm garbage or something!"

"Oh, Kate," Heidi said, sighing, "I've always thought you and your sister were trash." Both bitches gasped. Rosalie fought harder to hide her smile. "And don't call Bella a piece of tail. Edward's smitten with her."

"Who says smitten?" Alice asked, mouth full of food. I smacked her leg. "What?"

"Smitten, my ass! She's just a new toy for him to play with! You wait, Heidi... and you'll be sorry you acted this way to me after I speak to Esme!"

"Pssht. I'm not afraid of Esme. She's not _my _mother, and I'm not going out of my way to try and impress her. Last I checked, I was a grown ass woman. You are too, ya know. You should start to act like one. You can begin by getting the hell out of here. There's some of your pride left by the door if you want to grab it on your way."

Okay, I think I was in love with Heidi. Maybe a little.

Both sisters huffed, but it was Tanya – coward, indeed – who grabbed hold of Kate's arm and led her back out of the basement. There was complete silence in the room for all of a minute after we heard the front door slam and then Rosalie sat down on the far left chair, looked at the band and said, "We've provided our portion of the entertainment for the evening, now it's your turn."

I couldn't help it – I began to giggle again. The giggling was really starting to get annoying. Alice huffed on my lap and turned. "Heidi move over, I can't sit on her when she's giggling, it's upsetting my stomach."

And then Heidi laughed and moved over and thus went the night. I stayed far from Rosalie, who seemed to have perfected those manners Edward had told me of, because she said nothing to me either. I was reminded of the phrase, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." That was Rosalie. She spoke to Heidi, but not to Alice or I, and that was alright. We enjoyed the music so much that we really didn't find ourselves too upset over not being pulled into conversation. We didn't even really talk to each other, we were both too busy focusing on our respective men to really bother.

By the end of the night, I was more than familiar with the quirks of the band and what they needed to work on and what they didn't need to work on and I was completely fascinated by Edward's voice, but I was also ready to go home. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to tell him about Gianna and Felix and how I knew Heidi for real, and not just because she was one of my professors. I wanted to start this right – I had done enough wrong.

So when he walked me to my door, instead of kissing him goodnight and calling it good, I leaned away from him. He looked at me puzzled by the action. So, I told him, "It's time I told you about my sister."

I didn't imagine it. Edward's eyes tightened at the corners. He nodded, though, so I opened the door and let him through. His whole posture had changed. My breathing quickened.

I was afraid I had already lost him.

* * *

**it's time. next chap, loves. **

**thanks to every one of you who've given this story a shot... to those leaving me reviews... favoriting... alerting... thank you, srsly. sarah! I'm free now for a couple of days! gtalk? yes, please. :p les! i heart you~  
**

**short teasers in review replies and longer teasers will be up on monday at adifferentforest and the fictionators blog!**

**(www(dot)fictionators(dot)com** **) (adifferentforest(dot)com) **

**see you all on friday! (or sooner on twitter! - i locked my twitter acct, but i will absolutely accept requests when i confirm you aren't a bot or just spam lol! )**

**:) tia**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: All things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

shine – chapter 11 – last train home –

To every broken heart in here,  
Love was once a part, but now it's disappeared,  
She told me that it's all a part of the choices that you make,  
Even when you think you're right, you have to give to take,  
But there's still tomorrow, forget the sorrow, and I can be on the last train home,  
Watch it pass the day, as it fades away, no more time to care,  
No more time, today.

-Last Train Home, Lostprophets

"This might be a stupid question," Edward started as he made his way back toward the same seat on the couch he had been sitting on earlier, "But... why do you feel the need to tell me anything about your sister? Alice made it sound like she had something to do with why your day has been shit... and... I _know_ you don't like talking about her... so... "

"Yeah – no. I don't... but... it's really, _really_ something that you need to know."

"Uhh... "

"Just – just let me tell you. Okay?" My voice was in full on beg mode, but I knew my eyes were as well. And he was staring straight into them. I didn't know if it was the voice or the eyes, but he nodded.

I didn't know whether to be thankful or not.

I opened my mouth to begin, but he cut me off before I could get a word out. "Wait, first? Was it because of her? Like I thought? Like I said, Alice made it sound that way... but she... well, she didn't clarify anything. She told me it wasn't her business to tell."

One of the many reasons I loved Alice so much, and one of the main reasons we had stayed friends with each other for so long. We both knew when to keep our mouths shut and when not to. Alice, being Alice wouldn't tell Edward anything about my sister or me – she would let me tell him myself. That was only right, after all.

"Yeah," I said, nodding, "it was because of Gianna."

"What'd she do?"

"Why? I mean, does it matter, really?"

His body stiffened even more. He hadn't relaxed since entering the apartment, but now he looked even more on edge. "Yeah. It matters. Does she fuck up a lot? That first day I met you... you had a shitty day because of her that day, too. Bella – "

"Is that why you're all pissy over there? You were upset because my sister had done something?"

"Well... yeah. I don't really like the thought of someone causing you any kind of pain, Bella. So... what'd she do?"

I shook my head. "Nothing that she hasn't done before. Okay, no, that's a lie... she's done some pretty awful things – to others... this morning... she did something awful to herself."

"Babe, no offense, but... you're talking in circles right now. I don't have the slightest – "

"My sister is a drug addict." _Well that shut him up fast, _I thought. It had, too, because his mouth literally snapped shut. "And an alcoholic. She's... well, you don't get much lower than Gianna."

"Shit," he mumbled. "Of all the things... I seriously wasn't expecting that."

I chuckled sharply once. "Yeah, well, strap yourself in. It only gets better."

"Fuck, Bella... you... you don't have to tell me this. Seriously, I – "

"I do, though. I want you to hear it all... so that maybe... you might understand when I'm done."

He frowned as he studied my face. The funny thing – and it wasn't really funny – was now that I was talking to him about it, I was more determined than ever to get it all out, and I was maintaining hope now that he might understand once I had gotten it all out.

I knew he wasn't going to find the hesitation on my face that he was looking for – I was determined, like I said. I knew my face was calm and there was no frown to be found. My eyes were not clouded over with the pain of these memories either – because memories were flashing through my mind like mad, and not the kind I _liked _to remember when I thought of my sister. No, these were the bad memories.

So that's where I began. I took a seat on the coffee table, choosing to have direct eye contact with him instead of sitting beside him and having the opportunity to look away. I wanted him to see the truth of what he heard on my face and in my eyes.

I started with the night Gianna graduated high school – one of the last good memories I had of her. I told him about laughing with her and crying with her when I told her goodbye. I told him about the loneliness I felt once she was gone and that she never called enough to fill that void.

And then I told him about _that _phone call. The first one I received from her after she had gone out and gotten fucked up. I told him about her first overdose. I told him about the reasons Renee decided to move us to Seattle. I told him about the first time I actually _saw_ Gianna drunk, and I told him about how I had wanted to cry – even though I just didn't do that.

Basically, I started by telling him how my sister had broken my heart.

And then somehow, I skipped right over that music festival and ended up telling him about Alice and my time in college. How Gianna would somehow, always get admittance into the dorms when she didn't have anywhere else to crash. I told him what I had told my mother earlier – about the first time I found drugs on her and I flushed them.

And then came the subject of Demetri. Edward's whole body tensed up at them mention of him, and I just knew that he had some idea of who Demetri was. I wasn't too keen on actually finding out how he knew of him, mainly because... if Edward had dabbled in drugs in his past, well, I could only hope he wasn't still doing any of that.

Realistically, I knew he might. The bar scene did tend to coincide with the drug scene – I had worked at Reign long enough to recognize the signs. James, however, really did run a tight ship. If one of his employees seemed odd, he shipped them off to the clinic to get tested, and not only then. He did regular screenings on the lot of us, and that was okay with me. I had enough secondhand experience with drugs to ever worry about failing a test, and I didn't particularly want to be friends with someone who was involved in that scene.

But I wouldn't ask him if he did. I wouldn't ask him how he knew Demetri – because his posture pretty much guaranteed he did know him. No, I _would_ ask him... but not tonight.

So, quickly, I brushed over my initial meeting of the man and went straight to why I didn't want to be around him – the night I saw him lay a hand on my sister and, in turn, had his hand laid across me.

"He fucking hit you?" Edward literally exploded. He was sitting one second and out of his seat, pacing the next. Oh, and yelling. Edward was yelling. Loudly. "Motherfucker! I'm gonna – "

"Edward, calm down," I said as quietly as I could and still allow him to hear me over his own voice.

"Calm down? Calm down, Bella? Fuck no! I can't believe _you_ can be so fucking calm! You just told me that some asshole backhanded you and you want me to be calm? Nah, fuck that!"

"Edward, seriously... it was a long time ago – "

"Doesn't fucking matter!"

"And James took care of it."

That gave him pause. He knew from what I had told him about James, and probably from what he had gathered of my uncle himself, that James _would_ take care of things. He was quiet for a moment, and when he spoke again, it was at a much more acceptable level. "How long ago?"

"What?"

"When he hit you – how long ago was it?"

I frowned and shrugged. "Like... half a year ago. Does it matter?"

"And then Friday? He was here again, wasn't he? With your sister? You said – "

"I know what I told you, Edward. Yeah, that was him." I shook my head. "What does it matter?"

"Because! Bella, he could just... come over here whenever! I don't think you should stay here – "

"Edward, just... stop for a second, okay? Please? I need to finish this."

"You mean telling me your sister is Demetri De Luca's girlfriend isn't enough?" _Don't believe I told him a last name, _I thought, _so that means he knows exactly who I'm talking about._

I shook my head – that wasn't important right now. "It's not what I needed to tell you... so... "

I watched as he blew out a long breath and visibly, I could tell he was trying to calm himself down. I was grateful because I argued with James enough about mine and Alice's safety, I didn't want to have the same, tired argument with Edward.

Plus, I didn't think Demetri would bother with me unless Gianna was here anyway. That was neither nor there though, and I was totally sidetracked now from what I needed to tell him. I had to figure out a way to get him completely calm again, and to finally tell him what I needed to tell him. I cursed my rambling.

"Edward?" I asked gently, hoping that he wasn't lost in his own head and would hear me. "Do you...? Are you...? If you – "

"So, if that's not what you were going to tell me – because that's huge, Bella, really, really huge – then what is it?"

I breathed out slowly, trying to find the words quickly because I certainly didn't want to agitate him any further than he already was. He looked calmer and his voice sounded much more mellow, but I knew now that his temper could spiral out of control quickly. I didn't want that to happen. "I'm trying to figure out what to say. Up until this morning, I was really, really nervous about telling you... Heidi said I shouldn't – "

Edward jerked sharply at Heidi's name and his face turned into a scowl faster than I ever could have imagined. _Way to go, Bella, _I thought.

"Heidi?"

"Um... yeah... at the bar? Last night? She, shit. I think you should know... Heidi – uh – she... " I wanted to slap myself for not being able to speak. But I knew this was it. This was what the part of the conversation I was dreading most was going to begin with – this is where I told him that my sister was his cousin's worst nightmare, and, most likely, his own.

"I'm sorry, Bella... and... I'm not trying to be a dick, swear to God, but... what does Heidi have to do with anything?" Bless him, he looked genuinely confused.

"Well... I was trying to tell you... how I actually know Heidi."

"She was your professor, right? That's what she said."

"She was, yeah. But... I sorta knew her before then. Well, not really, but knew of her... and she remembered me. See – "

"Remembered you?"

I bit my lip and nodded. "She saw me... I was... I told you, I saw you guys at a music festival once. Heidi saw me... when I came looking for my sister. I found Gianna with Felix that night, right after Heidi did."

It didn't even take him a second to realize who my sister was. "That was – she was – _fuck! _That slut was your sister?" It was a true testament to how much I disliked my sister that I didn't even flinch at his having called her a slut. I didn't care, not anymore. "Fuck!"

"Edward – "

"Did you know? Did you know that I was there? Did you remember _me_ from that night?" I looked down and bit my lip. If I were a crier, I would have been doing so right then. Edward's voice reminded me so much of that night, right now. It was cold and distant and menacing. It was nothing like what he had been using around me, not at all. "Fuck me, you did! You did, didn't you?"

Still looking down, I forced myself to nod for him because I couldn't look into his eyes then and see that he hated me. I cleared my throat and mad myself answer verbally, too. "Yes, I did... I told you – "

"You told me you saw _my band_ at a fucking music festival, Bella," he spat at me, "you seem to have let it slip your memory that you were there with the bitch that fucked shit up for all of us."

I stiffened. _Fuck shit up for all of us? What's he mean? _ I wondered. _Last I checked, Heidi and Felix were the ones screwed over. _"Look, I'm not going to defend Gianna – "

"Yeah, that'd be a _good idea, _sweetheart, trust me."

I tried to hide the hurt that lanced through my whole body at his tone and his words. _He isn't mad at you, Bella, _I reassured myself, _but he's projecting his anger right at you. Suck it up. _"Like I said, I won't defend her... she's... she made her own bed, she has to lay in it. But, I'd like you to tell me – "

"You'd like? _You'd like, _Bella? I don't owe you a _fucking _thing! Your sister – "

"Is not me!" I yelled. "I've never been like her and I never will! Why are you doing this? I get that you're mad, but why are you mad at me? I'm not my sister – "

"So – wait. You're telling me... when I said that I felt like I'd seen you somewhere before... I had. Right? That's what you're saying, right? Correct me if I'm wrong, Bella... but wouldn't that have been a good fucking time to tell me? I mean – "

I had to cut him off. It was like he had forgotten everything he had told me earlier about not feeling like I was keeping something from him. "Edward! Seriously? At what point did you just... forget everything I told you about this? I wasn't trying to keep anything from you, I swear!"

"If you weren't, why wouldn't you have told me before now? Answer that, Bella!"

"When? When I _was_ actually trying to tell you earlier? Last night? When you were playing? Or after? When we were actually freaking enjoying ourselves. Forgive me, but, I wanted that – I wanted to just... let loose and enjoy myself with you! And if all I got was one night then I wasn't going to let my sister ruin that for me! Shit, Edward... I've... you... I never forgot you. I just – "

"Shit." He blew out a short, loud breath before shaking his head. "Shit, Bella. Fuck."

"I know it," I said quietly. I wondered when he would leave. I wondered if he would stay and talk to me and let me explain anything he wanted to know. I wondered if he hated me now, because I knew he hated what he knew of my sister. I wondered –

"I gotta go."

His words didn't register. I blinked. This is where he stopped and realized that he was walking out on _me, _right? This is where he stopped and realized that he was walking out on me who _wasn't my sister,_ right?

No, he sure wasn't. By the time his words _had _registered, he was already at the door, messing with the lock to try and open the damn thing. I flew from my seat until I was right behind him. "You can't be serious! Edward – "

"No," he said, shaking his head vigorously, "no, Bella. I can't be here right now. Please, just – "

He was abruptly cut off by the sound of a key turning in the very same lock he was trying to undo himself. It swung open to reveal Alice, and behind her, Jasper. Alice's eyes were wide as she took in my distressed face. Jasper was staring straight at Edward. I watched as Alice moved her wide-eyed gaze from me to Edward; her facial expression turned glacial.

"Everything alright, man?" Jasper asked quietly. Edward shook his head again as he began to gently push past Alice. "You need me?" At this, Edward nodded. "Alice – "

"S'cool, Jazz. Get him out of here before I cock my fist in his face."

"Alice – " Jasper began, but Alice obviously wasn't finished.

"You're a real piece of work. Ya know that, Eddie-boy?" Edward swung back around to glare at her.

"You don't know shit about me, so fuck off," he told her. His eyes stayed firmly on her, I noticed. _He's never going to look at me again, _I thought sadly. "Jasper – "

"I know you're walking away from one of the best people I've ever met. I know that you're holding shit against her that isn't her fault. And I know that you are a damn fool if you do so. She – " Alice jerked her thumb back in my direction " – is amazing. And if you think she's _anything_ like that sad sack of shit that she just happens to be related to, then you're about as dense as they come."

"She should've told me," Edward said coldly.

"She just did."

"She shouldn't have waited so long – "

"Three days? Wow... you're right, Ed. That's a goddamn lifetime. Get the fuck out of here." With that, she slammed the door in both Jasper and Edward's face.

A shuddering sigh sounded from her before she turned around to face me. I was stuck, staring at the door. Frozen. "Bella?"

"Yeah," I responded. My voice was only a decibel above a whisper and my throat was so dry that it rasped the word out.

"Come here, girl," she told me as she stepped closer to me.

For the second time that day, Alice held me in her arms to try and comfort me. And for the second time that day, I cried – something that was absolutely unheard of where I was concerned. After a bit of standing there, Alice stepped back a fraction of an inch before pulling and pushing me to turn around; I followed the movements she wanted me to make. It was easier, I found quickly, to just let Alice lead me to do what needed to be done than to try and think about it myself.

An hour later found me on my bed, on my right side, with Alice pressed chest to back behind me, spooning me. She was already asleep but I couldn't seem to bring myself that peace. I could not believe that he had just _left._ I hadn't even told him all of what I wanted to... hadn't even been able to say that I was sorry for what Gianna had done... hadn't asked what he'd meant by saying she'd ruined everything for everyone. I only knew that she had ruined everything for me.

I hated her even more now that I ever had. I couldn't remember a thing of the Gianna that I loved anymore, and I didn't want to. At all. I didn't think I was being melodramatic in my numbness. I didn't think I was overreacting about what had happened. I had been Edward's girlfriend for less than half a day... less than half of a half a day. I wanted to cry again.

I wanted to sleep, too. But every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Edward. Edward smiling. Edward singing. Edward playing that keyboard up on that stage at Happy Fat's. Edward jokingly telling me to stop arguing. These images hurt. These images were what I would miss the most, they were what I wanted to remember.

For so long I had tried to remember the good images about Gianna as well, but I knew only too well about how that would work out. Eventually, I would forget that Edward was ever caring and kind and sweet to me. Eventually, I would only think of that scowl he had given to me. I would remember him calling my sister a slut, and know that he thought the worst of me also. I would never forget that he hated me now.

I didn't want to think about any of it. I wanted to fall the fuck asleep and, hopefully, not have crazy, sad nightmares about the guy I had had a crush on since I was seventeen walking out the door on me. Well, okay, technically Alice slammed it on him, but whatever. He deserved it. Even being as sad as I was about losing him... I knew he deserved that much. I was actually quite surprised Alice refrained from popping him in the face – just once.

Sighing, I sat up in bed. I knew I still had some PMs in the medicine cabinet, unless Gianna had jacked those too. I didn't think she had though – over the counter medication didn't seem to be her cup of tea. Opening the medicine cabinet in the bathroom proved me right. The bottle Alice and I kept in case of night like this one – nights where one or the other or both of us just couldn't fall asleep – was still sitting in its designated spot. I took it out, popped the top and took out two pills before replacing it and making my way into the kitchen for a glass of water.

I filled the glass and turned around. The kitchen and what I could see of the living room from the opening between were both dark. The dark suited me just fine. I hadn't closed my eyes to sleep tonight, and last night was a crazy late night also. My eyes and my body were dog-tired, but my mind was still running through all that was Edward. I sighed again, shaking my head as I prepared to pop those two pills into my mouth so that, hopefully, they would make this day end.

Tomorrow would be here too soon anyway. Thoughts of the bar and James and Angela's protective nature began to riddle through all the Edward, and I knew I would need sleep before I dealt with any of that. Before my hand closed the distance to my mouth, though, a blue light lit up on the coffee table. My cell phone was vibrating there. Cocking my head, I watched it go dim before lighting right back up. Curiosity won out over sleep. I walked swiftly over to the phone.

I didn't need to pick it up to see the name though: _Edward._ I gasped and fell into the couch behind me. The phone quit vibrating but before it dimmed again, I saw the screen flash with the notice that I had sixteen missed calls and two unread text messages. No voice mails, which I belatedly thought to be odd, but was more interested in looking at the texts to see what he had to say when the phone lit up once again. His name flashed on the screen again.

With shaky hands, I set the pills and the glass of water on the table and picked up the phone. I pressed to accept the call before I could stop myself, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

"_Bella?"_ I gasped at his voice; he sounded tired but not drunk like I thought he would be, like I felt like I should be. _"Bella... please just... can you... can you just come to the door? I need to talk to you."_

I gasped yet again. _Come to the door? _I thought, _he's here?_

"_I won't leave until you talk to me... I'll stay out here all night... just... please?"_

"Why?" I whispered. "You left... you – "

"_I needed to think, Bella... I'm sorry... just please? I need to – "_

"Hold on," I whispered, "Give me a sec."

I could hear him murmur, _"Okay,"_ as I pulled the phone away from my ear to turn it off. _What's he doing here? _I wondered. And tried to keep myself from hoping for the best. The situation could, after all, become much worse than it was already.

Even knowing he would be there, I was still surprised to see him outside my apartment when I opened the door. I had fully expected him, but couldn't believe he was there. He looked... _terrible._ There was none of the Edward I knew standing before me, but there wasn't any of that asshole he had been earlier either. Before me stood a sad, sad man. He looked terrible.

"Bella," he rasped and nodded as a way of greeting. I nodded back at him but didn't say anything. I was positive he was waiting for me to speak because he didn't say anything for a long while – an eternity if felt – but I didn't owe him words, not anymore. I had given him words earlier and he left. Righteous anger began to replace the sadness. He sighed; I was pretty damn sure it was because my body had stiffened, but I didn't give a fuck. "Okay," he said, nodding again.

"Okay, what?" I snapped at him. My voice still held a bit of the gravelly quality it had earlier, but the ferocity with which I spoke had his eyes widening ever so slightly in response. "Why are you here, Edward?"

"Because... I... I owe you an apology, for one."

"Whatever for? I'm the one with the druggie sister who likes to screw around with people in relationships, right? Obviously, I'm at fault for everything my sister has ever done."

"That's," he started, shaking his head, "such _bullshit,_ Bella. And you know it."

"Funny, I'd always thought it was bullshit, too. Lord knows I've had enough shitty fucking attitudes and looks thrown at me from people who have witnessed my sister to last me a fucking lifetime. I spent three days with you. I thought you were different than everyone else."

He looked down, nodding as his hand started rubbing on his neck. "I'm sorry you have to put up with that."

"Put up with what? Shitty attitudes, dirty looks or Gianna?"

He shrugged lightly. "All of it."

"That's so nice of you. Was that all you wanted?"

He looked up quickly, shaking his head. "No. I owe you an explanation, too."

"Look, Edward, this has been a real shit day. This morning Alice and I found Gianna on my living room floor with a needle stuck in her at which point I had to have my sister arrested because I'm not a fucking idiot and I know that I can't help her back from where she's going. Then I had to tell my mother how awful of a person her oldest daughter is, and if you don't think that broke my heart, you're a fucking idiot. Then I have to put up with my now-ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend at a bitch who doesn't like me one bit's house. Then I have to tell you this awful fucking thing from our past because it wasn't right to keep it from you, and you just – "

"Act like a complete asshole. I'm sorry, Bella, I really am. And I'm sorry about the shit with your sister this morning... Jasper told me what Alice had told him... that's fucked up, Bella."

"That's life."

"No, it isn't. Or... it shouldn't be."

I rolled my eyes. I didn't need him to preach about how wonderful life could be. "Why are you here again?"

"Right," he said, nodding sharply once. "Can I... uh... can I come in?"

I raised my eyebrows at him. "No. I don't really want you in here and Alice would probably kill you if she woke up and found you in our apartment."

He closed his eyes tight and nodded slowly. "Yeah, I deserve that. I'm really sorry – "

"You've already said that."

"Okay," he said, blowing out a short breath. "So... that was... well, I knew I remembered seeing you... but... I never thought it would be something like that. I, shit. That music festival? It was a big fucking deal for the band. There was a promoter there that night... he was there specifically for us. We were gonna get signed, Bella. We... fuck. We were gonna be something."

I furrowed my brow. "I don't understand. What does my sister have to do with that?"

"Because Felix was balls deep in her when we were supposed to be signing papers. The fucking promoter started going on and on about responsibility because he wasn't there when we were supposed to be talking business and tours and record deals. Heidi panicked and went looking for him... she found him, but... you already knew that."

I looked down, feeling guilty even though I knew... _had known_... I had not a thing to feel guilty about. I wasn't my sister, just like I had said earlier. "For what it's worth – "

"Don't. Don't apologize for _her._ I was the one in the wrong, Bella. You _aren't _your sister... but me... and Rosalie... we judged you like you were."

I set my jaw and pursed my lips. "I know it."

"We were wrong."

"Yeah, you were."

"_I'm _sorry."

I nodded but didn't say anything to that. And I didn't miss the fact that he only apologized for himself and not for Rosalie, but that it was obvious he had spoken to her tonight because he had bothered to mention her in the first place.

He sighed again. "So anyway... we lost our shot. I blamed your sister – even though I didn't know her. She was just some chic that came to the shows and flirted with someone in the band. There's plenty of those... I know you know that." I nodded reluctantly. I most certainly knew that. "So I blamed her... I blamed Felix, too... I'm still not completely cool with him. I don't give a fuck that Heidi forgave him... I think he's a piece of shit, and I don't know that we'll ever be good friends like we were once."

"Did you talk to Heidi tonight, too?"

He nodded, looking down and away from me. "She told me what she'd told you. She said that she really didn't think it should matter to me."

"But it does." I didn't ask it like a question, even though I technically wanted him to perceive it that way. Somewhere in my head, I knew it mattered to him. I didn't really need his confirmation, but I wanted to hear him say it. I needed to hear him say it... I needed him to close the book for me – I couldn't do it for myself.

He squeezed his eyes shut and bit both lips between his teeth for a moment. When he opened his eyes, though, they found mine quickly. "It does."

It was my turn to close my eyes. He had said exactly what I knew he would. Quietly, I told him, "Thought so."

"So... even though I don't deserve it... I'd like to ask you for something."

My eyes shot open and this time, I found his swiftly and without any hesitation. "What?"

"I'd like if you gave me some time."

"Time?"

"Yeah. I... I'm not ready to just... give up on this. Give up on _us._"

"I don't... I don't understand."

"I need to think. I need to know, for certain, that I can be okay with it. That I can... come to terms with your sister being a part of my life and the lives of people she's hurt before."

"My sister is in jail. I had her arrested. I don't want a thing to do with her, Edward. She's – "

"Your sister. She's your sister, Bella. All that shit doesn't matter. Blood is blood, and, one day... you might want her in your life again."

I shook my head. "No. Gianna has been doing this shit since forever. I can't... I can't deal with it anymore. With her and her constant parade of shit."

"I get that," he said quickly, nodding, "really, I do. I'd be sick as fuck of it myself, if I were in your place. But I know... that... it's really hard to turn your back on someone you love when they need you. When they ask you to help them."

"I'm done helping her."

"No offense? You're done enabling her, Bella. Besides calling the police on her this morning... well... all that shit you told me earlier about her? None of it was helping her."

I already knew that, but it still raised my hackles to hear him tell me so matter-of-fact. "No offense? But, fuck you. You would have done the same thing if it were Emmett."

He nodded. "You're right. Which is the whole point I'm trying to make. She's your family. Shit, you're defending the situation to me, right here, right now. Can you honestly say that if your sister asked you for honest-to-goodness help, that you could deny her?"

That his question gave me pause was answer enough for both of us. I couldn't say no – no matter how much I honestly wanted to. I couldn't say that I _would _help her, but I couldn't deny that I _wouldn't_ either. She was my sister, and I hated her, but... I loved her still. You didn't fall out of love with your blood, no matter how much you didn't like them.

"So what then?" I asked quietly. I hoped he knew what I meant, I was almost too tired to continue this line of conversation, almost too tired of the back and forth bull.

"So now... hopefully... you give me some time to figure my shit out."

I closed my eyes and sighed. "How much time?"

"I don't know that, Bella. I need... fuck." The breath that left his mouth this time was long and heavy and sad-sounding, if a breath could sound sad. "I need to be one hundred percent, Bella. You? You're like... one in a million for me. But... "

"But you need to make sure you can deal with the baggage being with me entails."

He nodded. "That's right. I get if you don't, or can't give me that. But – "

"You know," I began, feeling angry again, "it might be wise of you to ask if I even _want_ to be with you anymore."

His eyes widened and his mouth popped open. I had caught him by surprise. His confidence, which I had always found to be one of his sexiest attributes, had dug him into a hole tonight. Well, among other things. "Shit, I... well, do you?"

I looked away from him, shaking my head. _Of course I want to be with you, you silly, silly man, _I thought. I wanted to be with him more than almost anything, but... "I do," I told him quietly. "I didn't really... get to finish earlier... but... I saw _you_ at that music festival. I didn't really notice anyone else in the band... only you."

A small, small grin formed on his lips, but it was a sad sort of a smile. "So you've had a crush on me all this time?"

I rolled my eyes. "Still." There really was no point in arguing with his question because he knew that I had. "I can't tell you one way or the other, right now. Because you can't tell me how long you need."

He closed his eyes slowly and tilted his head down. The slight upturn of his lips turned down drastically. "I understand."

I nodded, but found myself mimicking his own motions – the frown, the closed eyes and the looking down bit. "I'm sorry."

A chuckle escaped his lips, but it too sounded sad. Quietly, he told me, "You don't have a goddamn thing to apologize for, Bella. Not one thing."

"You know," I said, but paused as I really processed the weight of what I was about to say, "I don't think that I ever could have imagined... of all the horrible things my sister has done in the past years... of all the ways she's hurt me... until right now? I don't think I've ever really thought that it would be something like this that hurt the most."

He huffed a breath. "Shit, Bella. Maybe – "

"So you should go. I think we said all we need to say for right now... "

"Bella – "

"Don't, Edward, please?" I asked the question with my eyes closed because I didn't think I could look at this face again right now. I didn't want to remember him like this – sad and tired on my doorstep. "Don't change your mind now. It wouldn't be fair to either one of us. Okay?"

"Okay," he responded quietly and after only a short hesitation.

I nodded, still with my eyes closed. "So... I guess this is goodbye then. So – "

I was cut short by two arms – two strong, muscular arms – surrounding me. It wasn't a hug like anything we had shared before, but it didn't feel like goodbye, either. It was almost reassuring. "Not goodbye, Bella," he murmured into the hair on the top of my head, "only goodnight. It's... " He didn't say anything else, and I felt cold replace all the space his warmth had just filled.

When I opened my eyes, my angel was walking out of my life.

* * *

**well. that's that. **

**thanks to every one of you who've given this story a shot... to those leaving me reviews... favoriting... alerting... thank you, srsly. sarah... i'm singing your song, right now, because you made me get off the twitter. jsyk. les! :D this is being sent to you so you can be a slacker at work. :P**

**short teasers in review replies and longer teasers will be up on monday at adifferentforest and the fictionators blog!**

**(www(dot)fictionators(dot)com** **) (adifferentforest(dot)com) **

**see you all on friday! (or sooner on twitter! - i locked my twitter acct, but i will absolutely accept requests when i confirm you aren't a bot or just spam lol! )**

**:) tia**

**now i'mma go pack my bags, because i get to bring my kitty cat home this weekend! so excited!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: All things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

shine – chapter 12 – my december –

This is my December, this is my time of the year,  
This is my December, this is all so clear,  
This is my December, this is my snow covered home,  
This is my December, this is me alone.

-My December, Linkin Park

I had always thought I had a pretty good grasp on life. I knew there were certain things that were a given. Like James always taking care of the ones he loves. My mother never letting you take the easy road when the reward is less than what a little work might provide you. Alice having my back through thick and thin. These were things I was certain of, things that I knew wouldn't change.

But there was a whole set of variables involved with all other aspects of my life that made me completely uncomfortable. I hated not knowing what would happen, and had wished more than once to have the power to see the future.

The night Gianna overdosed the first time, I was sure was the longest night of my life. Two years later, I found that certainty to be false, and that the night my father was shot and killed had taken the place of it. But I knew, _knew,_ that no other night would take the place of that one in my head or in my heart.

Again, I proved myself wrong, and I hated it.

The night Edward Cullen left me standing at the front door to my apartment had now become that night.

Sleep evaded me at every turn. I had thought I would wake Alice with the way I huffed and thrashed and tossed and turned, but she slept soundly throughout. Or, so I thought. I found that I was wrong about that as well, when Alice looked at me with sympathetic eyes and a wry grin. She told me that she needed to do things today, and asked if she could take me to work so that she could keep the truck – all in the most subdued voice I had ever heard Alice speak in.

I was thrown off by this Alice. She had never been one to be soft-spoken or to shut herself off to me, but that was exactly what it seemed like she was doing. Another thing I hated.

So when she rocked my scissors beside the tailgate of the truck, and just... handed the keys to me without gloating about having won, I wasn't surprised, but I was a little hurt. I couldn't even really say why. When Embry and I had broken up, Alice knew exactly how to handle that, because she knew that Embry and I weren't going to last. She knew, as well as I did, that he was just a boy who I had spent time with, but that I knew would never be anything more than that – just a boy. This time around, I honestly thought that Alice was counting on Edward and I lasting, and now she didn't know what to do or how to act.

Didn't make it hurt any less.

I didn't say a word to her as I drove through the streets of Seattle toward the bar. By nine in the morning I was pulling in to the parking lot of Reign, and preparing myself for a day of suck. Alice hadn't said a thing, either. I hopped out of the truck and slammed my door behind me; then I waited. For what, I didn't know... maybe I was waiting for Alice to say goodbye, maybe I was waiting for Alice to tell me what her deal was this morning, maybe I was waiting for Alice to tell me everything was okay. Maybe I was just being childish. Either way, all I got was a muted "see you later" before she threw the truck into reverse and drove right back out of that parking lot.

I felt the tears beginning to form in my eyes and huffed a breath. _Crying, Bella? _ _Two days in a row? That's some kind of record, _I thought, _and it won't solve a fucking thing._ I nodded to myself, throwing my right foot out and kicking at a loose piece of gravel in the parking lot. Which was, in hindsight, a terrible idea. Because I kicked my leg right out from under me and fell on my ass and elbows. _Only me, _I thought as I lie there, bleeding from my elbows. And then, I wondered if this day could get any worse.

I didn't think that possible.

I quickly found out how wrong I was about that, as well. James wasn't in the bar when I got in, which he usually was, so instead of just walking in and taking my time looking around to see what needed to get done before we opened at eleven, I found myself rushing to James's office to shut the alarm off. The alarm I set off because I didn't usually have to disarm it since James usually had that done already. And then, because I set the alarm off, I found myself on the phone with the security company for thirty minutes while they confirmed my identity and kept me on hold while they compared what I had told them with the information they had on record. All this while _still _bleeding from my elbows.

By ten-thirty, I had my counts done, the kegs weighed, and the coolers stocked with beer to the brim. I was also pissed. The coolers were supposed to be stocked the night before as one of the duties of the night bartender before close. They didn't do it. By eleven, I had unlocked the door and was in the process of brushing off the pool tables, wiping down the sticky mess that was left behind on chairs and tables, and sweeping the floor before preparing to mop it. I was busting my ass, basically. I had yet to look in the bathroom, but judging by the situation in the bar area itself... I wasn't looking forward to it. _What the fuck were they doing here last night? _I wondered. And I was pissed.

By twelve I had all the shit done except for the bathrooms, and, thankfully, hadn't had a customer walk in as of yet. I mean, it was bad for my tips, but good for them too, because with the bar in the condition it was in... no one would have wanted to stick around for long.

I was still pissed and my elbows were throbbing. I had the presence of mind to clean and wrap them before I set about doing what needed to be done, but I hadn't taken anything pain-reliever-wise. That was a mistake. I was going to be feeling it for the rest of the day. I just knew it. Sighing at myself, I decided that it would probably be better to wait until after the bathrooms were cleaned up before taking anything because what I was about to do would just negate the pills' purpose, anyway.

The door opened just as I was rounding the bar to go get the bathrooms over with and Alec Newberry walked right in. I knew without even having to think about it, that to go to that bathroom and clean with this piece of shit in the bar was just asking to be robbed. I was also a little nervous because James was usually here when Alec was, and Alec had a tendency to become drunk fast – as a result of almost never eating, and with the drink becoming violent. I sighed again and made my way back behind the bar, resigned to the fact that I wouldn't be cleaning anything, anytime soon.

"Whatcha drinkin', Alec?" I asked, pasting on a fake smile. It was harder than I thought it would be. I had found, though, that if you tried to be nice to Alec, there was less of a chance of him getting out of control.

"Every fucking day I come in here and order the same fucking thing and every fucking time you fucking ask me what the fuck I want to drink," he growled. I shut my eyes – this was not going to be a pleasant day at all. "I want what I always want!"

"Chill, Alec, or I'm gonna have to make you leave. You know this," I told him as I turned around to grab a mug to fill with beer for him. Yeah, I knew what Alec drank, I've known what Alec drinks since the first damn day I waited on him. I also knew that if you _didn't _ask Alec what he wanted to drink, you were accused of being hoity-toity or thinking too good to speak to him. I definitely wasn't too good to speak to him, though I didn't particularly make a habit of it. To stand too close to him meant you had to smell him.

"Already with the threats, sweetheart? One of these days," he mumbled, still growling somewhat. I took a deep breath and tried to contain myself. I was quickly losing my patience.

"I wasn't making a threat. I was making a promise," I told him, sarcastic smile firmly in place. His head jerked up and he slammed his mug down on the bar. Before he could speak, I did. "And you slam your mug down on my bar _one more goddamn time_ I will throw your ass out."

He regarded me with narrowed eyes for all of a minute before resigning himself to the fact that I just wasn't in the mood to be fucked with today. And I was standing between him and his alcohol. I nodded at him and walked down to the other end of the bar, plopping my ass up on the beer cooler and stretching my legs out until my feet were resting on one of the shelves.

Fuck, I was exhausted. I wondered if I would come home feeling this exhausted if and when I ever landed myself a teaching job. I was so sick of this place and all the bullshit that came along with it. If I had been hired by the school district already, I wouldn't have been in here Friday afternoon, and I wouldn't have met Edward Cullen again. If I had been hired by the school district already, I might be able to see my mother more than once a week because my hours wouldn't keep me out at all times of the day and night, and I might not be so damn tired when I left work. If I had been hired... but I hadn't, and there really was no point dwelling.

Though I could be pissed, and pissed I was. Sick and tired of bullshit and pissed off by the laziness of others. But such was the day. I was also pretty fucking sure that the bathroom was a huge mess because when Alec got up to go and use it after his first two beers were downed, he came out with a grimace on his face. For Alec Newberry to find it gross, well, that said something. But I didn't trust him as far as I could throw him, so the bathrooms would have to wait to be cleaned.

A little after one, a group of college-aged kids came in, which wasn't unusual during the summer. Hell, it wasn't even unusual during the school year – UW kids were Reign's cash crop. They loved to come in and spend their parents hard-earned money at the local pool hall, instead of saving it or just telling their parents to put the money to better use. I made sure to card every one of those fuckers, though, because I didn't trust them either. I was starting to get antsy, because now that they had come in, I didn't know how long they would stay, in addition to Alec, and so I didn't know when the hell I could get around to cleaning the goddamn bathrooms. I was getting more and more angry by the minute.

I still managed a smile though, and a light conversation – in the form of asking what they would like to drink and informing them that, no, we didn't serve food – without coming off as a total bitch. Well, at least, they never let on that I was being a bitch anyway.

I breathed a silent sigh of relief when Alistair Gilbert poked his head in the door at half after two. The group of college kids had been up, one at a time, to ask if there was any way they could get something to eat – even though I had already told them as a whole, no, and Alec was starting to mumble under his breath about something or another, and I still hadn't had a chance to clean the bathrooms. I knew that Alistair, at least, wouldn't add any intensity to the already massive headache I was sporting.

He nodded to Alec before sitting down in his stool and turning to face me. "Bells," he greeted me.

I pasted on that smile. "Hi there, Alistair. Same old?"

"You know me, hon."

"Coming right up," I told him and made my way to the well, but stopped and grabbed his Hennessy off of the shelf on my way. I finished up quickly and set it down in front of him, asking, "Tab?"

He offered me another smile and shook his head. "You know me better than that."

I shook my head and took his money, cashing it in at the register before taking my spot at the end of the bar again. It was another half an hour before anyone else came in.

James walked through the door of the bar with a purpose. He hadn't been there when I came in to open, nor had he been in all day. I was surprised because this bar was his life and he didn't leave his life to chance. For him to spend as much time out of it as he had today alerted me to the fact that something was wrong. His eyes swept the near-empty place, stopping to take in a rather long glance at Alec, a sweep of Alistair and, finally, settling on me. He stopped mid-stride and observed for a moment before changing course and making his way to the bar stool directly in front of me.

"The fucks your problem?" he asked me, quietly. He held up one finger, indicating to me that he wanted his customary Jack and Coke.

I pasted on that smile again and made his drink before answering him just as quietly, "Don't have one. Where've you been?"

"Bullshit," he barked before throwing his head back, starting and finishing his drink in one seemingly long gulp. He put the glass back on the bar and pushed it back forward. I was familiar with this routine. I could probably do it in my sleep. I refilled his glass with just Coke this time. "What. The. Fuck. Is your. Problem."

I sighed. "Nothing you need concern yourself about."

"You're pasting on that ugly fucking smile and it's not my problem?" I grimaced at his description. "Fine. Just know this: that smile? If it's not gone by tomorrow? It will be my problem."

I rolled my eyes, which I knew annoyed James to no end, but spoke before he could chastise me. "Fine. You wanna know what my problem is? I fell in the fucking parking lot this morning. You weren't here and I set off the goddamn alarm. Vanessa was apparently too good to clean the fucking place up last night, so I spent the better part of the morning doing _just that _ for her. I still haven't been able to get into the bathrooms, but judging by the looks on people's faces when they come out, I'm sure it's gonna be a fucking blast when I do get in there. All that? Is my fucking problem. Wanna tell me where the hell you've been all day?"

He stared at me with narrow eyes for a moment before rising up from the stool and standing at his full height. Leaning over the bar, he told me, "I was with your mother, if it really fucking matters. We were at Leah Clearwater's office all day long, if you really want to know. And the next time you talk to me like that, I ain't gonna be so fucking nice." And then he kicked his bar stool back and stalked off toward the back, but turned as he passed the entrance to go back behind the bar where I was. He stopped directly in front of me. Lowly, he said, "And Vanessa was by herself last night. Rini called in. So she didn't have a waitress last night and no one up here to fucking help her since Nay called me crying and I decided to stay with my sister. Do me a favor, Bells? Try and remember that the whole world doesn't circle around you. And the next time you wake up in a shitty fucking mood, don't bother coming in."

I was speechless. James had gotten after me when I was younger, and he did his overprotective bit on more than one occasion, but this? _Nothing_ like this had ever happened between the two of us. He had never been condescending to me and he had always understood when I was not having the best of days. He didn't wait for me to respond though, instead he turned on his heel and kept right on the path he had been on – straight back to the office. I felt like a chastised child. Foolish and hurt.

Could this day get any worse?

Again, I found myself blinking back tears and silently cursed. Alec chose that point to chime in with some attitude. "What crawled up his ass and died?"

I shrugged, turning to face him. "Did you want another beer?"

"Did I say I wanted another beer?" he barked. I shook my head, trying to contain all these fucking emotions that were brewing inside of me. "Then I don't want another fucking beer!"

"Hey, hey, Alec," Alistair started, his voice the epitome of calm and collected. The kids playing pool and drinking pitchers in the back had stopped playing and were all stared wide-eyed in the direction of the bar. "There's no need – "

"Lemme guess. Your druggie sister do something? I don't know why you don't just cut her fuckin' ass loose. Waste of space, that girl is."

I ground my teeth together. "Like you?"

He narrowed his eyes again and opened his mouth to speak, but James chose that moment to come walking back out from the back – this time holding the bank bag. Looked like I would be left alone again. "Shut the fuck up, Alec. You don't, you go. You know the drill." Alec snapped his mouth shut fast. James turned to me. "Call the police if he gives you trouble. I'll be back in a bit, and when I do I'll get the bathrooms." Again, without waiting for me to respond, he stomped off.

I sighed, shakily. James had just made it to his truck when I saw my best friend pop up right next to him. They spoke for a few minutes and then Alice turned and came inside. She took her normal seat at the bar, gave me her quirky little grin, and produced a bag of food.

"Bribing me?" I asked, eyebrow raised.

She shrugged but didn't speak until I was standing in front of her. "I am sorry I was so quiet this morning."

"Why were you?" I pulled the burger and fries out and began munching. I didn't even realize I was so hungry.

"I slept for shit. Like you did. And I was kinda pissed at you, too."

I looked at her, confused. "Why?"

"Because you talked to him last night."

I stopped mid-chew. "How'd you know that?"

She took a deep breath. "I freaked when I woke up and didn't feel you next to me... so I got up to look for you and saw you two talking. I didn't, like, stick around and listen or anything... mainly because I thought you'd tell me. But you didn't. I was pissed. Petty, I know."

"So... you aren't really pissed that I talked to him... just that I didn't tell you?"

"Yeah." She shrugged. "I told you it was petty."

I rolled my eyes at her, offering her the most genuine smile I had smiled all day long – small and sad as it was. "Whatever. I'd be pissed too."

She gave me her quirky grin and raised her eyebrows at me. "So...? You gonna tell me or what?"

I huffed, but did just as she asked. She kept interrupting me though, which, much as I loved her, was seriously annoying the piss out of me. I wasn't having a good day to begin with, it had only gotten worse, but at least I had somewhat managed to keep Edward off of my mind. Now, here was Alice making me relive the awful experience word for fucking word.

Then, of course, she had to chime in when I was done, telling me that her errands today had been to go and talk to Jasper. She asked me if I was upset by the prospect of her continuing to see him, which was ridiculous. I wouldn't begrudge my best fucking friend happiness. No matter what. However, then she had to go on and tell me who else happened to be there. In all honesty, I should have expected it – Jasper and Edward did live together after all, and that's what I told her.

She quickly corrected me, though. "Oh, no! I went to see Jasper at work. Trust me... I didn't want to see Edward any more than he probably wanted to see me."

"Oh" was all I could say in response.

"But! It should please you to hear... Edward looking fucking _horrible._ Like, bad. Bad, bad. Worse than bad. Like – "

"Yeah, I think I get it." She shrugged at me. "Was there some reason you wanted to tell me this?"

"Yes."

"Get to it then."

"Impatient. First, tell me again what he said after he apologized for being an asshole."

I rolled my eyes. "Which time?" I muttered.

She cocked her head at me. "Doesn't matter really. I want to hear it again."

I let out a short breath before once again recounting the night for her. Again. "So. Why did you want me to tell you again?"

She shrugged again. "Well, I like hearing about him calling himself an asshole, for one thing. But... to be honest... I'm trying to figure out if his words were for real or not."

"Why would you wonder that?"

"Well, judging by what you've told me... what he said last night... and what he asked for... well, I don't know, Bella. I mean... he looked _bad._ If he was really feeling _that_ torn up over the whole thing... why would he ask for any time at all?"

"I don't pretend to understand the inner workings of men, Alice," I responded dryly.

She pursed her lips at me. "Don't I know that. I just... well... shit, Bella. I think he re-thought what he asked for last night." I stiffened. Alice saw. "No! No, I don't mean the not wanting to give up on you two... I just... I think he might not want "time" after all."

Quietly, I asked, "Did he give you some indication of this?"

She shook her head. "That's why I'm trying to figure this all out. It just doesn't make sense to me. Well, honestly, his reaction doesn't make sense to me at all. Jasper told me some of what went on with the band back then... and yeah, okay? I get why they were upset. Losing a contract like that? That's a huge blow... but... " She looked down and shook her head once more. Under her breath, she said, "I can not believe I'm about to say this... "

"Speak up. You know it's hard to hear shit back here."

She huffed. "I was going to say: it wasn't all Gianna's fault." My eyes widened in response to her statement and my head began to shake. "No! Wait! Hear me out, okay?" I took a deep breath and nodded for her to go on. "Yeah, okay? Gianna was wrong in pursuing some guy in a relationship. I'm not saying she wasn't, but... is she the only girl in the world who went after such a guy? No. Felix didn't have to do what he did. He's at fault, too. And I'm sorry, but... Edward works pretty closely with Felix... and he's dating his cousin... so why is it okay that he can see him more than often, but not have to put up with Gianna every once in a while?"

I shrugged, exasperated. "Does it matter?"

"Yes! Tell me again what he said, I think I've almost got it figured."

I huffed. Again. And told her the story. Again. I only hoped she didn't want to ever hear it from my lips after this time.

"Sounds like bull. And my bullshit sniffer – "

"Is excellent. Yes, Alice, I know," I said, sighing. She had asked me only about a million times what Edward said to me last night – word for word. "I don't recall ever saying it didn't sound as such. But there's no point dwelling, is there?"

She gaped at me for about ten seconds. "No point dwelling? But – I – Bella!" She huffed a breath before shaking her head. "Hell yes! There is definitely a reason to – "

"Bells?" Alistair called from the opposite end of the bar. I turned to look at him just as he jiggled his glass, indicating he wanted a refill. "If it's not too much trouble, dear."

_Thank God for Alistair, _I thought. I was quickly becoming fed up with Alice's line of questioning, especially since she had been to see Jasper already, and while seeing him, had seen Edward. I didn't want to hear about how torn up Edward looked. How he had bags under his eyes and it looked as if he hadn't bathed or washed his hair. How his clothes were rumpled and he just looked out of sorts. No, I didn't want to hear any of that. I just wanted to forget Edward Cullen had ever walked into my life. Because he had no problem walking out of it, that was for damn sure.

"No trouble at all," I told Alistair, pausing only a second to send a glare toward Alice before pasting on the fake smile I had boasted all day. _No, _I thought, _no trouble at all._

"We're so not done talking," Alice called after me. I shook my head and kept walking away from her.

Honestly, what was she expecting to come from all of this? Was she rooting for Edward now? Or was she looking for an excuse to castrate him? She had me completely confused.

"Everything alright, dear?" Alistair asked as I took his glass from him.

My fake smile was still on my lips. "Of course," I said, hoping it sounded cheerful. Alistair's face fell, so I knew it wasn't. "No worries, Alistair. Just... boy problems."

He nodded slightly. "Don't I know about relationship problems." I smiled – for real – at him this time. Yes, if anyone knew, and had found out the hard way, it would be Alistair.

"Didn't mean to dredge up bad memories," I told him quietly.

"It's never a problem to dredge them up, Bells, because they never quiet in my mind."

There really wasn't anything I could say to that, so I walked away with his glass and refilled it. The sound of the door to the bar opening drew my attention to it and I held my breath as Jasper waked through, followed closely by Emmett and Felix. It wasn't until they were all three standing beside Alice on her stool that I let the breath go. He wasn't with them.

I didn't know whether to be happy about that or not.

Felix, like last night greeted me with a nod, which I returned. Jasper gave me a smile, which I tried to return. Emmett, though, surprisingly said, "Yo, B! How's my lil bro's girl doin'?" Felix elbowed him. "Ow! What the fuck?"

I didn't bother to correct him. I had confidence that when I walked away, Felix, Jasper or Alice would correct his assumption that I was still Edward's girlfriend. I was shocked he referred to me in that manner at all, however, seeing as Edward had mentioned Rosalie last night, so I had assumed he had gone back to Emmett and Rosalie's house to discuss what he had discovered of me. I would have thought Emmett would have figured out that Edward and I weren't together anymore after that.

Instead, I offered him the best smile I could manage, and said, "Been better," before walking back to give Alistair his refill. Passing him his drink, I told him, "This one's on me."

If I wasn't mistaken, Alistair blushed. Alec didn't. "What the fuck? All you bitches are the same! I swear to God! He doesn't even have money anymore and look at you! All ready to spread your fuckin' legs for him! I knew you were a whore! You're just like your sister and – " I was in such shock at the venom he was spewing at me that I had completely missed Emmett making his way over to where Alec was sitting.

It wasn't until Emmett grabbed hold of the back of Alec's neck and slammed his head down into the bar that I even noticed he had been followed by the other three. Emmett looked quite scary. "Apologize," he growled at Alec as he ground his head into the bar top.

"Fuck you," Alec spat at him. "I'll press fucking charges on you, motherfucker!"

Emmett pulled Alec's head back up from the bar before slamming it down once again. Alec was bleeding from where his head had hit the first time. "Apologize!"

"Fuck. You!" Another head slam from Emmett. "Alright! Alright, _fuck!_ I'm sorry, Bella!"

"Tell her you won't ever insult her again."

"Fuck!" From the tone of Alec's voice, I was making and educated guess that Emmett's hand was gripping his neck pretty tightly, and his huge, muscular arm was pushing Alec's head pretty fucking hard against the bar. "I won't – I won't say shit like that again!"

"Promise her."

"I promise, Bella," he managed to say before he started bawling like a baby. Emmett let him up.

"Glad we see eye to eye, man," Emmett told him jovially, clapping him on the back. Alec lurched forward and winced. "Nobody insults my brother's girl. Remember that. And be glad it was me here and not him."

Alec nodded, wide eyes full of tears. James chose that moment to come waltzing back through the door.

He took in the scene before him with narrowed eyes. "The fuck happened here?"

Alice, thank goodness, wasn't stunned speechless like I was. "Nothing much. Alec ran his mouth again. He insulted Bella and Emmett here made sure he remembered that kind of thing wasn't acceptable around here. Same old shit."

James' narrowed eyes moved from Alice to Emmett, taking him in from head to toe. When he was done assessing the fact that Emmett wasn't harmed in any way, he moved his eyes to Alec. Those icy eyes widened ever so slightly as he took in Alec's bleeding head. "Think you oughta head on out, Alec. I told you what the hell would happen if you didn't behave."

Alec had obviously lost his mind completely. He began to yell, "This fucker assaulted me! I want the police! I want to press charges!"

James shook his head as he rolled his eyes at the display. "Wouldn't do any good. Emmett's on staff here. He was just doing his job."

Alec sputtered at that, but recovered pretty quickly. Considering. "But I've never seen him!"

"Don't mean shit. His employment records are in the back if you wanna make a deal out of it. I'd say good luck. I'd also tell you that you wouldn't be welcome in my establishment ever again. I got half a mind to just say that shit anyway. I've had enough of you to last me a motherfucking lifetime. So be a good boy. Get the fuck out. Now. We'll talk again in a week."

"You're barring me?" Alec asked indignantly. Well as much as he could with as drunk as he was. Even the three head slams hadn't sobered him up.

"For a week, like I said. Out."

Alec just stood there, gaping at James for all of a minute before he finally nodded his head in defeat and walked slowly from the bar. I let out the breath I had been holding in throughout the whole debacle.

"Bella," James said and my head snapped to him. "Go to the office and pull yourself together. I've got to talk to these guys and Alice will cover the bar for you."

I knew better than to argue with him. I walked silently from my post and closed the office door behind me once I was inside. I was glad for the silence as I sat and fought back the tears that had been threatening to fall all damn day long.

I wasn't sure how long I just sat there and breathed and rocked in James's ratty old leather office chair. He refused to throw the ugly thing away because he said it had sat in the bar for as long as the bar had been open and it was going to stay until the bar closed for good. I didn't think it would last that long.

The door opened after a time, and Emmett came walking through, looking apologetic. He put his hands on his hips and shrugged. "Guess I owe you an apology."

My eyebrows furrowed as I tried for the life of me to figure out why _Emmett_ would need to apologize to me. He had never said an unkind word, never insinuated that I was something or someone who I just wasn't, and, to top it all off, he had just gotten finished defending my honor. Under false pretenses, but whatever. "What on earth for?"

He lowered his eyebrows and stuck out his bottom lip, looking around the small office for a minute before nodding once and walking over to pick up a foot stool that Vicky had brought in a while back. He grabbed it up with his large hands and set it in front of me before kneeling and squatting his body on to it. "Well, the thing is... I feel like I should apologize for Rosalie. I didn't know – "

"You can stop there," I interrupted, "because if Rosalie wants to apologize to me, she will. Don't do that for her."

He nodded a few times. "I respect that. And she sure should apologize. I didn't know who you were at first. And I didn't recognize you like my bro did. But when he came over last night ranting about that night... I remembered you. And I remembered that look on your face too. You were horrified by what had happened. How anyone could misjudge you is beyond me."

"Wasn't hard for some," I bit at him.

"True dat. Look. Rose is a bitch. We all know that, but we've known her for a long time. I love that about her, but... I'm pretty pissed that she just... said what she said to you without talking to me about it first. I would have jarred her fucking memory. She would have remembered you the way I do."

I shook my head. "I may not know Rosalie, but... I know that if she's got her mind set on something, you aren't going to change it easily. She's a strong woman, anyone can see that."

He chuckled, his eyes crinkling up as he looked at me. Raising his eyebrows, he said, "I didn't say shit about it being easy." I gave him a genuine smile and actually managed to laugh with him a bit. "Also... I don't know what your day has been like... I'm guessing it probably could have been better – that's going off your words out there."

"Yeah... it's – uh – it's been a pretty fucking awful day."

"I'm real sorry to hear that, B. You're a cool girl. You... deserve better than my bro."

"Emmett... Edward and I aren't – "

"Yeah, yeah, Alice informed me. He asked for some time to sort his shit." He shook his head again and muttered, "He's such a little bitch sometimes." Taking a deep breath, he told me, "Funny thing is, I was over at the record store before I came here. See... when Edward left our house last night? He had no intention of breaking up with you. He even told both of us as much. And today? One of the groupies was in the store trying to hook up with him... he straight up told her he had a girl."

"What?" _That doesn't make one bit of sense, _I thought, _he walked away._

"So whatever. He's gonna flip on you, you got no reason to save a spot for him. That he's too much of a fucking pussy to come over here with the rest of the guys really pisses me off. But... until I hear different... you're his girl. That makes you like... my little sister. And that shit out there? Fuckers insulting my little sister? Nah, man, that ain't gonna fly."

"Emmett... " I whispered, holding back the tears again. "That's,um... really freaking sweet."

He cocked his head to the side and gave me a huge grin. "Girl, I'm a sweet motherfucker, haven't you heard?"

I laughed, for absolute real, this time and Emmett pulled me forward into a tight hug. "You gonna be alright?" he whispered as he held me.

I nodded slightly and squeezed him tighter. "I will be. Thanks, Emmett... so much."

He tightened his hold one last time before pulling away. "That's what I'm here for, B. Now I gotta get back out there before your uncle comes looking for me."

I smiled and waved him off. Emmett, I decided, was a good guy. And I wondered how the hell Rosalie had ever managed to land someone like him. Taking a deep breath, I figured it was time to get back out and finish this day. I was more than ready for it to be over. And I didn't really think it could be any worse.

Except, the first thing I saw as I stepped out of the back was that James, Jasper, Felix and Emmett had been joined by a fifth person. His head turned as if he could hear me walking out. My eyes met his without my permission.

Alice was right, my angel looked horrible.

* * *

**just to clarify! this is nowhere near the end. when i said "that's that" in my note at the end of last chap was just to mean everything was out in the open now. everyone had waited so long for it, and i was really worried about how everyone would take it. so, could bella's day get any worse? we'll find out...**

**thank you so much to anyone who has rec'd this story in a blog/website/or in their stories... i'm constantly flattered by this. to everyone who has given the story a shot – thank you. to those who've favorited/reviewed/alerted – so many thanks. i had my highest review count for any chapter ever – of both of my stories - last chapter... i was amazed, seriously. sarah – kenshin thanks you muchly for the rub. and i lurve you lady! les, as always, my dear, thank you for everything you do, and i'll be sending this your way shortly.**

**short teasers in review replies and longer teasers will be up on monday at adifferentforest and the fictionators blog!**

**(www(dot)fictionators(dot)com** **) (adifferentforest(dot)com) **

**see you all on friday! (or sooner on twitter! - i locked my twitter acct, but i will absolutely accept requests when i confirm you aren't a bot or just spam lol! )**

**:) tia**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: All things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

* * *

shine – chapter 13 – glycerine –

I needed you more when we wanted us less,  
I could not kiss, just regress,  
It might just be clear, simple and plain,  
Well, that's just fine, that's just one of my names.

-Glycerine, Bush

Anger is such a strange emotion. I had been angry all day long – with good reason, I felt. I was mad at myself for falling outside and hurting myself physically. I was angry with Vanessa because no matter what James said, he would have never let me leave the bar in the state it was in this morning. Shit, I would have been up here all night long cleaning the shit up, but _no,_ Vanessa just left it for me. I was angry with Alec for being such a useless sack of shit, and running his mouth about things he didn't understand and didn't care to. I was angry at James for getting after me like some kind of child when I actually did have every right in the world to be as upset as I was. Hell, I was even angry at Alice – not because of this morning; I would have been pissed if the situation were reversed – but because she just couldn't leave well enough alone in regards to Edward and what he had said and how he had looked.

All of that anger was eclipsed by what I felt when I stepped out from the back room and looked straight into Edward Cullen's jade-green eyes. _Yes,_ he looked terrible – Alice hadn't exaggerated one bit over that fact. _Yes,_ I didn't want to see him, so I realized that some of my anger could be coming from that. _Yes, _Emmett said that Edward was telling bitches that he had a girlfriend – and that should have made me feel better, but it didn't. Because if he looked that terrible and was telling people that he was taken, then why the hell did he tell me he needed time? He was a living, breathing, _walking_ conundrum, and I had no desire whatsoever to try and figure him out at this moment in time. I just wanted him to stay far, far away from me.

Which wasn't exactly an option so long as he was sitting in my uncle's bar and shooting the shit with said uncle at a table in the dart room. Well, I would be damned if he thought I was going to wait on him. If he wanted a beer, he could go somewhere else. I didn't have to do shit for him.

So I broke the connection between myself and Edward's eyes and made a sharp turn to the left, effectively turning my back on him and his pleading eyes.

"Hey, you okay?" Alice asked as soon as I was in hearing range.

I fought to keep my voice at a whisper. Right now, I really wanted to scream. "What the _fuck _is he doing here? Emmett said he was too much of a pussy to come over with everyone else."

Alice bit her lip, glancing over at the table briefly before making eye contact with me again. "Yeah, so, apparently this is gonna be an every day thing... James and the guys doing promotions around town... getting plans together to build a sort-of stage... lighting... the whole nine yards – until the night of the show."_ The motherfucking show, _I thought, realizing I had completely put the damn thing out of my mind. "So, yeah. James called Edward and told him to get his ass over here, or he wasn't going to put any more effort into it whatsoever... he even actually said he had no problem canceling the thing if Edward didn't show."

_Ah, so he isn't here to see you at all, Bella, _I thought sadly, _again_ trying to keep myself from crying. The thought that he was here only because he had to be just... made me feel even worse. It was ridiculous, like my mind and my heart were at complete odds with one another one moment, then in complete agreement the next. It felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, all because of this damn man. I wanted to scream.

"Keep him away from me," I muttered and then stepped around Alice who obviously knew better than to argue with me. Unfortunately – for them or for me, I wasn't sure – I was met with the sight of Vanessa and Jake sitting in Alice's forgotten bar stool and the one beside it.

For her part, Vanessa was staring at me with the most apologetic face I had ever seen on her. Jake, however, had his face set – jaw tight, eyes tight, lips tight – and I just knew he was waiting for me to say something ugly to his girlfriend. He was going to be disappointed. I wasn't going to say shit about it unless she did; I was going to take the high road. Plus, James would probably have some not-so-nice words to me if I did. He had told me that Rini called in sick last night, so the condition of the bar this morning – in his eyes – wasn't Vanessa's fault.

Her big brown eyes were opened as wide as they could go as I walked closer to the couple. She started talking before I had ever stopped walking. "Bella, I'm so sorry! Please know I had no intention of leaving the place like it was – "

"Then why did you?" I asked, trying to keep any sarcastic or condescending tones out of my voice. "Because it didn't look like you did anything, Ness."

"Watch it, Bells," Jake butted in, his voice husky with indignation. "I was with her last night – for most of the night – it was busy as hell."

"It usually is busy at night, Jake." I knew as soon as the words left my mouth I was going to end up arguing with Jake because even I could hear the sarcasm in my voice.

"Yeah, and James is usually here or there's a waitress to help out – Ness didn't have that shit. She was by herself so – "

"And I've seen you step behind this bar – on more than one occasion – to help her out. I've seen you stay after the bar was closed and help all of us clean up... so... I really don't want to hear it."

"James called," Vanessa said when I had stopped. "He told me everything that you've gone through this morning... Bella, I'm really sorry... and... I'm here early to get your shift cleaning done and get the bathrooms done, too. I really am sorry."

Her lip was quivering and her eyes were watering and _goddamnit _I just couldn't be mad at her when she looked at me like that. Sighing, I said, "Thanks, Vanessa... sorry... it's just... " I shook my head. "Doesn't matter. I've had those nights, too. I shouldn't take shit out on you when it really isn't your fault."

"No, it _is_ my fault. Like you said – I could have asked Jake to stay and help me, but I didn't. And I could have told James when Rini called about how busy it was and he would've been here, but I didn't do that either. I finished gathering up empties after I locked the door, cleaned them up, did the paperwork and just... gave up on it. It was wrong of me to leave it for you to do... I really am sorry."

"It's fine, really. I'm sorry if I've been a bitch at all about it – to you."

"You weren't," Vanessa said quickly. I noticed Jake raise a brow at me from the corner of my eye, but chose to ignore him. "So, can I get a beer when I'm done with the bathrooms?"

"Ness... you don't have to do that. James can cover for me when he's done over there and I'll get them clean. But I will get you a drink, if you want."

"Nope, no ma'am, not gonna happen. That mess was made on my shift, and I'm gonna clean it up," she said, hopping off her bar stool. She stood on her tiptoes and gave Jake a kiss on the cheek before telling him, "Play nice."

He rolled his eyes and nodded. When she was out of ear-shot, he said, "I can remember a night or two when you were busy with no one to help you out and all you got was sympathy the next day. But Ness has a night like that and she gets bitched at for it?"

I bristled at his tone. He really needed to learn to keep his mouth shut, but I knew that would never happen – Jake was always saying what was on his mind regardless of whether it was right or not. "Yeah, because if you remember it _right_ you know that I stayed 'til almost five in the morning getting the bar ready for open. I didn't skip out when I felt like it. Ness could've called someone, just like she said. Hell, she could have called Alice to come in and waitress and she would have. She didn't do any of that. So you can keep your self-righteous attitude to yourself, Jake, or you can get the fuck out."

"Screw you, Bells," he bit back. Even though we were both being quiet, there had been a near-fight not too long ago and everyone was still a little on edge, so we had a few pairs of eyes focused on us. "What's your deal? 'Cause you're being a total bitch and I think you know it."

"Fuck you, Jacob Black. You don't know anything about what I'm going through so don't you judge me," I threw back at him. This wasn't the first argument I had ever had with this man and I knew it wouldn't be the last, but Jake had a way about him that brought out the super-defensive side of myself. I didn't need anymore of this shit today. "How is any of it your business any-fucking-way? Last I checked, it was between me and Vanessa, so – "

"Really?" he interrupted. "'Cause last I checked, it was actually between _James_ and Vanessa. So who died and made you boss?"

Gritting my teeth, I told him, "Out. Now. I've had enough shit from enough people today. I refuse to take any of yours."

"Yeah, that's cool, Bells. I've had enough of your hypocritical ass to last me, too." With that, he stepped down from his stool and walked out the door.

As I watched him slam his fist into the wood on the door – his way of pushing it open – I contemplated what he had said. _Was I being hypocritical? _I wondered. I didn't think I had been, or was being, and, in fact, couldn't remember the last time someone had called me out on such behavior. Well, I had been called out on behavior a couple of times already today, but not for being hypocritical. I didn't think anyone had ever accused me of acting as such, now that I really thought back.

Alice ducked into my line of vision as she took her place back on the other side of the bar – in Vanessa's empty bar stool. "Fuck him, Bella. He was being an ass – even Ness agreed to that, and we both heard what he said."

"Am I acting like a hypocrite?"

She shook her head. "No, and I think it's really fucking funny that whenever someone _needs _ or _wants _something, they can run to you and it's no problem. But you get after them – like the boss they seem to think you are the other ninety-nine percent of the time – and someone always has to call out the obvious. We _know _James is the big guy. We haven't ever tried to act like we were taking his place. You were right, Bella – it was between you and Ness. James said his peace, you said yours and she said hers. Jake really didn't have the right to say any of that."

Vanessa had followed Jake out, I had noticed, but walked back in and right up beside Alice as she was speaking. She again turned to me with apologetic eyes and said, "I shouldn't have brought him, Bella... I'm sorry about that."

"Don't apologize for him, Ness. Maybe I was right and maybe he was, but really, it doesn't matter."

My tone left no room for argument from either Alice or Vanessa, but it didn't really matter anyway because James called out for me just then. I looked to Alice because I _really_ didn't want to go over there. She nodded, hopped off her bar stool and waltzed over to the table occupied by the four men. Vanessa just nodded at me, sadly, and walked into the ladies room, cleaning supplies in hand.

Alice stayed through the rest of the bands' visit with James, and always made sure to keep an eye on their drinks so that I was saved from having to go over and wait on them myself. Vanessa truly was a savior; I actually did feel bad when she hopped up at six and began re-stocking the coolers for her shift. I knew she had every intention of cleaning up for me as well, and maybe earlier that would have been okay with me because I had been so upset, but now just left me feeling increasingly guilty. So, I tried to do as much as I could before she would approach me with a shake of her head and a slight glare before taking over whatever I was doing.

I successfully avoided any contact with any of the guys until the end of my shift. Vanessa had finished her counts and done the transfer of funds from my register to hers and had just taken over for me behind the bar. She insisted I sit beside Alice and have a beer before I went home, stating it would help me to relax. I didn't want to stay, at all, but the pleading look from Alice decided for me. I assumed she wanted to wait on Jasper, but didn't want to sit by herself.

I had just grabbed my purse from the back and was on my way to Alice when he caught me. And catch me he did, literally – by the arm as he dragged me right back into the backroom.

I yanked from his grasp. "What do you want?"

"Why are you acting like this?"

"You can't be serious – "

"Why wouldn't I be serious?"

"You – you – you _broke _up with me last night! Why the hell – "

"_What?_ Bella I did _not _break up with you!"

"Well what would you call it then?"

"Exactly what it was – time. I _don't_ want to break up, Bella, _Jesus._"

I lifted my chin, glaring straight into his eyes. "Well, that's what it felt like."

"No, no. Bella, I'm sorry if I – "

"Time means you want time apart. A break. A break-up. What was I supposed to think?"

"Look – "

"And besides, I told you I couldn't give you a promise that I would be there because you couldn't give me any kind of idea how much _time_ you would need. Sounded like a break-up to me, Edward."

"No – "

"And really, if you couldn't be sure about me last night, then how are you ever going to be sure about me?"

"Bella – "

"The really sad part is that you shouldn't have to think about it at all. I mean, I wasn't the one bent over for Felix, but you sure are acting like I was."

"Fuck, would you – "

"So call a spade a spade, Edward. We're not together – in any sense of the word. That would mean that we've broken up."

"Please, Bella – "

"No, I won't "please, Bella." I won't do anything I don't want to do. I've spent my life doing a lot of shit I don't want to do, Edward, and waiting for you to make up your mind as to whether I'll be an acceptable companion to bring home to see your mother is just not something I want to do."

"That's just it – "

"That's all I feel needs to be said on this subject, so – "

"I'm sorry!" he yelled. "I'm so fucking sorry, Bella. I'm sorry I hurt you and I'm sorry I misjudged you and I'm so fucking sorry that I put you through today because I was wrong, okay? I was _wrong. _Let me make it right? Please?"

"And really that's just it. You misjudged me. You treated me like I was my sister and like I was the one who had done something wrong when all I've ever done is try to keep the people around me happy. So fuck you, Edward. Stay away from me."

I tried to maneuver my way around him, wanting to leave it just the way it was – I really had enough shit today; I certainly didn't need any more from _Edward Cullen. _He was having none of that, though. "I won't," he said firmly, shaking his head. I noticed his hand clenching and extending, and if I wasn't mistaken, it looked like his arm was making a move toward me.

"That's just too damn bad."

"Bella, would you wait? Please? Just let me talk for like – "

"I'm pretty sure we've said everything that needs to be said, Edward. Just... leave me alone, okay?"

"No."

"_Why?_ Do you not know how to take a hint?"

"You can walk away from me, Bella, but that doesn't mean this over. I told you last night that I wasn't ready to give up on us. I think we could be amazing together."

"Yeah, that's why you walked away last night. That's real convincing."

"Quit... _arguing_ with me... if you would just... stop and listen to me – "

"I already said no. I'm tired. Exhausted, really. Pissy. Bitchy. Crabby. Call it what you want. But what I am for certain... is not willing to listen to you hand me pretty words and promises that mean nothing to me anymore. I'm done with this, Edward."

I should have left then. I should have turned on my heel and ran. The defeated expression he wore told me that he had finally _heard _me. And _God,_ did that hurt. Pissed as I was at him, I still wanted him. Wanted to be his and call him mine... I didn't know what to do about that, but I did know that if I just let him choose when he wanted to walk in and out of my life that it would be the biggest mistake I would ever make. This man could break me and I knew that.

So when he finally looked up from the floor with tears in his eyes, I almost said to hell with it. His words, spoken in hushed, pained tones did absolutely nothing to strengthen my resolve. "Forever? You're never going to give me a chance to make it right?"

I slammed my eyes shut and said the only thing I could, "I don't know." But it was all a lie because if I stayed in this building with him for even another minute, I was on the verge of giving in. All of my earlier anger had dissipated; I was just so tired.

With presence of mind I didn't know I had, I whispered, "Please... just... I can't... "

"How long?" he asked, apparently having understood what I couldn't voice.

"I don't know."

"Bella?" he called, and I just knew he had moved closer to me, but I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes. "I'll wait – however long, sweetheart. And I am so fucking sorry."

And that was all I could take. One shake of the head and I was gone – out of the bar, and in my truck driving to my apartment. The burn behind my eyes was intense and I had a feeling I might just be crying again tonight, after having staved off the urge all day. Leave it to Edward Cullen to bring me to tears. Again.

I didn't know what to do or what to say or how to act anymore. This life of mine had taken on a whole life of itself and I was lost in it. I just wanted to get out of there... needed to get out of there. After everything... last night, today... hell, after the last six years of my life, I just... I couldn't. I felt like I was done with all of it. I needed to be done with all of it.

I was finished with Edward Cullen when I woke up this morning. I had little to no sleep and in my near constant state of awake, I knew that I couldn't let him back in. I wasn't stupid; I knew he had only asked for time. I knew that time might entail that we weren't done, that we might have a shot at being together again. That we might be good together one day. But my mind ran on and on with all the ways he could hurt me, with all the ways he could turn my life upside down, with all the ways he could break me. Break me worse than I was right now, and that was bad. The man had too much power over me and I really didn't like it.

But I knew. As I stood there in front of him, watching his face turn from pained to pleading to pained again, I knew he didn't want to give up on us and all of those things – excuses, really – that I had fed myself as I lay in bed the night before just raced through my mind. So much so that I couldn't speak, couldn't tell him why and how and all the ways I was afraid of him hurting me. He would just tell me words, anyway. Words that would make me doubt myself... words that would make my life turn even more around. I couldn't... couldn't let him.

And even still, even after everything I had told myself, everything I knew he wanted to tell me, I couldn't just... end it. Leave it. Let him go. I left that bar letting him think we still stood a chance, even though I knew deep down that I just couldn't give him what he wanted. Not now, and probably not ever. I couldn't open myself up to that kind of hurt. He had hurt me this much after three days... how much would it hurt when he broke my heart in three months, or three years? I didn't think I could live constantly wondering, waiting, half-expecting him to leave, to break my heart in two and go.

I had never been so glad to pull into the parking lot to my apartment in all of the time Alice and I had lived there. Once I had the truck parked, I didn't even pause to take a breath. I had the keys out of the ignition and I was hurrying to my door. All I wanted to do was shower and go to bed. Eating be damned. Other people could go to hell. I was _so done_ with this day.

"Well, well, well. Little sister returns." My hand was halfway to inserting the key into the lock when he said it. I thought about just going on and unlocking the door – seeing if he might just leave, but I knew deep down he wouldn't.

My voice was just above a whisper. "What do you want, Demetri?"

"Now, now... that's just no way to say hello, Baby Bell. I know your Momma raised you better than that."

The mention of my mother brought her voice to the front of my mind. _"You see him again? At your apartment... on the street... anywhere... run, okay? Any man that would lay a hand on a woman... there's something off there, Bella. Run, okay?" _ I wanted nothing more than to take her advice right then. Turning around, deciding to weigh my options, I was left completely disappointed – Demetri was close, really close. I had no chance of getting around him. There was no chance of getting inside the apartment either. I knew Demetri, and I knew he would invite himself in right behind me – invitation or not.

I was just going to have to try and play it cool, and get him gone before I could freak out. Mustering my courage, I said, "My apologies. Hello, Demetri. Is there something I can help you with this evening?"

I was in dangerous waters. He could take my words as being sincere – which they weren't and I was pretty sure he knew that – and play along with me, or he could choose only to hear the sarcasm. If he chose the sarcasm route, I would be in deep shit.

He grinned at me. I was repulsed by it. "That's more like it. Funny, isn't it?"

He stepped closer to me, lifting his left arm to lean against the door. I scooted back as far as I could but it wasn't far. He now had me effectively trapped between him and the door. I tried to take a deep breath. "What's funny?"

"Oh, just... " His eyes traveled from my face down, his grin growing with every inch he covered of my body. I swallowed back bile. "How your attitude completely changes when your big, bad uncle isn't around. Why is that?"

I felt his right hand brush against my leg. I really was on the verge of losing my lunch. "You tell me." I fought like hell to keep the burn in my throat and eyes from taking me over. I was going to lose it any minute now. I needed to stay strong long enough to get him out of here. "I don't mean to be rude, but it's been a really long day. Is there something I could help you with?"

"Mm, many things you could help me with, Baby Bell," he said, his voice thick with insinuation. "For now, you could tell me where your sister is."

"Gianna?"

"You have another sister?"

I shook my head minutely. I could hardly move with how close he was to me now. His hand that was brushing my leg was now inching its way upwards – toward my hip. "I don't know where she is."

For some reason, I just didn't think it would be a good idea to tell this man that I had had my sister arrested the previous morning. It just didn't seem like a good idea. "Really?"

"Yeah. I haven't seen her," I lied. I had a feeling he already knew I was lying, though. His eyes were narrowed now, and his jaw was tightening. "Not since James asked you two to leave the other day."

Demetri chuckled; it wasn't a pleasant sound. "You're the worst liar, Isabella." He shook his head. "I'll let it slide this time, though. Do me a favor? You tell your sister – wherever she is – that if she isn't at my place by tomorrow night, I'll be forced to pay a visit to Renee."

"You stay away from my mother!" I screamed and then choked on a cry as his hand squeezed and dug into my hip.

"Now, little sister... it's not that I particularly _want _to involve Renee in this... I'd much rather do my dealings with you... but I'm missing Gianna terribly. I'm afraid if she doesn't come back by then that I'll be insane with missing her... and I just couldn't be held accountable for my actions then."

"No," I said, my voice thick with the tears that hadn't been shed all day, "please, Demetri. Please leave Momma alone – she didn't do anything! She doesn't know anything! She – "

"Well, then, I'll be expecting your sister," he said, pushing away from the door and from me. My body sagged in relief. "We are clear on that, aren't we, Isabella?"

I nodded my head vigorously. He raised his hand and cupped my jaw. I fought the urge to turn my head and bite him. "I always knew you were a smart girl."

He ran a finger down the side of my face and neck, stopping once he was met with my collarbone. Thankfully, he then pulled away and began walking. I breathed a sigh of relief, but it was short-lived. His next words chilled me to the bone. "Oh, and, tell your boyfriend that the next time he shows up at my place ranting and raving and _threatening_ me, I will kill him."

And then he was gone. A cloud of exhaust followed his GTO as he sped away. I was bent over, butt resting against the door as I leaned forward with my hands on my knees. I was just... trying to breathe. Breathing was the main thing because I had to tell someone. James, probably. Alice, maybe. And I really think I owed it to my mother to tell her – I was done keeping secrets from her. But first, I had to breathe.

My hands seemed to remember themselves before the rest of me. They were lifting my purse up and over my shoulder to the ground, where I fell to my knees and began to rummage frantically for my cell phone. Once it was in my hand, I was sending a text. I decided the order had to begin with James.

_Need 2 talk 2 u._

My breathing was getting better as every second passed, but I didn't think my legs strong enough to hold me up quite yet. I had to wait less than a minute for James to respond to me.

_Busy._

Somewhere in the back of my mind, the anger I had been consumed with all day raged again, but it was far overshadowed by the panic I was feeling. I typed furiously back.

_Pls? Important. 2 do w/momma._

_Please, _I begged silently, _please James... talk to me._ My phone rang; James' name flashed across my screen. Another sigh left my body.

"James," I greeted him, breathless still, "it's bad, it's so bad. Oh, _God... "_

"_Quit fucking mumbling. What's the deal, Bells, 'cause I don't have time for – "_

"It's Demetri. He was just here. He said – "

"_Jesus fucking Christ! Why the hell did you not call me right away? I'm on my – "_

"He's gone now. But, James... he said... he _threatened_ Momma... "

There was silence from James on the other end of the line. I could hear the jukebox playing, and noise from patrons in the bar, but nothing from James for almost a full minute. When he spoke again, his voice was deadly. _"Get back in your truck and get up here, right now. I'm going to get your mother. We'll figure it out from there. Hurry, Bella." _With that, he hung up.

I tried to stand on my legs. His words were the motivation I needed to get myself going, the direction I needed to get myself to follow, but my legs just weren't ready for it yet. With the craziness of the day on top of my encounter with Demetri, I was just drained. My phone rang again before I made my third attempt. This time, it was Alice.

"Hey," I greeted her, "I know you're probably pissed – "

"_Do you need me to come get you?"_

"What?"

"_You aren't in the truck, I'd hear it. I'm guessing your body isn't cooperating with you right now, and you just had a visit from that dickhead and no I don't know what happened because James was all hell, fire, and in a hurry to get out of here, but I know you and I know you probably aren't okay and I don't know that I'm entirely comfortable with you driving right now so I think I should come get you. I can leave now. No, I'm leaving now. I'm walking to – "_

"Alice, stop. Did you forget I have the truck?"

"_Jasper's bringing me so I can drive you and the truck back... and I don't think he wants us left unattended."_

"Oh," I responded quietly. I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to be around any of those guys right now.

"_Don't worry, Bella. You and I will drive back in the truck. Jasper will follow. Okay?"_

"Okay," I said, just as quietly. Knowing Alice was coming to get me was a load off of my shoulders.

"_You don't have to talk, but stay on the phone with me, okay? I just want to know you're alright until we can get there."_

"Yeah, okay, sure."

They arrived fifteen minutes later and I still hadn't made it to my feet. When Alice's small frame entered my line of sight, I reached my arms out toward her, indicating I still couldn't get up from my now-sitting position. She gave me a small smile and said, "Someone might mistake you for a lush."

"I wouldn't care," I responded. "My legs are just useless."

My voice sounded like I hadn't had a drink of water in ages, and every single one of my limbs hurt. "Well, I can't lift your bony ass. Is it okay if Jasper helps you?"

I nodded reluctantly, and refrained from saying anything until he had finished helping me up into the cab of the truck. Just before he closed the door behind me, I quietly told him, "Thanks, Jasper."

He gave me a genuine smile, eyes lit up and all. It occurred to me again that I hadn't spent any time at all with this person who was stealing my best friends heart. I was saddened by that fact. "Anytime, Bella. I'm all about giving pretty girls lifts."

"Better not be, mister," Alice quipped as she jumped in on the driver's side. "I'd hate to castrate a fucker."

He shut my door, chuckling. Holding a hand to his heart, he said, "You'd blame me? I could have just been being chivalrous."

"Yeah, yeah."

He thumped the door one time, offered up another smile to each of us, and made his way back to his own truck. Alice started our POS up and threw it into reverse, before turning around to look out the back window. As she was turning her head back around, she stopped to glance at me. "You alright?" she whispered.

I was sure I looked like hell. I knew I felt like hell. Everything ached inside and out. I shook my head.

"What happened?"

I cleared my throat, hoping I could speak normally through the whole thing. My voice did crack a couple of times, but I think Alice got the gist of the story. Her body was tight with tension throughout, her eyes hard and cold, and her mouth set to frown. When I had finished, she said, "I could kill him. I can't _believe_ he touched you!"

I had to stop her rant. She was mad for all the wrong reasons. My voice was edging on hysteria when I spoke. "That so doesn't matter, Alice! He threatened my mother! We – we have to – "

She stopped me before I could go any further. She lay a hand on my arm and said, "Hey, Bella, it's okay." Pulling the hand back, I watched as she pointed in front of us. We were pulling into the parking lot of Reign, and there, standing by the door, was James and my mother.

A shaky breath left me as I took her in from head to toe. She was physically alright, that much was apparent, but she was visibly upset. I wanted to find out how much she knew and how upset she was and fast. I leaped from the truck before it had even fully stopped. My legs had apparently decided to work again because I was running – with more grace than I had ever shown in my whole entire life – straight my mother.

My mother pulled me straight into her arms, no questions asked.

* * *

**sooo... yeah. I know you guys knew that something was going to happen with demetri... there was just no way he was gonna disappear – no matter how much we all wish he would. i'd like to take this moment to tell you all – i absolutely hate writing him... he makes me feel like throwing up – much like he did bella. but! having said that... if i can tough it out, so can you guys! have faith, everything will work itself out, it has too, right?**

**thanks so much to all you guys who keep coming back... you really have no idea what you are doing for my self-esteem! you guys favoriting/alerting and you guys reviewing! thank you just doesn't seem like enough, but i feel really awkward asking for addresses so i can send cookies, so! thank you will have to do! except you sarah. i'mma stalk you and show up with two dozen – one for me and one for you. and les, maybe. yer town's not that big, lady! (neither is mine...)**

**i have to do this, because this is such a good story. i just did a review for it at IndieFicPimp's blog... if you haven't read it, please do. it's quite the story. **

**Maledictum Magae by bexi21: ****The curse happened in 1692. For over 300 years, Isabella Swan has lived alone, afraid to be close to anyone again. But when she finally meets someone who captures her heart, the unthinkable happens, leaving her in a kind of danger she never thought possible. ExB, AU, OOC, rated M for violence and dark themes.**

**you won't be sorry! **

**also! i have to take this space to thank the wonderful Sabi'sSookie. she went above and beyond for me on wednesday – my husband had all his wisdom teeth pulled and the dental office we were sent to had the worst oral surgeon and staff ever. like ever, ever. so miss Sabi stepped in ONLINE and gave me my husband's post-op instructions. without her, he'd probably be in a lot of unnecessary pain, because they didn't bother at the doctor's office. you, my friend, are absolutely amazing. thank you so so so much.**

**short teasers in review replies and longer teasers will be up on monday at adifferentforest and the fictionators blog!**

**(www(dot)fictionators(dot)com** **) (adifferentforest(dot)com) **

**see you all on friday! (or sooner on twitter! - i locked my twitter acct, but i will absolutely accept requests when i confirm you aren't a bot or just spam lol! )**

**:) tia**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: All things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

* * *

shine – chapter 14 – silver and cold –

I... I came here by day, but I left here in darkness,  
And found you, found you on the way,  
And now, it is silver and silent, it is silver and cold,  
You, in somber resplendence, I hold,  
Your sins into me, oh, my beautiful one,  
Your sins into me, as a rapturous voice escapes, I will tremble a prayer,  
And I'll beg for forgiveness.

-Silver and Cold, A.F.I.

"_Can you believe it?" Gianna whispered. We had to whisper or Momma and Daddy would hear us and I knew they would get mad at me. They couldn't really get mad at Gianna anymore because she was eighteen and just graduated from high school, but they could get mad at me. Gianna knew that as much as I did, so she was whispering too. _

_It had been a really busy day. Nana Swan had come over at the crack of dawn to help Momma with the cooking and they had woken me up not long after she had arrived to help out. I knew how to help Momma cook her family's recipes, but Nana Swan's family was from Phoenix and they cooked different than I was used to. It had been kind of crazy because she kept having to stop what she was doing to give me further instructions and I kind of thought she was making Momma mad whenever she would tell me I was doing something wrong or huff at me over something I did different than she did. But I knew that Gianna was Nana Swan's favorite, just like I knew I was Nonna's – Momma's mother – favorite, and I knew that Nana Swan wanted everything to be perfect today, so I just tried to do what she said without any argument. Things had gotten easier when Momma's family arrived from Seattle. Uncle James had whisked me out of the kitchen, saying there were too many women in there anyway, and they could do just fine without me. _

_He took me out to his truck – he'd just gotten a new truck and was in the process of restoring it, even though Nonno, my grandpa, said it was a waste of money but it looked really cool so I thought Nonno might have just been jealous – and drove me to the corner store for an ice cream pop. He got me my favorite chocolate cone and told me, "I know today is Gianna's day, but don't think for a second that you're being forgotten about. You hear me, Bells?"_

_I was really only half-listening to him. I was trying to eat the ice cream fast so I could get to the chocolate lining inside of the cone. That was my favorite part. But Momma always told me that it was rude to not answer someone when they ask you a question. So, I nodded and hoped that was good enough._

_Apparently it was, because then he drove me over to the park and together we pushed the merry go round as fast as we could. It felt like we were flying, and it was so much fun. I really felt like a kid then, and I was a kid, even with my teenage hormones kicking into overdrive, I knew that I was still a kid. Even if I didn't know that myself, Daddy never missed a chance to tell me that I was his baby. _

_In fact, that's what he told me when he showed up a few minutes after our arrival at the park. My dad was still in uniform – he'd switched shifts with one of his deputies so he could be off today for Gianna's graduation – and he was still in his squad car, but he wasn't wearing his cop face. He looked like he looked when he got ready to go fishing with Billy Black or Harry Clearwater; he was relaxed and smiling and his eyes were crinkling and I loved it so much when my dad looked like that. I couldn't help smiling at him in return. He laughed at Uncle James and told him he was acting like a kid, but Uncle James didn't seem upset. He just shrugged and told my dad that it was all my fault and I told my dad that I didn't do anything and then Daddy was pushing me and Uncle James and I really felt like a kid._

_But now the day was done. Nonna and Nonno were asleep in the guest bedroom and Uncle James was asleep on the couch downstairs and Nana and Papa Swan had gone home and Momma and Daddy were asleep in their bedroom and Gianna had snuck from her twin bed to mine. Now, I was beginning to realize what was really happening. I realized that in two short months... my sister, my best friend in the whole world... would leave. _

"_I don't want you to go," I whispered back to her. My eyes started to burn and I knew I was close to crying. I hated crying. It always made me feel really icky, and plus, it made me feel young and weak. I never saw my Momma or Gianna cry. Daddy cried I knew, but he did it in private, and only when something really bad had happened to someone at work. Well, and today he cried but that was only because Gianna graduated and he told me they were happy tears. I didn't really understand that, but I told him Momma was happy too and she wasn't crying. He told me to mind my own business but I knew he wasn't mad because he ruffled my hair like he always did when he was playing and gave me a hug. "Can't you go to school here?"_

_Gianna chuckled and play punched me. It hurt but I didn't say anything because she would tease me about being a wuss. "Silly B. Where would I go? Besides! I'll only be in Seattle and dude! You know Momma will let you come to stay with me some weekends. Think how cool that'll be!"_

_I hadn't really thought about that, but I didn't really think Gianna had either because that didn't sound like our mother at all. She so wasn't going to let me go stay with Gianna. "You think so?" I asked anyway, hopefully._

"_Okay, well, maybe after you turn sixteen. Ya know? Like when you get your own car?" Gianna had gotten a car when she turned sixteen, but she had been saving up all her money from babysitting over the years and then Nana Swan matched her dollar for dollar. I was pretty sure Momma and Daddy had pitched in too, but they hadn't ever said anything about it. I hoped I would get a car when I turned sixteen, but seeing as I wasn't Nana Swan's favorite, I wasn't sure that would be possible. "But anyway... until then... you know Uncle James'll come get you if you wanna visit... and Momma wouldn't object to you staying with him or with Nonna and Nonno."_

_That brightened my outlook considerably. I hadn't thought of that possibility, but it was the truth. Momma trusted her family with both of us completely. She wouldn't mind if I went to spend some time with them. "Yeah!" I whispered excitedly. "And then I could stay at your dorms with you for a night maybe! Yeah, ohhhh, that'd be so cool!"_

"_I know right? We can have movie nights and eat junk food and drink sodas and stay up all night if we want to and never have to whisper!"_

"_Oh my gosh! That's so awesome! When? When, Gianna?"_

_She chuckled at my enthusiasm. "Well, I don't leave for two more months, Silly B. You're stuck with me here for a little longer."_

_Some of my excitement dimmed, but then her words registered and my happiness grew by leaps and bounds. "Yes! Two more months!" I grabbed hold of her tightly, squeezing her into the tightest hug I had ever given. "I love you, Gianna."_

"_Aww, I love you, too, Silly B." She squeezed me just as hard in return. "I'm gonna miss you so much, too."_

"_Promise?"_

"_What? Promise that I love you?" I could hear her laughing as she asked and it hurt my feelings a little. I tried to turn away from her. "Aw, Silly B, don't be like that. You know I love you. Promise."_

_I smiled at her but I didn't think she could see it because it was really dark in our room. "And promise you won't change your mind? Promise we'll still be best friends and do all those things?"_

_Gianna pulled me in for a really tight hug – it was kind of hard to breathe with as hard as she was squeezing. "I promise, Bella. You're my best friend, after all."_

I shook my head to clear it. The same thing had been running through my head all fucking day and I was sick of it. Well, honestly it had been running through my head all night and today, but that was beside the point. Whenever I wasn't thinking of that day – Gianna's graduation from high school – I was remembering the meeting with Demetri last night and that wasn't any better. I couldn't decide which hurt worse to think about: remembering my sister as she had been, or thinking about what she had gotten us into. Thinking about who she had become.

It was because of these thoughts that I was where I was. The night had been ridiculously long. Much of it had been spent with my mother's arms around me as James threw questions at me. The thing was that the brief encounter with Demetri had been just that – brief. I couldn't tell James what he wanted to know. I couldn't tell him how or when or why or what Demetri would do, just that he'd made a promise to go and deal with Renee if Gianna wasn't back in his clutches by tomorrow night. We were at a loss as to what to do.

After much arguing with my mother, James finally convinced her to stay with him until we could find a clear path to take, and that certainly wasn't happening that night. She wanted to bring me with her, but Alice refused to leave my side, and James just didn't have room for three people to sleep at his place. We thought of staying at Vicky's again, but neither of us felt particularly safe there. Jasper, though he was quiet throughout all of the conversation, spoke up to offer his place for the two of us. I told Alice she was more than welcome, but I couldn't stay there. They both understood.

So, in the end, we decided to ask Alice's brother, Garrett if we could stay with him.

James wouldn't let us take the truck, seeing as it was easily identifiable, so he dropped the two of us off at the tattoo shop where Garrett worked. Once we had seen Garrett through the glass of the studio, James left us with a promise to pick us up in the morning. Though Garrett was surprised to see the two of us, and he was in the middle of a tat, he welcomed us with open arms, telling us to go wait for him in the back.

Once at his studio apartment, he was quick to try and make the two of us feel at home. It wasn't something he needed to do, though, because upon entering, we immediately did feel at home. His studio was so much like our dorm room had been, how our apartment was now... it was so obvious that he and Alice were siblings. Paint covered furniture – remnants of inspiration without thought, as Alice always put it. It was something that Alice did, as well, though living with me for years had all but broken her of the habit; it really meant that she had been inspired to paint something, but was in such a hurry to do so that she had forgotten to put a drop cloth down on whatever piece of furniture was close and might be harmed in the process. I didn't mind so much anymore when she did it, I had grown used to her quirks over the years and it felt natural now. So the paint covered furniture in Garrett's studio felt like home.

That wasn't all, though. There was a drum set in a corner of the room – Garrett's instrument of choice, two acoustic guitars on stands close by and three electric hanging from pegs on the wall near. Their whole family were artists and musicians. Walking into Mary and Randall Brandon's house would be like walking into Alice and my apartment, or Garrett's studio.

What wasn't identical to our place were the clothes strewn across the floor, and the dirty dishes resting on the small bar by the kitchen. I didn't even want to look in the kitchen itself because I knew I might be horrified. Cleaning the kitchen had been my chore from a young age. It was ingrained in me.

Dirty kitchen be damned, he offered to make the two of us something to eat. I refused and so did Alice. We were both exhausted, so he pulled out the sofa bed and got us some clean sheets before retreating to his corner of the room. His studio was one big room, only the bathroom being separate from the rest. I hoped we weren't making him uncomfortable by being here, but I was too tired to think further on it. I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

That didn't last, however. What felt like minutes later, my eyes popped back open. I stayed in the sofa bed for a few minutes, trying to discern whether I had a bad dream or a noise woke me, but in the end I decided it didn't matter and turned back over to try and sleep again. Alice was knocked out next to me, snoring slightly. She looked pretty adorable and I smiled as I watched the tiny tremble of her lips with each small snore. Closing my eyes, however, seemed to magnify the noise, and I found myself unable to sleep with the noise sounding off right next to me.

Sighing, I made my way to one of the huge windows near the front door and, quietly, pulled a chair to sit in front of it. Sitting, watching the stillness of the night, I tried to calm my head, tried to clear my thoughts. I wanted to sleep again, so bad, and forget everything just for a bit.

"You look troubled, baby girl." Garrett's voice was quiet enough not to wake Alice, but loud enough to scare me. I jumped. "Sorry 'bout that. Thought you'd hear my big ass feet clomping over here."

I turned my head to the side, giving him a small smile. "I'm a little unobservant here lately."

"A little?" He chuckled. "And just here lately?"

"Shut-up."

More chuckling from him. "Glad to see you've grown up a little bit since the last time I saw you." I rolled my eyes at him. "But really, you alright?"

I sighed again; even I could hear how tired it sounded. "Just... a bunch of shit. I don't want to burden you with it. You're already letting us stay here."

"I don't mind that, baby girl. You know this."

I shook my head. "And I'm grateful that you don't. Still. You don't need all of this."

He was quiet for a bit. "Is it your sister?" I didn't speak. I couldn't. But I did nod to let him know that it was. It was his turn to sigh. "Look, I don't know everything because my sister doesn't tell me shit unless she has to, but... B? You gotta do something about that. Your sister is – "

"In jail. I had her arrested."

"Oh," he said, surprise evident in his voice. "What happened?"

"Short story is she broke into our apartment. I had her arrested."

"You did?"

"Yeah."

"Well. Shit."

"I know it."

"Damn, girl," he muttered as he leaned forward and opened the window we were both sitting in front of. He had a cigarette lit and was blowing the smoke out of the now-opened window before I could blink. "So, but, that's not why you two are here."

I pulled my legs up into the chair and wrapped my arms around them before leaning forward and resting my chin on my knees. Quietly, I told him, "Her boyfriend came at me tonight and threatened my mom. We didn't really feel safe in the apartment."

"Damn. You alright? He hurt you?"

"I'm fine."

"You're a shitty liar."

I laughed. "I've been told that once or twice."

"Been told what?" Alice's sleepy voice, asked. We had apparently woken her up, but she didn't seem mad. She walked over to the two of us and plopped right down on Garrett's lap. "Gar?"

"Yes, baby sister?"

"Are you macking on my best friend?"

He threw his head back in laughter and it was so infectious, I found myself laughing along with him. Alice crossed her arms and pouted at the two of us, before laying her head down on his shoulder and saying, "She's not available, anymore, big brother. You lost your chance."

My laughter was immediately quieted, but I was surprised to find Garrett abruptly stop, as well. "That right, baby girl? You got yourself a man, now?" he asked, though his voice didn't have the same lightheartedness of earlier.

"Um – "

"They're having growing pains," Alice said.

"Ah," Garrett replied. "Well, think I'll head to bed."

Alice and I went back to our own bed as well, then, but the rest of the night found me tossing and turning and now wondering – on top of everything else – if we had somehow offended Garrett. He had been on the sideline of my life since I had met him, and now I felt terrible about that fact. He was a good friend, and I hoped that wouldn't change, but now knew I wanted to show him just how much I appreciated his hospitality and kindness. Just as soon as I had things in order.

The morning came all too soon and James was there before I was even ready. Alice had decided to spend the day with Garrett at the tattoo shop, but I had to work at the bar. I only hoped it wasn't as stressful as it had been yesterday. James wasted no time in telling me I had another stop to make first. And now, here I am, in this room thinking about the past and wondering if it will ever stop.

There was nothing remarkable about this room whatsoever. I had seen a million of these types of rooms in different shows and movies, had read about them in books, but I never thought I would actually be sitting in one. The walls were white, the chairs were blue and the little windows that lined the east side of the room showed the exact same room on the other side of them. Only on the other side of the windows... there were bars. Bars everywhere, it looked like. They were quite imposing. They made me nervous. I wondered what the people inside of those bars felt like. I wondered what Gianna felt like.

I didn't even want to be here. Yesterday, I had no intention of coming to see my sister. In fact, I had no intention of having anything to do with her ever again in my life. But when her boyfriend came to me, when he _threatened _my mother... I knew I had to talk to her. I had to find out what the hell she had gotten our family involved in. I had to find out if there was anything that could be done.

I saw her coming. The orange jumpsuit – much like the room I sat in – I had seen a million times. I just never thought I would see my sister in one of them. She looked terrible. It had been years since I had seen Gianna without any kind of make-up on her face, but she had none today. The bruises I had seen littering her skin in my apartment were now more pronounced, deeper in color, and looked painful. She was far too small in her oversized jumpsuit. As I watched the female guard leading her into the room – with a grip on Gianna's arm that looked like it could snap it in half – I realized... any and every trace of the sister I had always known was gone.

She had been gone for a long time, but I felt like I was realizing it for the first time. I had been feeling like that a whole lot here lately, but the punches didn't quit getting thrown. Sister steals from you, _bam,_ she's not your sister anymore. Sister breaks into your apartment, _bam, _she's not your sister anymore. Sister almost overdoses from heroin on your living room floor, _bam,_ she's not your sister anymore. Sister in jail jumpsuit, broken, bruised and lost, _bam, _she's not your sister anymore.

Would it ever stop?

Gianna glared at me as she sat in her little blue chair. She glared at me as she took the phone to her left. She glared at me as I took my own phone, and she glared at me as she said, "You've got some nerve."

Now that she was sitting directly in front of me – window between, of course – I could see the sheen of sweat that seemed to cover every inch of her skin. There was a slight tremble to her hand; I could tell she was trying to hide this, because she was gripping her phone-holding hand's wrist with her other hand. Her whole body seemed to bend in on itself. She was definitely going through withdrawals.

I rolled my eyes at her. I wasn't here to listen to her bitch at me for having her arrested. "Whatever, Gianna. That's not why I'm here, so just leave it."

"Then why the fuck did you come? Because you're the last person I want to see _ever again." _Her voice shook as she spoke. The effect of her harsh words were lessened by the shaking.

I sighed. "I need to know how to call off Demetri."

"What the hell do you mean? Call off Demetri? He's not a dog for God's sake. And shit – "

"Well, he's threatening to go do something to Momma if you aren't at his place by tonight. So I need to – "

"Jesus fucking Christ, Bella! How dare you? Bringing this to me while I'm stuck in here? Because you put me in here!" _Of course, _I thought to myself, _leave it to my selfish fucking sister to think this is somehow about her. That I should be taking her feelings into consideration._

I huffed a breath and slammed my fist down on the little counter top in front of me. "You put yourself in there! So stop playing the pity me card and tell me what the fuck to do."

She sat there, staring at me with wide, dull eyes. I could remember when her eyes used to sparkle. "You don't get it, do you?" she whispered. "Jesus, if you'd just listened to me... all of this could be avoided, ya know."

I furrowed my eyebrows as I thought about what she had said. _What the hell? _I wondered. "What do you mean, if I had listened to you?"

"Don't you ever check your phone?" she snapped.

_Really? _I thought, _She wants to blame me? _"Don't you fucking dare try to put this on me! Have I ever failed to be there when you call?"

"Well, gee, I don't know. I've sent you messages and you obviously don't check them. Whether it's because you're lazy, can't read, or just because they're from me remains to be seen."

_Messages? _I silently questioned myself, _What messages? _Surely I would have seen messages – I had my phone with me at all times. "What messages, Gianna? Quit talking in fucking riddles!"

"Wow, you really don't check your phone."

"Jesus," I muttered. I was quickly becoming fed up with this conversation. "Can't you just tell me what the hell to do about Demetri?"

She smiled at me – an ugly, condescending smile – as she shook her head. "I used to pick a fight with him to distract him."

"What?" I whispered, "You – you did that _on purpose?"_

"You don't get it, at all. It was either me or – " She stopped herself, shaking her head a few more times. "Just stay away from him, Bella. Stay far away from him."

"What about Momma?"

"Keep her somewhere safe. I'm sure Uncle James knows of a few places."

"Wow," I said, "you're just a shitload of help, aren't you?"

"What'd you expect? If I had some sort of miracle cure to Demetri, do you really think I would've still been with him? He's a fucking psychopath. Jesus, it's like you don't know me at all."

It was my turn to just sit there and stare at her. I couldn't believe she had just said that. "No, Gianna, I don't know you. I don't know you at all, anymore. You're a drug addict and an alcoholic. You stay with a man who beats you. You can't keep a job, shit, you can't take care of yourself at all. You depend on everyone around you to take care of you. So for you to wonder about my knowledge of you? Is a fucking joke! Thanks for fucking nothing – I told James talking to you would be a waste of goddamn time. I'll find a way to deal with Demetri myself."

"No! Bella, no! You have to stay away from him – he's fucking crazy!"

"Yeah, I already knew that, but thanks for informing me. That crazy fucker? Threatened our mother. So I'm going to find a way to keep – "

"Just keep her hidden, Bella! And stay away from him! Ever since you stood up to him he's – " she squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head quickly " – he's like obsessed with hurting you! You have to stay away! You have to!"

She looked as if she were about to be sick. I certainly felt a little queasy. It had been awhile since I had actually talked to Gianna – asking if she needed to throw up or brush her teeth after she had thrown up didn't count. "Well, that's not really an option, Gianna. You put us here. I'll find a way out. Thanks for fucking nothing!"

"No! No, Bella, wait! Just – "

"I'm done waiting. I'm sick and fucking tired of waiting on you to clean yourself up... to help yourself... to do something other than waste away. I'm done with this and I'm done with you!"

"Wait, just, wait, please?"

"For what? You can't tell me anything. Go and pick a fight with him? Is that what you'll tell me? Or hide? 'Cause we're already doing that!"

"That's good!" She looked genuinely joyful about what I had said. "So good, Bella! Stay there – make sure he won't know where you are! Just a little longer. And then – "

"Time's up," the female guard was behind Gianna, I faintly heard her through the phone.

"No, please – one more minute?"

"No."

"Bella – " the guard was pulling the phone from Gianna's hand. Gianna was struggling to keep her mouth close to the receiver.

I closed my eyes and shook it, pulling my own phone from my ear and preparing to hang it up when I heard her. My eyes popped open just as she finished saying, "A little longer. I love you, Silly B."

I watched her struggle all the way until she was out of my sight. I was pretty sure she was yelling at me, but I couldn't hear her through the thick pane of glass separating us. I didn't know what she was saying. To be honest, I wasn't sure I wanted to know what she was saying. She certainly hadn't been able to tell me much of anything. Well, less than much – more like nothing. Nothing I didn't already know.

Except for the admittance that she would pick fights with Demetri. I couldn't for the life of me figure that one out. And she couldn't put it off on doing something for me. Her telling me that he had been obsessed with hurting me since I stood up to him... well, that was half a year ago. He had been beating on Gianna for much longer than that, so her words didn't make sense to me. How... _why..._ would she do that to herself?

Of course James had nothing new to add except "She's worthless. Was worth a try though. Don't let anything she said weigh too much on you, Bells. She's too far gone to try and figure out."

"But she said she would pick a fight with him, James. What the hell was that about?"

We were on our way to the bar now. It was open already; James had called Angela in to open for the two of us. She said she could stay as long as we needed, which was good, because I wanted James to make one more stop. I hadn't asked him about it yet, though, because what Gianna said was bothering me so much.

"It doesn't matter. Don't think about it."

"I can't stop thinking about it, though," I said, sighing. "I think I'll need a vacation when all this is over and done with."

"You and me both, sister. Look, Bells," he started, "I need to... shit, I need to apologize to you about yesterday."

"No, you don't. I was being selfish – "

He barked a laugh, so unlike James I quit speaking and gaped at him. "You, dear niece, are the least selfish person I've ever met in my life."

"Well. I was being selfish yesterday."

"No, you were stressed. You had a lot of shit going on and I knew that. I should have called Angela in to work for you – "

"Please don't cut my hours! I need this job... "

"I'm not cutting your fucking hours. Jesus, Bells. Just... I'm sorry, alright? I had a shit day too and I took mine out on the first person to piss me off. That was you. So – sorry."

"S'okay. Really. It's a crazy time right now."

"Yeah... about that... what's going on with you and Edward?"

I _so _didn't want to talk about that. "Speaking of Edward," I started, hoping to deflect, "could you swing by his store? I'll only be a minute."

"So something is going on?" Guess that backfired, though really I knew it would. I sucked so bad at trying to keep things to myself – especially around Alice or James. I was surprised I was able to keep things from my mother for so long, but I saw these two more than I saw her. "You two looked like you were fighting yesterday. And you hauled ass out of there. Then pretty boy came back all sullen and shit."

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you stay out of it? Please?"

We stopped at a red light just then; James turned to me with narrow eyes. "I told you yesterday that if you were still smiling that ugly fucking smile today, that it would be my business."

"I'm not smiling."

"Don't I fucking know it," he muttered. "Tell you what... I'll leave off it for a bit, but, if it should become a problem – with you doing whatever you need to do to get through this bullshit or with him pulling off this goddamn show successfully – I will do something about it."

I huffed a short breath, closing my eyes. "It won't be a problem. Swear."

He was quiet for a bit before saying, "Alright then." And that was that. He told me he wasn't in a big hurry to get to the bar because Angela called while I was in with Gianna and told him everything was under control. Apparently, Vanessa hadn't pulled what she did the night before, last night. That was good. I certainly didn't want Angela to have to put up with that since she was already put out with covering for me.

We pulled up in front of Edward and Jasper's record store soon enough, and I was leaving James to wait for me. He said he didn't mind, and to take my time, but I didn't plan on being long. I hadn't told anyone – not even Alice – what Demetri had said about Edward... at least... I was assuming it was Edward. That I didn't know for sure was my main reasoning in not saying anything to anyone. That I didn't want anyone to talk to him about it before I got a chance was my other. Regardless of whether I could be with Edward or not, I didn't want him in any kind of unnecessary danger. Provoking Demetri De Luca was certainly unnecessary.

I was unsure as I entered the store as to whether Edward would be here at all. I hadn't asked anyone for fear of raising suspicion of my motives. I wasn't particularly concerned if friends thought I might be asking him to be with me... I was more concerned they would worry for different reasons, and, like I said, I didn't want anyone telling Edward anything until I got the chance to speak with him.

I was in luck; I spotted Edward almost immediately. His back was to me as he leaned against the glass counter halfway into the store. I hadn't even gotten a chance to look at my surroundings, to appreciate his business when I saw him, and I couldn't help the rush that rocked my body at looking upon him. My heart beat faster, my breath quickened and my cheeks heated up. They were all involuntary responses to this man. I couldn't help myself. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with him... I just didn't know if I could.

He hadn't turned when I walked through and he didn't turn as I walked closer to him. I thought for a moment he might have earbuds in, but then found that silly. He was running a business... why wouldn't he greet a customer? Then, I silently chastised myself for thinking this way since I most certainly wasn't here to buy anything.

A giggle sounded out in the silence. It wasn't until I heard it that I realized there was no music playing in the store. That was odd, wasn't it? No music in a record store? But they had just opened, so maybe they hadn't put anything on yet. Maybe Edward was just too busy this morning to get around to it yet.

But Edward didn't giggle. I looked around for a moment, trying to find the body who had made the noise. There didn't appear to be anyone else in the store with us. Furrowing my eyebrows, I turned back to Edward... just as the blonde stepped out into my view.

She was smiling a coy smile at him, running her finger up and down his bicep. I thought I might be sick. She was small and busty and make-upped and bleached and waxed and fake-nailed and I hated her. So fucking much. When she finally saw me – I was standing there gaping and most likely turning more and more red by the minute – her eyes widened for only a minute before she smiled a little wider. "Oh, Eddie, looks like you've got a customer."

He swung to face me. He was smiling until he saw that it was me. His face became pained as I stood there fuming at him. Why the hell did he push me so much yesterday... why did he want me at all if this was what he was going to be doing? Entertaining skanks at his record store while I was at work? Doing shit like this when I couldn't catch him?

_Fucking asshole, _I fumed silently, _motherfucking cocksucking asshole!_

"Bella," he whispered, brokenly. The skanks eyes looked ready to pop out of her skull. He seemed to realize himself because he quickly began rambling, "Oh, oh shit! Bella, this isn't... this isn't what it looks like – "

I didn't give a fuck what it looked like. "Did you go to see Demetri?"

"What? Bella – "

"Did. You. Go. See. Demetri?" I ground out.

He huffed a breath. Skank looked like she wanted to run away. "Yeah, I did. What – "

"Don't do that again. He told me if you did, he'd kill you." I didn't care if that blonde bitch beside him heard a thing I said. I was done with him and with this whole thing. "So stay away from him."

I turned to leave. He was following me, I knew it, so I turned around quickly. He stopped just short of running into me. "And," I said, staring straight into his eyes. With the coldest expression I could muster planted firmly on my face, I said, "Stay the fuck away from me. Doesn't look like you need me anyway. I see your type right over there."

I nodded toward the skank as Edward shook his head frantically. "No, Bella, that wasn't – I didn't – I swear – "

"I don't care, Edward. Do whatever you want." I shook my head at him and chuckled sadly. "You are none of my concern anymore."

And with those final words, I walked away from my had-been-angel. Presumably for the last time.

* * *

**i'm going to go hide now. two weeks ago, a few of you wanted to hang me, so i'm sure more of you want to now.**

**i really do apologize for last weeks non-post. my mother, bless her, was hurt and she needed me to take care of her. i really didn't mean to leave anyone hanging, but family called. i also want to apologize for not responding to any reviews this week – and i'm sure those of you who wish to review this chapter will run into the problem as well... ffn just isn't being nice right now. and it's not allowing me to reply to any reviews at the moment, so it probably won't let you review either! i am sorry though!**

**I don't want to promise teasers in review replies until I know whether i'll actually be able to or not, but! There will be a teaser up at adf and the fictionators!**

**(www(dot)fictionators(dot)com ) (adifferentforest(dot)com) **

**thanks so much to everyone who's reading/reviewing/favoriting/alerting. and thank you to sarah and les for always being such an amazing motivator. and sarah, thank you for prereading this and giving me advice when u wasn't sure what to do. you're both incredible.**

**see you all on friday! (or sooner on twitter! - i locked my twitter acct, but i will absolutely accept requests when i confirm you aren't a bot or just spam lol! )**

**:) tia**


	15. Chapter 15

**omg! an update? whaaaaaaa... **

**Disclaimer: All things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

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shine – Chapter 15 – times like these –

I am a new day rising,  
I'm a brand new sky, to hang the stars upon tonight,  
I am a little divided,  
Do I stay or run away and leave it all behind?

-Times Like These, Foo Fighters

It started small. A voice mail. Then a text. One turned into two turned into three, but I stopped reading them. They all started the same way, anyway. _Bella, please._ Always begging, always asking me to listen to him. To let him explain. I just couldn't do it. There was enough going on right now... Edward was the least of the problems in my life.

He became increasingly persistent. The voice mails and the text messages became flowers. Flowers every single day, delivered to the bar. Carnations became roses became lilies became roses again. I threw the cards away; I didn't want to read them. They all started the same way, anyway. _Bella, I'm sorry. _Always apologizing but never admitting.

Next came his friends. The most obvious being Jasper. Jasper told me I should talk to him. Him being Edward but also him being Jasper. Jasper told me there was something important that I needed to know, but I didn't want to hear. He always started the same way, anyway. _Bella, just listen. _Always wanting me to hear but never telling. If I needed to know so bad, why didn't he just tell me? Why did he insist on my talking to Edward?

Then came Emmett. Emmett who had gotten my number from Edward. Emmett who thought his brother was the biggest douche bag in the world, but still wanted me to talk to him. I blew him off with an eye roll. He always told me the same thing, anyway. _B, he's a douche but he cares. _Obviously, he cared, right? That's why he looked so happy when he was talking to the blonde but so very, very sad when it came to talking to me.

Next was Heidi. She showed up before my shift on Friday. She apologized for not being able to spend any time with me this week, but she had been so busy, she said. She wanted us to have some girl time, she told me, and wondered if I was free this weekend, at all. She had something important to talk to me about, she said, but couldn't tell me right then and there. I asked her if she knew Edward and I were broken up and she faltered. I knew then she didn't want anything but to deliver a message from Edward. I told her I was busy that weekend. She tried to sway me. I wasn't swayed. She kept saying the same thing, anyway. _C'mon, Bella, you know you want to._ But she didn't clarify what she thought I wanted.

I kept busy enough to not let much bother me. I kept busy enough not to let the fact that Edward was trying so hard to get a hold of me... to talk to me... to beg me... to _be with me_ bother me. After I walked out of his record store on Tuesday, I went straight to work and threw myself into it. I didn't bother to think about anything else but a four count and a six pack.

His attempts at contact, at asking for forgiveness, at _trying_ were beginning to wear on me however. When it was just the voice mails and the text messages, it wasn't so bad, but when the flowers, then the friends began showing up, it really began to wear me down. Especially since I couldn't bring myself to throw the actual flowers away, and therefor had a glaring reminder of him every time I went in to work.

It also didn't help that I couldn't stop dreaming about him. Every night, I willed myself to put him out of my head. I begged myself to forget about him and his green eyes and his melodic voice. His skin burned me in my dreams just as much as it did out of them, and I couldn't get my subconscious to forget. Every night when I would wake up panting and sweating, fresh from a dream about Edward, I wondered why I wanted to forget him, at all.

Then I remembered him leaving me that night and coming back. I remembered the next day, when he told me he wouldn't give up on us, only to find him the following day with someone else. I remembered how much he could hurt me and I knew why I didn't want to remember at all.

I didn't have to see him in person though, which was good. Monday and Tuesday were my only day shifts at the bar, and James decided to take the guys out promoting with him on Tuesday, so I was spared the odd exchange with Edward that day. He was either being kept away during my night shifts, didn't want to come himself, or he was just trying to give me the time I had originally asked for. Whatever his reason, I was glad that I didn't have to see him during those shifts. And thank goodness, they flew by. The radio station that James had contacted to advertise the show had already begun the announcements, so our business was picking up. The tips were nice, at least. Alice agreed.

Garrett had been a life saver in every single way. He drove us to and fro when James was too busy to do so, and Garrett did it with a smile on his face. He seemed to really enjoy our presence at his place, as was evident by the late night pancakes he provided at the end of our every shift. It was nice. Alice and I had grown so used to just heading to IHOP – simply because it was easier – that homemade was an incredible treat. Garrett was all too accommodating, even going so far as to offer to continue this as a tradition even when we left to go home. We both thought it might be nice.

He had been supportive to a fault, which was nice, and absolutely what both Alice and I needed right then. He didn't need to be told what was going on, and he didn't ask. He had told me that first night that Alice only told him what she had to, but I knew that was just how Alice worked. I didn't think he held it against either one us – that we wouldn't tell him completely what was going on – he just accepted his role as big brother. As our protector. Like James.

James was unfailingly kind to both of us, as well. Aside from keeping the band out of the bar – without being asked or told the whole story – he had made sure to be there as often as he could. I was afraid he was running himself ragged, though. What with the driving my mother, Alice and I around as often as possible, keeping the bar running smoothly, employees happy, and the band on schedule, Lord knew he had plenty on his plate. He never complained though, and Momma told me that he hadn't done any complaining at home, either. I thought that might have been because his sister was there cooking for him each and every night though. Or he could have just liked having her around the house, period. Or... he could just absolutely have been in his element – as all of our protector.

I hadn't seen as much of my mother as I would have liked, which made me sad, but like with everything else going on, I tried to block that by throwing myself into work. I also, after a long discussion with my mother on the subject, decided to look into teaching positions outside of the Seattle area. All over Washington I looked, and down into Oregon, but I was coming up just as empty as before. I didn't want to go further than that, even though my mother had encouraged me to do so. I had never been that far away from my family, and I didn't think I was prepared to go that far at this point in time. I didn't doubt my mother's ability to take care of herself... I doubted my ability to take of _myself._

And then, because there wasn't enough going on in the first place, there was Gianna.

She wasn't lying to me. For once, in the past six years of my life, Gianna hadn't lied about something. My first reaction was shock. The shock didn't last long – it was quickly taken over by the guilt. I looked at the time stamp on these text messages and tried to remember where I was and what I had been doing when they arrived. I never was without my phone – well, almost never – but I couldn't remember missing any texts.

The first had come through in the early afternoon on Friday. I thought long and hard about where I was, and realized that was the day this nightmare had started... in a way. Demetri had been a recurring terror in our lives for a long time, but it seemed like Friday was a marker of a sort. It was the day Gianna had shown up outside my door, the day Alice and I had gone to the pool, and then the bar; it was the day we met Jasper and Edward. It was also the day we called James because Demetri's car had been in our parking lot upon our arrival, and neither of us were brave enough to venture into the apartment knowing he might be inside.

The message was simple enough, though I might not have taken it the same way on Friday as I took it today. After having spoken with Gianna at the jail. It read: _Dnt cum home. D here. Ddnt invite. Sry. _

I began to question the money missing from my apartment after reading the message. Gianna's words at the jail – she was incredibly upset with me for not listening to her – rang through my head. I wondered if Gianna took the money at all, or if it was just another way Demetri had controlled her. Stealing money from her little sister so that Gianna would remain nothing more than a drug addict in my head.

I was so fucking conflicted. Maybe Gianna was doing everything she was doing to keep him away from us. I was coming around to that idea, but it didn't change the fact that she was _still_ a drug addict. How much common sense could one have when they were so dependent on illegal substances to keep them going every day? I didn't know what to think about it all. I had been so sure of so much for so long that this... uncertainty was killing me now.

The second message came through very, very early Sunday morning. I was either still with Edward or asleep when it was sent, but I still felt awful about missing it. This message read: _D up 2 sumthin. Stay way. Dnt no whr u r. Dnt care. Jst stay thr._

My mind was jumbled with the possibilities of these messages. Coupled with my visit to see my sister, along with her confession of goading Demetri into beating her... I wasn't sure what to believe. I knew in my heart that Gianna was trying to protect me and Momma, and though she had been going about it the wrong way, her intentions were right. I just couldn't let go of the person who I had come to accept as my sister – my brain wouldn't let me. It was shouting at me to protect myself and my family, and that Gianna was a threat to us.

I was fucking exhausted from it all.

So when Saturday came around, I decided very early that morning that I would try to forget about it tonight. Alice was playing at the bar and I was more than looking forward to it. So much so, that I was actually ready before she was, and seated on the couch at Garrett's, idly watching some marathon of nonsense on television.

Garrett plopped down next to me. "Man, I haven't seen Ali play in forever."

I turned to him with a smile. "She's really excited about tonight." And she was. Jasper was going to be there tonight to watch her; he hadn't been lying about Shine not getting as many dates, and tonight happened to be an off night for them. But on top of that, Alice just loved to sing and make music – it was what she was made to do.

"I hear her guy's gonna be there tonight."

I rolled my eyes. "And you're gonna be nice to him. Alice hasn't dated anyone in forever and you know it. She really likes Jasper, so – "

"Whoa there, baby girl. I wasn't saying I was gonna read him the fucking riot act or anything, just commenting on the fact that he'd be there."

"Mhm, don't think I don't know what you're thinking, Gar," Alice said as she entered from the bathroom, face half made up with make-up. "You're gonna wait 'til I'm up on stage and then try to give him a hard time. Well, let me tell you something – "

"I won't let him, Alice," I said, grinning at the ferocity of my best friend. She wasn't going to let her brother get away with shit.

"Now, wait a minute, here. I'm entitled as your big brother to question this dude's intentions, and – "

"Nu-uh. You will be polite and you will smile and you might offer him a drink – if you're feeling particularly generous – but you aren't there to interrogate my boyfriend. You're there to listen to me."

Garrett stared at Alice for a moment; the smile that was threatening to break across his face was becoming more and more difficult for him to mask. And then it was just impossible – he was grinning so wide it must have hurt and he was up and had Alice in his arms about a second after. "You know it, baby sister. And I'll be cheering the loudest."

I cleared my throat. "Excuse me? I fucking dare you to cheer louder than me."

Garrett raised his eyebrows and was about to reply when Alice butted right in. "Yes, speaking of you, dear best friend. Am I mistaken in the fact that you will most likely be drunk tonight?"

I pursed my lips and nodded my head. "Most likely, yes."

"Well, good, 'cause you need it. However," she said, drawing out the word for far too long, "your free pass? Is almost up. I'm sick and fucking tired of watching you mope around about a guy. You need to talk to him. Because, trust me, he wants to talk to you."

Garrett plopped back down on the sofa next to me. "She doesn't really have to talk to him until she feels she's ready, Ali. Why the hell are you pushing her?"

"Because! If you don't push Bella to do something, then Bella doesn't do anything."

"She's a grown ass woman. Last I checked, she was capable of making her own decisions all on her own."

"Yes, but she drags her feet like nobody's business. Trust me! I know her!"

"Sitting right here!" I finally said, and probably louder than necessary. "Okay, one? I have no intention of talking to him, Alice. You weren't there. You didn't see what I did. I'm following my gut and it says to stay away from him."

"But – " Alice started, but I just kept right on, because she needed to understand that I wasn't going to budge on this.

"And, two? While I have always been appreciative of everything you do for me, Alice, and everything that I've been able to do but wouldn't have unless you pushed me to... just... back off, okay? Trust _me_ this time. Trust that I know what's best for me. Okay?"

She frowned at me for a minute before rolling her eyes and muttering, "Yeah, yeah," before giving me a little grin and a wink and walking away. I hoped to finish her make-up. I was a little surprised by her sudden interest in what was going on with my personal life – she hadn't said a thing about it in days. I knew that she probably saw Edward when she would go over to visit Jasper, either at their house or their work, but she had kept what went on to herself.

To say I was curious would be an understatement, but I was sticking to my guns. For now.

She had, however, finally be given her chance to spill the beans about one Mr. Jasper Lee Whitlock. I now knew that Jasper was the son – the only son – of Peter and Charlotte Whitlock. I knew that he was originally from Austin, Texas, where his family owned a record store themselves, and had since before he was born. His father was the one who taught him to strum a guitar the first time, and his mother gave him his first taste of his greatest inspiration, Jimi Hendrix. On vinyl, complete with an autographed sleeve. Of course, Jasper was extremely jealous that his parents had met the man, however briefly, and he hadn't, but still found it cool. I learned that Jasper didn't really care about making it big in the music industry, he just wanted to play for a living. He didn't care if that meant playing in front of a packed audience in a stadium or in front of five people in some dive bar in Nowhere, USA. He just wanted to play.

He sounded an awful lot like Alice.

However, unlike Alice, he hadn't finished college. His original intent when moving to Washington state was to attend UW, and he did, but shortly after his arrival he ended up at a bar with his dorm-mate and met Edward. The rest, they say, is history. His parents were upset with him, but they were open-minded, and they understood his need to follow his heart. And Jasper's heart was in music.

"Let's get up there," Alice said, walking back out of the bathroom, this time with her make-up finished. "I wanna have a few drinks before I need to get on stage."

I was actually pretty glad we left as early as we did because by the time we entered Reign, the bar was packed full and all but one of the pool tables had games going. The buzz from the radio, regarding Shine's performance next weekend just kept sending more and more business our way. Vanessa would be tending tonight, but she would have Victoria back there with her. Rini was waitressing, and though Alice was the only other waitress employed at Reign, Angela had offered herself up for the job this evening. I would have done it myself, but everyone seemed to agree that I needed a night off. I didn't argue with them.

Besides, James flat out told me no.

He would be overseeing everything that evening, and that included posting himself by the door to check IDs for the night. Next weekend, I was positive he would bring someone on for a couple of nights to do that job, but he wasn't expecting the crowd this weekend that he was next weekend, so tonight, he would just do the job himself.

He was already stationed at the door when we came waltzing through, and with a wink, he asked us for our IDs. We all rolled our eyes, but produced them anyway, to which he scoffed and informed us he had set a table aside for us close to the stage, should we choose to use it. I gave him a quick hug before following Alice through the crowd up to the bar.

Vanessa saw us coming. She grinned as she set two Bud Lights and two shots of Patrón before us. Her eyebrows raised at the sight of Garrett, though – he never came in. I wouldn't be surprised if Vanessa didn't even know Alice had a brother. "Well, I know what these ladies are drinking, but what can I get for you, handsome?"

Garrett gave her an easy grin. "Well, cutie-pie, I ain't drinking this piss water that my sister and Bella seem to like so much. What d'you have in the way of imports?"

Alice and I rolled our eyes as Vanessa went into detail about which beers we served that wouldn't offend Garrett's delicate tongue and left him there with her, choosing to make our way to the table James had reserved for us. There was an excitement in the air around us that made me anxious – but the good kind of anxious. I promptly clinked my shot glass with Alice's and we threw them back. Smacking our lips, we grinned at each other.

"FYI," Alice said, glancing around the bar, "you totally aren't off the hook. But I don't wanna fight with you tonight."

I gave her a look. "Are we at this again? Seriously – "

"Told you I didn't want to fight. I want you to have fun tonight, but... I want you to know that I'm not dropping it. I'll back off, but I'm not done."

"Whatever," I muttered. I couldn't for the life of me understand why she wouldn't let this go.

"Here we go, ladies," Garrett said, effectively ending the conversation by offering us two more shots. "Thought you might be done with those already. Thanks for waiting, by the way."

"Sorry, big brother."

"Yeah, sorry, Gar."

"No worries," he said, grinning at the two of us. "Here's to my little sister!"

Those shots were gone as soon as they came and before we knew it, it was time for Alice to go finish setting everything up for the night. Garrett was glancing around the bar curiously; I just knew he was looking for whoever he thought Jasper might be. He was practically twitching in his seat. I shook my head at him.

"What?"

"You! You promised Alice you wouldn't give Jasper a hard time, and don't think for one minute that I don't know you're looking for him."

He smirked at me. "Am I that obvious?"

"Yes."

"Ah, well, can't help it. She hasn't dated anyone since that douche, Paul. And he was too chickenshit to come around me. So forgive me for being a little excited at getting to play big brother."

"Well, he should be here soon. I'm surprised he isn't here already. But, look," I said, pointing to the stage, where Alice was positioning her stool in front of the microphone, signaling she was about to begin her first set, "she's starting soon. He'll be here before you know it."

"Well, shit. Guess I better get another drink before she gets started. I don't really wanna miss this."

"Grab me one?"

"Sure thing, baby girl." He was off to the bar with a wink. I chuckled at him just as Alice began to introduce herself. She went through the usual: thanks and praise to James for letting her play, thanks to everyone who came out to hear her, shot specials and then, finally, she was starting her first song.

When she was singing, Alice's voice never ceased to put me at ease. It had been the longest week of my life – that's what it felt like, at least. But sitting there, listening to her sing, I forgot about my sister and Demetri and Edward and my job and everything that seemed to be going wrong in my life. I was able to relax. It was so nice.

"Here you go, baby girl," Garrett said as he took the seat beside me. Very rarely did I sit at a table and not the bar when I came in just to hang out at Reign, but tonight I wanted to be close to Alice while she was on stage. "Bud Light and Patrón, yeah? Haven't changed drinks on me, have you?"

I smiled at him as I tipped my bottle toward his own drink. "I'm a creature of habit."

"Me too."

I picked up my shot of tequila and brought it close to my nose, inhaling the pungent odor that I seemed to like so much. I wondered why I did – it truly did smell terrible. I was going to enjoy myself tonight though, I had already decided that for certain. And if I got piss drunk in the process, well, that was okay with me. For tonight.

Garrett spoke again before I was able to take my shot. "Hey now… I got me one too. C'mon now, B, don't leave me hangin' here."

His smile lit up his face, and I couldn't help myself as I smiled back at him. "Toast?"

"How 'bout… we toast to a good night with no drama?"

"Guys say drama? Isn't that a girl thing to say?"

"Are you questioning my manhood, baby girl?"

"I might be."

"Well," he started before leaning in closer to me. His sudden closeness startled me and I gaped at him because of it. "I could just prove to you how much of a man I am."

I didn't know what to say to that. I didn't think of Garrett in any sort of romantic or sexual way whatsoever; he was like a brother to me. But suddenly, Alice's words from earlier this week rang through my head, _You lost your chance, big brother._

_Did Garrett think of me like that?_ I wondered, amazed at myself for never thinking this way before.

"What the fuck is going on here?" An angry voice said from somewhere beside us. I didn't need to look at him to know it was Edward.

"Chill, dude." Jasper's voice was calm. I was not. Edward's voice had put me instantly on alert.

_Alice didn't say anything about him coming tonight, _I thought to myself. I wondered if she had known, or if she would be just as surprised as myself.

"You must be Edward," Garrett said, staring right at the man in question.

"And you must be Garrett, Alice's _brother," _Jasper said in return, making sure to shove an elbow in Edward's side as he stressed the relationship of Garrett to Alice. "Nice to meet you, man. I'm Jasper."

"Ah, hell," Garrett said, grinning, "I've been all wrong. Here I was looking for a mohawk or some shit. Alice said you were in a band."

"Yeah, well," Jasper answered, chuckling, "I've always been an odd one."

"Perfect for my sister, then."

"She's perfect for me, that's for sure." Jasper turned his head my way. "Hey there, Bells. How's it going?"

"Good," I answered, meekly. I was accutely aware of Edward's stare.

Jasper grabbed a seat and pulled it over close to Garrett, turning it around so he could watch Alice on stage. That left one chair. Right next to me. I tried to breathe normally as I waited for Edward to seat himself beside me. After a minute, when he hadn't done so, I chanced a look in his direction.

He caught it right away. He leaned forward, placing his lips close to my ear and quietly said, "Please talk to me?"

I sighed, though I tried to do so quietly. I glanced toward the stage, but Alice was completely preoccupied. She had spotted Jasper in the crowd and was now playing for him and him alone. Taking a deep breath, I nodded and told Edward to follow me.

I led him through the backroom and into the office, closing the door but not locking it. He didn't take a seat then, either, choosing to stand and stare awkwardly at me. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to talk to him at all. Before he had spoken in my presence this evening, I had decided that I was done with him. I felt like a weak little girl, giving in to the bully because he told her to.

"Look," he said out of nowhere, startling me, "I didn't know that was Alice's brother, so... I'm sorry."

I looked to the side, shrugging. "What does it matter, anyway? I told you we were done. If I was on a date, I had more than enough right to be so." My voice wasn't near as strong as I wanted it to be. Mentally, I kicked myself.

"Yeah, you said you were done. But I'm not. What you saw the other day – "

I laughed bitterly. "So don't want to talk about that."

"Tough shit. That girl was my past. A part of my past. I had just gotten through telling her about you and she was saying goodbye to me. Nothing happened. Nothing would have happened and nothing ever will happen with her ever again. Not just her, in fact, but any other girl. I'm done with all them. I thought I had made that clear to you."

I groaned, bringing both my hands up to rub the sides of my face. "Man, I just wanted to have fun tonight. If we keep on like this, I'm gonna get a headache and shit... okay, look. If you just... chill on the subject – just for tonight – then I will totally sit and talk with you for however long you want, but, please, for the love of all that is holy... _please_ just... leave it... for tonight, and let me get drunk and have fun. Please? I need a night of fun."

He frowned at me. "What's going on, Bella?"

"It's nothing, just, please?"

He was quiet for a moment before asking, "Is it your sister?" I could tell it was hard for him to ask the question, so I was shocked he actually had.

"You really don't want to hear about Gianna."

"I really want to hear about you. She's a part of you. If it has to do with her, you can talk to me. I don't want you to avoid the topic because you think it makes me uncomfortable."

"But it does make you uncomfortable. It's obvious."

"I know," he said, sighing. "Give me a little credit, please? I've strongly disliked your sister for a long time. I'm trying to grow past that."

"Strongly dislike?" I asked, smirking at him.

A tiny, crooked grin began to appear on his lips. Rolling his eyes, he huffed, "Fine, I hated her ass. But... like I said... "

"Trying to grow?" I couldn't stop chuckling at his admission.

"Bella Swan, are you drunk?"

"Getting there."

"Okay, fine. Just tell me... does it have to do with your sister? The reason you need a night of fun?"

I sighed, rolling my eyes at him. "Partially, yes."

"What's the other part?"

"Your line of questioning isn't really very fun, you know."

"And you're still as argumentative as ever."

"I just told Garrett this earlier: I'm a creature of habit."

"Yeah... speaking of _Garrett... "_

"What about Garrett?"

"Did you two... date? At some point... or... "

I laughed. "No!" My hand smacked against Edward's very hard, very muscular arm. "Ow! Shit!"

"You okay?"

"Fucking hell, Edward! Your arm is like steel!"

He smirked. "I take that as a compliment."

"I take it as an injury!"

"C'mon, little baby, let me look at it," he said, patronizingly. I glared at him as he grasped hold of my hand, turning it left and right to check it for injuries. He found none. "You'll be fine."

"I know." I was pouting, which was ridiculous, but I couldn't help it. Plus, I was drunk.

He hadn't let go of my hand, either. "Hey," he said quietly. I looked up at him. "I'll chill tonight, no more questions from me about anything pertaining to any drama surrounding... _Gianna_." I knew he said her name just to prove to me he could do it instead of spitting out something like _her_ or _your sister. _"And I won't ask you shit about us unless you start that line of questioning. Just fun tonight, okay?"

"Promise?"

"Promise," he said, grinning my favorite grin at me.

I sighed, but it wasn't heavy and it wasn't sad like so many of my sighs had been lately. It was... content. I turned and opened the door, holding it wide enough for Edward to slip past me before turning back and locking it.

"So," he said while my back was still turned to him, "you want a shot? A beer? Anything?"

I smiled. He really was going to keep his promise – I knew it. "A shot would be good."

"Throw Me Down?"

I turned to face him, chuckling. "Sure, why not?"

"Hard?"

I bit my lip, still grinning at him. "What did I tell you?"

"Oh, I remember. I just thought you might want it easy, drunk girl."

I huffed. "I'm not that drunk! And, anyway, _always,_ Edward. Words of wisdom."

He nodded and turned to walk ahead of me. I stood for just a moment, collecting myself and trying to come to terms with how different I felt in regards to him after one short conversation. I believed him, that was the main thing. When I actually thought about it, and remembered, the girl in his shop had totally gone wide-eyed when he said my name in front of her. I absolutely believed he had just told her about me, and that he had told her goodbye. I knew, without a doubt, I was going to have to bite the bullet and swallow up some of my ever-growing pride.

After all, he was my angel.

* * *

**idk... i'm probably gonna get some shit from a lot of you. i can hear it already – bella gave in too easily... bella's being an idiot... i know i know! but... **

**so what about you? do you believe edward? think he was telling the truth to bella about the girl in the shop? and who here thinks she's doing the right thing by agreeing to talk to him?**

**oh! omg! I really am terribly sorry about my hiatus. if that's what you can call it. i have no real excuse – though getting through the first part of this chapter wasn't easy for me for some reason. i just couldn't get any writing done. but last week was vacation at the beach and i came back renewed. so... here's your warning: weekly updates are back on! i'll still be updating on fridays, so, next week is a new chapter. and you bettah be ready! those of you who are still with me... thank you for your kindness and your support. it really means so much to me!**

**btw... sarah... YOUR hiatus just ended as well. you know what i mean.**

**i will indeed put a teaser up at fictionators and adf on monday. (www(dot)fictionators(dot)com ) (adifferentforest(dot)com) also, those of you who follow me on twitter knew there would be a chapter update today, so... if you want to follow me it's (at)tiarwen – link is on my profile.**

**see you next week!**

**-tia**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: All things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

– shine – chapter 16 – same mistake –

And maybe someday we will meet, and maybe talk and not just speak.  
Don't buy the promises 'cause, there are no promises I keep.  
And my reflection troubles me, so here I go.  
I'm not calling for a second chance,  
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.  
Give me reason but don't give me choice.  
'Cause I'll just make the same mistake.

-Same Mistake, James Blunt

I didn't want to open my eyes. The pounding going on behind them was reason enough not to. I didn't really want to move, either. I had a feeling that the minute I did, I was going to be in for a world of hurt. I hadn't opened my mouth – though the urge to yawn or moan or cry was overwhelming – because I could taste the awful, and knew it would smell even worse. I was afraid if I did catch of whiff of my morning-after breath, I might vomit.

Instead, I breathed in deeply through my nose. Instant alarms went off in my already pounding head – it didn't smell a thing like Garrett's studio. Whatever I was laying on certainly wasn't the sofa bed in Garrett's studio, either. Panic started to rise... I knew I was going to have to open my eyes. I was dreading this.

The light wasn't too awful in this room, thank goodness. My eyes swung to my left and I noticed very dark blue curtains hung, three across, with no light seeping through them. _They must be black-out curtains, _I thought, though I really had no idea of what time it might be. Hell, it could have been the middle of the night and I wouldn't have known. That would certainly explain the lack of light coming through the curtains. But no, upon closer inspection, I noticed the slight glow of day seeping from behind the curtains, casting shadows throughout the room. It wasn't much, and it wasn't harsh, and for that, I was entirely grateful.

But whose room was this? It was spotless – from what I could see – and nice. The chairs set on either side of the windows looked to be antique, but refurbished with more modern fabric. The nightstand beside me also looked to be antique, but it was stained very dark, almost black, so I thought it might have been redone as well.

I let my eyes wander a little bit lower, taking in the sheets and the pillow I was currently laying on. They were so fucking soft, and the bed was entirely too fluffy. I thought my bed was comfortable but this one took the cake. It was entirely possible that I could live in this bed for the rest of my life and never want to move again it was so nice. Never in my life had I lain upon such soft sheets. I wondered what thread count they were. I would definitely have to ask –

_Ask who? _I instantly wondered. _Who does this bed and this room belong to?_

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for just a moment. I needed to get my head straight. I needed to remember how I came to be in this room. The only way to do that was to remember what the fuck happened last night.

I knew I was wasted, and I knew I hadn't been that drunk in a very, very long time. But dammit, it had been such a stressful week. What with my sister, my family in hiding, my confusion over Garrett, and, of course, Edward. I could clearly remember him showing up at the bar and overreacting to what he saw with Garrett and myself. I remembered going to the office and talking to him, and that we came to an agreement to try and have fun with each other that night. Then when I came back in – with Edward – Jasper and Garrett had been getting along so well. So well that they began to order shots. Shots for each other and shots for the table and shots for the bar before James stepped in and –

A groan sounded out from my right. Mentally, I slapped myself for not looking at the other half of the room. Obviously, there was someone else in here with me and now I felt like a complete idiot. There was some rustling and then – "Mmm, morning, sweetheart" – was being whispered in my ear.

_What the fuck? _I screamed silently. _Holy fucking shit, what have I done?_

Whoever it was had whispered, so I couldn't tell from their voice who they were or if I even knew them, which totally made me feel like an even bigger fool. I was too afraid to open my eyes and look at whoever I had deemed suitable – in my drunken stupor – to accompany home, but I was pretty sure that whoever it was... well, I was pretty sure I had sex with them.

I had the right aches going on. Of course, that could have also been from the alcohol, but I wasn't so sure of that. I did know that I was naked under these sheets, something I hadn't thought anything about before because my mind was too slow to comprehend anything past trying to figure out who lived in this beautiful room.

"Sleep good, baby?" whoever-the-fuck whispered in my ear before taking it upon themselves to just reach on over and plant a kiss under my ear. Not that it wasn't a nice kiss... it was actually pretty sweet and very gentle and much better than trying to scramble around lips so as not to catch the others' morning breath. But still, I had no idea who the fuck just kissed me. Who was now wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me across the bed to them.

"Um," I whispered, but didn't make it past that before Edward's face was filling my vision and his body was stretching across mine. _Fuck my life! _ Had I really had sex with _Edward_ last night? After everything...? _Shit! Shit! Shit!_

"Don't worry," he whispered, and I noticed he was tilting his head slightly to the side – none of his breath was making it's way to my nose, "I remember your pet peeve about morning kisses. I won't fight you for one until after you get your shower and teeth brushed."

The grin he was sporting was making my heart beat entirely too fast. "Rule about morning kisses?"

He chuckled before ducking his head and kissing my shoulder. He didn't stop with one kiss, either. No, he kept placing the softest, sweetest fucking kisses on my skin until he had worked himself to my ear. Once there, he whispered, "Please don't tell me you don't remember?"

"Remember?" I whispered, slamming my eyes shut as he took the lobe of my ear between his lips. I could feel him, all of him, hard and ready against me. "Remember what?"

He chuckled again. "Don't play with me, Bella. It would seriously break my heart if you didn't remember the best night of my life."

"Best night of your... " I really meant to finish that question, but I couldn't because his lips were doing such wonderful things to me. And his nose. He kept skimming my face, ever so gently, with his nose. Basically, he was driving me crazy.

"You... me... talking finally? Followed up with pancakes and... " He made his way back to my ear before finishing his statement by saying, " ...syrup? On the bar...?" I could feel his smile against my skin. And wait – did he just say something about syrup and a bar?

"_I don't know, Edward," I said, biting my lip as I smiled at him, "what else is there to do with syrup but slather it on pancakes and gobble it up."_

_He lifted me up on top of that beautiful granite counter top, spread my legs, and placed himself as close to me as possible before I could blink. His smile was bigger than mine, brighter. "Oh, I'll gobble it up all right... but I'd rather serve it up on a different plate if that's okay with you." _

_The button on my jeans didn't give him any trouble. The zipper proved to be no challenge. Skinny jeans obviously had nothing on Edward Cullen – he had them off of me and on the ground faster than I could on a good day. He leaned forward and kissed me. "Lay back and let me enjoy my meal."_

"Oh shit!" I whispered as my eyes flew open. All I could see was Edward's bedhead, but images were forming beyond that – more flashbacks from last night.

"Mmm, yeah, you said that last night, too. You liked me licking you clean," he said, his voice low and right in my ear. He was right; I remembered screaming the words "oh shit" over and over again as Edward went down on me. "Your vocabulary got dirtier the cleaner you got."

I needed my mouth to work. And I needed my fucking body to quit responding to him. But the feel of his skin against mine was like heaven – he felt so, so good. And every single curve of my body just seemed to mold right to his. "Edward," I whispered, but there was no real conviction in my voice... no fight at all.

"You're so fucking beautiful, Bella."

All the breath left my body and my eyes closed of their own accord. He had said the words gently, but with so much adoration, it knocked my feet right out from under me. I hadn't ever stopped wanting him, but I had been so determined to keep my distance. The way he spoke to me now, the way he was handling me with such ease, led me to believe that we had done a lot of talking last night, amongst other things. He should know that, I should tell him that I couldn't remember everything. I should tell him that I can only remember bits and pieces of last night.

One thing was for certain: I didn't remember his dick being quite so large. Edward was big all over, so it really shouldn't have been a surprise to me, but it was. Apparently he had already had it inside of me, but now... _now_ he was sliding inside of me and I wasn't doing a damn thing to stop him. "So good, Bella... so good... "

And now he was moving. Pulling back and sliding in. His mouth was still laying those soft, gentle kisses everywhere he could – aside from my lips. I had obviously told him about my aversion to morning breath, but I couldn't for the life of me remember doing so. He was all the way inside of me again, and I had never felt so full before. Embry hadn't been small, but Edward had him beat by a long shot.

"Mmm, feel that?" he asked as he slid back out again, tilting his body so that he hit a spot inside of that I was quite certain had never been hit before. "I was made to be inside of you." He pushed back in a little faster and with a little more force this time. The sensation was almost too much for me to handle. Out again, hitting that spot, and in again, harder and faster. "Relax, baby, I'm not gonna hurt you."

I think I moaned. There was some kind of noise coming out of my mouth but I didn't know what it was. Edward seemed to like it, though, because he smiled against my skin again. My whole body felt like it was on fire – everywhere he touched me burned, and the action going on between my legs burned hotter than it all.

I couldn't think. At all. My head was filled with hot air and I felt like a balloon about to burst. I could remember that I shouldn't be doing this, but when Edward pulled back from me and then leaned his head down to take one of my nipples between his lips... I couldn't remember my reasons _why_ I shouldn't be doing this. His teeth dug in, just a bit, to my nipple and I was lost. I didn't care about anything going on inside of my head – not that there was much to begin with.

My legs moved. I didn't tell them to, they just did. They responded to Edward just like my arms did. Both sets of limbs raised and fell around him, pulled him closer to me. He moaned. My hands found their way to that gorgeous head of hair, and all my rules... all my peeves... everything was thrown out the window as I pulled his head up and to my own. My lips closed around his and then he was groaning.

His hands slipped down and around me, cupping my ass and tilting me just so. Now it wasn't just when he would pull out that he would hit that spot; it was a never-ending touch, right there where it felt so, so fucking good. "Fuck," he moaned into my mouth as my hands grabbed hold of his shoulders and my nails dug in. Again, I didn't tell them to do so, they just did. It was instinctual – it had never happened to me before.

Every single time I had ever had sex, I had thought about each action I would take before, during, and after. It was all just means to an end. Rub here to elicit a reaction. Kiss here to get him hot. Touch here to make him come faster. Squeeze here to get it over with. This was nothing like that. I had no control over anything I was doing, but I seemed to be doing everything exactly right. And I didn't want it to end. This was more than anything I had ever had. This felt like everything I had ever wanted.

There wasn't anything wrong about this at all.

The lack of control over myself and my actions extended to my orgasm, as well. The tiny flicker of a flame exploded, and the room, the man and me were all on fire. White, hot fire, but it wasn't bad. It was perfect and wonderful and if I could feel this heat for every moment of forever, I would. Edward groaned, long and loud, and then his actions slowed. I could feel him inside of me, still rock hard, but the urgency was gone and all that was left were soft sighs and contentment.

Until I collided into the brick wall my mind had constructed during our sex session and got my dose of reality. Had I really just had sex with Edward? I could _almost_ believe that I was drunk enough to participate in sex, willingly, with him last night. But today? I wasn't still drunk. I was hungover, sure, but I fucking knew better.

"What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" his voice whispered into my ear as he rolled off of me and to the side. I caught a glimpse of his glorious body and the instrument of my destruction, now only half-hard.

My eyes squeezed shut. There was no denying how much I wanted him. Now, tomorrow, ever again. And hadn't he said we talked last night? I wracked my brain, trying to remember something other than flirtation before he licked the syrup off of my body. I drew a blank.

"Bella?"

"Yeah," I whispered, silently cursing myself. I had never, _never_ slept with someone and not been able to remember. Of course, I had never slept with someone solely because I was drunk, either. I was breaking all of my rules now.

"Baby, what's the matter?"

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes even more tightly shut. "Nothing... I just... " But I didn't know what more to say. I didn't think Edward would appreciate it if I told him I really couldn't remember, but honestly? There wasn't a way to deny it, and I was so sick of keeping secrets. "Edward – "

"You don't remember last night." He didn't ask it as a question; he knew the answer. The tone of his voice broke my heart. He sounded absolutely heartbroken.

"I don't remember everything, no," I admitted slowly. I opened my eyes to look upon him again. His face looked just as sad as his voice sounded. "You said we talked?"

He nodded his head, but he seemed to be having trouble looking at me. _Great, _I thought, _I didn't think I could mess this up any worse._

"And... " I started, but had to pause and take a deep breath in order to work up the courage to continue. I knew the answer to this question already. It came out in a whisper, "We had sex?"

He nodded again. His voice was quiet. "More than once."

"Really?" Now my voice sounded like a squeak.

"Yeah."

I closed my eyes again, completely embarrassed by my inability to remember anything more. "Edward – "

"Sorry, I should've known better."

"What?" I asked, startled. _He _should have known better? No, _I_ should have known better. "No, no!"

"No, yes, I should have. I knew you were pretty messed up, but I thought after we ate and talked... "

"Edward – "

"Nah, Bella, don't. I'm sorry about last night, and this morning – wait. You couldn't remember last night... but you still had sex with me this morning?" His voice held all the accusation in the world. And he was right. What kind of person was I?

"I know... I have no excuse, really... I just... "

He waited for me to continue, but I couldn't find my words. After what felt like an eternity, he finally spoke, "I never did, nor do I have you pegged as an easy girl, Bella. I'm sorry if I came across that way. Just know... I wouldn't have done what I did this morning if I had known you couldn't remember us doing it last night."

I scrubbed my hands over my face. He had removed himself from my body completely, now. There was about a foot of space in between us, but it felt like a mile. "Edward – "

"I'll just... I'll make us some breakfast. You can shower – you probably don't remember, but, my bathroom is right through that door – " he pointed to a door to my right " – your towel is still hanging over the shower rod. Your clothes are... in here somewhere."

"I took a shower last night?"

"I had to wash the syrup off of you." He looked pained telling me that. "And, well... I had to wash the syrup off of me, too."

"Oh" was all I could say. I didn't know if he even heard me, as quiet as I said it. He nodded though, before turning around and pulling some boxers and shorts out of a drawer from the dresser near the foot of the bed.

"I'll just... " he said, nodding toward the other door in the room. I assumed it led to the rest of the apartment? House? I didn't even know what kind of building Edward lived in. Just that he lived with Jasper. "Come on down when you're done and I'll have breakfast ready."

Without another word, he left the room. Fled would be the more appropriate word, actually. I took a shaky breath, silently cursing myself for putting both of us in this situation. Slowly, I made my way out of the bed and into the bathroom.

I spotted my bra immediately. It was just sitting on the counter beside the sink, next to a package for a toothbrush and, what I assumed to be, the toothbrush from the package. I figured the toothbrush must have been for me, though I wasn't sure if I used it last night, or if Edward had just set it out for me to use this morning. Judging by the fact that he knew how much I disliked morning breath, I decided he must have set it out for me for this morning.

_Morning breath sure didn't stop me from kissing him this morning, _I berated myself, _didn't stop me from doing a lot of things this morning. Like being an idiot._

I closed my eyes and tried like hell to shut my inner voice up. I was doing a good enough job beating myself up over this, I didn't need my subconscious joining in the party. Taking a deep breath, I decided to just start what I needed to do so that I could get through this and get the hell out of here.

But once I was under the steady, hot stream of the shower, I couldn't shut those thoughts up. I also seemed to be regaining my memories of the night before. Slowly, and not fully, but they were returning nonetheless. There was now a conclusion to the syrup incident – Edward and me together the first time, right there on that counter top in the kitchen.

Then there was the shower. With sex.

Then there was the bed. With sex.

Then snacks after sex, sitting on the couch in the living room. With sex.

Finally, there was half-asleep, middle of the night in bed again sex.

Well, then there was this morning.

I could remember some of the conversation, but not much. It seemed like we did get pretty deep into it last night, speaking about my sister and Demetri. He asked about my mother and James too, I remembered. It seemed as if we spoke about Jasper as well, but I couldn't be sure. All of it was coming in snippets – I was more confused about it than I was before.

I stood under that stream of water until my flesh was squeaky clean and I couldn't avoid this anymore. I even brushed my teeth with the toothbrush Edward had so thoughtfully left out for me. By the time all of that was done, and I had gathered up my clothes – which were thrown haphazardly on the floor beside the side of the bed Edward had been sleeping – I felt a little better. And I knew that I couldn't just blow this off, and that I wouldn't let Edward feel badly about anything.

Basically, I had come to the conclusion that we needed to have a serious talk.

I cared for him, more than I should have. But I did. I already knew that I did, but I had been stomping those feelings down because I felt betrayed by him when really, I had acted foolishly, and run away. He had tried to apologize. He had tried to give me the space I needed. It was time I gave him the chance to speak, and it was time for me to buck up and answer whatever question he wished to ask.

I was still so fucking embarrassed that the first night I see him again after that day in his shop, I hopped right into bed with him, but I kept telling myself that it wasn't really like that. We had talked last night. I couldn't remember all of it... I couldn't remember near enough of it, but we could fix that. We could talk and talk and talk some more until he never really wanted to hear my voice again. But we would talk. Regardless.

If... he wanted anything to do with me after how horribly I had acted this morning.

I opened the door Edward had exited from slowly, peeking around the edge to see if there was anyone in the hallway. I could hear a television somewhere in the house, but other than that, nothing. I followed the noise from the television.

Edward was sitting on a couch in front of the television when I found him. He had a plate in one hand and was stuffing eggs in his face via a fork in the other. I couldn't help but smile as I looked at him. He never bothered to put a shirt on after he left his bedroom and the way he was sitting forward, his face full of excitement as he watched – cartoons – television... well, he looked like a little boy. Fucking adorable.

With the smile still on my face, I cleared my throat. His head whipped around so fast that it looked painful. "Hey."

He cleared his throat, as well. "Feel better?" I nodded. "I made you eggs, too. Scrambled okay?"

"That sounds really good," I said, still smiling. And it did sound really good. He pointed to the table in front of him, and sure enough, there was a plate of scrambled eggs and toast there waiting for me. I made my way around and picked up the plate. "Thanks for this."

"Sure." His voice was subdued, hesitant. I decided it might be best to try and talk to him before eating anything.

Because if he didn't want to talk to me, the eggs might come right back up. "I'm so sorry about this morning," I said in a rush, having decided to get it all out at once. He probably didn't understand it. "And, actually, I'm not just sorry about this morning, but I'm sorry about this week. And, well, the weekend before that. I should have told you everything from the beginning instead of leading you on. And, I shouldn't have run out on you on Tuesday. I don't even know why you want anything to do with me, really – I've acted like a child for, like, the entire time you've known me. I'm so sorry – "

"Stop, Bella." He leaned forward a little more, setting his plate of eggs down on the table before turning to me. "Just stop. Seriously. We've had some serious communication issues, but it isn't all that bad. And you shouldn't try to pawn the whole thing off on yourself, either. I've done my fair share of contributing to what's happened so far."

"But, last night – "

"I should have known better – that wasn't you. I knew you were drunk, way drunk. I think I let what I wanted cloud my judgment."

He still couldn't look at me. He had turned his body toward me, but he wasn't looking at me. He was looking everywhere but my face, actually. Quietly, I asked, "What you want?"

Edward blew out a sharp breath and finally, _finally _raised his eyes to mine. "You, Bella. Isn't it obvious?"

The smile that spread across my face was unstoppable. He seemed shocked by it, though. "You still want me? Or did I mess that up?"

He shook his head. "What happened to you in the time I left you this morning and now? Because you weren't happy with me at all earlier, and now – "

"I was acting so damn stupid this morning, Edward," I said, cutting him off. "I'm really sorry about that."

"Yeah, but – "

"And I remembered some of last night," I interrupted, again, my cheeks flaming at the memories of all the ways Edward and I had each other last night. "Not as much as I would like... but enough to open my eyes."

He furrowed his eyebrows; he didn't look convinced, but there was a grin threatening to break across his lips. "Yeah?"

I nodded my head. "I wondered if you might give me a do-over."

He huffed a laugh. "I might need a couple of hours to recover from last night – "

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed, laughing. "I don't mean the sex!" His face fell. I backpedaled. "No! I mean, I do mean the sex. A lot of the sex. Days worth of it." The grin was wide on his face at that. "But I also meant the talking. I can't remember as much of that as I can the, um, the... yeah."

"You said sex like three time and now you're too embarrassed to say it again?" He was teasing me. It was apparent in his voice. My cheeks bloomed brighter. "So you want to talk?"

"Yeah," I said quietly. "If that's...? If that's okay?"

He tilted his head to the side as his eyes raked up and down my body. I felt his gaze in every single bone of my body. "We could talk."

"Can we eat first?"

"You want to talk today?"

"I thought that might be best. I don't want any kind of secrets between us. Any miscommunication. I want... "

"Us?"

I sighed, softly, loving the sound of that. "Us... yeah."

"Glad we're on the same page there."

And then we just sat there, smiling at each other. We did it for so long that my cheeks actually began to hurt because of how wide my grin was and how long it had been plastered on my face. But then he was leaning toward me, and his lips were on mine, and no ache at all was going to keep me from kissing this man.

My man.

We probably wouldn't have stopped, either, if not for the annoying sound of a throat clearing behind us. Edward was already glaring before he had even finished kissing me. "What, dude?"

I turned my head and saw Jasper standing awkwardly behind the couch. "Sorry to interrupt, but, Alice just called. She wanted me to ask if Bella needed a ride because I was heading over that way."

"No," I said, "I'm good."

Edward's glare was instantly gone, replaced with the happiest smile I had ever seen on him. Jasper continued, "Okay, but, she wanted to remind you that it was Sunday, and for me to tell you that Renee said she'd hunt you down if you weren't at Sunday dinner on time."

"Shit." Well, there went my great day. Okay, that was a lie. I wanted to see my mother, to see how she was holding up, but I really didn't want to leave Edward.

"She said your mom makes killer Italian food. I can't wait to try it."

I gaped at Jasper. "You're coming to my Momma's Sunday dinner?"

"Yeah, well, she invited me. Well, she told Alice to invite me. She, uh... wanted to know why Alice and you weren't sleeping at the same place and Alice told her she was staying with me... so... Renee told her to tell me to come. It wasn't really a request... "

"Yeah, no, it wasn't." I shook my head. "You met her already, Monday night at the bar, yeah? So, why's she making a deal out of it?" I was really speaking to myself, but Jasper felt inclined to answer.

"She also told Alice to invite Edward, though his sounds more like it's optional."

I huffed a breath. "Nosy woman! Always in my business! Can't do one thing without my mother finding out! So freaking – "

"Bella?" I stopped and looked at Edward. He looked sad again. "Do you not want me to meet your mother?"

"Of course I want you to meet Momma!" I exclaimed. And I did want Edward to meet her, but... wasn't it a little soon for that? "I just... are you sure you want to deal with my mother today? I have to... but... I wouldn't force that on you. Plus, she's staying with Uncle James, which means she isn't in her own kitchen, which means she's going to be bitching non-stop about what he doesn't have that she does or what he _does _have that she _doesn't_, and it's not going to be a good time."

"I'll just... " Jasper said quietly, slowly backing out of the room. "Bells, just let me know if you decide you need a ride somewhere."

"She won't, Jazz, thanks," Edward said. Jasper nodded and turned back to go the way he came.

"Was he home all night?"

"Yeah, he hid in his room for the whole night."

"Do you think he heard us?" I whispered.

"Probably." My eyes widened, my jaw dropped and, of course, my cheeks turned bright red.

"Oh my God," I groaned, feeling more embarrassed than I had all morning.

"Bella, it's fine, baby. Jasper doesn't care. And besides... I had to listen to him and Alice the other night, so... "

"What? When?"

"Last Saturday? You were staying at Victoria's? You know Alice didn't get home until right before she woke up, right?"

"What? She didn't tell me that!"

"Yeah, well, you guys found Gianna that next morning... that probably had something to do with her not telling you." He stumbled over my sister's name, but the fact that he said it at all brought me a little thrill. He seemed to be really willing to overlook, or at least work on moving past, the fact that I was associated with someone he disliked so very much.

"She had all week to tell me though."

"She said you've been a raging bitch this week. She probably didn't want to rub it in your face that she got lucky."

I grinned at him. "I might have been a bit of a bitch."

"Emmett, Jasper and Heidi said you weren't exactly pleasant to be around."

I groaned, covering my face with my hands. "I owe them all apologies."

"No, you don't. They wouldn't have gone if I hadn't asked them to. And you asked for space, I should have stepped off completely."

"The flowers were beautiful, by the way," I said quietly. "You made it really hard to try and forget about you."

"That was my plan," he said, grinning crookedly at me. "I wasn't going to let you go, Bella."

"I don't know why you put up with me." I shook my head. "I was pretty awful to you."

"You overreacted. It happens."

"Why are you so nice to me?"

"I like being nice to you. You blush when I'm nice to you." On cue, my cheeks turned red. "See?"

"You like making me blush?"

He nodded. "I really like making you blush when you're naked. Did you know – "

"Edward!" He laughed. "I really do have to get going, though."

"Okay, let me go get a shirt and some shoes on."

"Edward, you really don't want to meet my mother today – "

"Bella, I'm not getting dressed up or anything. Just throwing something on so I can run you home."

"But, Jasper – "

"No way. If I take you, I get to spend a little more time with you."

And spend a little more time with me, he did. He might have even taken the long way getting back to Garrett's studio. I didn't care. His hand in mine felt too good, and the kisses he would steal at red lights were too amazing. I didn't want to leave him. But I really didn't want him to meet my mother this soon, it just felt wrong.

In the end, it was a good thing he didn't come. I felt embarrassed for Jasper. Renee took a page straight out Charlie's book while questioning him and his intentions toward Alice. It would have been funny if I didn't know she had the same thing planned for Edward when she finally met him. James finally made her stop, and then began the ranting and raving over not being in her own kitchen.

Bitching aside, I knew my mother, and I knew she was happy to have her family together, regardless.

We didn't talk about any serious issues, which was nice. I think they tried to keep it cool because of Jasper's presence that day. It probably would have just made Jasper uncomfortable. When dinner was over, Jasper offered Alice and I a ride back to Garrett's, which we accepted, but somewhere between here and there, we decided to go and hang out at Edward and Jasper's place a little longer.

I didn't even have my foot completely in the door before my angel had me swept off my feet.

* * *

**mkay... i will now be going into hiding (i'm kidding). but i know some of you will hate me for this. i was actually having a spazz attack last week when a review came through that said something along the lines of: well at least they didn't just jump into bed right away! yeah... but! jsyk... they have a lot of talking to do, and growing and good stuff. just... now they can actually do that instead of bella working against that.**

**sometimes we just need a good screw (or six) to make everything work right. right?**

**anyway! i was totally fail with the review replies last week – i apologize. this week there will be teasers going out with review replies and they will actually. be. sent. out. whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?**

**also! teasers up on fictionators and a different forest on monday – i also was brain-dead on monday and ttly forgot to post up on adf, but i remembered on fictionators. **

**please forgive me! i'm rusty and getting back to it. i'll get my shit straight fast, quick and in a hurry though.**

**thanks to everyone who's reading and reviewing – you guys make my day. and see sarah? she didn't totally fuck it up. didn't I tell you to have faith in me? **

**see you on friday!**

**:) tia**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: All things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

– shine – chapter 17 – sorry –

Oh, I had a lot to say, was thinking on my time away,  
I missed you and things weren't the same,  
'Cause everything inside, it never comes out right,  
And when I see you cry it makes me want to die,  
I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue, I'm sorry about all the things I said to you,  
And I know... I can't take it back...  
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds, and, baby, the way you make my world go round,  
And I just wanted to say... I'm sorry.

-Sorry, Buckcherry

"Nay said to call her," James said as I walked through the door of Reign Monday morning. "She wants to know why I wasn't the one to bring you in to work this morning."

I rolled my eyes at the smirk on James's face. "You told her about Edward, didn't you?"

"Oh, is that who that was?" he asked, sarcastically. "And hell no. I didn't tell her shit. _I _don't want to be the one to break the news to her."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Did your counts and weighed the kegs, by the way."

I gaped at him. James was never one to do someone else's job. He had enough on his plate just covering his own ass. "Seriously?"

"What?"

"You never do that!"

He huffed, rolling his eyes. "Never say never. I'm sure I've done that shit before. Once or twice."

I shook my head. "Nu-uh. Never."

"Well, I did it today," he snapped. "Don't made a deal about it."

I tilted my head to the side as I stepped forward and slid into a bar stool in front of him. "You're in a good mood this morning. You couldn't even muster up the mean when you snapped at me."

He shrugged. "Had a good night."

He couldn't look me in the eye, and if I wasn't mistaken, he was blushing. Just a bit, but I had never, never seen James _blush._ "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"What was so good about it?"

"Why you wanna know? Didn't _you_ have a good night?"

I joined right in with his blushing. Good night didn't even begin to describe my night. "Uh – yeah. But we aren't talking about me."

"I'm talking about you. That boy make shit right?"

I grinned at him. "You could say that. Back to you – "

"I asked Vicky to marry me." My jaw dropped. James and Vicky had been together for almost three years, and never once had one or the other _ever_ talked about tying the knot. "She said yes."

"James!" I squealed, hopping up from the bar stool and half over the bar to pull him into a tight hug. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Yeah," he said quietly, his blush deepening just a bit. "Did you know Nay was holding on to your great-grandmothers ring for me?"

Momma had told me a long time ago, but she had also sworn me to secrecy. Apparently all the women in our family knew of it, but we were all pretty damn good about minding our own business. "I might've... "

"Figures," he muttered, smirking, "anyway. I mentioned it to her in passing a few days ago – that I was thinking of asking... she gave me the ring after you all took off yesterday. I was pretty fucking shocked. I thought Nonna Luciana was buried with it."

"No one in our family has been buried with their rings, James," I told him, rolling my eyes. How did he not know this? Seriously? "Every one of them has left strict instructions on who they wanted them passed down to."

He shook his head, cursing under his breath the whole time. I couldn't understand a word of it, but I'm sure it was cringe-worthy. James had a colorful vocabulary. "You women... " was all I really made out. Finally, he looked up at me, quiet for at least a full minute before he asked, "You and Edward a thing now?"

I blushed, grinning as I thought of the night we shared with each other. "Um... yeah. You could say we are, indeed, a "thing" now."

"'Bout fucking time."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't you have something you need to be doing?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna run the deposit to the bank and get change. You leave the door locked while I'm gone, alright? And... if for some reason I'm not back by open, Alec is not allowed in here while you're working unless I'm here. So that fuck can wait outside, alright?"

"Ugh," I groaned, "he can come back in today? I totally forgot."

"Yeah, he can, but not while I'm gone. You hear me?" I nodded. "And, we need to talk about Gianna soon. Well, Leah wants to talk to you is more like it. You think there's any way you could make it down there on Thursday?"

"Sure," I said, biting my lip. "What does Leah want to know?"

He shrugged. "Fuck if I know. And I need you tending Saturday night. Sorry 'bout that, but you and Vanessa are my fastest. She's working with you on Friday, as well."

I had no problem with that. If we had the crowd we were expecting, the money I would make Friday and Saturday night would be really good. "That's cool. How many waitresses those nights?"

"Just Rini and Alice. Vicky'll be here if we need her, too, but I'm not anticipating we will. Most people will probably just come up to the bar to order. Angela can't cover – she's asked off this weekend for like three months. Something to do with Ben's family."

I nodded, remembering her telling me that some time back. "Alright. Go do your business. I'll just... find something to fill time with since you already did my job for me."

He sent me a snarky grin and a nod before picking up the deposit bag from the cooler behind him. He pointed it toward me once before making his way from behind the bar to outside, where he locked the door and mouthed, "No Alec." I nodded to him, again and then he was gone.

I smiled and allowed myself to sit in my stool for just a moment longer. I wanted to enjoy this moment. I was feeling at peace – something I hadn't felt in a long time, and something I was sure wouldn't last. Not with Demetri out and about, and my sister... not out and about. I pushed those thoughts aside for the moment, though, and just focused on how awesome yesterday had been, and how amazing this morning was thus far.

When Alice, Jasper and I had arrived back to Edward last night, Edward had carried... yes, carried me straight back to his room, shouting a hello to Alice while still in motion. Her laugh was loud and pronounced as she shouted back, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

I responded with: "I heard you'll do just about anything!"

Edward laughed loudly in response to that, while I heard Jasper curse as Alice smacked him. Where she smacked him I couldn't see, but I sure could hear. Once Edward had me in his room, however, I didn't hear anything from Alice or Jasper. Edward had put on some soft music, which helped, but really, it was the sound of our own voices that kept any outside noise from interrupting us.

We didn't have sex last night, which was an absolute test of my patience. However, _I_ was the one who wanted to talk. So we talked.

For the rest of the night, Edward asked me questions about Gianna, and me, and Gianna, and our mother, and Gianna, and Demetri, and then he would ask more about me. He, in turn answered anything and everything I threw at him, but there wasn't much I could think to ask.

I was content to lay it all out on the table for him. He wanted to know I reconciled with the fact that the Gianna I grew up with, wasn't the Gianna of today. Or, the Gianna of six years ago. I told him, "It happened pretty fast – how she changed... like... overnight fast – but I've had a lot of years to come to grips with who she's become. I don't like it, and I don't always like her... but she's my sister, and I love her."

"But you had her arrested. I don't mean to sound like a dick when I say that... but... wouldn't seeking medical help be the more logical choice for someone you love?"

I furrowed my brow, trying to explain the heartache of loving an addict wasn't something I was accustomed to. I didn't make a habit of defending Gianna, but I also never defended my own actions in regards to her. Some people would claim that by cleaning up for her, covering for her, stepping in to take care of her when she needed it was more of a hindrance than not. Edward seemed to think that what I had done was wrong, or, at least, he seemed to think it might not have been exactly right.

"That morning when I saw her... with a fucking _needle_ sticking out of her arm... " I shook my head, trying to forget I had ever witnessed such a thing. "I saw no other way. What I'd been doing for years wasn't helping her in any way. I thought maybe if she got thrown in the slammer, it might do her some good."

"So it wasn't a selfish thing on your part? Sick to death of what you had to put up with so hand it off to someone else?"

My head jerked toward him. His words were harsh, very harsh, but his tone wasn't. He wasn't looking at me though, instead he was fixated on the door to the hallway. "Why would you ask me that?"

He blinked. "Because I could probably relate to that. I just didn't throw his ass in jail."

"Who?"

He pursed his lips, looking down toward the bed and then finally to me. Very quietly, so much so I almost believed I didn't hear him right, he said, "Jasper."

My eyes might have bugged out just a bit. "What?"

Edward nodded. "He was going to tell you... he _tried_ to tell you earlier this week... " Now, I felt like a total shit. When Jasper had shown up at the bar asking to speak with me, I had assumed he had meant something pertaining to Edward. I guess, in a way, this did have something to do with Edward, but obviously it was Jasper's story to tell and I didn't even give him a chance. "That's why I freaked out so fucking bad when you told me your sister's boyfriend – or whatever – was Demetri De Luca. We've had... issues... in the past."

He didn't say anything for a minute and I took the opportunity to sort out what he had just told me. He knew Demetri before. I remembered when Demetri's name had first come up – the night everything went crazy with Edward and I – Edward had tensed up. I remembered wondering if Edward had known him, and thinking that perhaps Edward had dabbled in drugs before – if that's how he knew Demetri. He hadn't offered up an _exact_ reason for his knowing Demetri, but it sounded as if he knew him because of Jasper. And if Jasper had been involved in drugs...

"Demetri was Jasper's dealer?" I already knew the answer in my head, but I had to ask. I wanted everything cleared up.

"Yes," Edward said, nodding, "I can't tell you how many times I had to go to that fuck's house and pull my best friend out of it. Jasper was... pretty bad. I don't know how to compare what he was like to what your sister is like... just... he was bad. And Demetri could've given a fuck about it. He was making bank, that's all he cared about, I guess."

I frowned. "Is Jasper...?"

Edward shook his head quickly. "He hasn't done that shit in forever. He was bad into it for a couple of years – that's... I'll tell you in a minute – and I eventually ran out of ways to help him. My dad told me to talk to a lawyer... get him admitted to rehab against his will, but I had no legal right to do so. So, I called Peter and Charlotte – Jasper's parents. They came and he was in rehab like a minute later."

"Damn," I mumbled. If we had known years ago... Gianna _always_ refused rehab. We didn't know we had a choice. Well, it was always Jame and I dealing with her when she did have an overdose – or it had been for the last few years or so. We had been so preoccupied with keeping Gianna's condition from Renee... from breaking Renee's heart... we had done more bad than good. If we had gone to her with the situation, the hospitals probably would have offered up that information to her freely. God, we had done so much wrong. "Leah – my sister's, or well, my mother's lawyer – just told my mom about that. About admitting an addict to rehab without their consent. We had no idea... "

He waited a few after my voice had trailed off before asking, "So, your mom had no idea?"

I frowned even deeper. "Momma isn't stupid. I can't believe that she didn't have some idea of what was going on... but... she was so damn deep in denial when we revealed it all to her. She swore up and down that she'd never seen Gianna take a drink. Never seen her stumble. Never seen her look strung out. But... I know she's stolen from Momma before... Momma called me bitching. I can't believe she had no idea... "

"So it was just you and James dealing with it all then?"

I nodded. "Well and Alice. And Vicky, James's fiancee. But yeah... we dealt with it mainly between the two of us."

"And now she's in jail?"

I nodded slowly, biting my lip as I looked down. "And I put her there," I whispered as tears sprung to my eyes.

"Hey," he said, pulling me into his arms, "no crying. You can't feel bad about it. You've been taking care of her for years, Bella, and none of it was doing any good. Maybe this way... she can get the help she needs."

I took a deep breath and told him all about the day I had gone to visit Gianna in jail. I had thought an awful lot about the things she had said, the way she had acted as the week dragged on and on, and the more I thought about it, the more I was sure that Gianna had had ulterior motives so far as Demetri was concerned. "I think she was trying to protect me and Momma. I mean... I know she's an addict, Edward, but... I think some of what she was doing was in order to keep her family safe. Demetri is – "

"A sick, scary fuck. Trust me, I know." He spat, huffing out a breath. "And maybe she was trying to protect you... maybe she was doing what she was doing for a reason... but, Bella? She was – is – an addict. You're not wrong about that. And, like I said, maybe now she can get the help she needs."

I laid my head against his shoulder and he laid his head against my own, and together we sat in silence, thinking about what we had talked about. It felt like we had come a long way in the course of a couple of hours. This was the way our talk should have gone, if only I hadn't been such a chickenshit about telling him in the first place. After awhile, I realized he had never continued what he wanted to tell me about Jasper, so I asked him about it.

He shrugged. "I feel bad dredging up old shit now that we've talked about what we have."

"No, don't do that. I don't want any more secrets between us."

He nodded, pulling his head away from my own and looking off to the side, toward the window. "The band broke up after that festival. Not for long, but when we got back together, it was without Felix. It was then that Jasper got into drugs. He wasn't the same guy back then that he is now. Now, he could give a shit if we make it big... he's just happy playing. But back then... that was his goal, and when everything went to shit, so did he.

"He went through a period where he didn't seem like himself, but he swears to this day that was just him being an emo fuck. He's told me he didn't do anything drug-wise until six months after that festival. Long enough to get himself good and depressed and then one night we were at a party and the next thing you know... Jasper's all smiles again. He kept talking about getting the band back together and that he knew a guy that could play drums for us.

"Turns out that guy? Was just some dude who sold Jasper some blow. He knew how to play, sure, but he wasn't good. We tried, Emmett and I, we tried for Jasper, but it still only last around three months. We told the dude it wasn't gonna work out and the next thing you know, Jasper's not coming home. He's not coming to practice – even though we had no drummer, we still tried to get together just to jam, but no. Jasper's just nowhere to be found.

"Emmett was the first one Felix talked to after it all went down. Heidi wouldn't have shit to do with him and neither would I. But Emmett... he's always had a pretty big heart, and even though it caused some trouble between him and Rose – because Heidi is Rose's bestie – he decided that Felix deserved a second chance with the band.

"I wasn't for it. I couldn't stand to be around the guy... thinking about what he'd done to my cousin... but I grinned and beared it. Wasn't easy. Really wasn't easy when Jasper stopped being able to grip his fucking guitar because he was too fucked up.

"Felix is the one who figured out where Jasper was going. He followed him one night and got into it with Demetri when he decided to carry Jasper's ass out of there. That was the second beginning for Heidi and Felix, by the way. When she saw him beat the hell up, carrying an equally beaten Jasper... yeah.

"Anyway, Felix gave me the address, and ever after that, when Jasper would disappear, that's where I would find him. That's also how I knew where Demetri lived that night you and I got into it. I hadn't been there in years... but shit... after you've carried your best friend from a place so many times... you don't ever forget it.

"There wasn't a real catalyst, though. I can't remember him doing anything worse than he was already doing... just that... I got sick of it. I was tired, hungry, cranky all the time. And I was just... fucking sick of it. I could see the toll it was taking on me... and that was nothing compared to what it was doing to Jasper. So, yeah, called my dad and then Jasper's parents and... that was it. He's never picked it back up again. He's told me he gets urges from time to time, and you better sure as fuck believe he freaked when I told him who your sister's boyfriend was, but... he's better. We're better."

His reaction made even more sense to me now, having heard everything he had personally gone through with Demetri. And Jasper. He could probably relate to a lot of what I had gone through with Gianna throughout the years. It also made me feel even more foolish because so much of my self-imposed drama could have been avoided had I not acted childishly and run from him. Not just him, either, but the friends he sent to try and talk some sense in to me. I was surprised they wanted anything to do with me anymore.

The rest of the night was much more lighthearted than the beginning. We spent it on easier topics; favorite things – bands, foods, places to hang out in Seattle, beer. He scoffed at my beer of choice – Bud Light – but I informed him that for someone who couldn't afford to spend much on alcohol, and for someone who preferred shots to imported, expensive beer, Bud Light certainly served its purpose.

I sighed, happily remembering how amazing the night had been. I had much more in common with Edward than I initially thought I would have, but I did nonetheless. He seemed pleased, as well.

Glancing at the clock, I realized just how much time I had wasted, sitting here daydreaming about my most awesome boyfriend, and decided that I needed to get up and get something done. Otherwise, I might just sit here dreaming about him all day long.

There was still fifteen minutes left before time to open the doors, and, to be honest, I was a little nervous. James specifically told me not to allow Alec inside. That was all fine and good, but, if he showed up before James returned, did I just leave the door locked? I doubted he would listen to me if I straight up told him what James had instructed me to do, and furthermore, he would get upset and possibly violent because of it. I wanted to avoid that at all costs.

I stopped the line of thought, deciding to focus on filling the condiments tray, instead. James had been a doll to do my counts, and usually, since I was busy with that, I didn't have time to do this before we opened. _Today,_ I decided, _is going to be a good day._

I made my way back to the walk-in, grabbing up a bag each of limes and lemons, a jar of olives and one of cherries, and on my way back, went ahead and snatched up a new jar of salt and a bag of sugar. That was everything I needed to get things ready.

Emerging from the backroom, my spirits sunk right down to my knees. Sure enough, what I had feared would happen, was going to happen. Alec Newberry stood at the front door to the bar, both hands poised around his face as he peered inside. His lips were moving, most likely he was talking to himself, and while I had always thought Alec to be crazy, I had never seen him talk to himself. It put me on edge.

He spotted me just then and jerked his head back from the door, looking to his side and scowling. I guessed he was about as happy to see me as I was to see him. Glancing at the clock again showed me I only had ten minutes to figure out what the hell I was going to do.

_James could get back on time, _I reminded myself.

I took a quick look back at the door only to find Alec gone. _Good,_ I thought,_ maybe he won't want to come in while I'm here._ One deep breath later, I made my way behind the bar and proceeded to get the lemons and limes cut, and the trays filled.

I finished with two minutes to spare, so I made a quick round of the place, making sure everything was as clean as it should be, and that chairs were even spread throughout the tables. I also made sure to glance out the windows, and upon finding the parking lot and the sidewalk in front of the bar empty, decided that it was safe to go ahead and unlock the doors. James would be back any minute now, and, I decided, if Alec did show back up before then, and didn't heed my warning, I would call the police. That would be enough to scare him off.

I hadn't taken more than ten steps from the door when it flew open. I spun around, wide-eyed, heart racing as I watched James stroll through, smiling all the way. I let out the breath I didn't even know I was holding.

"What?" he asked immediately upon seeing my panicked face.

I shook my head. "It's nothing – just – just Alec was outside a bit ago – "

"Did he try to come in and do something?"

"No! No, well, I had the door locked. But he was being creepy and peeking through the windows and talking to himself. But I just unlocked the door like right before you came in, and I checked around before I did that to make sure he wasn't around and – hey! Where's your truck?"

"I parked over on the side of the building. You sure you're alright?"

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Just jumpy, I guess. But yeah... I'm good. You aren't... you aren't leaving me alone here today, are you?"

He shook his head. "I'm not even sitting back in the office today. I really want Alec to come in and start shit with me so I can see with my own two eyes and then throw his ass out for good. Nobody talks about my family like he did you."

The door opened then; we both spun around and I know we both expected to see Alec show his sorry face, but it wasn't him. It was Leah Clearwater.

She nodded to James. "You think you could cover for Bella while I have a chat with her? I'd rather not wait until Thursday to get this done."

"Uh, yeah, sure." James looked back toward me. "That okay with you?" I nodded. "Okay, give me a sec, Leah. I gotta take this shit to the safe."

"No problem," she replied, turning to face me then. "We can sit in that room over there, I don't imagine too many people come in this time of day. Should be private enough, yeah?"

"Yeah, should be fine," I said, quietly as James retreated to the back room. "Well... "

Leah nodded once before walking ahead of me to the small room on the side of the bar. She picked the furthest table possible and sat right down, pulling out the chair next to her and opening her briefcase. "First off, I wanted to say... what you did for your sister was the best thing you could have done. In case you were wondering. At least she's protected inside."

I cringed, thinking about all the things Gianna needed to be protected from... and now... all the things the rest of our family needed to be careful about. "She didn't seem to agree with you."

Leah waved her hand, dismissing my comment. "Gianna needed help. She was in over her head and she didn't know what to do."

"Do you mean about her picking fights with Demetri to try and keep him away from me and Momma? Or the drugs?"

"Both," Leah said, shrugging. "Well, that, and... " She took a deep breath, glancing toward the bar. I turned to see what she was looking at and watched as Alec Newberry made his way slowly to the bar. James had re-emerged from the back and was leaning on both elbows, watching Alec as closely as possible.

Alec wasn't looking at James though, he was looking right at Leah. I turned back toward her; her eyebrows were furrowed as she observed him. "Do you know him?"

She startled, turning her attention back to me. Shaking her head, she said, "No. He gives a creepy vibe though."

"Agreed. I can't stand when he comes in."

"He comes in often?"

"Pretty much every day. Unless he picks a fight and then James bars him from coming in for awhile."

"Hmm... " She lowered her voice before continuing. "Did you know that your sister went to the police in February?"

I sat up straight immediately. "What?"

Leah nodded. "She's been helping them build a case against Demetri. They've been jerking her around though. They were using the excuse that they didn't want her cover blown... but what happened to her – the heroine? That wasn't her. Your sister is an addict, yes, but she swears up and down she's never touched that stuff. Said it scared her because she'd been around too many people who had gotten too far in with it. She knew enough to know she didn't want that."

I closed my eyes tightly, shaking my head. "Then what – "

"Think about it, Bella, and I'm sure you'll figure it out. Now," Leah said, pulling a folder from the stack inside of her case, "Gianna tells me that there was an incident between yourself and Demetri in January, and also, she said that you told her the other day that there was another. Recently."

I nodded, drawing in a shaky breath. "Yeah... Monday? Yeah... Monday night, after work."

"And you didn't report it?"

I shook my head. "He didn't harm me in any way – just shook me up. Mentally, not physically."

"But you filed a report before, in January?"

"Well, yeah, but... he hit me then, Leah. There was reason. Last week – "

"Because you didn't file a report on Monday, there's nothing we can do about it. It will all be considered hearsay. You know – he said, she said."

"I know what hearsay is."

"Then you know it wouldn't hold up in court. If you're approached again, you file a report."

"But if he doesn't – "

"Bella," Leah interrupted, sighing, "even if he doesn't so much as touch you, if he leaves you feeling threatened in any way, you need to inform the police. That way there will be a record of it. Otherwise, he can just keep coming back again and again and scaring the wits out of you."

"But filing charges didn't stick before."

"And filing charges won't stick this time either – for anything he's doing to you. Unless we can stack it up with the case that is being built against him." She paused, taking a deep breath. "Bella, this is very big. And it's building fast now that they're actually checking out the things that Gianna's been telling them all this time. You understand, don't you? She's close to Demetri. He trusts her about as much as he could trust another human being. She's seen things the cops have been dreaming about forever. But they weren't taking her seriously – they thought she was just another criminal trying to get herself out of trouble by helping them out.

"And maybe that's true, but you want to know what I think? I think she watched her sister get smacked by him, and after all the years of trying to keep him from doing just that, she snapped. She had enough. And she went to the police. And the things she's telling them? They're _all_ checking out. They're being careful, though. They don't want to alert him to the fact that they know as much as they do."

I shook my head. This was a shitload of information to take in. "So then what will happen to Gianna?"

"She won't be charged with anything, but she will have to enter a rehabilitation center – which she has willingly agreed to do – and serve a boatload of community service once it's all said and done. It's going to be nothing, Bella – a slap on the wrist compared to what she could be getting."

"But she still has to stay in jail?"

"It's the safest place for her right now."

"What about my mother? He threatened her – "

"He threatened you too, though I doubt you cared. You were too worried about your mother's safety. But showing up for you like he did? That was all the threat he needed. He didn't have to say a thing. He knows you're afraid of him. You're going to have to be careful."

"I am being," I said quietly, now wondering how much danger we were putting Garrett in by staying with him. And Edward? Demetri already had a vendetta against him, had threatened him as well; had I put Edward in even more danger? "But what about everyone else? Alice and I are staying with her brother and the last two nights, I stayed with my boyfriend – who Demetri also threatened. Could they – "

"Why did he threaten your boyfriend?" Leah asked, clicking her pen and looking as if she were ready to take note of this fact.

"You would have to talk to him to get the whole back story there, and I'm not sure if he wants to be involved in all of this. But basically, Edward went to see Demetri after he found out that Demetri had hit me back in January."

"Edward? That's his name? What's his last name?" Sure enough, she was writing this information down.

"Cullen, but really, Leah... I don't know if he'll want to be involved in this." Hadn't he been through enough so far as Demetri was concerned? And my sister?

"Edward Cullen. Got it. And we won't know unless we try. You never know – he might be absolutely willing to surrender information."

She kept writing, not saying a thing, until finally I couldn't stand the silence anymore. "So why couldn't this wait until Thursday?" I asked, just to break the tension I was feeling.

"I have a lot of people to talk to. And the more information I bring the police, the faster they get shit done. If we drag our feet, they'll drag theirs. You know what I mean?"

"This is a little out of your way, though, isn't it?"

She shrugged. "Not so far. I have to go and talk to some more people in the area, as well, so it wasn't a big deal."

I watched as she dotted the paper she was writing on three times before clicking her pen once more and closing the folder. "All done?"

"Yes ma'am," she answered, smiling at me. "James gave me your phone number, though, should I need anything else, I'll give you a call. Is that okay?"

"That's fine." She nodded, rising from her chair and holding her hand out to shake. And then she was gone. I blew out a hot breath, wondering how much of my sister I even knew anymore.

She had gone to the police. I couldn't believe it. She had gone to the police to finally rid herself of that fuck, Demetri. And not just herself, but the world in general. She had been trying to do the right thing, and had been trying for a long time at that. I just couldn't believe it.

"You good?" James asked from beside me. I hadn't even seen him walk up.

I took another deep breath, and tried to smile for him. "Did you know?"

"About Gianna? Yeah. Leah told me and Nay last week."

I huffed. "Let me guess... Monday, when you came in and snapped at me?"

"Nah, I was just pissed off that day. I didn't know until later in the week."

I shook my head. "I can't believe I didn't know this. How did I not know this?"

"Because your sister has gotten damn good about keeping shit secret. That's probably how her ass is still alive, to be honest."

"Leah said the heroine thing wasn't her."

"Gianna said she'd been at a party with Demetri that night. Said he offered her up a drink and she blacked out after that. The cops said she tested positive for Rohypnol. He did that to her."

A tear slipped from my eye. "I bet that's not all he did to her."

"Nope, sure isn't. But that's for another day. C'mon, go to the bathroom, clean your face off and call your boy. I bet by the time you come back out you'll be good as new."

Momma always told me to never look a gift horse in the mouth, so I took what James was giving.

And he was right, my angel made me feel so much better.

* * *

**this chapter went a little faster than i had originally anticipated – sorry for the information overload. leah wasn't supposed to show up until next chapter, but that's how it goes. what did you think about edward and jasper's backstory? and the new information on gianna... anyone see that coming? **

**i want to thank everyone who's stuck around this far, and the new readers who've come in – welcome, glad you've decided to give this story a try. as always, to those who are reviewing – you guys totally make my day, thank you so much!**

**teasers in review replies – which will go out on monday, as well as longer teasers up on the fictionators blog and a different forest on monday as well.**

**how's my bessie doing, sarah? bet she's glad to be home with momma~**

**see you all on friday!**

**:) tia**


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